Marriage Divorce Life Ch. 01

Horrified, she snapped back, "God what are you saying? Is that what you think of me? I would never do that to you."

Horrible images filled my mind and I blurted out, "Did you at least wear condoms?"

I saw her face distort in an embarrassed grimace, "No we didn't, I'm on the pill, you know that."

"Christ, what about diseases, that disgusting little prick could be fucking anybody, god knows how many sluts he's had through his bed."

Her eyes bulged, quickly filling with tears. She quickly scrambled out of bed sending the blankets flying and ran full tilt into the bathroom slamming the door behind her. Even with the door closed I heard her ragged hysterical sobs.

Over the next week our house was very cool. We could barely talk to each other without yelling. She continued to make her arrangements for the workshop. We tried a couple of times to talk but it always ended up in a yelling screaming match. I suggested marriage counselling and she seemed interested but wouldn't commit. I suggested a holiday but she cried off responding she was too busy at the moment.

Friday night I tried again to convince her one last time that this was a bad idea. Shit she had been sleeping with the prick for months, this trip wasn't the only thing I wanted to talk about. The fact she had been cheating for months hurt badly. I wanted to talk about that, the future would be hard enough.

"Shell, this can't go on, I'm not accepting the way things are. If you will commit to counselling and promise your affair is over, I'm prepared to try and save our marriage, but I'm not putting up with the way things are."

She slumped back in the recliner staring back at me angrily as I added, "I want you to cancel the workshop so we can try to work through this."

"Tom I can't, I have made a commitment, I paid for the lodge, three thousand dollars. No, I can't.

"OK then, tell shit for brains he can't go."

A little sob escaped her stern expression, "Tom please, just give me the month, let me sort things out. I promise when I get back, we can try counselling or something."

I shook my head vigorously, "No Shell, if he goes up there with you our marriage is over. I will file for divorce; I am not fucking around. You are either in, or you're out."

"Please Tom, it's just a month, we've had over twenty years, compared to that it's a pittance, a drop in the ocean. Please I am begging you, let me do this, I mean there are options we haven't even talked about yet."

"Options!" I snorted, "And what would they be?"

Her face reddened as she blushed, "Well, we could try an open marriage, that way I could see Paul occasionally, we could try sex together, all three of us, you see Tom, there are options."

"And you thought I would be interested in your options, did you?"

She screwed up her face wincing almost painfully, "I did hope, yes. This is what I mean about you being unapproachable, rigid, close minded. Tom it's a bright new world, there are lots of things we could try together."

"Shelby, I'm actually Nauseated listening to you. The only thing I want to do with Paul is punch his fucking lights out."

She lifted herself before scowling, "Don't do anything silly hon, I don't want you to go to jail."

I flinched, was that a threat? I glared at her and she apologised, "Sorry that came out wrong, violence never fixed anything, look why don't we take the month, both of us and then when I get back, we can talk, I promise there are alternatives, If you just approach it with an open mind, you might find you like them." Her face tried to smile but her ashen complexion made it look more like a grimace.

"Shelby, this is my last attempt, and you need to understand I am dead serious. I do not accept your current arrangements, if he goes with you, when you get back our marriage will be over, and I will be gone."

"You don't mean that Tom, this is just the anger talking."

In bed that night she tried again to initiate sex, like last time she snuggled up against me naked, "We better make the most of tonight honey, it will be a month, a whole month."

I pushed her hand away, "I'll survive, I don't like second-hand goods."

Affronted, she grunted disconsolately, "You're being silly, but it's your loss." She rolled over facing the side of the bed, the blankets drawn tightly up under her chin.

It was a sleepless night for me, my eyes finally closing just before the sun rose. I was woken with a start, Shelby's hot mouth engulfing my morning wood. When my low guttural moan alerted her that I was awake she peeked up at me teasingly, her wet tongue sliding salaciously around my knob, "Hhhhhmmm good morning lover." She cooed.

I have to say, it felt so good as her mouth closed over the head and she went back to sucking me off. Overriding the pleasure though was anger, a guilty, mercy blow job wasn't what I wanted.

Grabbing a handful of hair, I snatched her head away violently. She screamed, "Ouch, shit, that hurt...What the hell."

I climbed out of bed and stormed off to the bathroom, "Shelby, you can shove your guilty blowjob up your arse."

When I emerged, she was already gone, the bed was empty. As I wandered out into the kitchen she was there, cup of tea in her outstretched hand.

"I'm sorry you thought I was doing something nice; I know you love to be woken up like that, and seeing as how I'm going to gone for a while, I thought it would be a nice way to start the day."

I sneered, "Usually I would agree, but you can't appease your guilty conscience that easily."

She sighed, Luv, I was just trying to do something nice for you."

She wandered outside with her tea leaving me to wonder what the hell was going on. How could she be so nonchalant and indifferent about the whole thing? Did she really think I would just accept this?

Later I watched from the kitchen as she packed her stuff and loaded her car. She walked back into the kitchen with a strained thin smile, trying to treat it as if it was just a shopping trip or something, "Well that's it luv, all packed up. I will see you in a month. I'll ring and we can chat." She saw the tension on my face and hugged me tight, "Relax darling, it's not like I'm leaving forever, the time will fly by, you'll see I'll be back before you know it."

I shook my head in wonder, how could she be so stupid, "Shelby I told you already. Leave now and our marriage will be finished, gone forever. There will be nothing for you to come back to."

A deep frown creased her face, "Tom sweets you are overreacting. This month might be a good thing, it will allow you to think, I promise when I return, we will both be in better mental states to have a proper conversation about the future."

I felt bad enough, but I certainly wasn't going to beg. She smiled warmly, leaned in for a quick kiss, her tongue swirling around my mouth, as her mouth slipped off mine, she smiled, anxious, reassuring, hopefully, "Trust me hon, it's going to be alright."

With that she was gone and I was left to an empty house.

She sped off down the street and as disappeared from view my dismay and shock replaced by a growing inferno of rage. I wanted to break things, throw things but the rage slowly faded manifesting into a plan of action. I jumped into my truck and headed off to the City dump and recycling centre. I brought a huge pile of used cardboard moving boxes.

Back at the house I started in her wardrobe moving to her dresser drawers. By the end of the day any vestige of her existence had at least been expunged from the bedroom.

I sat back on the bed the rage exhausted, as I glanced around the room at the pile of full boxes sadness crept over me, the rage replaced with a deep immovable feeling of regret and wonder, 'WHERE DID IT All GO WRONG?'

Over what was left of the weekend I spent my time trying to figure out how or why this happened. There were no signs that she was unhappy, apart from the empty nest syndrome, maybe this was the female equivalent of a midlife crisis? Jesus, she had been sleeping with the bastard for god knows how long and I didn't even know. What a witless idiot. I could already hear the sniggers and sneers from our friends and family...

Our family, Jesus the kids what the hell were they going to say?

I fretted as I moved the boxes out to the shed and stacked them neatly in a dark corner. As I worked the decision became easier to make and it started to feel real. This was happening, the bitch was history.

Monday morning, I took time off work, I used a solicitor who I played golf with occasionally and I filed for divorce. Using him gave me some advantages, he started by asking if I was sure, or whether I was just acting in anger. He suggested I wait, but I think he realised there was no going back. I mean his advice was sound. He suggested all the usual financial suggestions, credit cards, bank accounts, combined assets. Sell the house and split the profits, or buy out her share.

Filling out the forms made me feel better, I signed the papers and arranged for her to be served as early as possible. Serving papers isn't a normal step in NZ but I wanted to speed up and force the issue. I wanted to make my threat real, I wanted her to know it wasn't an empty threat. I had a month.

Tuesday, as suggested I cancelled the cards and went to the bank opening a new account and removed half of the cash.

As the week drifted by, I gave some thought to my solicitor's suggestions. Staying in the house was not an option, it was too big for a single person anyway and now it held bad memories. Maybe Shelby would be more emotionally attached and want to buy out my share? That would be her call. I decided that what I needed was an appraisal, with that in mind, I approached a realtor who I knew through work to do an inspection and give me a valuation.

She asked why I was selling and I explained Shelby and I were separating. She knew Shelby as well and looked sad, "That's a shame, I thought you guys were good together."

"Me to." I answered. The valuation was much better than I expected, so I asked her to put it on the market immediately. I promised to get Shelby to sign the paperwork before the week was out.

That night I sent Shelby an email explaining my actions and that I had put the house on the market. I attached the sale documentation explaining if she wanted to keep the house then she would have to buy me out, or sign and we would sell.

Surprisingly I got an email back almost immediately with the signed documentation and a brief email which read.

'I'm sorry you feel that this is our only option I am deeply hurt that you are unable to see past your fragile sensibilities and insecurities. I know this came as a shock to you and for that I am sorry. I had hoped that you would use the time I was away to consider the future. We have a wonderful marriage and I do not want to see it end. I am genuinely hurt Tom, I thought that you would be adult enough to realise that this month could be a perfect chance to re-evaluate and think about what we want. I am sorry that my actions caused you this much pain. Knowing you as I do it hurts me that you see this as the only option."

Later that night I was lying in bed when the phone rang, "Hi Tom, can we talk?" It was Shelby, her voice shaky and uneven.

"Yeah, what do you want to talk about?"

Her voice wavered, "You aren't serious about the house, are you? Please tell me that you're just angry at me."

"No Shell, I am deadly serious. I tried to talk to you before you left."

She broke into tears, "Please hon, don't do this, you are just acting out of spite, or jealousy. I know what I did was wrong, but couldn't it at least wait until I get home?"

"No Shell, It's over. Sorry I did give you a chance, I did say before you left there would be nothing to come home for."

She disconnected the call, as she did, I could hear her sobbing.

Her casual attitude struck me like a slap in the face. Was I being too hasty? I spent the next few days pondering whether she was right...should I wait?

The week after that I received notification from my solicitor that she had been served.

I wondered how she took it; I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall. It didn't take long to find out her reaction, as I sat down to dinner the phone rang. "Hello Tom."

"Hi Shelby, to what to I owe the pleasure this time?"

Her voice was calm, controlled, maybe unnaturally measured, forced. "Tom, you're acting like a fool, you hurt me today, I was horrified and, well affronted. For god's sake, why did you have me served here in front of all my friends?"

"Shelby, I told you what I was going to do, it shouldn't have come as a shock."

"Damn it Tom, I thought especially after my call that you might take some time to think things through. I hoped that you would reconsider your actions and wait until I was home to talk properly."

"You think I was going to sit here and listen to the snide remarks and hurtful comments from our friends, while you spend the month up there fucking him? Get real Shelby...Christ, I'm not being made a fool of?"

"Tom stop it, just stop it, could we at least be civil...you're acting like a crazy person, nobody knows, there are no comments. I am begging you, don't act out of silly malicious jealousy or anger, take stock and when I get home, we can talk things through calmly, make love enjoy our lives together, grow old as we planned."

"Shelby, you seem to forget, you're up there having sex with another man, sleeping in his arms while I sleep alone and masturbate... You have the gall to say I'm acting like a fool."

"Tom, I had hoped once I got back, we could talk about things. Like I said there are alternatives, if you would just open your mind and see the possibilities."

"I don't know you anymore Shelby; if this discussion had occurred before you cheated on me perhaps there would have been a chance but no, not now. I'm sorry but, this is it; let me know what you want to keep because I have been told the house will sell quickly, possibly before your return."

"Good god, are you not listening Tom? This doesn't have to go this way."

"Yes, it does Shelby, what I am sorry for is that you can't see it."

I disconnected the call,

Her continued disregard and contempt for my feelings hurt as much as the actual affair. It drove me harder. I focused all my attentions on the business of restarting my life. Twenty years with the same person is a long time. I felt angry, betrayed humiliated and I wanted this over as quickly as possible. As I packed up all the photos and personal belongings all the attached memories flooded back. I mean it wasn't going to end well, but there had been plenty of good times, lots of fun and incredible memories.

Who can forget the birth of their children, although with recent discoveries I wondered even about that? I quickly dismissed the doubt, things were different then. We loved each other; we were on a shared mission to make the best of our lives.

I made sure the house had never been cleaner, the gardens tidier or the lawns more neatly trimmed. It had to look good for the open homes. Still the thought I couldn't clear was, where it went wrong? That's the answer I wanted, if I was going to get closure, I needed to know why...What had I done wrong.

Surprisingly out of the blue she called me, her voice bubbly and bright, "Tom I have a suggestion, why not come up and stay for the weekend so we can talk?"

I laughed disparagingly, "And where would I sleep?"

She sighed, "With me of course silly."

"No thanks Shell, I would hate to kick lover boy out of his bed."

"Tom don't be like that, things seem to have spiralled out of control, divorce, selling the house. I thought we should talk, try to sort things out. I don't want a divorce Tom. I want to fix things, make everything right."

"Does that mean you are prepared to get rid of lover boy?"

"That's what this month was all about. I'm trying to be honest here Tom, I wanted this time. I want you to stop the sale and divorce until we can talk."

"Shelby can you tell me what I did wrong? What was it I lacked that made you look elsewhere?'

"Tom darling, you are approaching this all wrong, it's what I have been trying to explain. You lack nothing. You have been nothing but a wonderful husband, and you are a good lover, kind and considerate."

"Then why look elsewhere?"

"I wasn't as you say looking, it happened out of the blue. You know how closely Paul and I worked together, he recently went through some hard times and it pushed us together."

There was a slight pause as she gathered her thoughts. "Sweets when you work with somebody that closely the lines get blurred, emotions get tangled. We shared things, feelings and stories. Look it just happened one night, and we sort of ended up in bed. It was just an extension of our existing relationship."

Again, a hesitation, a pregnant pause, "Tom sweetie when you work closely with creative people the juices get all stirred up, emotions get mixed up. Thinking about it, Paul and I taking things further was somehow almost inevitable. Sweetheart Paul was in a dark place and I needed to help him and guide him out. This novel he is working on is going to be a huge hit."

"So, that's it? Because he's a good writer you just had to sleep with him?

"No!" She screamed, "Christ Tom stop being so ridiculous, it just happened. I do adore Paul he is wonderful but oh so fragile. He needed my love to guide him."

"That's it then I suppose. The house is going to sell quickly, Michelle has an open home arranged this weekend and she has people interested already."

She sighed, "Tom we don't have to do this...what's to be gained by rushing into it. Why can't we take our time, wait until the workshop is over and we can spend time together, see if we can find some common ground."

"No!" I shouted, "No absolutely not. It's OK for you hiding away up there with your lover sharing a bed, having sex, but me, I'm stuck here at home and everyone is laughing at me. They all say the same thing, what a naive clueless fool."

"Oh, good lord, I told you before, nobody knows, but even if they did, let them talk...what do they know. Look tom come up and stay with me for the weekend, make love, we can hold each other, talk."

"Oh yeah and what's old Pauly going to say...kicked out of his bed."

"I've already told him that I hoped you would come up and stay and he was happy. He was devastated when he saw me getting served. He had a mini breakdown knowing he was at the centre of our breakup."

"Oh yeah I'm sure he was, and what about everybody else up there...they must all know what's going on. They must all be laughing their heads of at me."

"Sweetheart, nobody is laughing, of that I can assure you, every single person has been nothing but supportive. Paul is a nice man, a little intense but a wonderful human being. He didn't want us to break up, he wasn't trying to steal me away from you. It was just a moment in time."

"Oh, for fuck sake Shelby, listen to yourself, how many of these moments were there? If it was just a single slip up maybe, I could forgive you but to cheat on me for months treat me like a chump."

Her voice became urgent, beseeching, "Tom what I did was wrong. I admit I should have been up front but I feared this is the way you would react, I wanted to find the right time to talk to you but the moment never seemed right. I was afraid of an overreaction."

"Holy shit Shelby...What did you think I was going to do?"

"Tom if we could step back, slow down and take a breath you would see that it doesn't have to be the end of the world."

I stood up and got ready to walk out, "Sorry Shelby but I think you have early onset dementia if you think this is sane.... Goodbye."

She yelled quickly, "Please Tom I'm begging come stay with me, at least tonight, we need to talk, to find a way to fix things, shit what would be the harm?"