tagHumor & SatireLST3K Ep. 10: Sister Summer

LST3K Ep. 10: Sister Summer


Welcome to the Satellite of Lust, my unlucky companions! It's summer, and I'm back from a long series of electroshock therapy sessions after that last stinker of a Christmas story.

I'm feeling much better now! *twitches*

I've had this story festering in my inbox for quite some time now, but the new summer contest has given me a reason to share the fun. It's the season of bikini-clad sexbombs, hunks with chiseled abs, swimming pools, movie stars...

There's none of that in this sweltering, sweaty, chunk of literary B.O.

Grab a bottle of SPP ( Stinky Prose Protection ) 1000, read it through a piece of smoked glass, and prepare to face the burning stare of this thing that is: Sister Summer.

Turn down your sun lamps.

( Where applicable )


I know that I shouldn't be doing this. I know its wrong.

Dark: By all means, close the text editor, delete the file, and run it through a file shredder!

I can't help it though.

Dark: Damn. Well, I tried.

She just looks so good lying there in that little bikini. I get hard when she's wearing regular clothes. She's like one of the girls in a centerfold. The bikini is just too much.

Dark: *singing* My blood runs cold. My memory has just been sold.

Dark: J. Geils much?

I can't help it.

Dark: Yeah, we got that part. Captain Redundant — up, up, and away! *mumbles* Far — far away.

I'm sitting here watching my sister get a tan in the back yard and touching myself.

Dark: All aboard! Making stops at Disowned Drive and Eleven Toes Avenue!

Dark: At least he finally discovered the wonders of the compound sentence.

She's not really my sister but mom and dad got married when we were four. It's the same thing. She's just so hot that I can't help it.

Dark: Ding! That's three!

I don't have to worry about mom catching me because her and dad went on a cruise for thier honeymoon. It's just me and my sister and my dick in my hand.

Dark: Dick in the hand not worth two in the bush, Grasshopper!

I keep hoping that she'll turn over and untie her top but she's reading. I wish I had a telescope or some binoculars too. I bet I could see her pussy lips and nipples if I could get closer. I keep on jerking because the bikini is good enough though.

Dark: *singing* I — I — I — I! Oy Vey, please stop it!

I bust my nut into her panties just before she gets up and comes back inside. I'm going to have to steal another pair soon because I've used these a couple of times.

Dark: *coughing and gagging* Ewww!

I don't know what I'm going to do when fall comes. We're both going to different universities.

Dark: Here's an idea: Go on a date with someone you're not related to! On second thought, make that porn. We don't want this guy breeding.

I hear her coming up the stairs so I pull my pants back up and hide her panties. She goes to her room and I wonder what she's doing. I wonder if she's touching her pussy. I've been jerking off too much since mom and dad left so thinking about that makes my dick hurt.

I decide to play WOW for a while to keep my mind off her hot bod. It sucks because nobody I know is on. They're all at the beach or cookouts. There's nothing happening on the Star Trek board either.

Dark: He can't type coherent English, but I just betcha this guy is fluent in Klingon.

Dark: A Dweeb approaches! Command?

Summer sucks sometimes. That makes my dick hurt again because my sister's name is Summer and I'd really like her to suck. The guys that she went out with said that she's really good at it. I always act like I don't want to hear it when they talk about stuff like that but it actually makes me hard. I wish it was me though.

I give up on the internet and go downstairs to get something to eat. Summer comes back downstairs while the pizza rolls are nuking. There goes my dick again, because she's wearing a halter top that makes her tits look even bigger than they are and shorts that her butt is sticking out of.

She says that she's going to the mall and asks me if I need anything from there.

Dark: *groan* So we're not even going to get any dialogue — just Sir Wanksalot translating it into White and Nerdese. Wonderful!

I tell her that I don't need anything. Its hard not to look at her and I have to turn away from her so she can't see that my dick is hard. I turn back around when she leaves so I can stare at her butt hanging out of her shorts.

Dark: They say that history repeats itself. Well, everything repeats itself in this story!

I decided to play a little Halo before it was time for me to go to work at the grocery store. I hung out with the produce manager in the dairy cooler for most of the afternoon. We go in there because the girls get hard nipples when they open the cooler doors and you can usually see them in the clothes they wear when its hot out.

Dark: Great — he has a dirty old perv mentor. *In his best Yoda* With me come. Boobies you will see!

A couple of guys I know were on WOW when I got home so I played until it was late and I was real tired. I went down for some pizza rolls before I went to bed and my sister was downstairs.

Dark: I didn't even notice that we'd made it up to 88 miles per hour. Somewhere between the pizza rolls and ogling in the cooler, we time traveled into an entirely different tense.

She had grabbed a soda and she was wearing a nightgown. I could see her panties through it and she wasn't wearing a bra either. I was so surprised that I tripped when I went through the kitchen door.

Dark: Ow! I fell on my 8-sided die!

She called me clumsy and laughed at me and went back upstairs. I put the pizza rolls in the microwave and went to the laundry room because I knew that she always changed her panties before she went to bed. I found them in the hamper and sniffed them. It made my dick even harder than it was from seeing her tits poking her nightgown.

I put the panties in my pocket and wolfed down the pizza rolls because I had to whack off quick after that. I went straight to my bedroom and pulled down my pants. I sniffed her panties instead of jerking off into them because she had just took them off and they still smelled like her pussy. I was having a good whack pretending that I was licking her pussy while she sucked my knob until the door opened.

Dark: Tired "caught me masturbating" setup in 3... 2...

I couldn't pull the covers over me because they were at the bottom of the bed and my legs were all tangled up in my pants. She was staring at me and asked me if those were her panties. I told her no but she said that she knew they were.

She closed the door then and said that I had a really big dick. She said that she hadn't seen one that big before and asked if she could touch it. I said okay and she grabbed it. She asked me if smelling her pussy made my dick so big and I said yes.

Dark: *blows whistle* Okay, everybody out of the gene pool! She's as dumb as he is!

Then she blew my mind and started blowing me!

Dark: Something tells me that the breeze from a butterfly's wings could blow this guy's mind.

Her mouth was so hot and she sucked up all 10 inches of my dick without gagging at all.

Dark: Caution — objects in story are much smaller than they appear.

I had never felt anything so awesome in my life. She sucked me like a vachum cleaner.

Dark: No, Lonestar! You're supposed to make her go from suck to blow — not the other way around!

I busted a nut and she swallowed every bit of my goo.

Dark: Who you gonna call? Nutbusters!

She said that my jizz tasted real good and she loved my dick. I told her that I wanted to suck her tits and lick her snatch. She said to do it and stuck her double d's right in my face.

It was great licking her perky tits after jacking off thinking about them so many times. I shoved a finger in her cunt too. It was hard to get it in there because she was so tight.

Dark: Cunt, snatch, goo, jizz... *groan*

Dark: Amazing how he's doing all this without her taking off her nightgown or panties, too.

She screamed real loud and said that it felt so good. She cummed in like a minute and sprayed pussy juice all over my face.

Dark: Damn! Talk about some squirting for distance, pressure, and accuracy. Last I knew, he was still sucking her "perky double-d's" through her nightgown.

Dark: Typing with one hand and half of his brain tied behind his back!

She could hardly breathe because I'd made her cum so much. But I was hard and wanted to fuck her. When she saw my dick she told me that she wanted it in her wet pussy. She said that I had to be careful because she was a virgin.

Dark: Hymen ignorance at twelve o'clock!

She spread her legs real wide so I could stick my dick in her shaved pink pussy. It was so tight that I couldn't get it in her at first. I shoved a little harder and finally got the head into her twat. She that it was to big but I told her that I would go slow.

She said okay and I popped her cherry.

Dark: *shakes head* No, numbskull, you just finally slipped around the panties you've been shoving into her BECAUSE YOU NEVER TOOK THEM OFF!

Her pussy squeezed my dick like a vice because it was so tight and she was a virgin.

Dark: Three seconds later and she's a virgin again. That explains how shoving a finger and the head of his dick in there earlier didn't do the trick. What -- is it regenerating like a troll? Kill it with fire!

I fucked her real hard and she started cumming again. All the pussy juice made it easier for me to fuck her so I fucked her faster and she cummed again. She cummed like four times and my bed was all covered in pussy juice before my balls got tight and I knew that I was going to spew.

Dark: Speaking of spew... *grabs barf bag*

She screamed like a banshee because I was making her cum so much. Then I jammed my dick into her so hard that my balls almost went in.

Dark: As if they ever descended...

She screamed some more and it was so loud that it hurt my ears. I didn't care because I was blowing my baby batter up into her pussy. I cummed so much that it was squirting out around my dick.

She said that she could feel my jizz shooting up in her and it felt so good. She told me to cum some more because she liked it. My balls were empty though and I couldn't cum any more. I told her that I would have to wait until I filled my balls back up.

Dark: Fill 'er up? You want I should wash the dead bugs off the taint?

She pouted and said it was okay because I could cum in her some more later. I was happy that she was going to let me fuck her some more because it was great fucking her. She said that she was happy that she wasn't a virgin any more. I said that I liked popping her cherry.

I was real tired from fucking and cumming so much so I fell asleep.

Dark: In that swamp of slime he described? Yuk!

When I woke up the next morning she was bobbing my knob. This has been the best summer with my sister Summer ever. I'm going to go fuck her brains out again now so see you later losers!

Dark: It's too late for that — for the both of you.


My eyes! My eyes! It burns!

You know, I used to think the half-baked smut that I wrote was bad...

Well, it was, but that's beside the point

Then, I started this project. Believe it or not, I actually have some stuff around that is worse than anything I've riffed on so far. It's just so bad that I can't even make it funny.

As is so often the case lately, the author of this one wants no recognition, and has actually threatened legal action if I even give a hint.

Can't say as I blame him.

This is another one of those stories that arrived as one giant wall of text. As bad as it is now, imagine trying to read it that way. Not a comma to be found ( if there are any in there, I accidently did it while running the spell-check on my comments *laugh* )

So, I'm sharing the pain in these riffs, but not all of it.

Probably went a little far afield with the D&D and Dragon Warrior references, but what the hell. Those who get it should really get a kick out of them.

That's all for now. If the survivors wouldn't mind, give me a hand making a path to the escape hatch. Please do vote/comment, even though I'm not eligible to win in the contest.

Keep circulating the links.

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