March Madness

"Turn it over," I yelled back. "Read the other side."

He flipped the card over just as the police car moved away from the curb. I was jogging alongside the car. I got really charged up when I saw the shocked look on his face as he read my message to him. The back side of the card read, "This is what happens when you fuck someone else's wife. Enjoy prison."

The look of rage that came over his face assured me that he wouldn't be very calm during the booking process. If things went well, they might even have to taser his ass.

As I walked back towards the parking lot, Molly came over to me.

"My God you look beautiful in that dress," I said. "Red is really your color."

"I look like a whore," she said. "But if this turns you on, I'll wear it around the house for you."

"I'll see you at the hotel in about an hour," I said.

"Why so late?" she asked.

"Uhm Joel isn't next," I told her. "He's third. Igor is up now."

I drove back to the hotel the guys were staying in. After a loss, Igor had a habit of just going back to the hotel and going to sleep. He'd wake up in a few hours and then just put the loss behind him like it was a new day. Then he'd go out and party. Tonight's loss had ended the season and all of the guys were suffering the double whammy. The first blow was how close they'd been to making the final four. Add that to a successful season next year and they could all be NBA millionaires. But no one remembered losers; especially losers who didn't go all the way. They could still make the NBA with a good season next year but most of them knew that unless they found some way to make things right with me, they wouldn't even play for me next year. Plus they'd have to sit out a year if they were able to transfer somewhere else.

Transferring was also a problem because most of them knew that most schools wouldn't take all of the risks I had to get them on the floor.

When Igor saw me at the hotel he quickly headed in my direction. "Coach," he yelled. "Can I talk to...?" Before he could finish four big guys wearing jackets with INS on the back grabbed him.

"Waldemar Szewchuk, we'd like a word with you downtown," said one of the guys.

"You've got the wrong guy," said Igor.

"Then who are you?" asked one of the agents.

"I'm Igor Wastichevski," said Igor. The four agents all looked at each other and passed knowing smiles amongst themselves.

"We're from the department of Immigration and Naturalization you bastard," spat one of the men. "We know who you are. We've seen your fucking file. For most of your crimes you need to fry. How the hell can you live with yourself?" He couldn't take it anymore he jumped up and slapped Igor as hard as he could.

"What did I do?" screamed Igor.

"You're Polish, but you work as a hit man for the Russian Mob," spat another of the agents. "Your specialty is softening up people by killing or raping their family members until they give your bosses what they want."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" screamed Igor. "Yeah, I'm Polish. I'm Polish American. I was born in Hamtramck, just inside of Detroit. I'm a basketball player. I worked in a bakery. I have ID."

They rolled him over and pulled out his wallet. "Well that proves it," said one of them. He elbowed Igor viciously in his side.

"Look at this file," he spat. He pulled out a print out of a file from Interpol. The file showed a mug shot of Igor. The name on the file was Waldemar Szewchuk; there were a long list of crimes he was under suspicion for. Under his list of aliases was Igor Wastichevski.

"Well EYEGORE WATUSI," spat an agent. "What do you have to say now?"

"Look you're lucky we're INS," he said. "Our job is not to prosecute you. We're just shipping your ass back to Poland on the first available plane. You're flying out tonight. Now get your ass up or we'll have to get rough."

"I want a lawyer," screamed Igor. "You can't do this to me. I'm demanding my phone call now."

"You're not an American citizen," said one of the agents. "You don't get a phone call, murderer. The only thing you're getting is your ass on a plane to Poland."

They lifted him back onto his feet and frog marched him towards the door. As they passed me he screamed at me. "Coach, tell them who I am."

"Excuse me," I said. "You must have me confused with someone who gives a shit. Anyway, I'm not a coach. I'm a minister. My name is Payback. Reverend F.N. Payback. I'm here working on my sermon for this Sunday. Do you want to hear it? It talks about the consequences of fucking around with married women. That's a really bad sin. You go straight to Poland and then to hell."

"Uhm thanks father," said one of the agents quickly. He hadn't paid any attention to what I was saying.

"So, you don't know this guy?" he asked.

"Hell no," I said. "None of us really knows anyone anyway. Sometimes we think we know people. We put our trust in them and they just stab us in the fucking back. Anyway, I don't know anyone in Poland."

As they dragged Igor away, kicking and screaming, I heard one of the agents say, "That guy sure cusses a lot for a preacher."

Just about that time, I got a call on my cell phone. I looked at the screen and it was the Police department. They had two officers on site at the hotel office and they wanted me to come there immediately.

I smiled and went to the office. Once I was there, two officers, a male and a female officer, were trying to calm down a very hysterical woman. It was Molly still in her red dress.

"Coach, thanks for coming," said the female officer. "Look, my heart goes out to you. That was a real ass whipping your team took tonight. They say it's the worst loss in the entire history of the NCAA tournament. They're talking about naming a trophy after you. I think I heard it was going to have what looks like a butt, with a belt hitting it."

"Thanks," I said sarcastically. "I just want to check out of here and go home. Unfortunately, I'm going to be here for another day or so. I have some loose ends to take care of and I have to get my team back home and get ready for next year."

"Well Coach," she said. "We have a problem. You know those discipline problems you've been having with your starting five? Well it may be worse. Everyone respects what you did...well maybe not everyone. Okay, I'm sure someone, somewhere respects what you did, I just don't know them. Anyway, I think this time it's a little bit more serious than your guys drinking some beer or boinking a cheerleader after curfew."

"Not drugs?" I asked. My eyes got bigger and I pretended I was shocked.

"Coach, this poor woman over here claims she uhm...had a liaison with one of your players..."

"What happened?" I asked. "Was he too rough for you? Or did he make you do something you didn't want to do? I feel sorry for you ma'am but if you went to his room willingly, that implies consent."

Molly straightened up and walked over to me. The male cop audibly gulped when he saw how tight her dress was and there's just something about a woman in a red dress that screams availability.

"With the right guy," smirked Molly. "There's no such thing as too rough. And with that same, right guy, I can't think of anything I wouldn't want to do to please him. The problem is that the bastard stole my grandmother's ring. She left it to me when she died and it's a family heirloom."

She pulled out a picture of herself that showed her wearing the ring. The picture was amazingly clear. It was as if we'd just taken it a few hours ago specifically to show the ring, go figure.

"Maybe you left it in his room by accident and he doesn't even know it's there," I offered.

Both officers looked at me and shook their heads.

"Coach, while your players are away from home, you and the university are responsible for them. You could give us permission to search his room, since the university is paying for it. If we don't find anything we don't need to even bother him with this. How does that sound?" asked the female officer.

"Like he's being railroaded," I said. "How does she even know he has her stupid ring?"

Molly spoke up again. "The girl he was with after me was one of my sorority sisters," she sniffled out. "Betsy came and told me that she saw my ring on his nightstand, but she didn't think about it until she saw me again."

"Okay, let's get this over with," I said angrily.

We went outside the hotel to the bungalows the team was staying in. Each guy had his own little room with a separate entrance. I looked at my list as if I didn't know which one was Joel's. The officers used a hotel passkey and went into the room. They looked around the room and didn't find anything. I looked at them smugly. The female officer looked into Joel's suitcase and came out with a huge bag of weed. I was shocked because Molly and I hadn't planted it when we dropped off the ring. The marijuana really was Joel's.

"Uhm Coach we're going to have to arrest him," said the female officer.

"You don't have a warrant or probable cause," I said. "And we came here looking for a ring and found his personal collection of oregano. He eats a lot of salads and they never have the right kind of oregano in these hotels."

The male cop stepped back out of the bathroom and called us in. Inside the medicine cabinet there were several bottles of pills that appeared to be a prescription drug of some sort. Next to them was the ring. They took several photographs of the medicine cabinet and gave Molly the ring back.

She looked at me and smiled. "What are you a coach or his lawyer?" she smirked triumphantly as she walked away.

The female cop patted me on the shoulder and told me how sorry she was. "Do you have any idea of his whereabouts right now?" she asked.

I gave her the number of the offender tracking agency and told her that since Joel was wearing a tether they could give her his exact location. I let a few tears slip from my eyes and she patted me on the back.

"He was supposed to be turning his life around," I sobbed.

"You can't save them all, Coach," she said. "When we pick him up, we'll give you a call."

"Don't bother," I said. "I couldn't bear to see him in jail again. He's like a son to me." I walked away, keeping my head down and busting a gut trying not to laugh.

Timmy Turner was a different story though. Timmy, except for fucking my wife, was squeaky clean. And to tell the truth I wasn't really sure Timmy had. But he'd been there. And Jamal had led me to believe that, except for him, they all had at one time or another.

Timmy was pretty normal. He worked hard on his shooting to the exclusion of the rest of his game. He'd taken the loss tonight much worse than the rest of the guys on the team. Probably because he knew that this team was his only shot at the pros. His greatest hope was that he'd make enough clutch shots to earn the notice of an NBA coach who might want to try to utilize him the way I had. Not making the final four this year and especially not playing next year might land him back home at Wal-Mart or a coal mine, a lot faster than he thought.

Timmy was on his computer writing me a letter of apology when he got an email himself. As he opened the email the message flashed in huge letters across his screen. "That's what you get for fucking a married woman." He couldn't figure it out. He also didn't recognize where the message had come from. Before he did anything his door splintered and three guys ran into the room.

"IRS," they yelled.

"Are you Timmy Turner?" they asked. He nodded with eyes as big as saucers.

"Who are Cosmo and Wanda?" they asked.

"I don't know any Cosmo or Wanda," said Timmy, who still didn't understand what was going on.

"If you don't know them then why did they deposit money into your bank account?" asked one of the agents. "Isn't it FAIRLY ODD, for someone to just deposit money into someone else's account?"

They hauled Timmy off downtown and kept him there. In the end Timmy had to get a lawyer. He was accused of taking bribes to influence the result of basketball games. The money that had been deposited in his account was traced back to Gloria's secret account. I already knew this though since I was the one who sent it to him.

When it was all over and done with Timmy was banned from ever playing again. And there were serious charges pending against Gloria as well.

I went back to Molly's place and found her sitting there on her couch, still wearing the red dress.

I hugged her and thanked her. During that hug she molded her young body against me and teased the shit out of me but I think that both of us knew that nothing would ever happen between us. This wasn't one of those stories on the internet where the divorced guy finds a hot young woman to replace his cheating wife. I gave her one last hug and told her if she ever needed ANYTHING not to hesitate to give me a call.

For the first time in days, I headed back to my hotel.

I still had the electronic key so I opened the door. Gloria was hurriedly packing and muttering to herself. There were two guys who looked like FBI agents sitting at the table. They waved at me as I came in. Gloria turned to look at me as for the first time she noticed that I was in the room.

She came towards me and held out her arms like she really needed a hug. I shook my head causing her to stop immediately.

"We need to talk," she said. I nodded.

"Can we have a moment," she said to the agents.

"We'll be outside," they said. "Remember you're doing this voluntarily. So there's no need for you to try to run or do anything sneaky. If you don't want to go, just tell us and we'll be on our merry way."

Gloria nodded and the guy closed the door behind himself.

"Jim, we really need to talk," she said.

"You already said that," I told her.

"Well...I know that you know what I did," she said. "I'm sorry but it backfired."

"I bet way more than I should have and lost. I thought that there was no way the team could lose. I don't know why you pulled the starting five and put those fucking nerds on the floor. Shit, I can play better than them. They can't shoot. They can't pass. They can't even fucking dribble and I don't think a single one of them can even spell defense let alone play it. I was so shocked when I heard about your guys being benched for disciplinary actions. But ever since the game I've been hearing rumors about what they did so I guess you had no choice. I just wish that you knew what it would do to us..."

"I did know," I said. "And most of their "CRIMES" happened after the game."

"Then it was stupid of you to bench them Honey," she said. "...Because losing that game ruined us."

"It ruined you, Gloria," I said. "I'm fine. In fact after the divorce I'll just start all over and move on."

"But..." she looked shocked. "Why...don't you understand...I"

"I more than understand Gloria," I said. "I planned it. I benched them knowing you'd bet more money than you had. Some of the rest of it was my plan as well. Some of it was luck."

"Jim, you really don't see this," she said. "Do you realize that I'm in danger because of what you did? I'm going to have to go to prison for a while and even when I get out; we're going to have to go into witness protection."

She looked at me with a shocked look on her face. "Why would you do that? I thought that you loved me as much as I love you."

I snorted loudly. "Yeah you really love me," I said. "You love me so much that you're fucking other guys."

She just looked at me strangely. "You're kidding aren't you?"

"You did all of this because you're jealous because I fucked some of your stupid players. Jim, I still love you but you are a fucking moron. You don't understand anything. Damn it," she said. "That's why I couldn't tell you about this from the beginning. Men are so stupid."

"Well, you don't have to worry about stupid old me anymore," I said. "Just sign the divorce papers and you go anywhere you want and fuck anyone you want."

"I can do that now," she said.

"Not and stay married to me, you can't," I said.

"What are you going to do, beat my ass like Dean Martin did to his wife?" she asked. "You'd never hit me, you love me too much."

"You're right," I said. "But we are getting this divorce."

"No we're not," she said. "Don't you understand, this was all for us."

I looked at her like she was crazy.

"Jim, I love you with all of my heart and soul," she said. "I already told you, you're the only man that I want to have sex with. You and I are soul mates. I want you to be happy but I need to be happy too."

"And being a whore makes you happy," I said. "Then maybe I need someone else in my life."

"I keep trying to tell you that this isn't about sex," she said.

"Then what is it about?" I asked. "If this wasn't about sex then why the hell did you have sex with my players? Seeing you with them broke my heart Gloria."

She looked at me again and suddenly she realized what was going on.

"Jim, I never meant to hurt you. That's why I tried to make sure you never found out. This was for both of us. Ever since we got together I've been the happiest woman on earth. Every time I look at you I see so much love coming from you that I just love to wrap myself in that love and your arms."

She was actually smiling at me and she had a glow about herself that I'd only seen when we lay in bed together after making love. She came over to me and took my hand and I knew then that I still loved her no matter what she'd done.

"Jim, you're always telling me that you'd give me anything I want and you know what? I believe you. That's why I wanted to give you something too. I wanted to give you something for both of us. The problem is in both of us though. My body failed us. So I can't get pregnant."

I squeezed her tighter.

"But Jim, as much as you love your job, being the coach at a small time college has failed us too. I never wanted to make you leave here but they just don't pay you enough for us to get a surrogate mother or even to try any of the in-Vitro methods so if we were going to have a baby, I had to get us some serious money."

"I started out slowly and over time I was able to get a nest egg started. But then I'd lose and I'd be back to square one. Milli and Harriet explained to me that most men perform better with a little bit of an incentive. And they were already screwing a lot of the athletes on campus anyway, but if I wanted this to work I had to participate too. I thought at first that I couldn't do it. I came up with all of the reasons why I shouldn't. It was cheating, it was wrong, I thought about all of them."

"But then I realized that sometimes you want something so badly that you have to go outside of the box. You know like you did when you put the team together. Even Milli and Harriet's husbands knew that you were on the edge of the line when you put this team together. Shit, you even went to the prisons to get guys. So I figured that I wanted to give you a baby just as much so I had to be willing to take the risks as well."

"As for the sex? What sex? Sex is something that you and I do. Those young guys don't really know how to use what they have. All they do is stick their big old dicks in you and hump you until THEY cum. Did you notice I didn't say I CUM? I have no feelings for them at all. I only thought about two things every time. One was getting the money we needed. And the second thing was finding the right doctor to harvest my eggs and implant them into the right surrogate to carry our baby. That way he or she will be our baby. He'll have all of our genetic material and be the perfect synthesis of both of us. We need almost a half-million dollars Honey and your job is never going to give us that kind of money."

"Twenty years from now you could be coaching our son, Honey. Wouldn't that be great? Wouldn't it all be worth a few rules we bent? It would be just like it could have been for you. You took a bunch of misfits that nobody wanted...a bunch of broken toys, and you almost made it to the final four. The only reason you're not going is because you chose not to. Well that's the way I felt about my goal too. I almost had the money we need for our baby."