Marion's Story Ch. 17

Thank you to my dear friend Marina Kelly for her help with the story, for keeping me motivated and for her wonderful editing skills.

*

With Molly gone I sat down, drew a deep breath and sighed. I wasn't serious about the road trip or taking Kim with me but sitting in the solitary vacuum she left behind as she raced to the airport I had time to think.

She was right, our life did always seem filled with drama but, damn it I felt it was mostly of her making. All I wanted was my fiancée back. I wanted her in my arms, by my side not flying off around the country doing Gloria's beckoning.

When I started evaluating the things that were important to me it became clear.

As much as I liked and enjoyed the benefits of stardom that was never my driver, not initially anyway but lately with Moll's so involved with management and stuff it seemed all we talked about. Big tours, stadium concerts, gigs new records.

The more I thought the more I realized I had lost my way. I was trapped in the corporate world I tried so hard to ignore, it was all about money and deals. Thinking back to when I started out and my time busking the haze lifted and I decided I should do exactly what I told Moll's I was going to do. All I wanted was to perform and make people happy.

I had been bullshitting about hitting the road but as I thought about it, I decided, maybe that's what I needed, just the van and me against the odds, oh and my guitar as well.

I did have stuff to do first. I promised Adam I would finish a couple of jobs at the studio, one of which was finishing a demo recording for this young guy who had written a couple of pretty good songs. I had spent the last month working with him developing them and today we laid them down. He was gone as I worked on the final mix. I was at the desk with the headphones on listening when I got a shock.

It was after six and I wasn't expecting anyone, so when Gloria tapped me on the shoulder I left the seat jumping with fright.

She looked as shocked as me. She looked pensive, "Mimi, I think we need to talk?"

I ushered her through to the little chill out room and we sat together. Gloria being Gloria meant there was no preamble, "OK Mimi, what's going on between you and Molly? I just got off the phone with her and she sounded devastated."

Alright, if she wanted it she was going to get it, "Gloria, I am sick of living the way we do, Molly on the other side of the country or if she's here she is running around after you. We finally seem to have most of our personal shit sorted out and now she isn't here. This isn't what I signed up for."

She sighed deeply glancing around looking for something before she mumbled anxiously, "Christ, do you have anything to drink in here?"

I went over to the drinks cabinet and poured her a glass of wine. As we sat sipping our drinks she said, "OK, I get that you love her, but surely, she is entitled to a life, a career. Mimi you don't have to live in each other's pockets."

Nodding I mumbled, "Sure that's true but now after all that's happened, I want to see if we can make it as a couple. We can't do that when I see her one or two days a week. All I want is her around at the moment until we have our lives sorted then we can do our own thing."

She got up and came and sat beside me, her arm circling my shoulder in a motherly fashion, "Darling she needs to feel valued, at the moment she feels so completely overwhelmed by you. She lives completely in your shadow and at the minute she feels insignificant and forgotten. She wants a chance to prove to you and the world that she is valuable, and perhaps to herself as well, she wants to be noticed."

Downing my wine in a big gulp I replied, "I understand all that, which is why I said we should take a break and get back together later. She can build her career and then hopefully it will be out of her system and we can have a life together."

She drank her wine and whispered breathlessly, "And what about you? What are you going to do?"

Her lips moved closer as she leaned in slowly and pointedly asked again, "Well darling... What are you going to do?"

As her mouth opened and her tongue slithered over the exposed skin of my neck I mumbled, "I'm going on a road trip."

I felt her stop, she sat upright and rasped, "What did you say?"

"I'm going to take some time off, throw my guitar and gear in the van and hit the road, play some gigs, see some of the country and just disappear for a while."

I felt her mouth on my shoulder as she slumped, "That's your answer...run away and hide, why is that always your first reaction? Every time things don't go your way that's it you run away. If you want to see more of Molly stay and try to make it work."

She scowled, "You're a brave person Mimi, to be courageous enough to do what you've done so far shows incredible fortitude, but every time the going gets tough you run away...It doesn't make sense."

Feeling aggrieved I groaned, "I'm not running away damn it, I am taking some time to be alone, to think things through and give Molly some space so she can do the same. Hopefully when we get back together, we will have found a way to make it work."

Her lips moved back into gear sliding over my flesh, her wet succulent lips moving up my neck, across my cheek and colliding with my mouth in a scintillating kiss. The heat making my skin burn.

It happened so quickly I felt like another minute and I wouldn't be able to stop.

I placed my hand up against her mouth, "No Gloria please we have to stop...I asked Molly to commit to our relationship so I'm going to have to do the same."

She sat up again frustrated, "Mimi, she knows I'm here, she knows what we're doing and she is OK with it."

Her hand slid up my satin dress resting over my boob. I slid my hand over hers, "Please Gloria, I can't do this."

She leaned back taking a deep breath, "I don't understand you Mimi, we have always had fun together, we have always enjoyed each other, why not now?"

"Because I want a normal life, to keep this for my wife. I want our lives together to be special and our bodies to be only for each other."

Shaking her head in wonder pausing hesitantly before stating loudly, "OK...all right, if you are so determined in running off on a country wide tour then let me organize a decent one, then at least Molly could be with you for part of it."

"This isn't about a tour or money I just want to get away. Sorry Gloria but I just need some space."

Disappointed and frustrated she got up walking towards the door, "All I can say is...I think this is more about your insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. You are so worried about Molly stepping out from your shadow you want to run off. You're a fool Mimi...oh well if that's your answer, enjoy the trip and I hope you find what you're looking for."

It took another day to get my shit together. I chucked everything I needed in the van and headed away. This time I wanted to do the old original route 66 tour. I hit the road suitcase and guitar in hand (Sorry Paul) it was with no real intent that I hit the road. No time frame I just followed the road. They say that Route 66 is America's highway. I can attest to that. The first thing I did when I cleared LA was turn off my mobile phone. Not maliciously I just wanted space without interruptions. That's not entirely true...I guess there was some malice. Molly would be wondering where I was.

My first stop was Barstow, not far from LA but with a late start it was a good first stop. I got a gig at the Pit Stop Bar and Grill. They didn't usually have live music on a Wednesday night but gave me a spot for the cost of a meal and drinks for the night. It was a great start to my road trip. The place packed out and there were people dancing and singing along. All in all it was a great night.

From there I moved on in small steps taking my time to look around the places I stopped. To make it fun I made a little travel vlog. In Flagstaff I brought a small digital video camera so I could record my shows. Some of them were pretty cool. People asked what I was doing and I got some volunteers to carry the camera around rather than just filming from one spot. It brought it all to life, I had this plan of turning it into a road trip documentary when it was all over.

That brain wave I used every night I performed, I got somebody from the audience to film me. Some of it was pretty good and some was not, but all in all it was a fun reminder, and yeah maybe I could do something constructive with it at a later date.

Taking my time as I drove east I made the most of the fact I had no itinerary or set travel plans. Sometimes staying in motels and others just sleeping in the van I made my way slowly across the great country. I found plenty of gigs some I played just for dinner, others for a room and a few for money. I even played a couple just because I liked the vibe, yeah I got some free drinks but I played for free. The bigger towns were easy to get gigs, the lips had made this easier. Now I was recognized and paid accordingly, most places couldn't believe that it was me. I guess they don't get a lot of artists who are charting in the top ten playing these small dives.

After the third night I decided I better check my phone, put Moll's mind at rest because she was probably worried. When I turned it on I was shocked that there were plenty of missed calls and messages just none from Molly. Mel, Gloria and even a couple from Kim, but not a damned thing from Molly.

That hurt actually so I decided there and then that I wouldn't turn it on until I got back to LA. If she didn't want to talk to me, I certainly wasn't talking to her.

As I travelled across the country playing all these little seedy bars and coffee houses I remembered why I enjoyed busking. I loved the audience in your face, tripping over your mic stand bumping into you, trying to pick you up afterwards. I missed the human connection.

Don't get me wrong I loved the huge stadium gigs, the theatres and event centers but this was real, it was in your face and I loved it. Dancing on some shitty little makeshift stage with drunken truck drivers, cowboys or bikers brought it all to life. Shit even some girls got up and danced with me to a chorus of hoots and hollers.

There were a few dodgy moments as well, a young girl on the road alone, yeah I had a few issues but I coped. After the first time I was hit on by this big biker dude I decided to change the way I dress. I started wearing jeans and shirts, yeah western shirts so I fit in. Less skin meant less chance of getting raped and beaten up. Getting raped as a crossdresser that meant you were also likely to get beaten up.

Playing in the band, I dressed the way I did to accentuate that I wanted to be seen as a woman, to be viewed as a woman. So the short skirts, the skimpy tops were all about showing as much as possible. At first wearing loose fitting shirts and jeans I felt like Mi was disappearing but as I got used to it I noticed people didn't treat me differently, they still thought of me as a girl and I grew comfortable in my new skin.

Dressed as I was the revelation was people listened more to my music. People were more interested in my music than me and yes I liked that.

My tour across 66 continued in that vain. I took my time, I played tourist and I made friends with all sorts of people. Towns sort of drifted into one.

By the time I got to Amarillo I figured if mom found out I did this trip and never called in I would be in big trouble. So with that in mind I took a detour turning north after a great night playing at the Broken Spoke Lounge. It was real cool place, straight out of a poster for Route 66. It took the best part of five hours

I pulled into her driveway unheralded. I got out of the wagon dusty and tired. I knocked on the door and Fred answered the door looking shocked to see me, but when I put my finger up to my mouth, he took the hint and we shook hands and he stepped aside to welcome me in, he still made me laugh though. No hug there.

Anyway, I walked in and mom being mom was busy in the kitchen baking something. I walked in unnoticed and said, "Hey mom."

She just about left the floor she jumped with such a start. When she got her breath back, we fell into a big hug and she squeezed me so tight I thought I was going to faint.

Afterwards with a big glass of lemonade we sat out on the veranda and rocked. Of course, she wanted to know what went wrong this time between Molly and me. She knew most of it because as she complained bitterly, unlike her son Molly actually kept in touch with her.

With her little fit of pique out of the way we talked about my road trip but mostly she wanted to talk about the bands European tour. She talked with such excitement about it and there was such a bright light in her eyes as she asked about each town we stayed in and the food, the culture, she amazed me with her knowledge. It was then I remembered a long time ago when I was a boy mom and dad talking about taking a holiday to Europe. There was no way I was getting away without staying for a couple of nights she was that excited to have me home. She fed me up and gave me a hug and as I parted she told me off ordering me to contact Molly because she was worried.

Back on the road and I made it to Chicago uninjured and my batteries recharged. Of course the trip hadn't just been just about the drive and the country. It had been about me finding myself, that always included songs and this trip was no different spending so many nights alone in the van I had written countless songs but amongst them were a dozen little gems, songs that I was pretty proud of. Having played them night after night along the way they were now tried and tested. From the reception they received, I wasn't the only one who liked them.

In Chicago I actually managed to get a couple of pretty good gigs. Good paying ones. It did mean hanging around for a week or so which gave me time to busk and think. It hurt that Molly had never tried to contact me even to ask where I was or what I was doing, it was like we were already living separate lives.

With the new songs burning a hole in my soul with every passing day the desire to record them grew so loud that if I didn't do something with them I was going to burst.

I felt the pull and I needed to get them down quickly, and I was feeling tired, refreshed mentally but tired. When I thought about the trip back to La it was a lightbulb moment. There was no way I could face up to another drive back. With that realization I knew the van and I had come to a parting of the ways. I advertised it for a cheap price and within days it was gone...My cozy little home on wheels that had given me so much joy was gone.

I crated up my amp and PA gear put it in the hands of a freight company and shipped it back home to LA. That thought was a bit of a revelation as well. I now thought of LA as home. From there it was onto a plane and a flight home.

As I relaxed back in my seat on the flight back, I couldn't help but wonder what I would find when I got there. From what mom said Molly was scared and nervous because I hadn't tried to get in touch, she feared the worst. I didn't even know if she would be at the apartment.

As I walked into the apartment, I was shocked to see Molly was still living there. Her clothes were spread everywhere and the place was a mess. As I foraged around it was obvious, she must be here because most of her underwear was here. The laundry basket was overflowing and the sink was full of dirty dishes.

I put my case down and swore loudly. I gathered together what were obviously dirty clothes and tossed them in the washer setting it in motion.

Moving to the kitchen I washed and put away the dishes and wiped down all the benches and mopped the floor.

As the first load of laundry reached the end of the cycle, I transferred it to the drier and tossed the remaining dirty clothes into the machine.

It took me the best part of two hours to get the place looking respectable. When I checked the refrigerator, I could see there was absolutely nothing in there. It required a visit to the market to pick up some food

As I got back, I was feeling shattered and decided to wander into the studio and see if Adam was around. I found him out the back in the chill out room. As I walked in, he jumped up, I put down my bags of groceries and we hugged it out. "Holy shit welcome home stranger, I was wondering if you were coming back at all."

He grabbed me a beer and we flopped on the big settee and put our feet up. He gave me a knowing glare, "Turned to the dark side have you?"

I laughed, "What the hell are you talking about?"

He pointed at my country style shirt, jeans and boots, "Country and western...who are you...the new Taylor Swift or something?"

Clicking on I laughed, "Nope, you dipshit, I was just trying to keep my ass safe from rednecks and cowpokes."

It sure was good to be back, Adam and I were good friends, he was comfortable enough with me to make jokes, he didn't worry about offending my girly sensibilities.

He talked a little about how the studio had gone into hibernation because he had been so busy working at KGM. We talked about Molly, he said he hadn't actually seen much of her but knew she was living upstairs. He had left her to her own devices.

As we slid into our third beer, I started telling him about my new songs and as always, I got excited which got him going and we ended up in the studio as I gave him a limited demo of some of them.

As he listened, he nodded and tapped his foot which was always a good sign.

He disappeared returning with more beer and by the time we were finishing up I was feeling no pain. Adam headed off for home and I stumbled up to the apartment. I planted the bags down on the bench and set about cooking something for dinner.

I was almost finished when the door banged against the wall and Molly staggered in carrying bags of groceries as well. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw me.

It was a moment in time and it was as if the world stopped for just as instant and that moment turned into an hour or so it seemed.

She walked in placing the bags down, "Mi...what are you doing here?"

I chuckled softly, "I live here, what about you?"

She smiled, "I live here as well." Her nose gave a little wriggle as she smelled the food, "Damn...that smells good, what are we having?"

"Mongolian beef."

She whispered, "Yum, sounds good."

She curled up on the cushions and I passed over her plate. I sat beside her and we started to eat.

"What the hell happened in here? It looked like a tornado went through the place." I complained.

She giggled apologetically, "Yeah sorry but I have been coming and going and flying all over the country and I guess I got a bit lazy." She giggled, "It looks nice now, I forgot we had floorboards."

"So how was your trip?" She asked.

I replied, "It was cool actually." As we talked the tension eased and the conversation got real. She asked about all the towns and all the places I played. I showed her some photos and a little of the vlog I made and suddenly we weren't sitting we were snuggled together. She sat listening and watching enviously, "Jeez Mi, that looks awesome, I'm jealous."

"What about you?" I asked softly.

She sighed, "It's been cool as well but truly I have spent more time in the air than I have on the ground. We have some cool new artists though."

As we finished eating, she asked, "Did you meet anybody on your road trip?"

I laughed, "I met heaps of people, some good some bad."

"Don't fuck with me dumbass, did you meet somebody special?"

I frowned, "No I didn't because I wasn't looking for anything like that. Molly I left because I got sick of living by myself. I figured I may as well do something."