All Comments on 'Making Changes Ch. 06'

10 stars!

Amazing story. It sounds like it’s finished but I wish it could go on. One of the best stories I’ve read in a long time. Please write more. Thanks.

Hey there. So I have several comments for if you decide to rework this last chapter.

— This shouldn’t be the last chapter. The ending is rushed, like you were tired of the characters and just wanted to finish it. You could have spent at least one more chapter on the guys figuring out for themselves that they could go to school together in Australia. It’s like Kev was doing the thinking for everyone! (Speaking of Kev, he stopped traveling once Ryan and his mom moved in. Does this mean he was taken with Siobhan? How did she feel about him? Are they friends, or did they start a romantic relationship?)

— Siobhan buying a house didn’t mean Ryan had to change schools. He could’ve finished out the school year by living with Alex and Kev. It’s not believable that she would buy a house without telling Ryan, nor would she spring it on him that he’d have to move.

— “... Robbie specializes in bitchiness and hard-hitting advice rather than soothing tea and biscuits.” What? Robbie hasn’t said a bitchy thing the entire story! His character is too undeveloped for this to ring true. Also, what happened with him and the football player who obviously had a crush on him? Speaking of ...

— What happened to all of their friends (well, Ryan’s friends)? I know they scattered, but it would’ve been nice to see where everyone landed.

— THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL Ryan would’ve been able to afford six Laker tickets, two of them courtside, without help from his mom. We’re talking thousands of dollars. The SF trip alone would set him back thousands. He only recently stopped giving money to his mom. At most, he has a few has a few hundred saved.

— Alex got Ryan plane tickets to visit for the next year. Again, thousands of dollars. I guess Kev gave him his credit card? And this is assuming Ryan doesn’t move away to go to college.

—- About college: Ryan never thought it was a possibility. Why not a chapter on him figuring out his major, now that he has a viable future? And then making sure Alex’s college is suitable? You didn’t even say what he was studying in the epilogue.

I hope you consider revising the whole story and reposting, or selling it as an ebook. The characters and plot are sound. The sex scenes are hot and well-written. This story has a lot of promise.

Hey all, thanks for the comments always love them :-)

Geemeedee I enjoyed reading your comment and have thought about it so thought I'd address a few of your points.

Firstly, I love some of your ideas for extending the story and if I do turn it into an ebook they are great thoughts - though I don't get bored of my characters - it's a bit more I don't want to leave anyone hanging for the HEA so I drop it in as an epilogue - for this part the boys' dialogue the story was 'over' at the point when their relationship was established fully (internal conflict of Ryan's background and the hinted at issues in Alex's past) - those things could certainly be extended for further character development.

The issue with the money - yes, Ryan's mom was giving him a ton of money - it is only hinted at how much his mom got, but it was a lot - all her money problems disappeared in one go, and yes, Alex is rich and gets a lot from Kev - in that very casual way that is hinted at by how little he worries about money - he doesn't consider himself rich, but his casual attitude to spending would be alien to Ryan (or me!!) - hence the conflict that these attitudes cause.

Other characters - literally just nearing the end of writing an interlude for Hai (possibly 2 chapters so not a full tale), and have begun planning a similar one for Robbie - it was always intended, hence why some of the other characters seem to leave you hanging within this part of the story

I hate to be critical of a very well written free story. But I find myself feeling like there were just to many things left unanswered and unfinished here! The ending felt vary rushed to me.

The final acts, especially Alex allowing Ryan to find him passionately kissing Hunter were just not realistic to me at all. A little bit of angst is alright if it makes sense. What the Fuck is wrong with Alex. Is he really that self absorbed, or that stupid? Ryan should have been devastated by this discovery. The way he handled the entire thing, and how quickly he accepted and forgave Alex, was totally out of character for the Ryan the story portrayed. This wonderful story deserves so much more. The rushed ending, even though it was the desired HEA, left this reader wanting so much more! Another couple of chapters to explain the changes that took place with the main characters, college, living arrangements, why Ryan did not even consider just staying with Alex to finish the last of his High School. How the betrayal with Alex and Hunter really affected the couple moving forward. You cannot undo something so destructive and hurtful so easily or quickly! As both characters made clear throughout the story! It all just became unrealistic at the end. And that is disappointing for this reader because it could have been so much more!!

Okay - I said I was extending the stories for some of the other characters - and I have. But the next update kept getting rejected (I put the name of another story website in the A/N and I think that annoyed someone cos it got rejected again even when I took it out, so :sad face: and all that). So I've given that up for the time being and am working on a couple of novel length stories at the mo. Wondering whether to post a mxm werewolf story on Literotica? It's not a common genre here so might bomb, but determining whether to do it as I don't have any one shots or very short stories in me right now.

Great story, right up to the last chapter. Could have def been fleshed out a bit. Love your writing. Please continue!!!

And Lycan stories are great - just don’t make one of the guys a jock stud and the other one “pretty with a butt any girl would envy.” 🙄🙄🙄

Thanks and KEEP WRITING! 🤗🤗🤗

Agree with others that the end chapter felt hyper-rushed and then just dropped off at end. Even the epilogue wrapped major things up in a few sentences. This is a great story with so much potential which is precisely why it is so frustrating. Huge events happen and then seem to unrealistically resolve with no lingering effects at all. New examples of this are Mom’s urgent house purchase insisting on moving Ryan away. She sobbed about how much Ryan suffered due to her choices but then did even worse by aborting his time (life) with Alex. And then Alex, does he ever communicate effectively or think of Ryan before himself? The whole introduction of Hunter’s visit was unnecessarily cruel. Yes there was a hinted-at backstory that needed to be told. But how could they express their love to each other for 1/2 a year and Alex never share this with Ryan - painful conversation sure but not at all as bad as it played out? Hunter did not need to visit. Alex did not have to then pout and still refuse to tell Ryan the story, then Alex once again is a dumbass douche by confronting Hunter (with the door open), kissing him passionately it seemed, and then showing him his naked cock as evidence?! Another unrealistic, traumatic event that was then quickly resolved. Just cheapens the characters and story - Ryan’s cheating trauma with Alister and Alex’s treatment by Hunter affected each of them so much. But this visual and huge selfish choice to kiss/strip for Hunter when these two supposedly are true love soulmates is treated like almost nothing. Then, why would Ryan go to Robbie? It was a huge plot point that these two didn’t see things the same way leading to their opposing choices. And these two have spent (as far as we know) little time together since their deep talk while Alex had his cock in Robbie’s asshole(!!). Lastly, what should have been a truly wonderful moment of Alex bottoming for Ryan was stolen and tainted following the traumatic revelations about Hunter. This moment should not have been tied to that mess. Alex’s self-centeredness and inability to communicate appropriately was further pointed out - another slap to poor Ryan - that all this time Alex assumes Ryan’s bottoming was coupled with intense pain yet he stI’ll never proactively addressed it fully to be sure. Geez, I really wanted to like Alex and this couple together but it is just too hard to reconcile so much trauma with their HEA.

Fantastically well written! Loved every twist, every turn, every word. As the child of an Australian mum I really enjoyed Alex's voice. Off to read more by AgirlcalledBob!!

Please come back and write more of their story.

Hello author, please if you want to bring love into the story between MCs please don’t do it like this. I rather want alex and ryan to have something casual. Aled seems like a super douche. He doesn’t care about ryan before doing anything. This was him from the strat. And ryan thinks alex is his soul.. like what the hell.

I don’t know how to respond to such stories.. in the beginning things go well… then author puts Fukked up characters as MCs love interest. Then, things get messy but they get together finally.. but then again unexpected twist from MCs love interest again..why? No idea … i guess just beacuse author can..

Does the twist have to be there towars the end? not really..

Does the MCs love interest need to be fuked up and dumb? Not really..

Does the MC need to forgive his love interest very quickly.. not really..

You know u can write a story without these.. i mean i find them everywhere nowadays. I’m not saying the plot but the twists u add out of nowhere. but yeah I’m fuked up too reading these at early mornings and getting upset about the characters in the story. It looks like the author put these twist events first and then think of an explanation.. which again is no where convincing. Idk man.. I’m losing interest in these.. it’s been a while I really enjoyed a gay story.

PS - Ofcourse i know ppl would criticise me and say this story deserves golden star… a 100, and probably a grammy? I like the plot how it started and the Ryan’s story but the surprises are like cliché.

A beautiful story. Thank you.

One of the best. 3 reads thusfar