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During the drive, I called several hotels near the airport. A Holliday Inn had several unoccupied rooms. We reached it at 9:30 pm. We were too tired to eat late dinner, go to the bar or watch TV. We showered and were asleep a few minutes later.
...
I woke up at 8 am. Megan was still sleeping. My flight back east was a red-eye, so we had the whole day. I brushed my teeth and shaved. When I exited the bathroom, Megan faced me, "This is our last day. Do you want to see San Francisco's attractions?"
"It's a good idea, especially if we start with a hearty breakfast."
It was a sunny day with a midday temperature of 72 degrees. Megan showed me Coit Tower, which offered a 360-degree view over the city, the crooked Lombard Street, Alcatraz prison where Al Capone was jailed, and the Golden Gate Bridge. Later in the afternoon, we went to Pier 39 for dinner and a stroll.
Then, it was time to separate. Megan looked at me teary-eyed, "Joe, I love you so much... It is so difficult for me to say goodbye. I don't know when I'll see you again."
I kissed her lips, "Megan, I love you too. Why don't YOU visit more often? Mom and I welcome you with open arms every free long weekend you have. You chose to study here in California, but I think certain universities in the Boston area allow student transfer. Check it out if you are interested."
She looked at me with her big, pretty eyes, "Mom and I love you more than just a son and brother. Both of us found you a great lover. How will we manage once I come home?"
I grinned, "Megan dear, I had the same concerns after our first sexual encounter. However, after you told me how close you're to Mom and the discussion you had with her about my intimate relationship with her, I think it will be OK."
"Joe, you love me as much as you love Mom?"
"Megan, I really do and can hardly wait for your coming home..."
- COMMENTS
ScottishTexan8 months agoWell, apparently you're erasing negative comments since someone else referenced comments that are no longer visible. If you're erasing items posted anonymously, then I applaud your actions. Personally, the only anonymous comments that I leave on my stories are the positive ones.
However if a user posts a comment using their account name, I allow ALL of those to remain unless they enter into the realm of abusive. I hope that you have a similar policy. It would be a shame if you decided to delete everything that you didn't like. But regarding your story specifically:
I had to walk away about halfway through the very first page. It started with the following dialog:
***"Joe, you were very nice to me last night, and I wanted to reward you for it. My choice was to give you a show this morning. I noticed your unruly stiff pecker as you moved out of bed. You went to the bathroom, and I wondered if you'd take care of it there. When you came back with a hard-on, I knew what to do. I pretended to be asleep with my lower body uncovered and having a sexy dream. My plan was not just to play with myself but to mumble your name as if I fantasized about you. However, when you began masturbating, it meant you'd waste your sexual energy the wrong way... You'd orgasm without letting ME on your fun. It was unacceptable. I am too horny to let you play solo, so I 'woke up."***
After reading this, I could barely concentrate because it was so self-serving and contrived. It's the same as addressing your sibling in dialog calling them "brother" or "sister" instead of just using their name or nickname. People just don't normally talk like that to each other.
But just like I mentioned above that I don't tolerate abusive comments, I have no use for a brother abusing his sister either. When Joe tells Megan to lick up the cum, that could have been a totally erotic and hot scene. But your dialog ruined it when he demanded, "lick it bitch". I quit reading at that point.
Maybe next time consider adding trigger warnings at the beginning of the story. 🤔 But then again, you're probably desensitized to this and think that there is nothing wrong with it. 1/5
Marvin20178 months agoEchoing what others have said: good story but your writing was stiffer than Joe.
Put the checklist away and write from your heart.
M
