All Comments on 'Lyon's Den Ch. 15'

1. "Tired. Confused." he said, closing his eyes. It felt rude, but he felt no connection. No desire to share with her." Those sentiments do not fit the character. Bruce has never been a rude or inconsiderate person. And the premise that he is not burning with interest and curiosity is totally out of character. Bruce met Jennifer while working for Daniel, and was very attracted to her. So why not now? Yes, later you illustrate his interest. But this woman who enchanted him before they were married is now reported to be his wife, and he doesn't want to visit with her and learn what their connect is? This scene makes Bruce look stupid and cold, which has never been his character traits before.

2. Since it is taking so long between chapters, why end with a needless teaser? You ended the chapter right where they could start discussing their shared background and marriage, which he has already started asking about. So ending the chapter so quickly just makes the story presentation tedious and contrived suspenseful. Bruce is the only person who doesn't know Jennifer's background, so why try to make that revelation suspenseful? Unless you are going to add a fundamental character change on top of his amnesia, we already know how Bruce is going to react when he learns, relearns, his wife's history. And if you now introduce a "new" brain damaged Bruce, that rejects Jennifer, it just makes this look like a comic book plot: shallow and predictable. And you've been doing really deep creative writing up to this point.

I hope you continue the good story you've written so far.