Love Gun

Author's note: I thought when I wrote Love Gun, I had a unique and funny "I Love Lucy" style quick story. I found that my crappy writing made the story get lost. I have gone through and fixed it up a bit, adding dialogue (but keeping it short), and fixing capitalization errors.

There is still no sex, the ending is the same and I still don't develop any characters here. That would've defeated my goal of being quick.

I hope it's improved, enjoy.

**********

My wife and I went to our usual New Year's Eve party for a nice and casual night of relaxing. No hot and loud party for our group of 30 somethings. Been there done that. We are a group of 5 couples from the neighborhood that get together for barbecues, birthdays, summer holidays and other such occasions. The group is made up of me and my wife Sally, Ann and Jim Hart, Christine and Steve Mack, Jill and Dave Strzula, and Bob and Kelly Jackson.

This night as usual we were split up with the wives at the kitchen table and the husbands in the basement man cave waiting for the ball to drop. Our man conversation varied from bowl games to lawn care and we had no idea what the ladies talked about.

I went up to grab a bag of chips and heard the wives laughing. Being the naturally curious man that I am, I stopped on the stairs and listened for a bit.

Ann, the host wife was talking about her husband Jim's cock size. Talking is the wrong word. Gushing and bragging would be better. She said, "Girls I swear to you, he has 8 wonderful inches and hits me in spots no one has ever touched. It's absolutely incredible."

As the ladies were giggling like grade schoolers, Ann noticed my wife Sally was uncharacteristically quiet. She asked, "Sally, why so quiet over there?"

Sally said, "I just can't imagine what 8 inches would feel like. Al (me) is about 5 inches I think, but I never have a problem having a good orgasm. What would 8 inches do to me? Would it even fit all the way?" The girls laughed at that.

Now I should clarify that i am around 5 inches flaccid but harden to a little over 8 and pretty thick. So all I can do is internally chuckle at the silliness of my wife at this point. But I don't think she ever measured me. It's really pretty stupid on her part to think Ann was talking about a soft measurement.

Now all of the ladies start with the jokes at my expense as if I am only 5 inches hard. In hindsight I should have walked an and pulled it out right there but I'm not that type of guy. I know what I am packing and I am pretty secure in my manhood.

After about 5 minutes of the ribbing Ann asked my wife, "Sally do you want to try Jim's out and see what it does to you?"

All of the ladies gasped. Ann said, "Stop it girls. You know Jim and I swing sometimes. It's no big deal for us. Although, you know we don't try to bring you guys into our kink, Sally seems to need it."

At this point I made some noise and walked up the remaining steps and said, "What's up ladies?

Christine said, "Man on the floor, start talking about the kids." Everyone laughed and the topic was switched I noticed, I got some smirks from some of the ladies.

At this point it was close to midnight so the other men were called up to prepare for the midnight kiss and toast. We did the usual toast, kiss and wishes and that kitchen conversation was forgotten... for a while.

When we got home that night my wife was feeling the effects of her wine and was pretty frisky. I almost laughed when we were finished making love, where her world was sufficiently rocked with multiple orgasms, and she brought up my dick size.

She asked me, "Baby, when was the last time you measured your penis?"

I said, I have no idea, why?"

She actually asked, "Can I measure it?"

I laughed and said, "Sure hon."

After our nice bout of loving I was as limp as over cooked spaghetti. Nevertheless I made mistake number 2 and didn't tell her to get me hard first. I thought it would be funny to keep her stupidity going and let her measure me limp. It was predictable how might play out but I had full confidence in her fidelity.

She came back with a tape measure and I measured up to 4.75 inches. She actually frowned. I said, "There you go, not bad huh?"

She said, "No, I guess it's good. I don't really know and have nothing to compare it to."

"Then why were you curious," I asked.

"Oh, no reason. I saw a Cosmo article a while back and had just remembered."

"Okay, hon." I was still smiling on the inside and rolled over to sleep.

The next morning I woke up and she was already awake and on the phone with someone. While I was getting my coffee it didn't take too long to figure out who was on the line. Yep, Ann. I was still snickering as I walked in the basement and picked up the other phone as quietly as possible. Now that I was out of the room again the conversation went back to what they were discussing before I came in.

Ann said, "Sally, I'm serious. You haven't had your world rocked with that sized dick. You may cum, but I see stars when Jim is done with me."

She was really working my wife over to try out her husband and have a "real"orgasm.

"Sally," Ann said, "I've tried all sizes of dicks out through our swinging, and Jim just kills me with pleasure. There is no way that you have as good orgasm quality as I do."

"Ann, I have great orgasms. I always come from Al penetrating me. I can't see how it could be better, but I was a virgin when I met Al, so I suppose there's a chance I don't know what you're feeling."

I could not believe what my wife said next.

"Alright Ann, will he show it to me? I want to see it."

Ann screamed, "YES! You won't regret it. He is going rock your world, girlfriend."

"Hey wait! I didn't say I would screw him. I just want to see it."

"Okay, don't get your panties in a bunch. Once you see it, you'll be riding him as fast as you can get naked."

At this point, I decided I had to take action but still wanted to have my wife learn a lesson without her destroying our marriage in the process. So I called Ann's husband Jim and asked him to meet me for coffee.

I explained the whole story to him and he thought it was as funny as I did. He said, "Al, I promise no matter what happens, I will not have sex with your wife."

"Thanks bud. I'm not angling for divorce here, just a bit of a prank on her."

"No problem. If they set up a meet the meat, so to speak, I'll call you and we can work out the details."

It took a week but Jim finally called me. All week long my wife has been either horny as hell or trying to convince herself that size doesn't matter and we had sex every night. So I wasn't really surprised to get Jim's call.

Jim said, "We're going to do the show and tell at my house today at noon. I'll leave the back door open for you, so you can sneak in and do your thing."

I thanked him and laughed like a little kid at how great I'm going to get Sally.

Sally was finishing up breakfast and said, "Hey hon, I'm going to do some crafting this afternoon at Ann's, so I'll be gone from noon until mid-afternoon."

"Okay, darling. Have a good time."

I went for a walk before Sally left and kissed her goodbye. I walked the couple of blocks over to the scene of the punchline. I waited in Jim and Ann's backyard until I heard Sally arrive.

I then watched through the window until I saw Sally with a very hesitant look on her face walk with Ann upstairs to the bedroom. I slowly opened the door and walked in.

As I was climbing the stairs, hoping they didn't squeak, I heard Jim say, "Sally, you need to stroke it to get it to full size."

"That bastard," I thought and was about to burst in, but Sally said,

"No way! I'm not touching it."

I couldn't believe it when Ann got down and started to blow him in front of her. When Ann was satisfied that it was at full attention Sally went nuts.

She started screaming, "Ann, you bitch. You're a fucking liar. Jim's dick isn't any longer than Al's and Al's way thicker. Jim won't even touch the walls of my pussy."

That made me laugh out loud and blew my cover hiding in the hallway.

At this point Jim started laughing and Ann expressed confusion. Sally realizing what happened hit me in the shoulder playfully and dropped to her knees. She pulled my love gun out and to my astonishment started to blow me.

When I was hard she backed away and said, "Now here is a damn dick!"

Ann still confused said, "I thought you just measured him at 4.75 inches?"

I laughed and said, "It was soft at the time she measured." Sally turned red faced with anger.

Ann gave me a sultry look then turned to Sally and asked, "Can I take him for a test drive?"

Sally looked at her and told her, "Fuck off," then dragged me out of the room with my pants still around my ankles.

She ignored me when I laughed and said, "Wait, I haven't cum yet."

It was a quiet, short ride home and I couldn't get a read on Sally's mood. When we walked in I could see her anger building. She was about to say something when i came clean on everything first. She wasn't pleased to say the least.

I then made my last mistake when I jokingly said, "Thank God I got there before you got your chance to screw Jim."

She in no uncertain and very colorful terms told me, "You're just as big of an asshole as Ann. You knew this whole time and set me up to look like a whore who wanted to try a big dick. Where do you get off playing around like that. You're fucking lucky that I would never cheat on you."

I calmly replied, "I thought I was safe because you'd never do anything like that. Hell, I heard you say that you wouldn't fuck him and I was there when you said you wouldn't touch it. I had very little risk."

"Well, fuck you anyway for playing this sick joke on me. You should've told me to measure you hard. You made me look like a stupid fool. You're in the guest room. I don't want you near me right now."

Ugh, I guess I deserved some anger, but to get kicked to the guest room is a bit dramatic.

I was in there for a few days but she got horny the fourth night and came in for a conjugal visit and ended my exile. All is well now, but I'm still getting smirks from the other wives a year later. I realized they were for a different reason when Christine licked her lips before smirking once, I guess the truth came out.