All Comments on 'Lucky Over 40 Ch. 01: Taking a Chance'

Nope, eating cream pies is a gay man’s game. No thank you.

Very worddy

Having read your story and then the comments posted I felt inspired to add mine.

This is a nice story especially if it is followed up with a sequel. I think you set the pesonalities of the two characters clearly. I look forward to reading more of your stories.

I really enjoyed your story. I look forward to the next installment.

The story was hot, but I agree it was a bit wordy, especially in the dialogue. But great for a first submission. I'd also say that the speech patterns of the couple were identical, so they kind of blended together. Nitpicky, but if you're like me, you want this kind of feedback. Keep up the good work!

Although I'm not quite sure what commenters meant by "wordy," I've submitted a slightly revised version of this story that tries to improve the dialog a bit, fixes some background which wasn't right, and makes a few other corrections, here and there. I hope it's an improvement, though probably not a very big one. I have also submitted part 2, which should be posted soon. 3 and 4 are in the works, with more yet to be anywhere but in my imagination right now.

I like where this is going!