Luisa's Journey Pt. 01

(Originally posted elsewhere as a gift for another user. Please enjoy :D)

The Internet was not to blame.

The books with female protagonists were not to blame.

Her heart was not to blame.

Society was to blame and that's all there really was to it.

~~~

Luisa Christine Romero was born Antonio Juan Romero. She originally came out as gay when she was in junior high and was met by positivity from her peers. Even her Southern best friend Trevor was on board, without a single joke on whether she had feelings for him. (This was a big relief - she hated lying and Trevor was starting to gain attention from other girls, too. So, it really wasn't her fault.)

When they entered high school, Luisa met a transgender person for the first time. It was her art teacher Ms. Wilson. She was tall with a hoarse voice and beautiful red hair. Luisa didn't know she was trans until she saw it on the front page of the school newspaper. She Googled what it meant when she got home and spent the rest of the night looking for more and more information.

She looked at forum posts, YouTube videos and transition pictures. During the rest of her adolescence, she traveled deeper and deeper... She joined chat rooms where she made online friends and she'd regularly steal her mother's makeup. One wig bought online became two and then three. At first, she treated it like an addiction- a waste of her hard-earned money just to feel good. But with a little help and support from people she never even met, she began to blossom- going from a confused fake boy to the transgender woman she grew up to be. More than anything she wanted HRT- even more than bottom surgery- but that would have to wait. At eighteen years old, she knew who she was; the only problem was the world had never met her. She always told herself, One day... just not right now. Unbeknownst to her, that day was approaching fast.

~~~

It was a summer day and Luisa was sitting on the bleachers. She was wearing a t-shirt with jean shorts and high tops. Her legs weren't shaved because it was the summer, but that was alright. Fall was coming.

She watched Trevor out on the field. She didn't go to the same college so she wasn't sure whether a game this close to a tie was typical. He seemed to be doing well, but holding back. He hated hogging attention and liked to give his teammates a shot whenever possible. He was the biggest guy on the team with a whopping scholarship to show just how much they wanted him. Meanwhile, Luisa went to the same conservative liberal arts school that her parents had attended. She really, really wanted to make them happy so of course she applied and got in. It was what was expected, after all.

Luisa's phone buzzed. She opened it to see that one of her trans friends was giving away a binder. This didn't apply to her, obviously, but she knew someone else who could really use one...

The buzzer sounded right as she sent off the text. She looked up and at the score- Trevor's team had won by just one point. That was weird. Either his team was slacking or the other team was just that good. She did her best to ignore the sound of those around her. Luisa used to bring noise-cancelling headphones, but not anymore. Aside from a bit of texting and the occasional checking of her school email, she typically tried her best to focus on Trevor. He did so for her recitals and plays so of course she could get through a little boredom. Not much of a cheerer, every victory had her crack a smile and clap her hands.

After the game, a freshly-showered Trevor met her by the field post.

"Did you see that touchdown I did?"

Luisa grinned. "Totally. You were like, 'Outta my way, peasants.'"

Trevor laughed. "Hey, wanna grab some fast food or something? I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry, you beast- and sure."

~~~

Trevor was an athlete and being an athlete required fuel. Luisa knew this, but his appetite still didn't fail to surprise her as he scarfed down two burgers.

"So, there's this guy I know on the team named Michael- smart kid, a year older than us. I'm pretty sure he's a Bio major but I could be wrong. Anyway, he's on the market and I was wonderin' if I could give away your Snap? He's not weird, I promise. I gave him a thorough scoping and he's a decent guy."

"Trying to ship me off like an eighteenth century father, eh?"

"Yes. I expect a dowry of at least two horses- but seriously. I want you to be happy, bro. Unless there's somebody else...?"

Yes! she internally screamed. It's you!!

"Uhhhhh," she said.

"It's okay if you wanna think on it. I know you never really dated before- I just want you to have that experience under your belt 'cause I care about ya." Trevor (always the touchy-feely type) reached across the table to grab her hand. It was so tiny compared to his, and she temporarily reveled in the moment, appreciating the warm squeeze he gave it. No wonder those rumors spread around their high school- their entire friendship beamed "bromance" energy.

"Why don't you give me his Snap instead?" she offered. (That way, she could forget about it.)

"Sure-o! Lemme show you a pic of the fella."

"Oh, cool."

He brought up a photo of his team altogether, giving the screen a tap at a particular face. He was alright looking- significantly smaller than Trevor, but with nice hair. Maybe she could give it a shot...? She decided to sleep on it.

~~~

That night, Luisa's heels came in. They were shiny black pumps that gave her a bit of extra height and click-clacked when she walked. She imagined Trevor seeing her in them... Would he laugh? Gawk? She stumbled, barely managing to catch herself... What if Trevor was there? Would he have caught her in those strong, tan arms of his?

I know it won't happen, but it's not bad to think about it... right?

Luisa sat on her bed with a sigh. She would later look back to this moment and regret not sending him a text or at least some kind of hint about what she would put their friendship through. Deaf to the sound of her closet's clock, her time was about to run out.