Marion's Story Ch. 13

"It's about yesterday and the way you were carrying on with Gloria, tell me honestly did you sleep with her last night?"

"No, you idiot, of course not. I have never lied to you. We flirted, we even kissed a few times, but that was it."

"OK let me rephrase that did she want to sleep with you?"

Kicking an invisible pebble, she replied, "Yes she did, I'm not denying there was a connection between us but I didn't do anything."

"So, you think kissing and fooling around is OK."

"Jesus Mi it was all innocent stuff. She is a very direct person and I'm attracted to that."

"I asked before if she wanted to sleep with you...I suppose the question I should have asked was, do you want to sleep with her?"

With her eyes staring at the ground she whimpered hesitantly, "Yes, OK the answer is yes. Look we have talked about this, you know my feelings on monogamy, it's an outdated philosophy but damn it I didn't do anything."

"The problem is Moll's you want to which proves to me you're not happy with me."

A poor innocent empty coke can received a vicious kick as she muttered, "Oh for the love of god, I didn't do anything, fuck if you would just open your mind you might have had some fun yourself."

I snorted loudly and I knew I shouldn't throw fuel on the fire but the words tumbled out, "Fuck that, god knows what diseases you would catch."

"God almighty I should have expected something like that from you, for a man who wears a fucking dress you are so fucking narrow minded and bigoted. For your information she thinks you're hot....fuck knows why, you toxic bitch."

Shocked and humiliated at her outburst I muttered, "I guess I should've known what you really think of me, a man in a dress huh...Yeah I should have seen this coming."

She grimaced, "I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that."

"Suck it Molly, I don't care what anybody says, I'm not working with that woman."

"So, what that's it, months of work down the drain, do you know how many hours I've spent working on this. Babe we put this together for you, it was you who refused to go with a major label. This deal was all for you."

I turned walking away leaving her standing staring at my back, "Sorry but my answer is no."

She snarled viciously, "Fuck you Mi your petty insecure jealousy is what this is all about. You are tearing the band apart because of it. Shit girl you're wrecking everything we've been working for."

"Yeah well at least I didn't have to sleep with some bitch to get it, I have my dignity."

"Dignity...fuck you could have had a number one record. A world tour, we could be in Germany, England. Do you understand, she's talking about spots at Glastonbury."

When we got back to the bus Mel said, "Jas has changed her mind, she wants to sign."

When I glanced at Jas she mouthed, 'SORRY.'

Mel held my gaze, "It's up to you Mi, you're either in or out."

I think they all expected me to fold and just go with it but I shrugged, "I guess that's it then, I'm out. I'll leave now if you want."

Jas walked over slowly and ran her fingers through my hair, "Babes there's no need for all this. Let's just do the tour" She turned to Molly, "Moll's just try to stall Gloria until after the tour."

"Sorry girls I have tried but she is playing hard ball. I don't think I can stall her any longer, she gave us a week."

Jas almost in tears whispered croakily, "Mi let's just do the tour and whatever is going to happen happens, I don't want you to leave, this is as much your band as ours. We wouldn't even be having this conversation if it wasn't for you."

The bus trip was uncomfortably silent Molly sat with the others leaving me by myself. The animosity was palpable, to try and cut out their chatter I pulled on my big headphones and turned the music up loud. At the hotel It got worse Molly organized for her own room. The show went amazingly well but the bus was cold and lonely. The only one talking to me was Jas. Even Cindy was pissed at me.

Each day it got worse and worse the walls built got higher and thicker. By the time we got back to Kansas City I had enough and as we were all getting ready to get off the bus I cornered them all. "I think you should do tonight without me. You should get used to the idea."

Mel snarled, "You know what bitch, I think that's a fucking great idea, unload your shit and hit the fucking road."

I nodded, "You got it, have a good night." As the roadies unloaded, I put my gear aside. Molly walked up behind me and grabbed my arm, "Mi please I beg you don't do this. Gloria is going to be here tonight, she wants to talk to you. Please do the show, make it a good one, and show her what we can do. She is travelling here just to talk to you and you might be surprised at what she has to say."

Flinging her arm away I walked away and rang April to see if she could give me a ride back to Lawrence. As the girls were setting up, I loaded my gear into April's car. She asked what the hell was going on. I gave her the abbreviated version but as we were getting ready to leave Molly came running out. April saw her and they ended up hugging tightly. I didn't hear what was said but afterwards Molly walked over to me, "What happens to us?"

I shook my head, "There is no us, not any more. You want Gloria well have her but not while I'm around."

She burst into tears, slid her engagement ring off her finger and passed it to me, "I don't care what you say Mi I love you. I didn't do anything to deserve all this. I don't want to end like this, I hate you for walking away, you're a chicken shit quitter, a fucking coward."

I nodded, "I guess you're right, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering if my partner is sleeping with somebody else, or has the hots for somebody else. I want my partner to love me the way I love her."

We left and on the drive to Lawrence April tried to get me to change my mind, she told me some home truths, I knew what Molly was like so I shouldn't have been surprised but it didn't mean she loved me any less. She just has different values, she thinks casual sex is OK, that sex and love are different commodities.

When she left, I flopped on the bed and closed my eyes and bawled my eyes out. My phone started ringing but I switched it off, curled up in a ball and tried to block out the world. It took me a couple of days to get my act together enough to turn my phone on. There were literally hundreds of calls and messages. There were all the ones I expected, Jas, Molly, April but there were a whole bunch I didn't recognize.

As I listened to some of them, I got quite a shock, lots were from reporters looking for confirmation that I left the band. They were all feeding like rabid dogs looking for any tit bit they could get. When I checked our Facebook page there were posts after post about how bad the performance was at Kansas and that the band sucked. A lot of the comments were really disparaging.

Mom called and rather than beat me down she just talked about what I was going to do. As we talked, I got a bit of an understanding of what I wanted, "I'm going to finish my degree and just find myself. I think being part of the band took away a little of myself."

Mom just said, "Sweetheart you do whatever is best for you but I can't help thinking you have acted very hastily. I know how much Molly loves you and she misses you like crazy."

"Yeah then why did she sleep with Gloria?"

The phone went silent and I knew I should have kept my mouth shut, "Sorry mom, I shouldn't have said that."

I heard her sniffle, "I'm sorry Marion, if she did that then she was wrong. That is very wrong."

Monday I went back to school. At lunchtime I turned my phone on and there was a very angry message from Molly, 'WHY DID YOU TELL MOM I SLEPT WITH GLORIA....YOU MALICIOUS LYING BITCH, NOW SHE HATES ME.' I turned my phone off without answering it. The first couple of days were hard, just getting back into the routine but the comments as well. Some were supportive but there were some quite nasty hateful ones as well. Most of our real fans just wanted to know what was going on. I kept it simple, I left the band to finish school. There were no hard feelings I wanted them to do well.

Two weeks later Molly turned up on my doorstep. When I opened the door she grimaced, "Hey Mi, can I come in?"

Swinging open the door she walked in carrying some boxes, "I just came to get my stuff."

I left her to it and she started packing. I tried to ignore her but as I was walking into the kitchen she slipped up behind me, "Are you doing OK babe?"

I nodded, "Yeah school has been keeping me occupied. You guys must be just about set to head away on the final leg of the tour, aren't you?"

She shook her head, "Nope it got canned, the gig in Kansas was terrible and Gloria pulled her offer. We are trying to find a replacement guitar player now but it's been harder than you might think. Gloria made some suggestions but they just didn't work. We can't find a female that fits. Gloria said we should just get a guy and the ones she suggested are pretty good, Guess we will wait and see."

"Sorry to hear that." I grumbled.

She slid her arms around my waist, "Honey Gloria wants to talk to you."

I laughed, "Forget that shit, but seeing as how we are talking about her, you can be honest now, did you sleep with her?"

The fact she couldn't hold my eyes gave me the answer, "No not like you think. I didn't sleep with her until after we broke up."

"Was she worth it?"

Her grip tightened and she sighed, "I wouldn't have done it if we were still together. I would never cheat on you I promise I would never do anything behind your back,"

"Maybe but you do want to have sex with other people, I saw you with Gloria and I knew it the moment I saw you snuggled up like lovers, you weren't just flirting...that was way past acceptable."

She sighed, "Yes but that's just the way I am, I have never hidden that from you, look Mi we have had this discussion I see love and sex as different things, if I had slept with Gloria it wouldn't have reduced my love for you, the two things are different."

"I guess we will have to agree to disagree on that one. Things have been so good between us, I thought things had changed, you agreed to marry me."

"That is just a bit of paper, I love you and I want to be with you forever but I enjoy sex and if I meet somebody like Gloria, I would like the freedom to pursue that."

She gave me a weird look, "Babe there was more to her advances than you realize, she was interested in being with both of us not just me. That night while you were playing, she asked if you would be interested and I hoped you would but then you got all bitter and twisted and fucked it up."

"That's where we're different Moll's I don't need anybody else, all I ever wanted was you."

"Bullshit, after we broke up the first time you were chasing Sandy within weeks."

"I never chased her, if anything it was the other way around. Not that it did any good, it was a waste as well."

"Mi we want you back in the band, Gloria wanted to talk, she will offer you a very lucrative deal, more than the other girls get if you'll come back."

"Sorry there's no way I could do that, the other girls would hate that I got more money than them, and seeing you every day would be too difficult."

When she just stood there biting her bottom lip I hissed, "And seeing you and Gloria together would kill me."

"For Christ's sake, she lives in LA, we talk on the phone that's it. I slept with her twice that's all."

"But if she comes back or you go over there you will sleep with her again?"

She shrugged, "We might, but probably not, look babe she is like me she likes casual sex, she doesn't want commitments or ties."

"Do you want me to help carry your boxes down?" I asked.

"So that's it...won't you even think about coming back to the band."

"I would love to be back in the band, but it would have to be without you or Gloria."

She flinched painfully but thought for a few minutes, "What if I organized another manager and I stayed out of it?"

"Yeah if you gave it up and we did our own thing, no Gloria."

"We can't do that, the band signed a contract, please just think about it. Gloria wouldn't be around much, you wouldn't see her."

I laughed, "No fucking way, I want nothing to do with the toxic bitch."

"Then there's no point the girls want to work with her, they like her and they at least appreciate what Gloria is trying to do for them."

I shrugged, "Well there's no sense talking longer. I will help you carry your bags down."

At school I concentrated all my energy on finishing my degree and now without the band I had time to work on my own album. I had amassed a pile of songs written that didn't fit the band, now I was free to concentrate on them and I of course wrote a lot of break up songs. I had plenty of emotion to draw on for those. The melancholy pile made Taylor swift look like a beginner.

Late at night I used the school's studio for recording. I kept the format simple, no band just guitar or cello.

The late nights and focus on study did take my mind off Molly but there was a problem looming, money... without the income from the band my bank balance dwindling quickly. I needed to think about a job. When I thought about going back to stacking shelves it sent shivers down my spine. I thought maybe I could talk to April, maybe she might have something. She did offer me my old job back but she also suggested busking

When I thought about the format for all my new songs, I knew they were good and worked without a band, so they would be fine for busking, maybe I could make enough to keep me going.

The next day I only had the one class so I grabbed my guitar and set up down town and started busking. Within minutes I had a crowd gathered around and my guitar case filled quickly. I still had a few Lips CD's which I sold as well, it amazed me how many fans the band and for that matter I had. The comments I got from fans wanting to talk was mostly about how they were sorry I left the band. At the end of the day I had a hundred and fifty bucks.

Pretty respectable, by the end of the week I had made over five hundred, but better than that I had a couple of solo gigs booked. Thing were looking up. The first gig was a Sunday session at the replay lounge. It only paid three hundred bucks but beggars can't be choosers. The venue required me to do some advertising, I figured the easiest way was to put together a Facebook page and run advertising from there.

First decision, what would I call myself, after lots of consideration I decided on 'Just Mimi'. Once I set it up I started to get followers. I circulated flyers pasting them on as many shop fronts as possible and I was on my way.

The first gig was a nightmare I was so nervous. But as I worked through my song list which included some carefully selected covers, I had the crowd eating it up. Guys as well as girls loved the songs, slow with feeling, bluesy country ballads with a bit of raw bite. More Lucinda Williams than Adele, Bob Dylan with less gravel, a little like Jewel on steroids, maybe even Gillian Welch. I wanted my songs to have lyrics that spoke from the heart, deep and meaningful.

Of course, I was requested to play some Lips songs and I did, although I did my versions of them and I chose the songs I had written rather than Mel's songs.

My second gig was another Sunday session at the S&S Artisan Pub and Coffeehouse. The atmosphere was great and like my first gig I got a good audience, my rep was growing and I got a shock. In the audience were Molly, Mel, Jas and Cindy. They sat at the back and watched and listened. I saw them have a laugh when I played a couple of the lip's songs, although I noticed the laughs died down when I received a huge round of applause.

After finishing up they walked up and we all hugged, Mel was first, "I gotta say Mi, that was pretty cool, not sure about a couple of the songs though."

Jas pushed past her and hugged me tight, "Oh babes I have missed you, forget what these losers said I thought you were great, I loved it."

Cindy with her usual diffident chilled persona muttered, "You were pretty good although you would get paid more if you wore that sexy school girl costume." The girls all laughed.

Molly went last, "You were great, I loved it those songs are really wonderful."

I thanked them all and the bar manager spotted us a few drinks, he recognized the girls and I think he thought he might be able to get the lips to play.

It was pointless avoiding the elephant in the room so I asked, "So how's the band going?"

Mel muttered, "We aren't at the moment, we are trialing a new guitar player tomorrow night. Hopefully he'll be OK."

"He...holy crap on a cracker...wonders will never cease."

She sneered, "Not my choice I would rather go without but these morons twisted my arm, we heard him on a demo and he sounds alright, but I guess we'll see how it pans out."

They all left together although Molly lingered, "So how's school going?"

Shaking my head, I muttered, "Just trying to get through the year and pass. What about you?"

She shook her head as well, "I don't know babe, I'm a bit lost to be honest."

I nodded along, "Yeah I know how you feel."

Grabbing my hand, she gave it a squeeze, "Babe, please come back, the girls want you back, please I'm begging you."

"No Moll's that boat sailed, there's no way back for me while they're contracted to that witch."

She sulked, kicked her chair away and stormed off in a huff.

At school I worked hard on my album and after two months I had what I thought was a pretty good product. It was selling well while I busked and at the Sunday sessions I was playing. But out of the blue I got a call from the Bottle Neck asking if I would open for the lips Saturday night.

Open for them...Initially I refused but when he rang back offering me seven hundred bucks I folded and agreed. It was a bit cheeky and I knew how they would promote it, 'former member opens for band.' I wasn't happy about that aspect but I guess I was interested in seeing the new guy."

As I was setting up the girls arrived and started setting up their own gear. The guy Wayne seemed like a nice enough guy, very good looking, tall and with long hair designer stubble and well dressed, black slacks, a crisp white shirt and a vest, very chic. Molly bustled around, I could see she wanted to talk but I found other things to keep me occupied. Eventually she caught me and asked almost apologetically, "Mi, could you please, not play any of the Lip's songs we will be playing?"

I chuckled, "I am only playing my songs the ones I wrote, they are still mine, I still hold copyright on them I showed her my set list and she scowled, "Really...oh c'mon babe, they are the Lips songs now and you know it."

"Yeah well who wrote them?"

"OK I get it you wrote them but they belong to the band and they are on our set list for tonight."

"Guess the audience will hear them twice then."

"Fuck why are you being so stubborn and hardnosed, Christ if I hadn't pushed you wouldn't have even been offered this gig and you only have to play for half an hour you have plenty of other songs you could sing."

I sneered stubbornly, "I got this gig because the owner saw it as a chance to promote it. You've seen all the posters and shit. You read them right...Former member opens for band...that's me, former member."

She went silent for a while, "Please, I'm begging you...Gloria is going to be here tonight to see the new line-up and hopefully we will get the record deal back on track."

"You convinced me of one thing, now I am definitely playing my songs because they are mine, I still hold the copyright and nobody else is recording them without my permission."