Love of Autism Ch. 11

And here we are, chapter 11! Can you believe you've stuck around...well, considering how many positive comments I get from this story of course it makes sense you've stuck around and patiently waited for this new chapter. I think everyone will like this chapter and look forward to your comments. As always, thank you Tigermans for your editing and letting me bounce ideas off of you.

Scott laid in his bed and didn't want to get up. The previous day should have been one of the happiest of his life. He and his girlfriend finally had sex after over a month of sexual tension between them, but their moms found out and made a much bigger deal about it. He felt so embarrassed by his mom and was thankful that his dad came and sent him to his room. Still, he couldn't shake the feelings of embarrassment and shame.

He slept horribly that night, tossing and turning, getting maybe only few hours of sleep. He should have gotten up earlier but he had no energy. His dad slowly opened the door, walked in, spun Scott's computer chair around so he could sit and face his son.

"I know you feel like shit Scott, but I need you to sit up," Keith said. Begrudgingly Scott did what his father wanted and sat up on his bed, his back against the headboard. "I know you think I don't know what you're going through but I somewhat do."

"Your mom made light of the fact you lost your virginity the night you lost it?"

"Nope, but Melissa made a scene the morning after your mom and I had sex for the first time." Scott shook his head in disbelief as his father told him that. "Yes, she made quite the scene. Needless to say I was embarrassed. Not really ashamed like how you felt with your mom, but still quite embarrassed. I put on a brave face for Jackie...and did somewhat enjoy the back and forth between them but really wished she hadn't walked in on us that morning."

Scott stared at his dad, partially dumbfounded by his confession, but also in shock that his father actually understood what he was going through. "So when you saw mom teasing me..."

"I knew you weren't taking it well and...well, not to be mean, but you haven't always been that self-confident."

Scott hung his head at his father's statement. "Yeah. I mean, I know I'm...you know what's it like dad, always having to think and rethink something you're going to say to make sure it sounds right, taking extra-long on how to respond to someone and making sure what they said was or wasn't sarcasm. I just want to be...I just want to know I'm doing something right for once, especially with Katie."

"I know you've heard me say this many times before, but it will come in time with lots of practice and patience. It also doesn't hurt to have friends willing to help point things out once in a while."

Scott smiled and looked up at his father. "Yeah, it does help having Liz and Steve around. So umm..." Scott became unsure of how to ask his father his next question.

Keith recognized his son's reluctance. "Go ahead Scott. Just ask your question. I promise not to judge."

Scott appreciated his father's reassurance, but was still nervous to ask. "Well...is it normal to feel like...lighter, happier after sex? Like everything just seems right in the world and nothing could go wrong?"

"When you have sex with the right person, yes, it should feel something like that."

"Ok, that helps me a little."

"But speaking of sex, go buy some condoms on my credit card."

"Dad!"

"Don't 'dad' me. If you and Katie are going to have sex you need to use protection. She doesn't need to get pregnant going into college and you don't need to be a daddy going into college either."

"I know, but...it's going to be awkward for me going into a store to buy condoms. I might get a look from the other people and the cashier."

"You probably will, but fuck them and what they think. Condoms are a lot cheaper than formula and diapers."

"Dad I know."

"You keep saying you know, but you still don't seem to get the point."

"I get the point! It's just...how did you feel at my age buying condoms?"

"If I was still living at home probably nervous and worrying if my parents were going to find them. But I'm telling you to buy them and your mother knows I'm telling you to buy them."

A thought then occurred to Scott. "Wait, are you and mom going to let..."

Keith cut off his son quickly "No. You two are still sleeping in separate bedrooms. However, we do realize that Jillian may let you two sleep together and it is also obvious you two will take advantage of the situation if she is not home."

"But why not just let us sleep in the same bed then?"

"Because you two are too horny for your own good. We don't mind you having sex but just not in this house right now and with protection."

Scott still didn't quite understand his dad's logic, but knew that it was best not to fight him on this. "Ok fine. We won't try to sleep in the same bed and when we do have sex we will use protection."

"Good. Now get out of bed. You still have laundry to do after all and your sister waited to put her dirty clothes in the laundry room."

Scott immediately slouched where he sat at that news. "I hate it when she does that."

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If there was one thing Katie enjoyed about being back at school, it was that she got to see Scott twice. If there was anything that she hated more than going back to school, it was driving there in snow. There was a little snow on Christmas break and some on Christmas day to make a white Christmas. However that previous night it snowed three inches and of course their school district decided not to cancel any classes. It didn't help that the snowplows were out in full force ready to push the snow off the roads throughout the night.

Even with the roads somewhat clear, driving was still very slow going. She had left almost twenty minutes earlier than she normally does and still got to the school building at her usual time. The school hallways were covered in wet, dirty slush as everyone tracked snow in from the outside. Everyone else looked as gloomy as she felt. That is everyone except for Scott whose smile warmed her heart. Even on the dreariest days he always seemed to find a way to smile about something. It was somewhat annoying that he could always be so happy, but she needed to see his smile.

She approached him and warmed her arms around him. He proceeded to do the same. Usually he would give her a romantic little kiss on the head, but this time he just rubbed her back over her winter coat.

"Don't take this the wrong way," Katie began, "but the way you just seem to know exactly what I need makes me doubt that you are autistic sometimes."

Scott couldn't help but smile at that. "And then there are other times where I remind you all too much that I am indeed autistic."

That caused Katie to also smile and laugh at her boyfriend. "Especially at lunch where, if you brought in a lunch today, you have four slices of salami, six Chips Ahoy cookies, fruit punch Gatorade, some pretzel tiny twists, and whatever fruit your mom set aside for you to try to get you to eat healthy."

Scott could only shake his head and laugh a little at his own predictability. He loved certain routines and certain foods. He didn't like deviating from his favorites for lunch. "And you know me all too well also as that is...indeed what I have packed for lunch today."

Katie tilted her head up and gave him a peck on the cheek. "I'll save some stir fry tonight and we can have that for lunch tomorrow if you'd like."

"Can it be made with..."

"Yes," Katie interrupted knowing exactly what Scott was going to ask, "sliced carrots, red peppers, small pieces of beef, and chestnuts."

Again, all so predictable. "I need to start changing up my favorites. I don't like being this predictable."

"Don't change who you are," Katie somewhat pleaded. "You are amazing just the way you are."

"Am I though?" Scott said doubtfully.

Katie separated herself from Scott and looked at him with concern. This wasn't like him at all. "Scott, what's wrong?"

Scott realized then he had said too much, but it was too late to take it back. "I don't want to talk about it now. Maybe later."

Katie nodded her head, but was still bothered by Scott's sudden lack of confidence and goofiness. Her classes went by at a snail's pace and she was more than happy when lunch time came. However, Scott didn't look any much happier than he did at the beginning of the day.

Scott was indeed feeling exactly how he looked. Ever since his mom and dad had 'the talk' with him once they found out he and Katie had sex he had just felt down. Thoughts of worry about if Katie were to become pregnant. Thoughts of him actually going out and buying condoms and the weird looks he would get from everyone. What if other students found out and started asking him questions? All of these thoughts and questions had been weighing on him and overwhelmed him. He had learned to hide how he was feeling before from friends and family, but somehow he slipped up with Katie and let his guard down. That only made him feel worse because now she worrying about him and he didn't know how to explain what he was going through, nor did he really want to talk about it.

He was thankful that Katie didn't try to bring it up at lunch or during English class. He just wanted to go home and try to get his mind off everything...even if nothing he had tried had worked so far. However, when he got to his car to go home Katie was there instead of Sarah. 'She isn't going to let this go,' he thought to himself.

"Can we talk for a second please?" Katie asked with concern.

Scott shook his head, hating himself inside for shutting Katie out. "No, I don't really want to talk."

"Scott, I'm worried about you. This isn't like you at all," Katie pleaded.

"I promise I'm fine. Just...got a lot on my mind about stuff."

Katie knew that he was not fine, but also knew how stubborn he could be so she let it go, hoping that they could talk about it the next day. However Scott refused to talk about it for the rest of the week, which only made her worry even more. Not knowing what was going on was killing her inside and that Saturday morning she went over to Scott's house uninvited. She rang the doorbell and Jackie opened the door, shocked to see her.

"Katie, what are you doing here? Scott didn't tell me you were coming over."

"He doesn't know I'm here," Katie admitted.

That shocked Jackie even more as she welcomed her. "So why are you here?" Jackie asked as she closed the front door.

"I'm worried about Scott. He hasn't been...well himself all week."

"I know," Jackie admitted. "He tells me and Keith that he just has a lot on his mind, but I think he is just feeling overwhelmed."

"Overwhelmed by what?"

Jackie shrugged her shoulders. "I wish could tell you. Other than eating dinner with us, he doesn't come out of his room.

'So he's shutting himself off from his family too?' Katie asked herself. This just seemed too much and very unhealthy for Scott. She turned and headed straight for Scott's room.

"Where are you going?" Jackie asked.

"He and I are going to talk whether he likes it or not."

"You really shouldn't..."

Katie turned and looked Jackie dead in the eye. "I'm not going to let him suffer like this alone. He's going to either talk to me or I'm going to be here all weekend until he does decide to talk."

Jackie wanted to stop her, but the conviction in Katie's voice was strong and the last thing she wanted was to cause more drama. There had already been enough of that between the two families.

Katie turned back, walked straight to Scott's room and barged right in. She wasn't surprised to see him still in bed and he jumped when she barged in.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he asked. Katie closed the door behind her. "Don't close the door. Mom and dad..."

"Shut it!" Katie demanded. "You are going to tell me what the fucking hell has been going on with you." Katie took off her coat, hung it around his computer chair and sat in it. "And I'm not leaving until we talk."

Scott was shocked at what has happening. 'Who the fuck does she think she is,' he thought to himself, slowly getting angry at her. "And you think just barging into my room and demanding we talk is going to make me talk?"

"Well I don't see any other way how to get you to talk because you've completely shut me out all week. I've asked Liz and Steve what to do and they just tell me to let you get out of this funk. However I can't do that!"

"And this is the solution you came up with?" Scott asked incredulously.

"Well I did think about trying to get a mind reader to tell me what it is you're thinking."

Scott shook his head, anger building inside him. He tried to take a deep breath to calm himself before he spoke again. "You don't need to get sarcastic with me."

"Really? Then tell me how else I'm supposed to know what the hell is going on with you?"

"I don't know," Scott said growing frustrated.

"I think you know. You just don't want to tell me."

"No, I really don't know!"

"Fuck you! Yes you..."

It was too early in the morning for Scott to be dealing with this. He just wanted Katie to leave him alone. Out of anger and frustration he threw one of his pillows at her. "I said I don't know!" he yelled.

The pillow hit Katie, but she just threw it back at him. "God dammit Scott! I just want to know where my confident and goofy boyfriend went!" she yelled back.

Scott threw the pillow onto the floor. "Your boyfriend isn't confident! This is who I am! This is the real me!"

"No it is not!" Katie felt hurt that Scott didn't see himself as she saw him. "You are confident. It was your confidence that helped me get over Jack."

"That wasn't confidence. I don't have any. That was just me trying to be nice to you."

"Yes you do. Every day I see your smile and you make me feel loved."

"God dammit Katie. That isn't confidence. That is just me putting a mask on. I put on a happy face and try to make everyone think I'm good and ok, but I'm not. I'm miserable."

"Why are you miserable?" Katie asked not understanding why he thought that way. "You have me, amazing friends in Steve and Liz, loving parents..."

"Because I can't always feel free to be me. I have to act a certain way so that people won't call out how weird I am. Even when we went to see 'Your Name' you complained that I was too hyper to see the movie. That is me! I get hyper and giddy over things I love, especially when I actually get to share it with someone. I have to control myself at school, here at home and even with you. Tell me if you wouldn't feel miserable if you couldn't be who you wanted to be and felt." Scott waited for a few seconds for Katie to answer, but she didn't. She couldn't answer since she would have to tell the truth. He was right that she would be miserable. "So yes, that is why I am miserable. Now put on top of that my parents finding out we had sex and my mom making a big ass deal about it. So I'm sorry I can't be the fucking happy go lucky, confident boyfriend you think I am. That is not me and if you can't handle that, then just leave me."

Silence fell between them. Scott had said what he needed to say and what was seemingly building up inside him. Katie didn't know how to respond to Scott and everything that he said.

Several minutes passed and Scott again just felt drained. He leaned over his bed to grab the pillow and placed it on his bed. He then laid down with his back towards Katie. He had turned his back to Katie not because he was mad, but because he started to feel bad for going off on Katie in the way that he did. She didn't deserve all that hatred and venom. He felt ashamed for doing that and wanted to cry.

Katie didn't leave though. She knew she had pushed Scott hard to open up and that he more than did. But there was a very brutal honesty about it that she needed to hear. Even though his back was turned to her, she decided to get into bed with him and cuddle him from behind.

Scott didn't expect Katie to cuddle him, but he was happy to be wrong. He turned over so that he could face her and put his arms around her. "I'm sorry," he said feeling forlorn.

"Don't," Katie said not wanting Scott to feeling so sorrowful. "Don't ever be sorry for being honest with how you feel. If we are going to make this work, we need to be honest with each other."

"I know, but..." Scott didn't know what to say next. After venting everything he felt there was nothing else really to say.

Katie knew though exactly what she needed to say to Scott. "From now on, if you want to be silly and giddy about stuff around me, go ahead. If you ever feel overwhelmed, tell me."

"I don't know if you know what you getting yourself into Katie."

"Well, I guess I'll find out sooner than later." That caused Scott to laugh and give a small smile. "Wait, did you just smile?"

"Yes I did you cute little smart ass," Scott said with a grin.

"Smart ass you say?" Katie turned her head to make it look like she was looking at her ass. "Well it is cute, but I don't know about smart." That made Scott's smile bigger for a second and Katie smiled back noticing. "See, you are allowed to be happy."

"I guess."

Katie scooched up and gave him a kiss on his forehead. "Just be who you are. That is all I want. I want the guy who came to my rescue at Homecoming and made me feel special."

"I can try to do that."

"That is all I ask," Katie said with a big smile on her face

***************************************************

With the roads still being hell from the snowfall, Scott and Katie packed a lunch instead of going out to eat. Scott had a leftover hamburger from the weekend and Katie had a ham sandwich.

"So how are you doing so far today?" Katie asked.

"I'm doing better today," Scott answered. "I think what happened on Saturday got my butt into gear and out of my mood."

"That's good," Katie said happily. "I like it more seeing you with your handsome smile and yes," Katie emphasized not allowing Scott to interrupt her, "you do have a handsome smile."

That caused him to smile a little and shake his head. "I'm just not used to being called handsome by someone other than my mother."

"Well you are very handsome and don't let anyone tell you different."

Scott liked hearing Katie call him handsome, but it was still hard for him to truly believe he was handsome. He knew he looked nerdy because he wore glasses and was skinny. After a certain age he knew no girl would approach him because he was cute or really good looking. Hell, the only reason why Liz hung out with him was because she grew up playing with him as little kids and stayed close to him through the years.

The rest of lunch was filled with small talk. After lunch was over they proceeded to go to their next class, which meant Scott's favorite class, math. Math always made him pay attention to the small details. It was also those small, little details that one needed to pay attention to. It was always something small that made the attempted solution either right or wrong. His autistic mind loved the puzzle that math problems brought because it helped him focus on one thing and block everything else out. However, class would end and next would be his English class. The only thing he liked about that class was that Katie was in that class and sat next to him

When he sat down next to her she smiled at him. That beautiful smile he had grown to admire over the past three months gave him peace for even just a few seconds. Once class began however they both had to focus on the lecture from Miss Bird about the current book they were reading. It didn't help that the book they were reading bored Scott and he simply had no interest in it. Class lasted way too long for his liking and was glad when it was over. After class he hugged Katie goodbye and went off his to his locker. He got what he needed, but took his time. His mind thought about how he really was doing. He still didn't feel confident in himself and everything he was doing was just for show. After a minute he closed his locker and turned around only to see Katie standing there.