Man of the House

At 8:00pm, I saw mom and sis come into mom's room; they both looked worried. They were talking about how mom couldn't get a hold of me all day, and that I didn't text her back, which wasn't normal. I would always text anyone, that texted me, back right away, if I could or as soon as I could, if I was at work or school.

Andrea told her that I probably found some hot chick, and was locked up with her all day; that was the only reason she could think of, to explain why I left so early this morning. But it's not like me to do that, and I left without telling them.

Mom told her she had a bad feeling, and that all the messages she sent me today haven't been read yet. Sis asked mom if she thinks I had found out about them, and that's way I left. Mom told her she couldn't care less if I knew or not, and that all she wanted was me back home.

My sister told mom that she was going to call me right now, and that I always pick up her calls no matter what. Mom told her to put it on speaker, as she hit my number it went to my voicemail, but as it was full, it said to call back later.

Now they got scared. I never had my phone off and the last time this happened, was when my dad and I got into the accident. Mom started to cry. Andrea told her not to worry, and that I would probably be back later with some stupid excuse about why I didn't call.

Mom told my sister that she needed to be alone, and wanted to change for bed. Andrea went back to her room. I felt bad as I saw my mom laying in bed crying, knowing that this time, it was me that had made her cry.

At 2:00am, I saw her get up and walk to her window and sitting in a chair she has there. As she looked out the window, I could hear her crying and then she started to pray.

"God, you kept my baby safe last time, please don't let anything happen to my baby, I don't know if I can take it. Please let him be safe and come back home to me."

Mom stayed there for another hour looking out the window. Mom finally got up, but this time she left her room. I saw her on my other cam walking into my room, looking around, and then she got into my bed; she was crying. My sister came in and got into bed with her, and my mom started to let it out after Andrea held her.

I couldn't watch anymore so I went to bed myself. I got up at 11:00am and the first thing I did was check the cam to see if they had gone to work. I didn't see mom or my sister in mom's room or mine, so I went viewed back and saw mom getting ready for work at 9:00am.

I got a shower and something to eat, and went to the store to get some things. At 2:00pm, I called mom's work from a phone at a restaurant. After my dad had passed, my mom took over for him as the boss of his company. The call was quick. I got her secretary, and was told she was in a meeting today, and that she had an open spot next week, if I wanted it.

So now, I knew she was at work. I got back to the hotel and was thinking when would be a good time to tell her about the letter. Was this enough time? No, this was only day one; tomorrow night, say 7:00pm, was when I was going to tell her.

That night, mom came home from work and only sat in my room, crying. My sister came in and asked if I had called, my mom told her no.

Mom told her that she called every hospital and police for a hundred miles, but that I wasn't at any, so that was good.

Andrea sat down with mom and told her that I had better have a good explanation, or that she was going to kill me when she saw me next.

The next day, mom and my sister didn't go to work. They stayed in my bed all day, only getting out to eat or use the bathroom, and they would come back. They didn't talk or fool around; they only lay there, holding each other.

I wanted to text them right then and there, but how would I explain it later that I knew they were home. No, I needed to call at 7:00pm, the time they would be home normally.

At 7:00pm, I turned on my phone and got hit with over a hundred missed calls from my mom and sister.

As well as three hundred texts from them.

As I looked through it, mom's messages were more of the "please call me to let me know you are alive and okay, I love you, come home baby, we can talk about whatever is bothering you, I'll do anything to get you back home, please."

But my sister was more of the "I hate you right now, how can you do this to me and mom, do you know how worried we are about you, please call me."

At about 7:20pm, I texted mom and turned my phone back off.

My room desk, center drawer, letter for you.

I watched mom jump when she got the message, and call me immediately but my phone was off.

Mom read the text and looked at my desk, scared; not knowing what was in the letter I left her.

She slowly got off my bed and walked to my desk. Andrea was next to her, holding her hand. Mom opened the drawer and pulled out the letter. They sat back down at the end of my bed, mom holding the letter and crying.

The Letter.

Mom, I am sorry that I am doing this, like this. I don't know when you will find this, or if I'll even be around any more. I am sorry I can't do this face to face, I don't think I would be able to get through it if I was standing there looking into your eyes. I am sorry I didn't talk to you or sis before I left home, but I am sure that you two didn't want to talk to me anyway. I thought that the three hardest things for me to do in my life were going to be to keep my promises I made to dad in the car that day. His final wishes for me were to always look after and protect you and sis. And to make him proud by taking his place as the man of the house.

I did everything to be strong and be there to help you both as best I could. But every night, I couldn't forget the look on dad's face as he was dying in front of my eyes. If I had my family, I could take any pain, or any hardships.

But the last few months have been so hard for me. I don't know what I have done to make you and sis hate me so much, to the point that you wanted me out of the house, and I am guessing, out of your lives. I am sorry that I somehow made the last few months so hard for you two, to the point that you didn't want to spend any time with me anymore. And how I made you feel awkward to even be around me. I know for the last few months, that you two kept wanting to talk about something important with me, but never could because of how I made you feel.

I guess it was that you two hated me, and wanted me out of the house. I love you and sis with all my heart, and that won't ever stop. I would never do anything to ever hurt you in any way.

But it hurt me so much, to think that me being in the same house as you two, makes you both feel so uncomfortable, to the point that sis had to move into your room and you had to start locking your door every night to feel safe. I am truly sorry for all the hardships I have given you the last few months; please forgive me for that.

With no one there for me, I don't know what to do with myself anymore. If I should move away, or just end it all. I will do my best to stay out of your lives. I may need to come by to get my things, I will do my best to come when you two are out, so that you don't have to see me anymore; but if you don't want me in the house at all, I will respect that and won't come in. I only wish for your happiness and if that's me not being around or being a part of your lives anymore, so be it.

Love James

I watched as they cried as they read my letter. As I made myself out to be the bad guy and not them, and put all the problems on me. They cried almost all night. I saw them trying to call me and text me several times.

Friday was our mother-son date night; but it quickly changed to girls' night out after work. They would meet up and come home at around midnight. I would be home alone from 8:00am to midnight. I took this to be the perfect day to stop by and get my things, but I knew that they would be home.

All week I didn't call or text and was waiting for Friday to come. I kept an eye on the cam and knew that they were there. They didn't move from my room all week and didn't go to work either. I pulled up to the house at noon on Friday, and they were asleep in my bed. Knowing that their cars were in the garage, I parked outside and took out some empty boxes and tape I had gotten. Keeping an eye on the cam I saw that they had gotten up by the sound of my car outside. I walked into the house, but they never left my bedroom.

As I made my way up to my room, I saw them sitting up on my bed, waiting for me. I put my phone away as I got up to the second floor of the house.

I opened the door and walked in. I saw them looking at me. I started to cry I didn't know why. I immediately apologized, and told them I'll come back another time when they're not home. I started to walk away; but I was stopped by both, my mom and sister, jumping on me, dropping me to the floor of my room as they both started to hug and kiss me all over my face.

I knew that I had them, but needed to play the hurt and bad one, to get them to confess about everything. After five minutes of us laying there and no one talking, I saw they had their eyes closed and a smile on their faces.

I finally asked what were they doing home in the spare bedroom, and not their rooms.

Everyone sat up. Mom and sis looked at me, but I was looking down. I didn't want to look at them. With tears in my eyes, I told them if they give me ten minutes, I'd have what I needed from the guest room, and I'd be out of their house and I would do my best to not make them feel too uncomfortable with me being there.

I got up and went to my closet and slowly started taking out some clothes. As the first set hit my bed they started to scream and cry.

I stopped immediately as I heard that, and looked down.

I finally turned to look at them. They were on their knees crying their eyes out, looking at me. I picked up the family picture of the four of us and looked at it with tears in my eyes. I put it to my chest and closed my eyes with my head down. I told them I guess it was too much for them to have me around and this was the only thing I really wanted.

I started to walk out of my room, but was stopped again by them holding each of my legs, crying.

I looked down at them and then away. I pulled myself away from them and sat down on my bed to look at the picture. The room was filled with the sound of the three of us crying.

Without looking at them, I started to speak.

"I don't know where to start."

"It's okay, baby, you don't need to say anything," mom said.

Andrea added, "Let's forget this all happened."

"No, I need to get it out before I leave, so that I don't have any regrets when the time comes," I said.

Mom asked, "When what time comes?"

I ignored her question and kept staring at the picture.

"After dad passed, I did my best to help you two with what you needed to get past everything that had happened, the best I could. It started to look like it was helping at the beginning. I was happy to see that, it made me feel like I was keeping my promise to dad to look after and protect you. And that he would be proud of me."

I stopped talking and put my hands over my eyes as I was crying. After my dad passed I did do my best to help them. I didn't let them see me cry and always had a smile to show them.

This was the first time that I was crying. Everything came back to me and I guess I could not hold it in anymore.

Mom said, "You did baby. Dad would be so proud of you."

"Yeah, James, you were so strong for us," Andrea said.

I looked at them with a look that said stop lying to me. And they both looked down.

"I thought I was helping and doing the best I could for almost a year and a half, we started to be a happy family again, and I thought that we even got so much closer with each other. But I don't know what I did, or said, to you two, that was so horrible. I thought about it over and over again, but couldn't find anything that I did. Because a few months ago everything changed again. You two didn't want to spend time with me anymore; and were giving me hints that you wanted me to move out; and I could tell how awkward and uncomfortable you two were getting to be around me.

Mom answered, "No baby, it's not what you think."

Andrea pleaded, "Yeah, let us explain and clear it all up for you."

I looked at them with a hopeless look in my eyes.

"Please let me finish while I dare to do this."

They both stopped talking and looked down, as tears ran down their faces.

"Family members sometimes say or do things to make each other upset or mad, but it always blows over and everything gets back to normal because at the end of the day, we are a family and love each other more than anything.

"But it didn't get better. I must have done something again without thinking or realizing it because it got so much worse, that I made my family feel so uncomfortable and unsafe in their own house. That the thought of me being around the house was so unbearable to the point that you had to start to sleep in mom's room to feel comfortable and safe, and that mom had to lock her door every night so I wouldn't come in and do anything to hurt you two."

I stopped talking and cried for a couple of minutes. Every time they would start to talk, I would put up my hand to stop them. I needed them to feel the hurt for everything I had felt the last few months.

"This last week or so, gave me time to think. I had a mix of different emotions all week. From wishing it was me that had died and not dad. The feeling of being the worst thing in the world for making my sister and mom feel the way I made them feel. How disappointed dad would be in me right now, if he was alive. And finally disappointed in me for not having the balls to pull the trigger and end it so many times this last week."

My mom and sister started to cry loudly again at the last bit of the statement. I was hoping I didn't push them to far.

I got up and told them I needed something to drink and went to the kitchen. I sat down with a glass of water and drank half of it, and sat there lost in thought. I could hear them crying and talking in my room, but I didn't care. After thirty minutes they came down and sat at the table with me. They had the look of a little kid that was in trouble and was waiting to hear their punishment.

I could tell that they were about to say something.

I interjected, "I am sorry for everything I put you through and how I made you feel these last few months. I know that am the worst brother and son in the world, to put you through all that so soon after what happened to dad. But after I leave, you won't have to see me anymore and can get back to your lives; and hopefully, you can get back some happiness."

Mom said, "No, baby. It's not you. You didn't do anything; it was us."

I let out a small laugh and looked at her.

"Really? mom. The 'it's not you, it's me' speech. You're not breaking up with someone after a couple of weeks of dating. And NO, it's me. It's the only thing that makes sense and doesn't at the same time. There's nothing that you two can say or do that will convince me of that, or make me feel any different from what am feeling right now."

Andrea replies, "But mom's right; it isn't anything you did, it's us. We have been awkward around you because of us, not you."

"Okay, then let me ask you two something. If it was you two being awkward with each other and not me, then why was I the one that was getting excluded from everything? And then why was I the one that you two didn't want to spend time with, to the point that mom would make up excuses to cancel our mother-son date night, that we did every week for over a year. But she never canceled your girls' day. Hell, she made it a girls' night out, and my favorite was all the girls' weekend. Yeah, I can see how awkwardly it was now.

"And why is it that every time I come into a room, you two stop talking and immediately look at me with an awkward look? I am not the smartest man alive, but I do know that if there's some awkwardness with someone, you do what you two did to me. You keep your distance, and stop spending time with them; not the opposite. If there was awkwardness with you two, it didn't show; you spent every day and night together, and even started to sleep in the same room and started to lock your door. That's not awkwardness. That looks like fear of someone coming in to hurt you, which I would never do. So is it you and not me?"

By this point, I was mad at them again. I sat there looking at them, but they only had their heads down crying.

"So you two don't have an answer. As I thought, see it was me."

I got up and picked you the family picture and was starting to walk away, but my mom grabbed my hand and put it to her face and was crying in it.

"Please baby let me explain. Don't leave me I don't think I can take losing another person I love," my mom pleaded.

Andrea almost begging, "Please don't go. We love you. Don't leave us."

I was thinking that they were almost there.

"I have said everything I needed to say. But for dad, I'll hear what you have to say and let you say your piece before I leave; but, if I feel what your saying is a lie or bullshit just to get me to think about staying, I'll get up and leave."

I sat back down at the table and looked at them. I knew what the real reason was. Now, I needed for them to say it out loud.

"You two can start anytime you want."

Mom and sis looked at each other, then back at me.

Mom started, "Okay, but first, I need you to promise to keep an open mind and not get mad."

"I'll keep an open mind, and I'll do my best to keep my anger in check."

"It's going to be hard to believe this, and please don't get angry or think we're lying. We, that is your sister and I, for the last few months have... been having relations."

I looked at them with a confused look. "Relations? what kind of relations?"

They didn't look me in the eyes. I could tell that they were embarrassed about talking about it.

Mom eventually answered, "The sexual kind of relations."

I got a mad look, and you could tell; but I kept my cool like I had promised mom. "Do you think making up something like that, will make it better? If you don't want to tell me that's fine; but don't make up shit to make me feel better."

I was about to get up, when mom and Andrea started to make out right in front of me. I sat there looking at them, with my dick getting harder by the minute. Finally, they stopped, and looked like they wanted to run out of the room, but looked down.

Mom asked, "Do you believe us now?"

"Even if I didn't, it's hard not to after seeing that. So how did it all start?"

Andrea added wishfully, "So, now that you know, you're not mad, and you're not going to leave, right?"

"Oh, I am more mad now, but for different reasons, but I'll hold it back until I know everything."

"That's all we can ask for, baby," mom said, sounding a little relieved.

Andrea asked, "Do you remember that day you were going to school early and saw me coming out of mom's room?"

I scratched my head for a couple of minutes. "Yeah, I think I remember. I asked you about it at dinner, and mom told me that you had some boy trouble and fell asleep in her room talking about it."

My sister nodded her head. "That's not everything. I did go in at first to talk about some trouble I was having, and one thing led to another, and we ended up kissing a lot and falling asleep, holding each other."

Mom continued, "That was the first night anything happened. I was scared and didn't know what to do. But after a couple of days, we talked, and again, one thing led to another; and here we are today."

"We wanted to tell you so many times, but were always too scared to. We got the courage several times, but couldn't go through with it," admitted Andrea.