Marriage Divorce Life Ch. 01

"The harm would be, by accepting your offer I would be condoning your actions, let me make this plain, I do not consent to your tawdry little affair... I abhor it."

That was the end for me, I just hung up.

The news was good after the open home, we had an offer on the house on the same day and it was full price, so I accepted it, I emailed Shelby to sign off on. It returned signed and agreed.

It was a standard thirty-day contract so I had to get my arse into gear and find somewhere new.

I got a call from my daughter Jennifer which started normally, "Hey dad how's things?"

"OK honey what about you how's school?"

"School is good, but I just saw our house for sale on Trade me, is it true you're selling the house?"

"Yes, it's sold already actually."

"Holy shit...already...no say goodbye party or anything? What happened."

This was hard, I had been dreading this, "Well hon your mum and I have decided to separate, so it made sense to sell up."

"What.... What the hell dad. Why?" I heard her sniffling sobs. "Dad what's going on?"

"We are just different people; we have drifted apart and we think the time is right. I'm sorry to tell you over the phone, it sort of happened fast."

"Is mum alright, can I talk to her?"

"Honey she's up at lake Brunner running a writer's workshop, you can get her on her mobile though."

She sounded heartbroken and kept asking what happened. Yeah, I suppose I could have told her but what would be the point. Nobody wins in that scenario.

After I hung up, I decided to call my son Selwyn as well. Thinking I may as well get it all over and done with. Selwyn was shell-shocked when I told him. A call like that coming out of the blue isn't something you expect. He was a little more forceful in wanting to know what happened and didn't buy my 'we were walking different paths'. I told him if he wanted Shelby's perspective to call her directly.

The search for somewhere to live was hard, it wasn't like I had a plan, but it did make me think long and hard about my future. It was pointless buying a large house because regardless of what the future had in store for me, I knew I didn't want kids. On the other hand, I didn't want to live in an apartment, I couldn't see myself living that lifestyle. I like privacy and off course I needed a garage, a workshop, somewhere to hide when the world turns against you.

I cast my net far and wide, leaving all possibilities open. I found a few places that looked interesting, but as I searched the internet, I kept going back to this one place, it was crazy really, so far out of town and pretty run down, but every time I opened the net, I went back to it. I'm not a genius but even I could see the universe was trying to tell me something, taking the bull by the horns I decided to just go and have a look.

The drive out the was amazing, it was a beautiful clear day, maybe the long drive was a good thing... The moment I walked into it I knew this was perfect for me. A small cottage with sea views overlooking Lyttleton Harbour a large shed to work on cars. It was perfect. A little run down maybe but just perfect and because of its condition it was cheap. OK it was a long way from the City but I liked the idea of being away from all our old friends. The gossip was already starting to get to me, I had seen enough pointing fingers and sad looks of pity, I was pretty happy to be getting away from it.

The owner and I came to an arrangement whereby I could move in early, which was perfect for me it meant I could assemble a group of mates from work to help and we hired a truck and did the move over a weekend, celebrating at the end with a barbeque and beers. It was impossible to escape the questions, all I said was, we weren't getting along and we needed to split.

Of course, there was lots to do, the place was rundown and shabby. Not being incredibly good at DIY I hired a local retired chap who lived up the road. I took a couple of weeks off work and we got stuck in. He was the boss and I was his labourer. It was a cathartic couple of weeks, Lenny the old guy was full of ideas and a bit of a philosopher as well which was fun but a bit much at times. He developed over the years a way of life based on Buddhist principles believing that the universe is all linked, and everything must balance out, good bad, right, wrong sadness and joy. He certainly was entertaining.

He was nosy though and asked why I was buying out here, the story sought of flowed out, I think I needed to tell someone. He listened over a hot cuppa and nodded as I blurted out the whole thing.

He took his time absorbing everything I said before replying, "Young-un, life can be a hard road, and it's not for me to judge, but twenty years together seems a lot to throw away." Taking a long drag on his soggy old cigarette he muttered, "If it were me, I might have tried to sort it out. From what you say, you obviously still hold some feeling for her, fondness, affection call it love if you like. If there's still a chance for you, perhaps you should try?"

His words of wisdom were hard to ignore but I felt vindicated in my course of action and I wasn't about to do a U-turn.

The hard work had the added benefit of keeping my mind occupied. Yes, even now, especially after spilling my guts to Lenny, Shelby captured most of my thoughts. You don't spend that much time together without building strong bonds. The fact I couldn't shake her from my thoughts annoyed me. This whole situation was her doing and it had happened so fast I was left in what felt like a swirling chaotic vortex of anger and emotion.

The kids kept in touch, of course they were confused, it wasn't just my world which had been turned upside down. They wanted to know what was happening. Obviously, Shelby still hadn't told them and I certainly wasn't going to tell them their mother was a slut... Leave that for them to find out on their own.

Shelby ended up with everything from the house, which was cool by me. I made a conscious decision that I wanted nothing from that relationship, all the photos and furniture I left behind. The only exception was my office desk. The old-style roll top writing desk came from my Grandfather and was something that I cherished.

I did let her know the day we were clearing the house out in case she wanted to come and see that I was doing the right thing but, no she stayed with her group of fledgling writers.

I expected her to fight the divorce, the way she went on about talking and fixing things I figured she would try to force us into counselling, but to my surprise I heard through my solicitor she had signed, it was going to be uncontested.

I don't know what I was expecting moving into my little seaside cottage, but life was lonely, the only visitor I got was old Lenny. I did have visions of finally finishing the restoration of the 68 Chev impala that was now stored in the shed. One of the attractions of this property was the shed. I had hoped being out here by myself would be the motivating factor, sadly that wasn't the case. I would like to say I was the epitome of cool and restarting my life was easy, that everything fell into place, women crawled all over me, but no it was difficult and lonely.

The trouble was I missed Shelby, I always believed we were perfect for each other, she supplied all the energy, she was the driver and I was the assistant that's the way our life had always been. She was bubbly effervescent, creative and our social life circled around her. That's the way I liked it, I'm good with people, just shit at organising parties and what not. Now with her gone I was going through a grieving process, I felt like she was dead, and I was mourning.

I didn't break down in a quivering heap, I didn't cry, that's not who I am I just struggled to get my life moving and yes I felt a deep sense of loneliness. My own fault for moving out here miles from the city I suppose. I always knew it would take a while to get to know the locals and make friends.

Moping around the house wasn't getting me anywhere, I needed something to give me a lift.