Losing Faith

As I came down from the sexual high that the modeling had created, I began to feel guilty about what we had done. Maybe I had taken things too far. I decided to tone things down a bit. I still had fantasies about being fucked by the men, but I avoided nude modeling again, keeping my clothes mostly on.

About a week after my first foray into nude modeling, Amanda contacted me. She had some space at a showing at the gallery she managed, and she asked me to provide some of my works for it. My work was a hit. I sold every piece, and word spread about my little gallery in the suburbs. Amanda also hooked me up with her friend who was a blogger and wrote a column for a magazine. She published an article about Live Oaks and me.

People swamped our little gallery. It was then that Amanda brought up her suggestion again and I decided to broach the topic with Larry. I waited until we'd had sex and he was well satiated to bring it up.

"Larry," I began hesitantly, "I've been struggling with something, and I need your input."

He asked me what it was, and I told him my idea. Larry, the love of my life, has always been my biggest fan and greatest supporter. Of course, he approved of the plan. Larry jumped in and helped me make it happen. I felt he got too involved and it was quickly turning into another Larry Mitchell project, instead of a Faith Mitchell one. I had just wanted to rent space in an available building nearby, but Larry bought the entire building.

When I tried to talk to him about my plans and goals for the gallery, he started guilting me, by pointing out how it would cut into "our time." He said, "I love being with you all of the time. Our time together is the most important part of all of this, for me."

I felt slighted, but smiled and reassured him. "I wouldn't want it any other way."

As the build began, I found myself drawn to the new location. I was there to oversee the construction crew and to guide the workers in the creation of my vision. Larry kept trying to assert himself in the process and on more than one occasion, I had to ask him to back off and let me do things my way. I loved him dearly, but I needed to do this on my own.

I would get home later and later. I would spend my weekends at the gallery. Larry seemed to be losing interest in both the project and me. I don't know what it was, but I felt as if he were resenting the time I was spending on the new gallery. Didn't Larry remember all the years he left me alone as he was out pursuing his real estate business? How many nights did I fall asleep with a vibrator, while he was out making deals and entertaining clients?

During all this time, I continued to meet with Amanda and Josh. They both took an active interest in my new gallery. I offered Amanda the job as my gallery manager, and she jumped at it, quitting her job in Dallas and moving north to be within walking distance. Josh would close his studio and relocate into one of my rental studios upstairs in the Tyler building, as soon as it was ready.

I had also made a decision. I would pose for Josh. He and Amanda were thrilled by my choice, and we set up the date for the first session. Amanda wanted to be there, but I was not comfortable. I insisted that Josh and I be alone.

I showed up at his studio, and he gave me a glass of wine to help me relax. He stripped first, and I feasted my eyes on his gorgeous body and that magnificent, delightful cock of his. I undressed, standing three feet away from him. He observed me the entire time. He guided me into the center of his stage lighting and turned on his cameras. They took high-resolution video, which he would edit and pull out the best still images.

I was dripping wet with excitement.

He circled me slowly, admiring me. His cock was growing erect as he walked around without touching me.

"Do you want to suck it first?" he asked, "to get used to it?"

I stared at the monstrous cock. I didn't think I could suck it, to be honest. I also did think that sucking it would be all that helpful. I kept telling myself that I was not there for sex. I was just there to pose.

I shook my head. "No, we should just get right into it," I replied, taking a deep breath.

"Alright, then," he said, as he moved to stand in front of me. He helped me to sit on the cushioned platform so that my pussy would be directly in front of his cock while he stood between my legs. He spread my legs slowly. I felt utterly exposed as my pussy opened, the labia spreading apart, wet and slick with anticipation and need.

He gripped his cock and stroked it, making it get even harder. He stepped closer, and I inhaled sharply. "Oh fuck," I thought, "this is it. The first cock other than Larry."

I felt the tip brush my labia.

I thought of Larry.

I saw his face.

His loving face.

My Larry.

"Stop!" I screamed and shoved Josh back. "I can't! I'm sorry!"

I jumped down from the platform and ran for my clothes dressing quickly. Josh was trying to reassure me and get me back on the platform. When he saw I was determined to leave, he changed his tone and told me it was alright. We could try again when I was ready.

I let myself out and ran home. I was distant when I got there. I saw Larry, but couldn't bring myself to talk to him. I had come that close to throwing everything away. I shook my head and cried, thinking about how I had almost broken my vows and betrayed the man who loved me more than anyone. I told Larry I was tired and he let me sleep.

I was embarrassed the next day when Amanda asked me how it went. I didn't answer her. She didn't push. Two days later, Josh showed up at the new studio and showed me a new piece he had made. It was a large model of my gaping vagina. At first, I was mortified. "How? How did you do that?" I asked.

"I used the images from the video," he explained. "It doesn't have the same impact as the ones with Amanda, but your pussy is too beautiful for me to ignore."

"Why am I so open like that?" I asked, staring at the porcelain version of my pussy.

"Uh," he said, "that's exactly how it looked in the picture. I assume you must have been ready to be fucked."

I gasped and blushed brighter. "So," Josh continued, "I had an idea and cast a model of my cock." He pulled a black molded cock from a bag. It looked exactly like his real cock that had nearly penetrated me. I watched as he pushed the base of the shaft into the gaping hole of my vagina, backward. I thought he was going to put the head in, like normal fucking, but he shocked me by doing it the wrong way. It looked like his cock was coming out from inside me. My labia seemed to wrap around the thick shaft, almost protectively.

"I call it Homecoming," he said, "I'll secure the cock in there permanently. What do you think?"

The contrast of his ebony shaft and my pale, white porcelain was stunning. The visual of his massive cock emerging from my womb was powerful and evocative. "I love it," I whispered.

He smiled and leaned in close so that Amanda could not hear us. "I want to do more poses with you, Faith. We can do it your way, at least for now, but if you ever want to do it the other way, we can. I don't want to push you."

I was amazed by his talent, his desire to use me as his model and his willingness to compromise.

"Just, don't tell Amanda," he laughed, "she might cut me off if she knows I don't have to fuck my models."

I laughed along with him, still blushing.

Chapter 4

The build-out continued and was nearing completion. Of course, Larry wanted to be involved with our grand opening. He kept calling the new gallery Live Oaks II and said how he would provide all the beer for our opening and any shows we would hold. I didn't have the heart to tell him that we would be serving wine, champagne and expensive whiskey, instead of his beer. Even worse, I couldn't tell him that I had named the new place the Faith Mitchell Gallery and not Live Oaks.

I also didn't tell him that I'd hired Amanda to be my gallery manager or that Josh was going to be a featured artist with his private studio upstairs. He didn't even know that Amanda and Josh existed. I had posed for Josh a few more times, and he had made even more impressive sculptures. Some of the statues depicted us having sex. They looked extremely realistic. However, Josh had never touched me. The closest we had come was that first time, but he respected my wishes to remain faithful to Larry.

"You know," I told Josh as I dressed following our most recent modeling. "You need to model for me sometime. I'd love to paint you, and I think your cock would make a great subject for one of my Brews & Brushes painting classes. What do you think?"

"Let a bunch of middle-aged housewives paint pictures of my boner?" he asked laughing.

"Yes, that's right," I told him, "Me first, of course, so I can show them what to paint."

He agreed, and we set a date for the next day in my new studio at the Tyler Building. Remember what I said about how fate has a way of screwing things up when they're going exceptionally well. It was about to happen again.

I was in my new studio. The construction was down to just the final punch list. Much of the artwork was already on display as we prepared for a soft launch on the upcoming weekend with our grand opening a couple of weeks away.

Josh was naked in my studio, posing for me. I'd told Amanda to make sure we were not disturbed. I'm sure she assumed we were fucking. I found it fun and exciting to let her think that. Josh didn't want her to know the truth either, so I just let her think what she thought.

Josh was seated and stroking his big cock, but was struggling to get an erection. I wanted him fully engorged for my painting. "Come on, Josh," get that big dick hard," I told him as I worked on setting up to start painting.

"I need some inspiration," Josh replied, tugging on his dick.

"Should I go get Amanda?" I asked, chuckling softly. I was getting very aroused watching him play with his enormous cock, but also very nervous. The temptation to do more than paint was incredibly strong.

"Why do I need Amanda when I have you here?" he replied, spreading his legs and stroking harder. "You're all the inspiration any man needs."

I was wearing a little white tank top, without a bra and a tiny, silky pair of jogging shorts with no panties. I glanced down and saw how erect my nipples were. They were long and hard, causing the thin fabric to swell out. Josh was staring at them as his cock started growing longer.

I stepped closer and leaned over, giving him a clear view down the front. "Does that help?" I asked, teasing him. His dick was getting harder by the second.

"Yeah, but it would help more if you stroked it for me," he said, smiling.

I bit my lip and moved between his legs. I reached out slowly and slid my fingertips up his thigh from his knee. When they got next to his cock, I paused, drew a long deep breath, which caused my breasts to stretch the fabric tightly across them. I turned around and walked back to my easel, giggling.

"Awww, come on!" Josh exclaimed. "Don't be such a tease, Faith. You know you want to play."

"Yes, you're right," I told him, "I do want to. Which is why I'm going to stay over here, and you're going to stay over there."

I picked up my painters smock and slipped it on, adjusting it so that it covered my front entirely. With a grin, I realized that any "inspiration" that Josh got from my body was now gone. As I tied the apron behind me, I playfully rolled my tank top into a narrow strip and pulled my jogging shorts into my ass crack, like a thong. I turned my back to Josh giving him a quick view. I could see in a mirror how I looked to be almost naked under the smock.

"How's that?" I asked him as I gave him another glimpse. "Inspiring?"

"Yeah, you are fucking hot," he said, stroking his now fully erect cock. "Would be better if you were on your knees sucking me, but I get it."

"No, love," I corrected him playfully, "only Larry gets it." I winked at him, and he nodded.

I started painting him. I needed to keep it simple and not overly detailed so that the students in the class would be able to copy the technique. I focused on just his big, beautiful dick. It took up the entire canvas, rising from a pair of large testicles, rising in a sweeping curve to end at his thick, spongy head.

"Can you turn more to the side and raise your left knee?" I asked him, as I held my hands up to frame the image mentally. He adjusted his pose but moved the wrong way. I stepped forward and changed the placement of his foot, then arranged his knee where I wanted it. Josh took advantage of my proximity. I felt his hand reach under my smock and slide between my thighs to rub my pussy.

I froze. My mouth fell open. I stared in Josh's eyes as he rubbed me. Jesus that felt good. I stared at his cock as he idly stroked it with his other hand. I felt myself losing all resistance. I shook my head and forced myself to step back. His hand fell away, and he raised his fingers to his nose. He sniffed them and moaned then sucked them.

"You're so fucking wet," he said. "You're soaking through your shorts."

The door to the studio suddenly opened. I shouted, "Amanda, I said not to disturb me!" and spun around. Suddenly, it was like everything was moving in slow motion.

Larry was charging into the room, his face a mask of rage. Fear flooded my brain, and I felt my heart leap out of my chest.

"Larry! What are you doing here?" I managed to stammer out.

"I should ask you the same fucking thing!" Larry yelled as he stepped forward, clenching his fists and looking like he was about to strike one of us. Josh jumped down and ran out, grabbing his clothes on the way to the door.

"It's not what it looks like!" I shouted, trying to explain what was going on. Larry was beyond talking. He yelled at me something about divorcing me and stomped away. He gave me an ultimatum to be home within fifteen minutes if I wanted to save our marriage.

I tried to tell him that nothing was going on, but he wouldn't listen. He was too shocked, too angry. He stormed out before I could say or do anything. I dropped to my knees, crying. What had I done?

I realized that I had been playing with fire. I had been hiding so many things from Larry and shutting him out of what was going on. I had not cheated, yet, but I had wanted to. I had almost done it on several occasions, and I kept putting myself in situations where, sooner or later, it was bound to happen. I tried to think, to understand why I had been doing it. I loved Larry and our life. Why would I risk it all for a little bit of excitement, attention, and naughtiness?

I was overwhelmed with guilt. I had not cheated, but that was little consolation. I had grown close to Josh and Amanda. I had watched them fuck, and it had become part of a relationship that did not include my husband. I had even masturbated in front of them. I had almost fucked Josh once, and his cock had touched my pussy.

But, I had stopped it! I could have kept going! I could have just given in and let Josh take me, but I didn't. I kept telling myself, over and over, I didn't cheat.

But, Larry, poor Larry, thought I had. I knew I couldn't look him in the eye with a clean conscience. He would see my guilty feelings and assume the worst. I couldn't try to explain to him what had happened and how I had not really cheated. He wouldn't believe me. Who would? I covered my face with my hands in shame and cried.

What had I done? I destroyed everything! My marriage was over, and I hadn't actually cheated. I could never get Larry to believe me. He was going to divorce me.

I could hear someone saying that silly old expression about the truth setting you free. I laughed. The truth? If I told Larry the truth, he would divorce me. There was no way he would believe it. So, if he would not accept the truth, maybe he would believe a lie.

I stood up and pulled the smock off, then ran downstairs. Amanda stopped me when I reached the showroom. "Faith! I'm so sorry! I couldn't stop him!"

"It's not your fault," I told her. "Where's Josh?"

"He left! He ran out putting on his clothes," she explained. "He said something about not wanting to get shot by a jealous husband."

"Shit!" I yelled, "I was hoping he could talk to Larry with me. I guess I have to handle it on my own. Wish me luck!"

I ran to the door.

"Where are you going?" Amanda called out to me.

"To save my marriage!"

Chapter 5

I ran home and made it with one minute to spare. Larry was still furious, and he immediately demanded answers. I did everything I could to assure him that nothing was going on. I explained that Josh was just a nude model posing for me. I had to think rapidly and come up with an explanation that was mostly the truth.

It was true that Josh was modeling for me. It was true that I was going to use the painting for a Brews & Brushes class. It was true that he was naked and stroking his boner. Larry wasn't buying it. He believed that Josh and I were being intimate. I had to get that thought out of his mind. I had to make him think it was impossible.

"Josh is gay!" I blurted out, without thinking it through.

"What?" Larry asked, stunned.

"He's gay! Nothing is going on with us," I told Larry, hoping to God that he believed me. "He wouldn't do anything with me, even if I had wanted to. I told you; it was just art."

Amazingly, it worked. Larry calmed down, and we were able to talk through everything. To my surprise, it sounded as though Larry was not that angry that I might have had sex with Josh. He was mad that I had lied to him and hidden things from him. He felt disappointed and betrayed.

I did my best to reassure him that I was still his loving wife. I wasn't completely honest about some of the things I had done, and I didn't volunteer too much information. I knew that in time, I would need to tell him everything, but just then, it was not the time. The biggest shock for me, though, was when Larry complained that I had neglected him, sexually.

"You know you haven't spent much time with me at all since you started work on the new gallery," he told me with a sad look on his face. It was true. I felt the guilt growing again. Then he added, "You know we haven't had sex in three weeks?"

I couldn't believe that was true. I loved sex with Larry. We were extremely active and adventurous. We did it several times a week. As I reflected on his comments, I realized that it had been a while, but surely it could not have been that long. I mean, I'd watched Amanda and Josh do it at least five or six times in the past three weeks. In fact, the session where I masturbated and the one where Josh almost fucked me had all been in the past two weeks.

I remember going home horny as hell after. "Are you kidding?" I scoffed. "I thought we had sex just the other night after I got home."

"No," Larry said, "you were too tired."

Oh my god, he was right. I remember he had tried to have sex, but I couldn't get Josh out of my mind. I masturbated as soon as I got into the house and came hard. My orgasm had drained all of my energy, and I fell asleep, alone.

I felt like a total asshole. How could I have been so hung up on things that I had pushed Larry away and mistreated him? I wanted to make it up to him, but when I offered to have sex, he rejected me, calling it a "pity fuck." His words hurt me deeply.

Things were awkward between us over the next few days. On Sunday, we tried to have sex, but I think we were both feeling pressured to make it great and neither of us did. The entire time I was worried that Larry was still angry at me over Josh. I felt guilty. I couldn't relax, and for the first time in our marriage, I faked an orgasm. I think Larry knew it. He came in me and rolled off, going to sleep without even a kiss or a good night. I cried myself to sleep.