Marcie and Leo Ch. 031

This is usually the part where I start with a descriptive introduction. The thing is I think I have described my girl Marcie every way I ever could. The thing is she is one hundred percent the way I talk about her. Marcie is a gorgeous woman who allowed me to become her friend, then her lover, then her roommate before becoming her husband. I am not worthy of her in the least. Then again, I always believed myself to not be worthy of love.

My childhood was full of fights and moments when I felt like I had to be the hero. Matt was there beside me most of the time. He would be the fast talking one, preferring to avoid the conflict whenever possible. That's not saying we were the typical Brains and Brawn combination. We both had similar grades in school, and we could keep up with each other athletically. It was just his gift was salesmanship. He's the one who helped us get our first loan to start our business. He's the one who saw a future in what we started.

Our business started small. We scored a few contracts before we started bringing folks on board. It took about ten years before we became semi-successful. That was around the time I started moving in my house next to Marcie's. Missy, my first wife, believed in us and believed in what we were going to do enough to allow me to keep going. It was when we became larger and more profitable though that she started having symptoms of her cancer. At first, she didn't want to tell me. She saw me pushing as hard as I did and didn't want me to stop. It was when it got worse that she did.

It was cancer that brought Marcie and I closer as friends. Her late husband, Mitchell, also had cancer and we spent plenty of time with both supporting them and working things out. I didn't know during my conversations with Mitchell that Missy was laying the groundwork with Marcie about me. This was some of the things Marcie already knew about me before we started seeing each other as more than friends. Still, I was not worthy of either woman. I didn't feel worthy of my friendship with Matt or any of our success either. It was with these thoughts in mind that led me to see my therapist even more after I had thoughts about being with Marcie for the rest of our lives.

My therapist has been helpful. He identified things in a way I never could and even helped me as Marcie and I married and started our life together. It was during one of our sessions that we discussed some newer things.

"Marcie tells me you've been a little withdrawn lately," he said.

"I have been partially allowing her to grieve more. Yet I have been doing the same thing."

"Grieving is good, Leo. Missy was the love of your life. How long were you two together?"

"We started dating while in college and married right after graduating. So close to twenty years."

"Do you ever worry that maybe you married too soon after?"

I looked at him.

"It was something I thought about. The thing is I really cared about her."

"I think you were good honestly. Leo was never the impulsive fellow as long as I've known him."

I smiled.

"Impulsive. That's a new word for you."

He laughed.

"When you're in your hero mode, it's one thing. When it comes to major life decisions, never."

"So, what about my feelings of unworthiness?"

"Here's my question. Were you given the opportunities you have had, or did you work hard for them?"

I thought for a moment.

"I want to think I worked hard for things. "

"Matt didn't gift you with things."

"We scrapped for everything. I was very fortunate he is more eloquent a speaker than I am."

"He's not really."

"What makes you say that?"

"I think Leo Mercer is an intelligent individual who allows others to shine."

"I feel very..."

"Humble? It's one of your base qualities, Leo. You call it being a hero. I call it humility. When you care about someone or when there's a value you refuse to compromise, you spring into action. You don't tolerate bullying in any form or facet. Look at how you defended your assistant. Your sister-in-law. Look at how you have handled things. Even with that possible hacking incident, you allowed Marcie's idea to be the plan instead of flexing your intellect. Leo, you are a good person. You are worthy of your success both in business and in your life."

"Then how do I shake the feeling..."

"That you don't deserve any of it? You do it day by day. You stay thankful for Marcie. You stay thankful for your successes. If you fail, you take the lump, but you bounce back. You be human, Leo."

"Human...I remember when my dad was happy when I broke my finger. He went around the whole emergency room happy that I did only because I showed I wasn't a robot."

"Your dad had his faults. But sometimes you need to allow yourself those kinds of moments."

As I headed home, I called Marcie.

"Are you in the mood to go somewhere tonight?"

"Definitely. What do you have in mind?"

"How bout a walk along the waterfront?"

I picked her up at our house before driving to the waterfront. As we started walking, I started telling her about my therapy session. We held hands most of the time while we walked. As we neared the pier overlooking the water, I looked again at Marcie. She was so beautiful standing there. I leaned in for a kiss. It was the slow kind. We stood there holding each other for a little while before she looked me in the eyes.

"You know, you are an awesome person also, Leo."

"Thank you, sweetheart."

"I mean it. You beat yourself up so much. You always lift me up and talk about what a wonderful person I am. The thing is you're hot stuff also."

I smiled as she said that.

"I appreciate that, Beloved."

"Well, you better remember it. Yes, we are both widows. Yes, we are together now. That means I got you just like you always had me. For better or worse, Leo."

We shared another kiss as we headed back to the car. I always felt unworthy before. Even during our dating and courtship, there was always that feeling that Marcie was too good for me. As we drove home, I still felt that honor to be hers. And grateful she is mine. My therapist is right. One day at a time.