All Comments on 'Magic Leads to Out of Body Incest'

With the first girl she goes from Halter top no Bra to him opening her Blouse and removing her Bra !! Magic

Seriously though a great read and a story with endless possibilities e.g. Mum and Dad know of this power and could get involved too, plus any other relatives. Wow endless. Keep up the good work and I look forward to more adventures with this family.

Please keep it coming, this was great

Good story. Part 2,please?

I think I've read multiple stories from you, and it seems I have relatively similar comments/suggestions.

If you refuse to find a proofreader, read it over closely, and at least have a friend read it. There are tons of mistakes you'd have found if you'd have read it closely.

After the first three or four - hundred times, you could have referred to burnt orange

as orange.

Pay close attention to the point-of-view or perspective...there are times you change, which normally, sucks. However, there was at least once where you changed right in the middle of a paragraph. Oops.

"I was having a never in a lifetime chance." - I love this phrase.

I thought the story was terrific. I know some people think spelling/grammar/continuity aren't important, but I do. They aren't handing out my stars, I am - but I've no intention of raping you on this score. Good job.

(oh...how could they rape each other there at the end? they both wanted it...)

Good story but you lost me at Merlin. That was just weird.

This many years/generations later nothing has improved. In fact his second was almost exactly the same as his first which was almost which was almost identical to . . .

Why wouldn't the parents warn their children? How many other childrend

does dad have? If Merlin can follow them into the future why doesn't already know?

I liked it.

I suggest, though, that you not change perspective mid-stream. My opinion is that it should have stayed first-person, as by making the reader switch back and forth during the body swap caused the story to lose some momentum. The other errors weren't enough of a distraction to keep me away from finishing the story.

Now begs the question, what does he intend to do about his lab partner? Is he moving to where his sister is going to college? Is he planning on introducing both girls to each other? And his first conquest, the girl clearly said she was on the pill, but later we learn she wasn't... does the magic compel lying to complete the coupling?

And we also learn their father has essentially enslaved their mother, using magic to compel her sexual participation; she doesn't really like him, but openly states that she is helpless to leave the man. And with the magic at work, when she was compelled, who would believe her, that it had been under duress? Mother's loathing of their father was subtle and well-done. Speaks volumes about them both. Imagine the hope and the fear she had with her own children, that they might grow up to be like him?

Certainly an interesting twist on the Arthurian legends. If this trait is from Merlin, is this how he got Uther to impregnate Ygraine? Was this how Arthur won Guinevere? Legend has it that Morgan used illusion to trick Arthur into breeding her to destroy him with Mordred the proof of his infidelity; but what if that was all lies, and with the magic finger, Arthur simply compelled her and raped his sister? Makes LeFey's hatred of Merlin all the more understandable, and the implication is the brother and sister are descendants of not heroes but rather a pair of despicable men.

The protagonist's saving grace is that he is honorable, came across the ability with no forewarning, and that he doesn't want to compel women against their will. The sister's experience of having to move -- that is also at their father's door.

All in all, an interesting tale full of potential follow-up possibilities. Thanks for sharing! 5* Slainté

I really loved it, but you had too many writing errors to win a 5 star rating which you otherwise would have!

Cool story premise! I loved the story, but as someone else pointed out it had way too many errors. Please keep writing!!

That was the wildest story I have ever read. I would love to have a finger like that. Crazy.

There are a couple of grammatical errors I'd like to clear up. All I'm doing, is trying to help you become a better writer.

1) The line: "...She seemed not to care...", should be: She seemed to not care.

This is a VERY common mistake.

2) Don't be lazy and just put more or most in front of a word e.g. STRANGER/STRANGEST> not more strange. OR CLEARER/CLEAREST> not more clear.

Again, a VERY common mistake.

BUT, both of these mistakes are like fingernails on a chalkboard, to me.

damn so hot I wish I was annabell