Maggie Might 02

Maggie Might 02

My new friend Gwen managed to steal me away from Danny's Halloween party after the blind Betsy incident so I could work her Halloween party's beer keg. And I went straight to work right after we all gawked at all of the flashing lights, across the street and 3 doors down. I mean, holy that hurts snap, Betsy, what the hell?

As I was setting up for my new gig, the first thing that I noticed was that Gwen's crowd was a little older than Danny's crowd. I mean, that guy over there in the Captain Jack Sparrow Pirate costume has to be at least 26 and the guy hovering over the snacks has to be at least 27. I mean, I don't care if I serve beer to Senior Citizens, but if someone strolls up with a wheeled walker, I'm not going to be nice with my cute names.

Gwen's boyfriend put in some serious hard work to set a place for me to serve it up and Gwen must have spilled the beans about the stacked cups because there was a side table for the cups. And by the way, what the hell is Gwen's boyfriend doing in Middleton? I mean, Hollywood pays extra for that kind of hair, I think.

"Oh, hey, you must the famous Maggie Might, cutest kitty cat in town. I've got you just about set up here. By the way, I'm Chip and that's my brother Dale. Dale will keep his eye on the people for you."

"Ah, so, Chip and Dale, huh? Well, I'm pleased to meet the two of you. I'm ready to pour, so, shall we?"

"We shall and Gwen said that her friend Mindi will be around to help you with a few names. Gwen went upstairs to change. She'll be right down. By the way, what the hell happened down the street?"

"OMG, that is too long of a story for now, but keep any fighting couples away from the hot dogs tonight. So, Chip and Dale, let the good times roll."

And just like that, the party continued, not that it ever stopped, but I like those ego boost moments, even if I have to make them up myself. A few things I learned quickly were that middle-aged people buy better costumes, they tip better and they are much more aggressive than peeps my age. However, I wrote it off as something that happens when you have one foot in grave. I mean, social security kicks in at 29, right? But at their ages they may not know the difference between squeezing a butt cheek and squeezing a melon.

"Hi. I'm Maggie Might. So, two beers Mr. Joker?"

"Two will be fine. So, do you know Chip and Dale?"

"Well, I'm more friends with Gwen, but yes, I know Chip and Dale. And the names?"

"Ah, I'm Nate and I want my date to be Maggie Might. How Maggie Might that work out for me? I mean, the Joker Maggie Might like a kitty cat side kick for the evening."

"Well, let's start out with one beer for "notorious Nate" and maybe a raincheck for Maggie Might, but you know, don't be a stranger, Nate and by that, I mean they sell white makeup for your face. Using cream cheese wasn't the best choice. Bye now and enjoy the party."

And things pick up right where they left off. Drunk people in costumes trying to be funny and by that, I mean OMG, I hope he wasn't being serious or trying to be funny.

"Damn, look who it is? Hell, I thought Chip and Dale were lying. I follow you on Chang Maggie Might."

"Really, and how Maggie Might I recognize you as a Chang follower?"

"Damn Maggie Might, you know me, I'm HalfSac104, you know, your boy."

"Oh yeah, HalfSac104, I do remember your comments. Let's see, you want to cuddle with me for five minutes before you "tear it up" and go one ball deep. Hey, I get it now, half of a sac, right? Oh, and I almost forgot, and you were just kidding about the cuddling and want to go straight to "tearing it up", right?"

"See baby, you know me. So, let's slip outside and do some stuff."

"Let's go with one beer for "one ball Oscar" and call it a day, OK? I mean, I have heard that one never lasts long without the other, right?"

"Damn girl, do you know something that I don't?"

"Bye Oscar and enjoy the party. Ah, excuse me, there is a tip jar you know."

Hey, I was nice about it, kind of. I mean, Chang follower are precious and I don't want to lose any of them and by that, I mean I'll throw him a bone later when he comes back for another beer and by that, I mean I can see that Gwen's dog left a bone behind in his food bowl.

"Hey bartender. I'll trade a story for a beer. I'm Luci."

"Well, how can I refuse, right. One cold beer for "luscious Luci" who has a story for me. Ah, no date tonight?"

"Never mind all that. My boyfriend Jerry keeps mumbling about checking your kitty litter, so you better watch it. Serve me up two please. By the way, if he comes around while I'm whoring it up in the backyard, well, he can play with your tail, but no more, you hear me?"

"Ah, OK. So, "loco Luci", does Jerry like to stroke a little tail or is he just a fag on Halloween?"

"Hey, if you're going to sass me, it better be in the middle of a 3-Way, which by the way if he asks something about that, well, I'm not a monster and I wouldn't mind getting a hold of a little kitty booty myself. And by the way kitty cat, we wouldn't really need Jerry. How about one more for the road sweetie? And feel free to spike it up."

"Chip? Dale? I need some help over here. Loco Luci took cuts out of the crazy line to the right."

Huh, what do you know? These guys are on top of things. I mean, I'm not sure where they escorted Loco Luci to, but it was away from my line of non-crazy, half-crazy and plain old drunk lines. And by the way, just where the hell is Gwen again anyways?

"SUP. People keep calling me Fred, but my name is Jerry. My babe's name is Luci and she's way too good for me, so we're going to need to spike her beer with a red pill and a yellow pill. Cool?"

"I'm sorry Jerry, but I'm not allowed to spike the beers. You have to do that yourself. Those are not candy bowls, so you can take what you need. So, one beer for "jilted Jerry" and none for "Loco Luci" who has already been escorted out to the curb. I suspect that you will be next, so enjoy the party for the next 4 minutes. Chip? Dale?"

And still no sign of Gwen the Greek Goddess, even though I'm starting to get tired.

"Hey bartender, I'm Mindi and Gwen wanted me to help you with a few names and to show off my costume to you. She said you would know who I am and she said not to be disappointed that I'm not a true Vampire. But, it's close, right? By the way, Gwen made this for me and a few other costumes here tonight. She's good with the thread and the needle. So, who am I?"

"Well, first of all, I'll give Gwen credit because she didn't know that I would be her bartender when this party started, so the lack of a Vampire is forgiven. Secondly, Melisandre should be this hot."

"So, I'm a good Red Woman? Thanks. So, what do you want me to do and please don't say we're jacking off any of the guys?"

"LOL, no. Chip set up a bucket over there, off to the side for that. Well, start stacking the red plastic cups up, six per stack. We'll write their names on them as they order beers. Where is Gwen anyways?"

"She'll be down soon enough. So, do I get a beer and a cute name before I step behind the bar? Cute costume, by the way, kitty cat. Oh, by the way, if I work behind the beer keg table with you, then I get to slap that around a little, right? I mean, I at least get to pull a little tail, right Maggie Might?"

"I suppose that "mischievous Mindi" could have one beer before she gets her "radiant Red Woman" on behind our work station. One beer and one beer only, Melisandre, you know, for now."

Mindi seemed nice enough, a little, how shall I say, spikey, but quite sweet about it.

"Hey, wait, why we have a moment alone. Listen, as the Red Woman, I'm supposed to motion my hands like this and wiggle my fingers like that as you gaze at me endlessly and then you supposed to read the words I wrote on the piece of paper, slowly and with purpose. OK, go, Maggie Might and with purpose."

"OK, ah, milk, bread, green peppers, soap,"

"OMG, give me that. Here, read these words and prepare to fall under the Red Woman's spell."

"Toil and trouble, double bubble gum, turn left on Wildwood and go down two houses. How's that?"

"Are you under my spell?"

"I don't think so, but ask me something I would never say yes to."

"Alright, Maggie Might, are you under my spell now?"

"Or we could get right to point. Which is?"

"Look, Gwen isn't trying to trick you, but I'm the Cosplay girl, she makes the costumes and all that cost money, you know, in case you want to make an investment and by that, I mean at least hear Gwen out."

"Hey, did someone steal our tips?"

"I'm the Cosplay girl, she makes the costumes and all that cost money, you know, in case you want to make an investment and by that, I mean at least hear Gwen out."

"Fine, I'll hear her out. Can we get back to work now? Oh, holy web master snap, is that Gwen coming our way?"

"Hah, that's Spider Gwen and I'm betting that you didn't know she had legs that long, did you?"

"Shut it and make a plastic cup and by that, I mean I may need a bathroom break to slip on a condom to prevent an accident."

"Hah, I got your accidental discharge, Maggie Might."

"Well, how's it going Beer Wenches? Maggie Might, are you getting groped the appropriate amount of times and did Mindi tell you about our trick, I mean our valuable and wise investment?"

"Oh, there have been a few squeezes here and there, but everyone's drunk, right? Except for what Mindi is doing to me right now as we speak, that is."

"Hey, shut it or we'll talk about how small of a mess you make. And Maggie Might be all in Gwen. Maggie Might be under my spell and Maggie Might be falling for me."

"Whoa Mindi, let's strike a financial agreement with Maggie Might before you go all bullet train. I'm sorry Maggie Might. Everybody just enjoy the party tonight, you know, like Deadpool and Spiderman are doing over there near the hallway.

"Mindi, give "gawk at me now Gwen" her beer and let's change the subject. Whoa, I meant after you clean me a little. I mean, my costume and undies are new."

Yup, Mindi is quite the handful and by the way, you heard her say that I was a handful, right? I mean, I heard something about rock climbing worthy or something.

"Ahoy mates, make way for Captain Jack Sparrow. I be in search of a frosty for me and my mate. Serve me thus up Wench."

"And which shall I serve you up first Captain Jack? A right hook or a left uppercut? You know, argh."

"Aye mate, I'd be blessed if Maggie Might be me mate for the evening, argh. Least a walk down the plank and by that, argh, me means the back deck? And by the argh way Wench, we relish a good kitty cat aboard me ship. Shall thy taketh me hook and join me? Oops, argh."

Well, what the holy pirate sail ship snap was I supposed to do with that? Especially with Mindi and Gwen pushing me towards the back door, you know, towards the walk of shame down the plank?

"I suppose I could use a break, but no funny business with that hook, Captain Jack."

"Argh, me hook be having its own mind occasionally mate, and by that, me sea serpent be in need of some taming and by that, me means OMG, are you coming or not? I mean, argh, right?"

"Fine. Ladies, if I'm not back in 15 minutes, shoot off a canon or something."

"LOL, I bet you shoot off his canon first. Oops, sorry, argh, we be watching thy clock, argh."

Hah, the joke was on him because it seemed that several people needed to walk the plank as well, you know, to tame a few sea serpents, but we found a quiet corner and I immediately improved the date and OMG, I didn't mean to say date.

"Drop the lingo Captain Jack and speak Middleton to me. What's your name?"

"Jack."

"Hah, do you even own a boat?"

"Yes, a sail boat. I keep it on the coast."

"Hmmm, are you saying you like my uniform?"

"Argh, wait, I mean yay."

"Mindi may be more of your type Captain."

"Nay, me sites be set on the right shores."

"Snap Jack, you're sailing me into unchartered waters. Maybe I should get back to work and by that, I mean I've never swam with the sharks. So, walk me back inside and by that, I mean can I walk on the other side of you? I mean, that hook, right?"

I'll tell you what, up to this point I have had a lot of fun roleplaying as a cute little kitty cat and working a beer corner at two Halloween parties. I have flirted, I have been flirted with, I have laughed and I have been safely accepted into the real world. This night couldn't have turned any better than this, but damn, Captain Jack has brought sex into the equation and my math skills are very rusty. So, I pulled his hook out of the back of my leopard print dress and ran the plank back inside.

"OK Mindi, I'm back and yes, I am just as I was when Captain Jack tried to, well, hey, I'm back Mindi and I'm ready to finish this party off and OMG, no I did not finish him off. Where's Gwen?"

"LOL, changing again and by that, I mean she's showing off her costume skills for you, so pay attention Maggie Might. She'll be down as the Ice Queen Else in a minute. By the way, I wasn't going to say anything about walking the plank. There was room for you to take a few more steps."

Finally, Gwen graced the party with her new costume and I suppose she does have some thread and needle skills. I mean, I may be behind on my Disney movies, but I think her Elsa gown is spot on. Well, all except for, well, a Disney gown would have a neckline that is a little higher than Gwen's, right? Or am I missing something on the Disney Channel these days?

"So, Maggie Might, is there a chance that you Maggie Might think I look good?"

"You look great, like an Ice Queen with cleavage. So, Mindi said you made all these costumes?"

"I've been into Cosplay costumes for many years. Are you enjoying the party and by that, I mean aren't you glad I took away from that other party?"

"Yes, to both I suppose. I'm having a great time. So, Mindi, right? She's a handful, right?"

"LOL, she is that. Hey, keep your eye on me tonight. I mean OMG, I can't bend or even lean over in this damn dress. I'm really sorry that I wasn't able to get you all jazzed up with the perfect Vampire of your dreams tonight. My fortune teller didn't tell me that we were going to meet tonight. Forgive me?"

"Give it no more thought, but don't let it happen again, LOL."

"So, Maggie Might, who Maggie Might be your favorite Vampire these days?"

"Tatiana is my original favorite, but she's getting to be 620 years old. Ambrosia is my modern favorite. She's only 223 years old. So, maybe next time."

"Hah, that sounds like code for boobs and speaking of boobs, it sounds like your flat chest is going over well tonight. Have you had a few offers for, you know, some nibbling or something?"

"A few, but it's cool. Mindi helped me put my strapless bra back on. I think it was Iron Man who slipped it off of me and I don't even know how he did that."

"LOL, cool. I'll be mingling, you know, stiff as a board, you know, like your next customer. Good luck with that."

Hah, I just figure out a secret to successful Cosplaying. Make the uniform impossibly tight fitting and disappear around the corner a lot to breathe. Hah!

"Yes, sir, how many beers for you tonight? Two? And the wife isn't pregnant, right?"

"No preggo yet, two beers please. Ray and Rey."

"Well, that must be confusing and maybe the reason that there is no bun in the oven. Alright, the tip jar is right there. One cold one for "Ray the rascal" and one for "restless Rey" because it's not her fault."

"Damn girl, do you know something I don't know?"

"Well, stop secretly slipping a condom on and give her your juice. It's a requirement when baking in the oven. Maggie by the way, Maggie Might. By the one last way before you go, if that thing down there is for me, then I am flattered, but seriously Ray, don't let the wife notice."

Hah, guys! They want all this and they want all that, but they still want enough time to go to the ball game too, right? And I'm throwing it back at Rey too. Shame on her for believing he has itch just before, you know, just before he finds home plate.

"Maggie Might, can I write the names on the cups now? And then can you admit that you have a boner for me and you're waiting for me to break up with my boyfriend, Wrecking Ball?"

"LOL, the cups are all yours for sure, but the Red Woman would know these types of answers. She sees these types of things in her magic firepit."

"Close enough, but hah, you think I'm hot and you want to date me."

"Hah, shut it, we have thirsty customer. Hey Batman, two beers?"

"Please, and ice cold, you know, like Gwen's ice blue dress."

"Alright, is there a Mrs. Batman or a Bat Woman or a Bat Lady or something?"

"Poison Ivy."

"OK then. Melisandre, one "bashful Batman" and one "irresistible Ivy" or "passionate Poison" if you prefer. Batman, did you need a side of calamine lotion tonight?"

"Damn girl, do you know something I don't?"

"I know that some girls who wear Robin costumes with a green skirt sometimes forget to wear panties. It's a popular board on Chang. You may have picked the wrong date for this delightful party."

"Huh, now you tell me? Poison Ivy has her seed pot wrapped up tightly with vines. Hey, are you two together?"

"Well Batman, Mindi and I..."

"I got this Maggie Might. Here Batman, one "brawny Batman" and a very "passionate Poison Ivy" for the lady. The lady with quite the set of legs, I might add. By the way, we're not together because Maggie Might is afraid to steal me away from Wrecking Ball."

"Huh, makes sense to me. Thanks for the drinks. Hey, wait, did you say that Maggie Might be afraid to steal you away from Wrecking Ball, LOL?"

Oh, I see how it's going to be. I'm the bad guy who has second thoughts about putting the Red Woman on my bank accounts, but she can run around town, you know, with a brute nick named Wrecking Ball. By the way, I can understand that Hank is known as Switchblade because he carries a pocket knife and I can understand why Jeanie is known as Ginger because of the natural color of her hair, but OMG, what does a person have to do to be called Wrecking Ball? I mean, right?

Oh, while I'm at it, just what were Ben and Gerri thinking when they named their son's Chip and Dale? I mean, come on, right? How the hell did that dinner table work?

"Hey, Red Woman, why don't you take Black Widow? You do well with the ladies."

"Got it. Hey, Black Widow, what will it be? Two beers for you and, ah, the Super Hero in red?"

"LOL, Captain America or as I call him, my lousy good for nothing hubby, but yeah, two cold ones."

"Cool. One for "cock sucking, no good, SOB Captain America" and one very chilly brew for the very "beautiful Black Widow" and tips are never expected, but always encouraged. By the way, I may have weak moment with Maggie Might tonight, so don't judge me, Mom."

"Makes sense to me. Thanks for the drinks. Oh, and get some rest tonight honey."

"Melisandre, listen, why don't you go make some more popcorn balls and pass them around? I'll cover the table for a while and what the hell did you mean when you said mom?"

"LOL, don't get excited. I'm 22 and I can stay out late, you know, at your house."

My evening just upgraded from the best ever to the best and weirdest ever and by that, I mean I think Mindi's mom would make a top ten MILF list, but seriously Mrs. Myers, on the arm chair and in front of your daughter?

End Maggie Might 02