All Comments on 'Making Her Pay Pt. 05'

So, he is going to off to Mexico, leaving behind his daughter, alone with a mother who is a compliant, abused sex slave? Someone whose Master is VERY violent. A wife/mother who is MORE than willing to drug her husband to allow him to be raped and used repeatedly by her Master! It does not dawn on him in the slightest that Mom might willingly or be convinced to serve up the daughter instead??? This guy is an idiot!! Mark is a deviant sociopath. He lives to violently,sexually dominate, men/women/dogs/cats, etc. He does not care!

Could have done this in two parts

This chapter didn't add a lot to the story after the build up in the previous chapter. Get to it please. Burn them all.

Thanks for sharing.

I would want to make sure that Stacey understood that she should never be in the same place as Mark and Suzie. I'm not even sure that she is safe at home. Her mother may be so deeply indoctrinated that she might drug Stacey and invite the pervs over.

Stacey needs to finish the school year living with a friend or grandparents.

Or maybe the planned retribution will neutralize Mark and Suzy thoroughly and there will be no danger after all.

I guess I'll have to tune in tomorrow and find out.

So no plans to tell the daughter that her mother want to drug him so her boyfriend can rape him?

You've strung this out way to long

I'll be skipping any further submissions by you

Like gastric through the eye of the needle, so is the tale of this saga

Why break this up into such tiny chapters?

Nothing really happened in chapter 4 or 5. You desperately need an editor to cut out all the boring filler.

We know Marie's cheating on him and we know Mark is trying to drug him... delaying the confrontation for page after page is just annoying!

This has been a long slow drawn out train wreck. So he is planning on abandoning his daughter to Mark, Suzie, and his masochist wife? I bet he won't give a crap, after Mark has Marie pull Stacey into his deviant lifestyle.

Might have been scored much higher then

Since your hero has recordings of his wife and "friends" planning on drugging, and raping him, why hasn't he just gone to the police? Instead he is going to take his candy ass to Mexico, hide like a little girl and leave his teenage daughter alone with three wolves? With the spouse doing multiple years for conspiracy to kidnap, sexual assault, forced restraint, and I'm sure a few other charges the D.A. can come up with, he can have his divorce, custody of his daughter, and not have to shell out in a divorce settlement. It's like you decided to have a major BTB, then wrote a story that is supposed to fit the outcome. It doesn't.

1. He doesn't confront his wife. He is a wimp.

2. He relies on ex-cons to do his dirty work.

3. His plan includes running away to Mexico.

4. He is abandoning his daughter to the pawn of sexual predators. What could possibly go wrong with that?

5. He tells his teenage daughter of his plan well before implementing said plan.

6. And he expects his wife to remain utterly clueless despite his behaviour.

This is why:

Spouse 1: "Are you cheating on me?"

Spouse 2: "No! How dare you accuse me of being a cheater?"

Spouse 1: "Oh! I'm sorry!"

Spouse 1: (thinks) "Well, that was a close call. I'd better destroy any evidence of my trysts and take my affair deep underground."

It's a good story. Certainly one of the better stories of late.

"this grew as I wrote it" but that is not correct. It didn't grow. It is a very small story you are slowly telling with a lot of words. It may have bloated, but it did not grow.

AMerryman 2.0

Chapter four was ramping up for a final. This chapter didn't do much of anything except establish that the husband is willing to allow his potential rapists access to his children while he fucks off to Mexico. He probably has evidence of their plans to literally drug and rape him.

He is not a father. He's running away from devils, and leaving his children in their care. You never explain why. Why should he trust these deviants to play nice with his own children. He can't trust them around his beer.

You sicken me, farmers son. I never thought I'd actually feel emotions towards an author based on a tale of fiction. But this chapter was a back breaking straw for me. Good luck in life, but I can't read from a man that would think it's okay/cool/kosher to allow such monsters custody/access/time with his vulnerable kids.

Cowardly Cuck Leaves his Daughter To the tender mercies of her insane mother and her abusive and psychopathic “lovers” Mark & Susie. Just awful on so many levels!

He's even provided for her immediate future. Given her the house. Told the kids to continue to treat her with respect.

So far, the only downside for Marie, is that he's escaped Mark's plans. That, and maybe that she won't have him around anymore, but for her to be doing any of this, it's impossible she could really give a fuck anyway.

Totally agree with lots of other comments. Leaving Stacey in that situation is nothing short of child endangerment.

A delusional premise.

I'm moving to mexico tomorrow.

(i'm also leaving you with a mother who's willing to drug me to turn me into a sex toy, they might do that to you)

(but no, i'll never abandon you)

something is wrong with this MC

Quit dragging this out and finish it!!!!!

Whining about not being respected while he sneaks around because he doesn’t have the balls to confront the guy directly. Sitting there while his wife is on a date with her lover. Sneaking off to Mexico for someone else to exact revenge.

Oh, and his cunning plan includes LEAVING HIS DAUGHTER VULNERABLE TO A SEXUAL PREDATOR AND IN THE SOLE CUSTODY OF THE PREDATOR’S WILLING ACCOMPLICE.

It leaves the reader hoping his revenge fails spectacularly and all of the adults end up in prison.

that this story is completed but I'm having a major problem with it.

So far in 5 parts Marie has come home with bruises, hickies and a but plug she heeded to wear all night. Never was she asked or did she offer an excuse. At every major junction Stacey has managed to stay away. Now that it is D-day, Troy jets off to Mexico for the rest of his life.

Why unless your nefarious plan included death would you leave a seventeen year old girl with her mother and her degenerate friends? Once he was out of the way or under control did it not occur to him that Mark might set his sites on Stacey?

I'd like to stop, but I feel the need to see how this ends.

Not to nit pick, but if Marie is next to Mark and opposite him, and Suzie is next to him, there's no BUT about Suzie being opposite Mark, she HAS to be!

Heh, we all know why Mark kicked his tire!

Halfway through Page One he's already putting the plan in motion, why not finish it here?

If I was Stacey, I would want to know why he wouldn't confront her. Frankly, I think most of are thinking the same thing! The recording might not have been admissible in court, but I would think that the threat of the school, family and friends hearing it would get him a favorable divorce.

"I made that very clear, that Marie was still her mother and she needed to respect her as her mother, if not as my wife." - No! Why do they always say that? She's done nothing to warrant that respect, and as others have said. isn't he worried about Stacey's safety?

I assume that Marie has her own car, so why not just give his to Stacey to drive as much as SHE wants to, fuck Marie!

Again, "It's on," so why make us wait?

Story's getting long and tedious, submissions are too short.

We're now 8-10 pages in and very little has happened.

It's not as bad as a "and then she ..." " and then he ..." but it kind of has that feel to it.

Didn't you say it was in 5 parts? Didn't you say part 5 was the end?

You said it was finished before you posted part 1. Why tell us 5 parts not at least 6?

Nothing happened in parts 4 and 5 other than:

- made plan for revenge

- told daughter partially

So, I agree with a couple of comments:

- Mark doesn't care. He is a serial rapist who uses drugs and blackmail to get victims.

- wife is so under Mark's control that she thinks drugging, raping and blackmailing her husband and making him a gay sex toy is a GOOD idea

- hubby abandons his hot, young, innocent daughter where Mark and Suzie can drug and rape her and be DOES NOT even warn her or tell her about the drugs, rape and blackmail??? He said they only would coerce him into sex.... Coerce implies reluctance but agreeing in the end.... Coerce is not drugged gay rape and blackmail! No father would abandon his daughter to that!!! He would stay, fight and protect his daughter!

- hubby will be in Mexico. Is he not at all worried that Mark might try to get back at him by hurting Stacey?

Overall I have enjoyed this story, but it is way too protracted and dad's abandonment of Stacey not logical.

KB

So, his big response to his wife's perversity and treachery is to run away? And leave his teenage daughter at the mercy of his wife. Stupid and ridiculous at the same time!

There was enough in the recordings to warrant an investigation and maybe a sting. Then bring in the school administration to get them fired. He should not leave his daughter with those predators. She will be their next target. He should have taken Mark out right away if he wasn’t going the legal route. Running to Mexico is a cowardly move while leaving Stacy behind.

To be fair, it’s hard to comment on a story when the developing chapters are only 2 pages long. If I had to comment solely on this chapter, I feel like my review would be much harsher but only the author sees the finished work at the moment, so maybe this long, drawn out approach to his wife, her adulterous cohorts and abandoning his kids makes sense. It doesn’t right now.

great story really enjoying it , just the right amount of everything , very entertaining cant wait for the finale, thanks for a great read.

This should've been done already. Ch5 should have had all the details of the "revenge". Depending how this story ends it may be the last story I read of yours. I don't care for the wishy-washy male characters or their weak responses. But I especially dislike the way you drag out your stories.

Cheers

If this story doesn't have some action or movement in the next chapter that will be it for me. Too many words with little happening.

anon.1

There is no way in hell that I would leave my daughter in the company of her deluded mother who covorts with people who want to drug and rape me, her husband. And yet, he did that without warning her. He let her drive his car? A bribe to keep her quiet? Seriously? I understand that a wonded animal goes to ground, err, Mexico. But a man protects his family even when that family no longer includes his wife. He needed legal help, sure, and he got a lawyer. The lawyer would have laid out his options to protect not only him, but his daughter as well. The recorded conversations alone would be enough to get, not only the police, but child protective services involved to "protect" the child!

And another thing, what happened to this being 5 chapters?

I like most of your stories. This is not any kind of attack, but it might seem that way. It isn't personal. However, this story has just gotten dull and repetitive. And I have to agree with the others:

The big bad manly man is going to run away and leave it to others to do HIS job

In a world where pedophilia and sex trafficking of young girls/women, something I know somethings about, the big manly man is going to leave HIS DAUGHTER with her mother knowing that her mother is unable or unwilling to protect herself or her family. For just that reason, this character needs to die.

He has reason to believe that his wife and cohorts would kidnap, drugAnd he goes to sleep, a deep sleep, in the same bed as the woman who is complicit, if not actively engaged, in this? Hell, I would be sleeping, very lightly, in the closet of the spare bedroom with my .45 locked and loaded!

Somewhere you lost track of the story you wanted to tell and the characters involved.

I like much of your writing but this get no better than a 2. And I don't know if you can save it even in a 6th chapter when you originally said 5 chapters (which tells me you didn't plan it out in advance).

Better luck on the next submission.

Regards,

C

you got another 1 star for this and you could have boiled it down to a half page quite easily. I wish there were HALVES in the rating or a 10 scale!

What about the old-fashioned idea of actually talking to her and their daughter?

I know it’s much more “dramatic” to keep it all bundled inside, but talking is the way real people solve problems.

I really think the breaking down to each 2 page chapter isn’t working. Readers who binge read all parts at once will enjoy it more. Part 2 and 3 should’ve been one chapter. Plot points work way better than length for dividing up a story- and trying to force them into a tidy short length or expanding takes away from the story. Again, overall, really like the story just not how you’re rolling out 2 page piece by 2 page piece.

Meh x 3

do you read what you have written? He told his daughter he wasn't abandoning her but that was exactly what he was doing and then he runs away to Mexico and gets his ex con's to do the dirty work! What a wimp!! The longer this story goes the worse the writing is too!

The husband, daughters and son are paying the price. The perpetrators are so far not paying anything. I am not an advocate of violence but if it was real life Mark would be feeding the wildlife some were or at the least eating through a straw and pissing in a bag. The loving wife would know her secret was out and there would be no question in her mind that she would never be trusted again even if she was allowed to remain married. I could never understand a wife choosing to be in a abusive relationship over a loving one. There should have been a nexus or some explanation to make her change logical, otherwise her allowing abuse emotional and physical makes no sense and is only gratuitous, serving no good to the story. I am not a writer but it seams you are forcing the story and by posting it in so many short parts it doesn't allow you to edit and explain why it is heading in a certain direction. DON'T RUSH TO PUBLISH YOUR STORIES. Develop it, edit it, correct it then publish it. You will get a more harmonious outcome.

This is a good and compelling story but starting to read like a shaggy dog story. There are also too many "bad judgements" in his plans. Stacey is being left in too much danger with these perverts, he is simply running away from the problems without actually confronting them and he is actually behaving like a limp dick.

. . . and I rarely write that about stories I dislike. He’s got plenty of money, and is so very concerned about his daughter, but he’s going to just leave her there, while running off to Mexico. He’s worried about getting drugged and raped, so he clearly believes that they’re capable of that, but he’s going to leave his high school aged minor daughter in that situation while he runs away to Mexico, and is thus unable to defend her? Bullshit!

He’s more worried about his own candy ass than his daughter? He thinks he’s a big man, but he isn’t a man at all. He might as well go along with getting butt fucked, because that’s all he’s worth.

while I agree with others on the times of publishing each chapter, I am enjoying this story, and it is yours to publish as you wish, as for the critics of its writing, its fiction, its what happens in fiction, , thanks for sharing and im looking forward to the next,

Keep waiting for something to happen and nothing ever happens. Chapter 1 we had to sit through the totally useless and boring back story that no one cares about and barely factors into the later chapters.

Then he kept getting hints his wife was cheating on him and kept filing it back for a later date.

By the time the payoff finally does happen, it won't be good enough to overcome this really long and boring wait.

A lot of unhappy campers commenting, "We want our money back!", nonsense while faithfully following this story.

5 stars Farmers_Son.

End this long meaningless story. This is as far as it goes for me.

Interesting read and I’m most curious to see how it all plays out. But one concern is what about the safety of his daughter Stacy? This is not a normal affair as bad as that would be. This affair is twisted and has criminal intent as well as his wife seemingly so caught up in it that she is a willing accomplice. Why on earth would he ever believe a predator like Mark exercising such control over his wife, be trusted to not at some point try to go after Stacy as well. With mom enthralled in their influence and him in Mexico,, who is going to watch out for Stacy?

I am still with you and interested in your story, but it would have gone better in a three page format. Also, I would enjoy knowing the plan and then fiscalize the execution.

There’s a fine line between “maintaining the tension/keeping the readers wanting more” and “pissing your readers off by not moving the story along/writing chapters for the sake of hearing your written voice and nothing else”......I’ll let everyone decide for themselves where this author has falls at

I mean, how did you manage to cram three chapters worth of story into six? Amazing!

Really? He's going to leave his daughter in her care? Child negligence, selfishness, who's the worse character , him or his wife?

Too long and boring, this writer seems to think its cute to drag a story out needlessly. 1*

Never thought I'd agree with Reed Richards, but he's 100% correct.

In Chpt 1 it says “multiple parts”, not 5 parts.

UGH!

Just to reiterate some of the other criticisms, the two worst (or weakest) are:

1.). He has WAY more than enough recordings to go to the police for intent to drug and rape him.

2.) He is leaving his vulnerable daughter to exposure to Mark. What father would do that?

There are so many other weaknesses to this story, but those are the worst.

I don’t see how he can “Make Her Pay” at this point. Maybe cut Mark’s cock off and make her eat it with knife and fork. Make that other chick eat the balls. Then tape them together, or better yet epoxy, and leave them in the city square with recordings. Of course he’ll be in Mexico by the time it’s all found out.

Will someone who knows Farmers Son contact and notify him that some asswipe is writing bloviated bullshit under his name?

At the end of Chapter 3 he has all that he needs to end this. Since then, we've had two more chapters, with the only result that he's going to run off to Mexico and leave his teenage daughter to their tender mercies!

I think I said it before, why not have his worker buddies hide out in his house with cameras and catch them in the act?

don't feel discourage. I really like your story ( I've read them all.) and love your style of writing. And this story it's definitely not too long.

Waiting for ending

Could have ended it, but no, he decided to hide instead. and of course leaving his teenage daughter behind for the wolves. WOW!

...going to make the same point Reed Richard's did about leaving his daughter with a predator, but he said it better then I could, so I'll leave it at that. Looking forward to the final chapter though. Thanx!

Loklie

The children with short attention spans. Great story

It is 8 am on Saturday. No part. 6. I thought you said the story was finished and you would post the parts daily....

Grrr.

KB

why go to mexico him and stacey could have moved out and left her to her lovers they could have moved a town away and still worked and stacey could have still went to school where they are marie is a dummy her lovers beat the shit out of her and she is dumb enough to take it stacey drives so she could choose who she wants to live with really don't understand the move to mexico time to come back to his daughter and taake care of her

For example in the middle chapter the wife goes out to do some things with several hours and he decides instead to take a nap as opposed to listening to the auto recording of her latest conversations and activities with the 2 other criminals that she is fucking.

The conversation with The oldest daughter is also complete waste of time and was dragged out for Every sort of filler for this ridiculously short chapter which did not do anything to move the story along.

It's really rare to see an author regress and get worse and worse with every story

While not bad, the style makes it feel like I am treading water ... I realized I missed Chapter 4, went back and read it having pretty much missed nada.

It's not about this being too long. It's about dragging it out, so far five two page chapters, a couple not even two full pages. With any luck this will be done with one more two page chapter tomorrow, so 12 pages over 8 days. This story could have been told in two three-page chapters, EASILY.

I thought ( and I don't appear to be the only one ) the preface to part 1 originally said something like: I waited until I finished this. It ended up 5 parts and I will post a part each day so they come out close together"

Was that in some other story and I confused them? It is clearly NOT there now. So, assuming it never was...

6+ parts is too much.

KB

I’m not sure who’s the bigger moron. Your protagonist for running away and leaving his young daughter in the care of rapists or you for writing this crap and stretching it out into 6 or more chapters? Are you trying to ensure you get as much abuse as possible?

The woman is a slave to a couple that think nothing of drugging others and using blackmail/extortion to achieve their goals. She participates in an attempt to drug her own husband. She spends nights out without letting anyone know where she is or when she will return.

Given her slavish devotion to her abusive master, is it realistic to think she would resist attempts to bring her own daughter into their sex games? I would think that would be at least as likely as attempting to turn out a middle aged straight guy.

If the girl is slmost 18, she could pick whom to live with. Instead of running to Mexico, a responsible father would go through with the divorce and stick around to protect his daughter. The upcoming revenge would need to completely incapacitate the swinging couple, while still allowing the lost wife to retain enough dignity to support the daughter.

I get not trashing a spouse in a divorce, but why do so many stories insist that obvious nut jobs are great parents. Cheating is one thing, particpating in an attempted drugging and rape is a whole different level of batshit crazy. Why would you demand anyone respect someone who condones that?

Too harsh in my last comment. I think the way they are released made it frustrating for me. 1 chapter at a time and slowly. Not a bad story at all. Just frustrating, one chapter a day and waiting for the payoff.

Good story, but it is starting to feel like television. Ten minutes of content crammed into one hour. It's starting to really drag. Next time, please, combine all these silly chapters into one story and then edit the hell out of it.

At times it feels like you're fleshing out an outline and not reviewing what you write for flow.

I also get the feeling that you're purposefully "dumbing it down", writing at an eighth grade level.

You're a better writer than this. Your attention to detail is superb, I can't wait to see where you're going!

How can he leave his daughter in hands of a mother who is willing to drug her husband and worst. As stated, Stacey is almost 18 and can make her own decisions as to whom she wants to live with, a good father or a sick cheating wife whose lovers MIGHT get the daughter involved since they can't get the husband. Their revenge on Marie and him. This was a long and drawn out story with unbelievable characters.

Telling his daughter she needs to respect her mother?! Give me a break! She DESTROYED their family unit. Not just their marriage! She cheated on all of them! She's lucky I'm not her daughter.

I enjoy this writer but wish that he and others who take the stance that children of this type of divorce aren't as affected or have to stay in a relationship with the cheating parent would stop. They are and they don't! I can't help but feel many that take this viewpoint have not had the experience of being a child in this type of situation. It's horrible and detrimental. And a huge parental betrayal! It shouldn't be minimized.

Death is the best answer...

Nauseating virtue signaling....if she had come clean I might have...respect your mother...etc. Horseshit, horseshit, horseshit.

This has become very interesting. Too bad he had to leave the daughter to suffer at t6he whim of the mother. Really cleaver how he can be out of country for 'payback'. LP

A typical serial they keep you on the edge of your seat waiting for the other shoe to drop or great retribution..............

How many more silly things can you think up

The conclusion had better be worth it...

You could have wrapped this up in one single two-page chapter. You are spreading this across 6!! There are authors where it's fun to read their gradual story build-up. You aren't one of them.