Mae

"I need... I need to get home. To take something to make sure... I... what will I tell papa? I'm not..."

"Hush! Hush now, not another word! You will tell him nothing, do you understand? You will tell him nothing because nothing happened. You got homesick and the city didn't suit you and I brought you home. That is all. Do you hear me? That is all! Come now! Stand up here and let me fix this and we will go eat before I escort you home!"

"I'm not hungry."

"You must eat, dear heart!" he pleaded, hugging her from behind and kissing the top of her head. "Do not let yourself get sick over that monster! He is not deserving of your thoughts at all!"

"He isn't,'' she agreed, a bare whisper. "I will eat this evening, Isaiah, you have my word, but just now I cannot. I must go home and... I need to be sure that..."

"I understand," he told her quickly, knowing what she needed to do. "I will take you there now, but you must promise me that you will eat later and take care of yourself!"

"I promise," she nodded, then turned and hugged him quickly before hurrying out of the room.

It was a full month before Isaiah saw her again, though he stopped in at the farm a couple of times a week hoping to catch her. He became friendly with her father for the sole purpose of having a reason to stay around just so that he could possibly run into her.

He finally did, while he was there past dark. She came in, her head down and her large basket almost overflowing with things she had foraged.

Isaiah stood quickly, his heart breaking slightly as he did. She looked horrible! She was emaciated and pale, frail looking. Her hair was more wild than usual and unkempt completely and her clothes and hands were filthy.

"Miss James?"

Her head jerked up to him as she blinked at him, then she looked down quickly. "Why are you here?" she demanded.

"Mae," her father chided. "Isaiah and I were just having a pipe and talking. I've told you, Mae, I don't like you staying out in the woods so long! I need you home before dark! And you can't stay up all hours of the night making up your creams and herbs and spend all day in the woods! You have to sleep, Mae!"

"I'm fine, papa," she told him, her eyes searching the room. They fell on a pot in the kitchen and she snatched it up before going back to the outbuilding where she dried and hung her herbs and made medicines.

"She is... unwell?" Isaiah asked hesitantly. He tried hard not to ask about her too often.

"She is... I'm not sure exactly. She hardly sleeps, and when she does she has nightmares. I don't know what to do for her!"

"Is there anyone else nearby who does what she does?"

"No one."

"Then have someone go to her and ask her for help. Tell her they can't sleep. When she makes it for them, use it on her. Make her get some rest!"

"That might work once, but she'd recognize whatever was in what I gave her and know. I keep figuring she'll work through it eventually, but... I reckon it's probably to do with her fiance dying, right? Not being able to move on?"

"One cannot know what's in a woman's mind," Isaiah dismissed, but he needed to find a way to help her.

"True. True. Still, I reckon I might have a way to help," her father sighed, leaning back.

Isaiah did not ask, he was too busy trying to think of a way to help her.

When he left that night, he slipped around to the outbuilding and watched her back as she ground something in a pestle. The small space was full and very hot from the fire burning in the small space. She was rendering something in the huge pot, but he ignored it as he moved closer to her.

He hadn't thought she was aware of him as he watched her, his heart full of anguish. She spoke, making him realise she knew he was there.

"Shouldn't be here," she grunted, the strain of her efforts obvious in her voice.

"I know, Miss James... I am worried for you."

"I'm fine. You should go."

"I will... if you will promise me you will sleep more?"

"I can't... I have nightmares. I'm afraid to sleep... I just need to stay busy."

"Have you tried taking something to help you sleep?"

"It doesn't stop the nightmares. Nothing stops them."

"Miss James! I promise you, he will never come here to bother you! I did as I promised and he has been barred from any place of note in the city! His father tried to intercede on his behalf until I told him why I was doing what I was doing, then he stopped. His choices are to leave, go abroad, or never have a life in the city again."

"Has he left?"

"I've not had a letter saying he has, but it's possible that..."

"It doesn't matter. The nightmares always come..." she mumbled, shaking her head.

"Please, Miss James," he cried, his voice choking on emotion as he pulled her from her work into an embrace from behind.

He felt the tension drain from her, all of the frenetic, terrified energy that had been keeping her running, it all seemed to slip away as he held her and she went still. She let her head fall back and roll to his arm and he lowered himself to the ground and pulled her into his lap to hold her.

Mae did not fight him, or try to pull away, she let him hold her close as she lay in his arms. Isaiah hugged her to him, cradling her and rocking her slightly as he clutched her to his chest. She was so tiny! She had been small before, but now she weighed hardly anything at all! Tears streamed down his face as he clutched her more closely and rocked her, willing her to become healthy again!

Pushing back to the wall furthest from the fire, he held her and curled around her, holding her as close as he could without breaking her. The way she had gone so limp terrified him and he kept brushing her cheek with his fingertips, trying to get her to move or say something.

When he leaned back and held her out enough to look at her, he went still. Her eyes were closed and her expression was peaceful.

Of all things, she was asleep!

She had fallen almost right to sleep in his arms!

He held her more loosely as he leaned back on the wall and stared down at her in wonder. She had only needed someone to make her feel safe enough to sleep... she was so exhausted!

Propping himself against the wall and the cabinet, he settled in, prepared to hold her until morning if he needed to.

His back ached and hurt, his bottom went numb and he was sweltering until the fire died down, but she slept.

She slept until light seeped in under the door and even longer. As much as every inch of him hurt, he was beyond proud as she slept on in his arms, not waking or dreaming. She would have slept on if her father hadn't yelled for her out the back door of the house.

Jerking slightly, she let out a tiny whimper, then jumped when her father yelled again.

Trying to sit up, she rolled off of his lap, then looked around in confusion. She blinked at him in confusion, then stood up and opened the door. "I'm here papa! What do you need?"

"Did you sleep out there?"

"I'm fine, papa! What do you need?"

"Conn is here to see you! Needs something for some bad rash?"

"Be right in! Give me a few minutes!" she called.

Isaiah was trying to stretch sore muscles surreptitiously when she turned back to him. At least, she turned towards him, though she stared down at the floor.

"You didn't have to do that," she whispered. "I... I'm sorry. Thank you!" she called, then darted out the door.

Isaiah felt a warm fondness well up, even though he was so sore he could hardly move and tired enough that he was sure he could sleep for a month once he found his bed.

Instead of letting himself indulge, he only took a two hour nap, then got up again. Late in the evening, just before bedtime, he told a servant to go get Mae. tell her he was hurting and needed her help.

When Mae arrived up to his room looking worried, he gave her a gentle smile and gestured to the gown on the bed as he started to step out.

"Isaiah!" she called quickly. "I can't do this... I don't..."

"It's fine little love, I know. No expectations and no one will know. You need to sleep and I need my bed, my old bones can't take many more nights on a stone floor. Change now and hop in bed, I will be back in a moment. I need sleep," he smiled gently.

When he came back, she was sitting on the far side of the bed, braiding her hair. He said nothing as he blew out the lamp and laid down, then pulled her to lay on his shoulder. As tense and rigid as she was, she relaxed almost immediately, then snuggled into him with a deeply tired sigh. Isaiah fell asleep smiling.

For the next week, neither of them said anything at all as she showed up late at night and climbed into bed to sleep close to him. No nightmares, just the sleep of safety. Isaiah was very pleased being able to hold her every night, even if she didn't warm to him in other ways. The morning he moved as if to kiss her after they woke, she jumped up and fled. He half feared she wouldn't return at all, but she showed up late in the middle of the night and climbed into his bed with her dress on. He didn't try again, at least not while she was awake. He kissed her before he fell asleep most nights, then dreamed of her.

When winter came, he offered her a room off the kitchen to do her work. It was a large second pantry, but with only him there, it wasn't needed at all, so he had it converted for her to work out of.

So far as her father knew, she was working up out of the manor, but he assumed she was still sleeping in the little shed where she had made herself a pallet. She convinced him she was able to work until she got tired, then sleep out there until morning. She had leveled off so much, he believed her. Isaiah saw that she ate regularly and slept every night and by the time spring came, she looked like herself again.

He even got her to smile a few times.

With spring, she began going out foraging again and spending more time with her father, trying to help him work the ground.

Isaiah was displeased beyond measure the day that her father showed up to the manor with a large young man with him.

"Lord Hallingford," he smiled, "this is my new farmhand, David. David, this is Lord Hallingford. Isaiah. Isaiah, is my daughter here? I wanted her to meet David."

Isaiah looked up at the huge farmboy with his close cut hair and easy smile. His pleasant face and nice eyes. The kind of face girls would giggle over and smile at. A man only slightly older than HIS Mae. "She is... she is in her little alchemy lab," Isaiah answered unhappily. "Come in and have a seat, I will send for her."

The large boy sat awkwardly, looking around in awe as Isaiah sent for Mae.

When she came in, she smiled at Isaiah immediately, then her smile widened when she saw her father, then faltered when she saw the man. She paused just inside the door, looking him over in confusion.

"Mae!" her father smiled. "I wanted to let you know you are free to go back to gathering your mushrooms," he laughed. "This is David and I just hired him on to help me this year! David, this is my daughter, Mae."

"Lovely ta' meet ya', miss," the man spoke softly, even with his deep voice as he stood and took Mae's small hand in both of his huge ones, staring at her like a poleaxed ox.

Mae blushed, but smiled up at him. "You too," she whispered. "I'm happy you'll be close to help papa out. I... umm... papa? What would you like served for dinner then?" she asked softly.

Isaiah felt his heart breaking. She had been having dinner there with him and allowing him to send dinner along to her father. Now she intended to go back to cooking for him and this... man.

"Oh, Mae, you know I never care. Anything is always fine! I just thought perhaps after he gets settled in today and I show him around tomorrow, you can show him around the day after? The woods and what all you do and along towards the villages where you go to midwife? Will you be going back to that now, do you think?"

"Yes, yes of course," she answered quickly, blushing again. "I can do that!"

"Well and good then," her father smiled. "And now that it's warming up, maybe you could start working out of your little shed again? Close to home? And sleeping in your room where I can keep a better eye on you?"

"Of course," she agreed quickly.

Isaiah knew her father was insisting on that to have her close enough to watch with a strange man about, but his heart was shattering. Mae was being taken from him completely!

Still, he managed a tight smile as they sat and talked a bit longer. He was polite and he made himself think of Mae and hope that maybe she would begin healing a bit more now. He reminded himself it would be a good thing for her if she could begin to sleep on her own without needing him. He wanted to be needed though and he knew that was selfish.

He wanted Mae.

He had half taken to just pretending they were married. Waking up next to her, eating with her, speaking to her, going to watch her as she worked in her little apothecary. He had fancied himself her husband in all but name and... other things.

It had been more than pleasant, he had loved it.

Why could she not see how much he cared for her? Why couldn't she feel the same for him?

When they all got up to leave, Isaiah stood with a smile. "I would like to invite all of you to dine here Friday evening and we can talk a bit more. Perhaps play some cards now that there are four of us."

"Of course, Isaiah, but remember it will be late now! Not until the last of the light is gone!"

"I remember, of course," he smiled. "One of the first lessons Mae ever taught me."

Mae felt unsure around this new addition in her house. She cooked for her father quickly and quietly, watching the man as she did. Was he there to take advantage of her father? Rob him?

He was a giant of a man, but also very quiet and soft spoken for a man with such a deep voice. He watched Mae with huge blue eyes that seemed surprised all the time, like she was something he hadn't been counting on. Perhaps he'd assumed her father was alone? Now that he knew he wasn't, would he leave? Not try and take advantage with her watching so closely? Or would he not care at all? What could a girl her size do against a man his size?

When she set places for dinner, he was still staring at her with his large eyes.

"May I call ya Mae?" he asked her softly.

"What else would you call me?" she asked him, confused.

"T'other man, he called ya Miss James? The fancy one?"

"It's just the way he talks, he is... very prim and proper. My name is Mae."

"You kin' call me Davey if ya like."

"Do you prefer it over David?"

"Only from some."

She cocked her head in confusion. "Are you asking me to call you that?"

"I... s'pose I am? The food is good! Ya cook well!"

Mae gave her father a wary look and he grinned at her, his eyes shining.

The man said very little after that and Mae found that he hardly ever talked at all unless you asked him a question. A few times he seemed to force himself to find things to say to her, but Mae was losing her patience with the awkward man. She was no longer sleeping like she had been, waking up in the night with nightmares. She was very tired the day she was supposed to show him around, walking around with her head down, yawning constantly.

"Y'aint sleepin' as ya should?" he asked her, with his odd way of speaking. "Ain't ya got summin' fer tha'?"

"I do, but it's not falling asleep that I have trouble with," she told him, kicking an old hedgeapple. She didn't want him to ask more about that and she knew he would since he was trying so hard to find things to say to her, so she headed him off. "Where are you from, Davey? Do you have brothers and sisters?"

"Aye. Four sisters'n eight brothers, I'm middlin among'm. Well south a' here, just yon the border in Miovia. Came north thinkin' to join the guard, but they dinnuh wan' me. Heard a man read from a paper to another, so I asked him what else there was in that paper about folks needin' help. I knew the way of farmin' well enough, seemed a likely fit. I was keen ta' start, b'tha man in tha village yon said it mayn't happen. Said yer fa seen three other men he said no ta. I feared he may say no ta me too, but he jus' smiled and said welcome. Asked no questions, just looked me over is all. It seemed a bit queer, but I think e 'as 'is reasons, yeah?"

Mae shrugged, yawning again. "Maybe he knows a real farmboy when he see's one," she answered. "Just up here is the creek. Take it east and you reach the village of Hashe after about an hour of walking. Go west and you reach the village of Dommel in about a half hour walk. All less on horseback, but not everyone has a horse, so most folks walk it. Just up here there's a bridge and you can go north to Merebek, it's about a forty five minute walk. We're closest to Blaylock, it's about twenty minutes the other side of Isaiah's manor. These are all just little villages mind you, not actual towns at all. The closest city is a couple hours by horse."

"Yer fa said you 'ad a man once? Almost three years yon?"

"My father talks too much," she grumbled.

"I'd be tryin' 'ard to live up to'm. I'm not 'im, but I kin do well enough, yeah? I kin see ya 'appy'n all."

Mae stopped and spun to look up at him, stunned. She understood it all then. Her father hadn't brought David here to be a farmhand. He had chosen him out of the men who had applied to his ad for her. He was trying to find her a likely husband!

David seemed to take her silence as something else as he went to a knee carefully and took hold of her face gently in massive hands. His mouth on hers surprised her and she gripped his wrists as she pulled back.

He released her quickly, looking at her questioningly.

Like he hoped he had done it right.

His wide eyed looks at her were never about trying to figure out how to fool her, they had been about a man looking at the girl he'd obviously been brought in to woo and marry.

She felt like an idiot!

David leaned in again, taking her face and kissing her again as if he thought her silence meant she wanted him to do it again.

She had to smile at the gentle giant as she pulled away again. He was a sweet man and he looked so incredibly hopeful.

"David," she told him softly. "You are more clever than I."

"I know some see me'n think I ain't a quick man," he told her, his face flushing. "I'm large'n don' say much, n' when I do, I pick ma words careful. I move careful'n slow. Deliberate as some'd say. I know when someone says a thing ta me to poke fun and look down."

"No! No, I wasn't. You ARE more clever than I. You saw what I did not. I only just now realized what my father was up to and you saw it right away. And I see that about you, David, you are a careful and deliberate man, I am guessing because of your size. You have no want to harm anyone with a rash movement or decision. I can see that about you. I saw you looking at me like you were and... I admit I thought the worst. I thought you were here to take advantage of my papa and the whole time you were just trying to figure out how to approach me for the reason he brought you here. He never informed me... this was all his plan he concocted without telling me. I'm sorry... you seem nice in your way..."

"But y'aint over yer man?" he asked softly. "I kin 'elp with tha'," he nodded, pulling her close and kissing her again, not gently this time.

Mae was surprised at how different this was than the tentative man from a moment ago. He was passionate and very... VERY deliberate. His arm held her close while his other hand slid into her hair and gripped her entire head as he kissed her and made her lose herself for a few moments.

When he pulled back to look down at her, he still held her in his hands like he would a sparrow he didn't want to harm. Firm, but somehow loose enough to not hurt. He looked over her face, his mouth twitching into a slight smile.