Love, Lust and Jealousy

"So what am I going to do?"

"Is she that good of a lay?"

"Best I ever had."

"Okay, so you've got a choice. Be nice to her, accept that you're just another guy in her stable, and you'll get it when you get it. Or you can be the dick I know you are and you'll never see her again."

I moped, he made the rounds, I wasn't in the mood.

Another week went by, the week that Alicia had her son, and I got a text from her. 'Miss you a little bit. Want to get together next Saturday night? I'll make it worth your while.'

I texted back, 'sure,' then I gave one of my steadies a call, made a date for Friday. She let me buy her dinner, then invited me into her bedroom. She was good, but not half as good as Alicia was.

The next night, I was still a little morose, Alicia picked up on it as we barbecued some ribs on my deck. "What did you do last night?" she asked.

I didn't hold back. "Had a date with an old girlfriend, we screwed."

"That's great! I let a guy who's been trying to get at me take me out. It just didn't feel right, so I went home by myself. I hope you saved a little bit for me." She told me a little joke about a couple of nuns, it broke the ice. When we were in the sack it was great. Yes, I knew her body had been used by other guys, I tried my best to outdo them, I thought the screams she gave out meant I'd won.

For over half a year it went that way. Every even week I'd hear almost nothing from her, the weeks she had custody. The odd weeks were different. Sometimes she would only let me see her once or twice, but she'd usually let me have either a Friday or Saturday night. Every couple months she might let me have both of them. But there were weeks when I wouldn't see her at all. She had no problem committing in advance if she wanted to, and she never broke a date with me. The sex continued to be fantastic.

The nights I suspected, or even knew, that Alicia was with another guy bothered me. I'd think of what she was doing to him, with him, made me even angry. But over time I learned to accept it. Alicia was going to fuck around. Maybe she was a girlfriend to me, but she wasn't about to stop seeing other guys. My resentment simmered, finally settled into a 'that's life' attitude.

Realizing I'd never be able to control her, her slutting around, I made alternate arrangements. I'd prowl the bars and clubs with Jimmy and other friends, sometimes we'd score, often we'd strike out but the chase was fun for its own sake. I started dating a girl named Mandy. She let me take her home the first night, she was pretty good, uninhibited. Turned out she liked public sex, she knew this club where everybody screwed. I took her one night, she wore this lewd outfit, there was an orgy room. She grabbed my hand, we headed for it and she rode me in cowgirl. It was a turn-on, seeing other guys wanting this woman I was with, staring at her nudity. I remember coming hard.

Then a very strange thing happened. Another guy came over, asked me if he could kiss Mandy. Without worrying about me, Mandy said, "Sure!" So I moved over, and the other guy started kissing her. Then he started feeling her breasts, Mandy helped him take his shirt off, unzipped him. Lying a few feet from this, I felt the eroticism, but nothing more than that. It was almost academic. Yes, Mandy encouraged him, even helped him put the condom on. And when they were fucking I heard Mandy moan, I enjoyed her orgasm. It was almost like watching porn.

Mandy and I went back to the club another night. We met a couple, they started dancing with us, I felt the old adrenaline rush as this blond put her ass to me, started grinding on my cock. The four of us headed into a room, I fucked the blond wildly, not paying any attention to what Mandy was doing with her husband. Another time, we found a group that was going to play, got invited. Four girls, six guys. I managed to fuck all three of the other girls, Mandy said four of the guys screwed her.

It didn't impact me at all that this girl I was dating was getting screwed publicly by other guys; it brought feelings of lust to me, but there was no love, so there could be no jealousy.

It was a Saturday night, Alicia was in my bed. As she was going down on me, I felt a strange sensation, a hard stroking of the skin between my balls and ass. I almost came hard from that, Alicia understood and backed off. Later, as we were cuddling under the covers, I asked her, "That was different, new. Where'd you learn that?"

She softly said, "You sure you want to know?"

It was pretty clear to me, "Yeah, go ahead."

"This week I picked a guy up at a hotel bar, went up to his room. He asked me to do that, it really turned him on. How was it for you?"

"It about threw me through the wall. You can do that anytime you like. So you learn things from other guys?"

"Of course. Most guys are pretty much the same in bed, but every once in awhile you find out somebody does something a little different."

"What's the strangest thing?"

"Oh, one guy wanted me to give him a golden shower."

"Huh?"

"He wanted me to pee on him."

"Ewwwww."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. But, hey, I'll try anything once. So I got him to lie on a towel on the floor, sort of crouched above his stomach and let loose. You should have seen the look on his face, sort of excited and content at the same time."

"Did you ever do that again?"

"Uh-uh. Creeped me right out. We didn't screw after that, obviously I never saw him again. That doesn't turn you on, does it?"

"Of course not." And I meant it. "But what other things have you learned from guys?" From that point on, we talked about our other lovers as if they were part of us. Which they were.

One night Alicia called me out of the blue. "Hey, guess what? Next month my boss is sending me to a convention in Las Vegas." She gave me the dates, she had to fly out on a Sunday night, the meeting would be over after Friday breakfast. "So I've got this idea, why don't you fly out and meet me there. We could have the whole weekend."

"What about Robbie?" I asked.

"Oh, I've already talked to him, and his father. Jeff will be happy to take him that weekend, and Robbie doesn't mind. This isn't the first time we've switched it up. If we're not a little bit flexible we'll all go mad. Joint custody isn't meant to be a straitjacket."

We talked about it a bit, what shows were on the strip, where we should stay. "And hey, just want to let you know," she warned, "when I get away from home, I can get a little wild."

So it was on. I had plenty of vacation, I flew out Friday morning, I was at the Mandalay Bay by lunchtime. The weather was gorgeous, cloudless, temps in the low 90s. We checked into the hotel, on the way up to the room I said, "Hey, do you know they have a topless pool here?"

"Yeah," she admitted, "and you want to go, don't you? Okay!" She changed into a minimum coverage bikini and a cover up. We headed through the casino to the Moorea Beach Club and Alicia quickly had her boobs out. I leered through my sunglasses, of course, not only at her but also at a number of other women, some of whom had to be either starlets or prostitutes. But I also was intrigued by the guys who looked at my girlfriend's tits. I noticed her nipples crinkled every so often, I wondered if she was thinking about what the guys were thinking about.

"Did you hook up with anyone this week?"

"Of course not. Never with coworkers, and I'm careful with friends. So I'm hornier than hell."

"Why didn't we do anything about that in the room?"

"You were in too much of a hurry to get up here and look at boobs," she laughed.

By the time we were sunned and ready for dinner, we had already sated ourselves in the extravagant bathroom, and on the king-sized bed. Alicia took a long time making herself up and pouring her body into one of the littlest black dresses I'd ever seen.

As we went to our show, as we had dinner, as we played the games in the casino, I watched guys look her over. It was a revelation to me. I didn't mind as their eyes swept up her legs where the hem lurked just four inches from her groin, passed over the fabric and took in the bare skin of her cleavage. At one point, as she was leaning over a table, I realized the bottom of her butt was displayed. Her thighs were together, but from a distance of a few feet I could see the crack of her ass clearly. If she hadn't been wearing panties, men probably would have seen her sex. And she bent over more than once.

Around three in the morning, as we were riding the elevators to our floor, she teased, "You were excited guys were trying to look up my skirt, weren't you?"

"How did you know?"

"Your erection shows in those pants," she laughed.

In the room we stripped quickly, started our foreplay. The windows were opened, the room was flooded with light from the strip, Alicia approached the glass, faced it and bent over, waiting for me to stick it to her. As we screwed, I realized it was possible we were being watched from one of the suites in another hotel. In fact, a man with a pair of binoculars could be getting quite a show. It was different from the time I spent with Mandy in the orgy room, much more erotic. For this was a surprise, and I truly cared about the woman I was fucking.

After we were done, neither of us was really tired yet. I ordered a pizza from room service, we started talking. "So you were really getting off on guys looking at me, weren't you?" I tried to mask the interest I'd felt, Alicia teased me. "I sensed it. Don't be ashamed, it's normal. When other guys enjoy what I'm showing you're a little proud, aren't you?"

"I guess so. I didn't mind. And hey, were you showing off your ass on purpose?"

"It's a turn on for me, it makes me horny when guys are looking at me."

There was a knock on the door, Alicia opened it buck naked, I heard her say, "Put it on the coffee table, please." The waiter moved into the room, set up the feast, I signed for it. He tried not to stare, but there's no way he didn't enjoy the sight, unless maybe he was gay. She laughed when he was gone, playfully told me, "I hope you didn't give him too big of a tip!"

"You think he'll be talking about that?"

"I doubt it," Alicia smiled, "I'm sure he sees it all the time. And if he's a waiter at the topless pool, these aren't even the best he's seen today." We ate our pizza in the nude, turned off the lights.

The next day we strolled through a couple of the other casinos, shopping, admiring the architecture. Alicia was clothed in very tight shorts, a halter top and heels. Again I thought she vamped for any man that had interest in her. Back at the hotel we decided to head for a swim, Alicia disappeared into the bathroom to change. At the pool when she removed her coverup, she was already topless, but the bottoms were new and very yellow. At the sides they had two skimpy strings, the material wasn't transparent, but it was terribly thin. We played in the water a bit, and when Alicia relaxed on the chaise I noticed her wet bikini clung to her skin, the cameltoe was conspicuous. Needless to say, she attracted a number of walk bys. Every once in awhile, I assume the gawker was attractive to her, she'd take her sunglasses off and stare immodestly into their eyes, or she might spread her legs a bit. We'd whisper back and forth about them, particularly if the man's erection was apparent. "You like that guys lust after me, don't you? Don't worry though, I'm going to the hotel room with you, not them." Good enough for me!

In the evening we showered, and she let me watch as she dressed. This night she had a new pair of panties, just a thong, the strap crept up her ass. But it was the color of her flesh! When she wore the same little black dress, I knew some men would be very confused that night.

As we walked past the fountains, as we ate dinner, as we played at the roulette wheel, I watched men trip over themselves to try to see my girlfriend's pussy. At the restaurant, one man actually 'accidentally' dropped his napkin when Alicia spread for him.

It was approaching one in the morning when Alicia told me, "I want you to walk at least thirty feet behind me. Just watch me, enjoy yourself."

We strolled through the corridors of Caesars, I spied the men glancing at this single woman. She strolled into a bar, sat on a high chair. Within ten minutes she was approached by a man. I watched her flirt, licking her lips, twirling her auburn hair, reaching out to touch him on the arm. It was oddly reminiscent of the night I met her, I recalled the way she boldly propositioned me. Suddenly, I was stricken with envy, was she planning on doing anything with this rival?

I was about to approach her, steal her back, when she leaned to the gentleman, bussed him on the cheek and stood. When she strolled to me, I saw her smiling, and she placed a hand on my neck, brought my face to hers for a protracted and deep kiss. I was satisfied, I had my woman back.

In the hotel room she disappeared into the bathroom, popped out in a new babydoll. I found I could suck her nipples through slits in the top, at the bottom it was crotchless. She knew just how hard I was for her, she teased me and then she climbed onto the bed, I took her from behind forcefully.

After forty minutes of erotic exercise we were winded, exhausted. I asked, "Would you have gone home with him?"

"The guy at the bar? No, I was always coming back here with you."

"Why did you do it then?" I questioned.

"Don't you like it when we tease each other? That's all it was. Did you feel how wet I was tonight? Flirting with him got me like that. And I noticed you were harder than normal, I liked how you really pounded me there."

I had to admit her shenanigans had been an aphrodisiac. "If I hadn't been here, would you have invited him to your room?"

"I don't know, maybe." I knew she was shading the truth, if she'd been alone in this town where debauchery is celebrated, she would have had at least one new lover. I was sure of that.

When we arose on Sunday, I was anticipating additional stimulus, more taunting. But Alicia was surprisingly demure. We went to the regular pool, her one piece swimsuit was peculiarly chaste. For dinner and the show she was dressed nicely in a long gown. And she was ready for bed early, not even midnight. We made love, but it was almost married sex, she wanted me in missionary. We held hands on the flight home, we parted at the airport, her kiss was modest.

The next weekend that she didn't have Robbie, she asked if she could stay at my house. As we were kissing in foreplay, I had an urge. "I love you," I declared.

She stopped our play, seemed to hover on the edge of a cliff, then softly admitted, "I love you, too. I have for awhile now."

We continued our mating, and as I was removing her bra she asked, "Are you clean?"

"What to you mean?"

"Do you have any STDs? How long has it been since you've been tested?"

"A couple of months ago. I was clean then. Why?"

"And you've only had protected sex since then?"

"Actually, I've only had sex with you."

"Oh, that's wonderful. I was tested this week, I'm clean too."

And in a few minutes, as we were preparing for coitus she took the condom out of my hand. "You don't need that." It'd been years since I'd had unprotected sex, when I slid into her it felt glorious, for me, for her. I found she didn't have a great need to clean herself immediately afterwards, she prodded her inner self, then began masturbating using my fluids as lubricant.

Over the weekend, before she was required to leave me and take charge of her son, we were more available to each other, we used the word 'love' often. It was clear to me a corner had been turned. The next Tuesday night, when she had Robbie, she called me later in the evening, just to chat. In the succeeding weeks, Alicia seemed to desire my presence more and more, even sleeping over with me during the week, leaving clothing and other things at my apartment. "This won't bother any of your other women, will it?" she asked.

"What other women?" I figured she was joking.

After two months of devotion between ourselves, she revealed an upsetting thing, almost as an afterthought. "Listen, Dale's coming into town next weekend."

"What does that mean?" I said, a little crossly.

She looked at me, sternly. "It means I'm going to be spending the weekend with him."

"I thought we were in love."

"We are in love!" she admitted. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to be 'faithful' to you, and I don't expect you to be faithful to me." She hesitated a few moments then continued. "I told you when we were just starting out that I wasn't a one-man woman. And just because I have feelings for you - and trust me, my feelings are very deep - I'm not going to fall back into monogamy. It bored the hell out of me the first time around. I don't ever want to be bored again, not for sex."

"So I'm boring in bed," I snapped.

"I didn't say that. No, you've got a wonderful repertoire. But sometimes I want something different."

"Like a different cock!"

"Yes. I want a different shaped cock. I want a man that breathes differently, smells differently, likes different things in bed."

We went round and round for nearly an hour, she was trying to make me see her point, I was avoiding admitting that was valid if we were in love. Finally, she stood, turned to the door. "I'm going to take off. I'll call you Sunday night. I really do love you."

I waited for thirty seconds after the door was closed, after I heard her car start, until I yelled, "Fuck You!" as loud as I could. The delay may have saved our relationship.

I called Jimmy up. In the months, he'd picked up a girlfriend as well, there was talk of a proposal in his future. "Yeah, I can make it Friday. I'll tell Betty she should plan a night with her girlfriends."

Over beer and burgers in a sports bar I told him my woes, he commiserated. "Hey, I'm sorry about that. It shouldn't happen that way. She's wrong to be fucking around on you. So, are you going to throw her cheating ass out the door?"

"She's not really cheating," I told him. I reminded him of the days when we were out chasing skirts, when he knew I was screwing around when I was dating Alicia and Mandy, and other girls for that matter. He didn't understand.

"When you fall in love, that shit's supposed to stop."

About nine-thirty, we broke up, I was no wiser than I'd been before. I thought about making the rounds, then I had another idea, dialed a number that hadn't been used in months. "Hey, Mandy, it's Derek, what you been up to lately?"

"Oh, it's nice to hear from you. What's going on?"

"Well, I don't have anything going on this weekend, and I was wondering . . ."

"Shit. Sure, come on over."

I was twenty minutes away, as I drove I wondered what the hell I was doing. At the same time I thought about what Alicia was doing, I wondered if Dale was porking her yet. When Mandy opened up the door she was wearing a negligee, thin and revealing. Compared to Alicia, she was striking. Short blond hair, three more inches of leg, well formed breasts. Within half an hour, I had a condom on, she was bent over a chair moaning expletives at me. I fucked her harder than Dale could possibly fuck Alicia. I was rough, I was aggressive and Mandy loved it.

"I missed you," Mandy said as we were lying in the post-sex fog. "You break up with that other girl?"

"Sort of. She's out on a date with somebody else."

"Well, better for me then. You were great tonight. You doing anything tomorrow night?"

"No, don't think so."

"Well, I was planning on going back to the club. I don't have anything set up yet, you want to go with me?"

"Sure, sounds fantastic."

We made another little run at it, I got hard but couldn't let loose again. Mandy had a great time, though. I left about two o'clock in the morning.