Male and Virgin at 29

Sometime later Ann told me that she sensed I was afraid to touch her and might be gay.

Driving back to Orange County Ann slept beside me in the Triumph. It had a harsh suspension that amplified the bumps from tar strips on the San Mateo bridge and the bumps caused Ann's modest bosom to bounce slightly as she slept. I melted.

On the way we stopped in Carmel for a beer and sandwich from the Mediterranean Market and sat on the white sands of Carmel beach while we ate. When we finished eating we sat talking and watching people. Ann rose up and went down towards the water, then along the water's edge. She walked giant steps in the sand with a child-like abandon and I felt a swelling of emotion. I wanted to share more of these moments.

Then one day Ann came to my apartment after she had spent the day on Laguna Beach. She had a habit of staying in the sun too long which made her very tired. This night after a bit of conversation she went over to lay on the floor a short distance from the couch where I sat and fell asleep.

I had thought the moment was very romantic and was disappointed that she would fall asleep. The light in the apartment came in through the patio door from the lush landscaping outside. I could hear the sound of the water in the creeks that ran through the apartment complex and the stereo played soft music.

I sat in the dark listening to the water and the music, sad that Ann was not sharing it. Then I became concerned that she was too tired to safely drive to her apartment. I began to wonder whether I should offer to let Ann stay in my apartment overnight.

Thinking this through got pretty weird because I reverted to the mindset that had kept me virgin all those years. I did not want Ann think that I was initiating a sexual relationship.

I had one bed, a California King waterbed. I had already slept with two women without having sex so I knew I could do the same for Ann. I had never physically touched Ann for any reason so she should know I would give her the space and privacy she needed or desired, but still I feared she might take offense at the offer.

I thought this over for a while and finally said, "Let's go to bed," in the most neutral tone I could muster. Ann stirred, got up and we went into the bedroom. I thought that Ann was not saying much because she was tired and groggy, confirming my fear that she was too tired to drive home. And probably tired enough to simply sleep all night.

I undressed modestly and got into bed, lying very close to one side to give Ann space of her own and lying facing away from where she was undressing to give her privacy.

After a while the water bed rose and fell a bit as she got in. I remained still and facing away. Then I felt Ann slide over next to me and put a hand out to touch me. I sighed deeply, almost a sob, and turned over to embrace her, to feel the soft mounds of her breasts against me, her legs on mine.

But this time it was different. There was no hot passion. There was a gentle passion, a quiet passion, a caring passion. We touched rather than groped. The touches were hesitant and tender. The room was dark so I could not make out her form, but I discovered her through every other sense. I let my body drink her in. This time I learned how to make love rather than have sex.

After a while I lay back while Ann remained sitting on me. In the dim light I could see her look around the room in a nonchalant, detached way. Then she made a move with her head and shoulders that reminded me of a move the 1940s Andrews Sisters would make, as if she were listening to a song somewhere within.

That moment will always be one of my most cherished memories.

Following that night, Ann and I were together almost every day. And night. We moved in together.

After living together for a little over a year Ann also came to need a lasting relationship. I finally fumbled my way through a proposal and we married.

Years later now, I still don't know how to flirt or feel comfortable about initiating intimate relationships and probably never will. I am StillTooShy, so I look for our marriage to last.