Lying About My Age

"Oh, cool," Jamie said, "I was thinking about that for a while. Do you think you'll go to law school?"

The reply 'not at this point in my life' almost escaped my lips, but I stopped myself. "Yeah, maybe," I sort of mumbled. "We'll see."

Jamie was looking at me curiously. "I feel like I know you from somewhere," she said. "Where did you go to school?"

"I went to a school right outside of Baltimore," I said, hoping she wouldn't ask me when.

"Oh," she said, "What about high school?"

"I didn't grow up around here," I said, "I went to high school in New York."

"Hmm..." Jamie said, "I just have the weirdest feeling... déjà vu maybe?"

I shrugged. "Maybe," I said.

Jamie finished loading her wash and was feeding quarters in the machine. "Shoot," she said, "I'm one quarter short."

"Here," I said, popping out of my seat and reaching into my pocket. I pulled out a quarter and handed it to her.

"Thanks," she said, "I'll pay you back..."

"No need," I replied quickly. "It's just a quarter."

Jamie was looking at me curiously again. "Well, I feel like I should pay you back somehow. I never really welcomed you to the building. Do you like pizza?" She asked.

"Pizza? Sure," I said.

"Well, maybe one night we can order in a pizza and hang out," Jamie said.

Was she asking me out on a date or was she just being neighborly? "Sure," I said. I was about to try to set an actual date when her cell phone rang. She looked up at me apologetically as she raised it to her ear. "Oh, hey Sue," she said, and I could hear Sue through the phone. She sounded agitated. "Oh no, really?" Jamie said. Jamie rolled her eyes at me and mouthed 'I'll see you later.' Jamie turned and left the laundry room. "And what did he say?" I heard her say as she climbed the stairs back to the second floor.

I went back to my kindle and waited but Jamie never returned. My clothes were done and Jamie's wash was long over. It was getting late and I didn't want to spend the whole night waiting for her to come back. I decided the most neighborly thing I could do was put her clothes in the dryer for her, so I did, and then I left the laundry room. I went back to my apartment, slowing as I passed Jamie's door. Do I knock? Maybe she just forgot about her clothes. Then I heard her voice, "Well maybe you need a break from him," she was saying, and I wondered if she was still talking to the same person. I rolled my eyes. It sounded like a lot of drama, and I had no tolerance for drama, even when I was that age. I went inside and put my clothes away. It was after 8pm, and I settled into my recliner to watch the ballgame.

I awoke with a start, not even aware that I was sleeping. It was after 11. Jamie! I thought and I leapt out of my recliner and over to the wall. I could hear... yes... I could hear... buzzing. Oh my God, was she using a vibe? I heard a moan through the wall. Yes! I almost shouted. My heart was pounding as I pulled my shorts down and took hold of myself. "Ohh yes," I heard Jamie moan, and the sound of the bedsprings creaking. She must really be going to town on herself, I thought as I stroked myself furiously. "Ohhh... God... ohhh..." Jamie was moaning, and then the bedsprings creaked again. Creak, creak, creak. She sounded like she was jumping up and down. I heard her gasp, like she had been holding her breath for several seconds, and I realized she was orgasming. "OH!! Yes," she shouted, and moaned again.

My orgasm arrived suddenly. I forgot to get tissues, I thought, as the first spurt of cum dribbled to the floor at my feet. With all of the orgasms I had lately, and the speed with which I got myself off that time, there wasn't much cum and it didn't travel far. It was still an intense orgasm, and I slapped my hand against the wall to steady myself. I only belatedly realized the sound I made. Shit, did Jamie hear that? I tried to focus on the other side of the wall. The buzzing stopped. I could hear a rustling noise, and then, silence.

I stood there for a couple of minutes, terrified that she heard me, that she would realize that I was on the other side of the wall listening to her, and think that I was some perverted creep and that I would find myself on the sex offender's list or something. Well, I was a perverted creep, I thought to myself. Only a pervert would stand there and listen to their neighbor masturbate through the wall. I finally got myself to move, cleaning up the glob of cum on the carpet and trudging off to bed, feeling like a horrible human being, and resolving to keep my distance from Jamie.

The next day, right after I got home from work, there was a knock at my door. I could feel my heart pounding. It was Jamie, coming to confront me, or it was the police coming to take me away. I looked through the peephole and it was Jamie. I opened the door halfway and peeked around, just in case there were police hiding somewhere.

"Hey," Jamie said, and then she noticed my reaction. "Is this a bad time?" She asked.

She didn't seem upset, I thought to myself. I opened the door all the way. "No,

I replied, "I just... wasn't expecting anyone."

"Oh," Jamie said, "Well, a little birdie put my clothes in the dryer for me last night. Would you know anything about that?" She asked playfully.

"Oh, well," I said coyly, "Maybe."

"Now I really owe you a pizza," Jamie said. "Do you have any plans tonight?"

A TV dinner and jerking off? I thought to myself. "No, I'm free," I said.

"Okay, you bring the drinks and I'll bring the pizza," Jamie said. "Come over whenever you're ready." She smiled at me, and then turned and walked away.

I stood at the door for several seconds, staring off into space, butterflies in my stomach. I shook my head to clear my thoughts. What was I really expecting anyway? This woman was still way too young for me, whether she knew it or not. I only became interested in her after I heard her masturbating. So what did I expect to happen? "Just be neighborly," I mumbled to myself in my empty apartment. Just go over there, have a few slices of pizza, and let whatever happens, happen.

I decided I needed to change my clothes. I was in a t-shirt and a pair of gym shorts. I wasn't a hugely endowed man, if anything I was on the high side of average, but I was hung, and my tight gym shorts left little to the imagination. I put on jeans and a polo shirt. I went to the fridge. I was a social drinker and I didn't keep much alcohol in the house. I would try to keep a six pack in the fridge in case anyone came over, but I found that I was down to a single bottle of beer. I shrugged and took it, walking out of my apartment and over to Jamie's next door. I paused at her door, thinking that I felt like I was in college again, where your friends were right next door. I knocked, thinking not only did I look young, suddenly I felt young.

I heard Jamie's footsteps approaching, and then she opened the door. She had changed too. She was wearing a blue top with spaghetti straps that was pulled tight against her breasts. She also had on a tight black skirt that went down to her knees. She isn't just dressed for a casual dinner with her next door neighbor, I thought idly. I was staring at the olive skin of her exposed neck and shoulders, and the hint of cleavage her top was showing.

Jamie was talking to me, "You travel light," she quipped, gesturing to the single beer in my hand.

"It was all I had," I said, "I'm not much of a drinker."

"No worries, neither am I," Jamie said. "I'll take a good Keurig blend over a beer any day." Jamie gestured for me to step inside, and I stepped into her apartment. It was the same layout as mine, living room, kitchen, bedroom, and a bathroom. I would never have confused it with my apartment though. Jamie's was fully furnished and a riot of color, paintings on the wall, trinkets and flowers overflowing on tables, knittings on the chairs and sofa, pictures of her and people I guessed were her family. "I'd offer you a tour," Jamie was saying, "But I think you know the layout already."

"Yeah," I said, and my gaze drifted toward her bedroom. I could just about see her bed through the open door, and I thought about what I heard the night before, the bedsprings creaking, a vibrator buzzing, Jamie moaning in ecstasy...

Thank goodness I changed out of my shorts, I thought. I was growing hard, and my jeans would do a better job of hiding it. I shook myself out of my fantasy. Jamie was talking to me, and I struggled to grasp what she was saying. "I didn't know what you liked, so I just got a plain pie. I hope that's okay," she said.

"Sure, that's fine," I said, and on cue there was a knock on the door. I started toward it and Jamie put out her hand to stop me.

"No, you stay," she said to me like she was talking to a dog, "This is on me."

"Thank you," I said, and I drifted to an open spot on the couch and sat down. Jamie went to the door and paid for the pizza. She carried it past me to the kitchen. "Come on," she said, and led me to her little nook table. I was hungrier than I thought, and I put away three slices before I even came up for air. I suddenly realized that Jamie was staring at me. "What?" I asked, my mouth full of food.

"You sure can pack it away," Jamie said, "I was wondering where you put it."

"Oh, I'm blessed with good metabolism," I said, "I always was," I added, and trailed off.

"I wish I was," Jamie said, indicating her curvy body, "It takes a lot of willpower not to end up on the Biggest Loser."

"Do you exercise?" I asked, and I winced. It sounded like a pickup line.

"I try to," Jamie said, "But I need to be motivated. You'd think beach season would be enough motivation! What about you?" She added, "Do you exercise?"

"Once or twice a week," I said, "I take walks at lunch too. If nothing else my calves are like steel."

"Hmm calves of steel," Jamie said, and I could see her gaze shift under the table, but my calves were hidden by my jeans. "You know what's supposed to be good exercise?" Jamie asked. "Sex."

I was drinking water when she said 'sex' and I almost choked. I struggled to recover. "Really?" I asked. Of course I had heard that before, but I wasn't expecting Jamie to be so forward.

"I'm sorry, did I make you uncomfortable?" Jamie asked. She sounded genuinely concerned. "You seem hesitant," Jamie said. "Did you just get over a bad breakup? Don't worry," she added, "I wasn't suggesting you and me..."

"I'm fine," I cut in. "And yes, I am getting over a breakup."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Jamie said. "Did you really love her?"

"Umm... yeah," I said, "Not at the end though."

"How long were you with her?" Jamie asked.

I almost said 12 years. "Umm... 3 years," I said.

"Wow, that's a long time," Jamie said, "What went wrong, if you don't mind my asking."

Jamie was sure forward, I thought to myself. "We just sort of grew apart," I said.

"I understand," Jamie said. "How long have you been single?"

"Just a few months," I said.

Jamie just nodded. "I've been single for a while," she said, and I mentally berated myself for not asking the question. "My boyfriend in college was from out of state, and when he graduated, he went home, and I wasn't going to follow him, and so that was that. But being home," she added, "In my hometown where I know everybody and I grew up with all these guys..." She trailed off, and I got an inkling that she was hiding something, but I couldn't figure out what. "You're lucky you don't live where you grew up," she eventually continued. "You get to meet new people."

"It's not so good when you're shy," I said, "Meeting new people... it's hard."

"Well, you met me!" Jamie said. "How long have you lived around here anyways?"

I almost told the truth again. 17 years. Think faster, I thought to myself. "Just a couple of years," I said.

I looked at Jamie. She was staring back at me, gazing into my eyes. I actually felt butterflies in my stomach, something I hadn't felt since before I met my ex wife. We locked eyes and I found myself staring into her dark brown eyes, and I suddenly felt calm.

"Can I ask you a question?" Jamie asked, breaking us out of the moment.

"Sure," I said.

"Do you ever get lonely?" Jamie said. "I mean, I know you've only been single for a few months, and I've been single for longer, and don't get me wrong, I lead a rich, full life with all sorts of friends, but sometimes I just feel a need to..."

Jamie trailed off, and I found myself gaping at her. I recognized her speech for what it was. She was coming onto me. I found myself becoming overcome with anxiety again. I could kiss her... I could tear her clothes off and fuck her senseless on her bed... I could fall for this girl... the young, vivacious one that I wouldn't kick out of bed... we could move in together... get engaged... get married... things would start to go downhill... she'd want different things than I did... we'd drift apart... and oh yeah... at some point I'd have to stop lying about my age!

Jamie was reaching for me, her head moving forward, going for the lean-in. She stopped, realizing I was still frozen in place. "Oh, I'm sorry!" She said. "I'm so sorry. I just thought... we were hitting it off so well... I made you uncomfortable..."

"No, no, really, it's my fault," I started talking over her. "I just..."

"You're still getting over your breakup," Jamie said, "I totally get it. Oh my God, I feel like such a fool."

"No!" I just about shouted. "You're not a fool. I'm... I'm a mess."

"Yeah but I shouldn't have..." Jamie started to say.

"It's okay." I said. "Really, it's okay."

"This girl must have been really special," Jamie said.

It wasn't that she was special, it was that she really, really screwed me up, I thought to myself. But I needed to keep with the narrative, so I agreed with her.

"I'm sorry again if I made you uncomfortable," Jamie said, "I hope that we can be friends."

"Of course," I said.

"Good," she said, smiling. "I..." just then Jamie's cell phone started ringing, the familiar chime of an iPhone 5. "I should probably get that," Jamie said.

"Okay," I said, and I stood up and started walking towards the door. "Thank you for dinner,"

Jamie was moving toward the sound of her phone. "Anytime," she said as she picked it up and answered it. "Hello?" She said as I reached the door. "Oh hey Sue," I heard her say as I closed her door behind me.

I changed back into my t-shirt and shorts and plopped down in my recliner. I tried not to think about what just happened, but I couldn't think about anything else. That girl was going to kiss me, I thought, and I freaked. What was wrong with me? I cursed my ex wife again, and wondered if I would ever feel able to have a relationship again.

I fell into a stupor, watching a baseball game that seemed to go on and on. I lost track of time. I may have even dozed off at one point, I wasn't even sure. What I do know was that suddenly I was wide awake because I heard buzzing. Is she? I thought to myself as I leapt out of the recliner and over to the wall. I didn't hear anything except for the buzzing sound, and I figured I caught her early on this time. I pulled down my shorts and took hold of myself, pressing my ear right up against the wall. I could hear the low murmuring of the television. I wondered what she was watching. Was it porn? Does she do what I do? Pick something out of the on demand section of cable or does she have her own stash of pornos?

I listened intently for Jamie's voice and was eventually rewarded with a grunt. My cock twitched in my hand. I started to stroke myself harder. Then I had a thought. I could have been over there. I could have been in bed with her, touching her, fucking her. What a fool I am, I thought, and I could feel my shoulders slump. My penis grew limp in my hand, and I started to stroke it feverishly. It was no use. I couldn't get it hard again. Alarmed, I found myself staring at it. I never had a problem getting or staying hard before. Never.

Holy shit, was I getting old? I heard people tell me at 40 things start to go downhill. At some point you're going to have trouble maintaining an erection, I remember reading somewhere. Was this it? Was my future going to be a nightmare of erectile dysfunction? Would I be useless without a little blue pill?

On the other side of the wall, oblivious to me, Jamie was starting to get going. I could hear her moaning now, the sound of the bedsprings creaking and she moved on her bed. It sounded more distant now. I blew it, I remember thinking, I had a chance with this woman and I blew it. I'll probably never get another chance. "Yes, oh yes," Jamie moaned through the wall. She was climaxing now, and I was pulling up my shorts and walking slowly off to bed.

To be continued?

*****

I hope you enjoyed this story. As always, I appreciate any feedback.