Love of Autism Ch. 11

Scott followed his dad to the basement to a locked door that only those closest to the family knew about it and knew what it was for. Keith put the key in the lock, turned it and opened the door. Inside was a punching bag and boxing gloves for hitting said bag. This room was setup this way because Keith knew that he might need to let his anger out onto something every once in a while. Little did he know that his son would end up using it more than he did. With all the bullying Scott went through Keith let him use the punching bag a lot, but only with his permission. He didn't want it to be the go to outlet for his anger. Hence why later on a lock was added to the door with only one key.

Once Scott had the gloves on his hand and Keith positioned himself behind the bag, he started to hit the bag as hard as he could. There was nothing pretty about how Scott chose to hit the bag. He just hit it and hit it and hit it, letting out all his anger and frustration. After a half hour of hitting the punching bag and tiring himself out, he finally backed away from the bag and sat back against the wall. After a minute Keith joined his son sitting against the wall.

"So, tell me what happened."

"You heard what happened. I went off on Katie and slapped the couch hard."

"Nice try. What led up to that? As far as your mom and I could tell everything was going fine. Something happened that lead to your blowup."

Scott sighed before deciding to just tell his dad the truth. "I suggested that she try to make peace with her dad and she gave a very pointed statement saying that there is no way she would even try to make peace or forgive him. I decided to drop it and she said people call me a pushover. I asked her if she thought I was and she didn't answer until...well she never answered me."

"Did you want the truth from her or a lie?"

"I know the truth. She obviously thinks I am because she refused to answer me."

"Well, you logic isn't wrong. But do you think it was wise to suggest that she try to make peace with her dad?"

"She also wanted to see the real me and not hide my thoughts or feelings. Well...I don't think she anticipated seeing that side of me."

"No one does because we do our best to not show it. We mask and hide our anger until it has nowhere to go but out. That usually happens at the worst time."

"And it certainly did this time," Scott said tossing his head back in frustration. "I hate being autistic dad."

"I know son," Keith said as he put his arm around Scott. "There are times I've felt that way too."

"Would you change you who are? Get rid of the autism?"

"At your age, I maybe would have said yes. Now though...I see how I benefit from it and don't. It is something that will always be a part of us. Just have to learn how to make the best with the cards we're dealt."

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Scott drove to school the next morning feeling depressed about what happened the previous night. After he and Sarah got out of the car, he entered the school building and went to his locker. Katie usually was already there waiting for him, but this morning she wasn't. He couldn't blame her after the way he went off on her and scared her. All throughout his next five classes he thought about how this was probably the beginning of the end of his relationship with Katie.

When lunch came around he figured he would be sitting alone. He had texted Liz and Steve that he needed some space and they knew not to ask him why, just to give him the space he wanted. There was no reason at all for Katie to sit next to him, yet a minute after he sat down, she sat down across the table from him. However he didn't acknowledge her when she sat down. He didn't know what to say and didn't want to say something he shouldn't so he kept his head down.

"Last night I would have said you are a pushover," Katie began, which confirmed what Scott had suspected. "But after you went off on me and the more I thought about it when I got home...you aren't a pushover. You just don't want to go through unnecessary drama." That statement caused Scott to look up at Katie who nodded at him. "You go through things I could never imagine. Some of them because of me and others simply because you're autistic. Only you know yourself best for what is too much or how to avoid being overwhelmed." Scott was ready to start crying right there as Katie was saying those things. "You've compromised who you are for a long time for your friends and to everyone here at school. It's time someone compromised for you so you can be who you are."

"Katie...you don't..." Scott was speechless as he didn't know what to say. He lifted his glasses to wipe the tears that were forming in his eyes.

"Yes, I do. In fact...I texted my dad last night and asked him if he and I could have dinner together next Friday, just the two of us."

"Wait, what? Why did you do that? You made it sound like you didn't want to do that last night."

Katie smiled and let out a little laugh through her nose. "Well, I also realized that you wouldn't suggest me trying to make peace with my dad if you hadn't really considered it. And I do think I need to try. Hating him won't make my life any better and...I want to spend more time with my half-sister."

Scott reached over and put his hand into Katie's. "I'm glad you're going to at least try."

"Yeah," Katie agreed. "In the end I really have nothing to lose, but more to gain."

"I agree."

The two of them ate the rest of their lunch in a much happier mood. When lunch ended, Katie was glad to see that smile on Scott's face again. The smile that wasn't fake or forced. The smile that told her he loved her and he would do anything for her. It was time for her to do the same for him.