Marriage Divorce Life Ch. 05

Sighing I mumbled, "You didn't answer my question, do you still love him?"

She nodded, "I never stopped, we lived together for a long time, I always thought we were meant to be together. We have known each other since high school. It must be the same for you and your wife."

With a defeated sigh I asked, "Can you forgive him? Because believe me those memories and that hurt doesn't magically go away."

"Yes...I can, he made a mistake and for the first time since I found out I believed him when he said sorry. When he promised to spend the rest of his life proving it to me, I believed him."

"Then I guess the die is cast, you have to do what you think is right."

She clasped my hand and the warmth of her skin made me tremble, "Tom I do have feelings for you, and I don't know what to do. I don't know what the future holds for you and me, if you think there is a future for us I will tell him no."

Slumping back in my chair I tried to get my head around what was happening. I felt like I was being beaten to death slowly by a wet blanket. The thumping blows got heavier and heavier. I wanted to say...fuck him, we have something...what we have is special and I love you.

That's what I wanted to say but the words wouldn't come. In the end I said, "Fiona...he is your husband, and he obviously loves you. I think you at least need to try, but if it doesn't work out then I will be there...waiting.... impatiently but waiting."

She stood up, walked around the table and sat across my lap. Her arms circled my head and she cried softly, "I'm sorry Tom, I never meant this to happen. I thought we were done."

Turning her head with my hand I kissed her, the warm wet taste of cinnamon filled my senses as our tongues lashed together, "I could still come with you this weekend, we could say goodbye properly."

I knew she didn't mean it, she probably would have done it, but her heart wasn't in it. "No...you need to be with your husband."

We kissed a final time as she stood up, "What are you going to do?"

Shrugging I mumbled, "I don't know. I might pack up the Chev and go away for a few days."

She giggled sardonically, "If this was a divorce, I would claim that car."

"It will be nothing without you curled up in my lap."

She walked out of the café and out of my life. As I peered around the café it was emptying and I wanted to cry but not here, not yet. I held on until I got in the car...I held on until I was out of traffic and then the tears started, it was like the dam had broken and the trickle turned into a torrent and I couldn't stop. I found a carpark and pulled in and then I really broke down. I hadn't cried when Shelby and I split. I was so overcome by anger that I never mourned that split but this...I felt robbed.

I drove slowly, I turned the stereo up loud and wound back the sunroof. By the time I pulled up outside the house I was feeling better, the pain had started to dissipate.

I ran a hot bath turned the lights out and slipped into the hot steaming water.

Later I tried to write, I had the emotions flowing but the words wouldn't come. In the end I went to bed, maybe a few days away would be a good thing. Pity I didn't know a travel agent...

I woke late the next morning feeling heavy of heart and needing something to clear my head. I decided I would take a few days off. I rang my boss and as always, he was pretty understanding, he agreed to me taking some time off.

I headed north, up through Kaikoura and spent the night in Picton. Then the next day I headed west across through Queen Charlotte sounds, then Nelson. The Chev ran like a purring kitten and it was nice to get some fresh air and just clear my head. I headed south down the west coast. Taking time to talk to locals, it was a great trip and something I should have done long ago. This is probably what I should have done when I found out about Shelby. It was relaxing and peaceful.

By the time I got home over a week later I was recharged and ready to face the world.

So, life went on, it is funny how events galvanise people, Jen and I seemed to spend a lot of time on the phone, she was not getting along with her mother. She may have been angrier at her than I was, all that did was push us closer together. I know it hurt Shelby because we did have several conversations relating to it, she begged me to help her re-establish her relationship but unfortunately Jen as I said was angrier than me and refused to listen to anything I had to say.

From my perspective it was just nice to have my daughter on my side. Selwyn on the other hand was less inclined to take sides...he acknowledged that the situation was messed up but somehow understood his mother's position. We still maintained a close relationship, but I think he did harbour some fairly deep seated animosity towards me for the breakup with his mother. I tried to talk to him over several telephone conversations but he wouldn't let me in. Every time I raised the subject of his mother, he changed the subject quickly.

So that was my life, work and home. I would like to say the writing was great but I seemed to have hit the wall and even sitting at the desk nothing came.

This was my first experience with writers block and I have to say I didn't like it.

I dated a couple of women set up by my friends. It was on one of those dates I bumped into Shelby and Paul. We were seated in the restaurant having a few drinks at the bar waiting for our table to become available. As we chatted idly, I spotted them walk in. Shelby looked incredible; I wish I could say she looked horrible but no she looked spectacular. A long form fitting gown that clung to every curve like it was painted on. There was the hint of leg as she walked, the delicate slit showing just enough leg to be sexy. The moment I saw her I lost focus and my date Mandy kept having to repeat everything. As Shelby got closer, they were suddenly standing beside us ordering drinks. Shelby saw me and did a double take before mumbling, "Hello Tom, nice to see you."

I nodded my acknowledgement, "Yes you to." I saw her turn and stare at my date, so I introduced them, "Mandy, this is my ex-wife Shelby." I purposely left Paul out.

They shook hands as Shelby left her eyes focused on me smiling tightly, "How have you been?"

"Busy, you know how it is."

"I saw your name in the paper the other day, salesman of the year. Congratulations."

I nodded, "Yeah thanks, it's easy when the cars are good, they sell themselves."

Just then the waiter arrived to take us to our table, "See you later Shell."

She sighed, "Yes, it was nice seeing you again."

Throughout dinner I kept catching glimpses of Shelby as they were seated only a few tables away from us. Mandy and I made polite conversation as we ate but I could see she was losing patience with me, "Tom would it be easier if we just left. I understand it might be difficult bumping into your ex like this but please I am sitting right here in front of you."

I apologised, "Sorry, you're right, I'm behaving like an arse. Let me take you to a club, somewhere we can dance and get to know each other better without distractions."

She smiled, "I would love that." Mandy was a very attractive woman, a few years younger than myself and Geoff had done well setting us up.

We finished quickly and left with Shelby's eyes locked on us as we walked out hand in hand. As we drove to the club Mandy offered, "Tom I know a little about what happened between you and your wife, I'm sorry for seeming a bit curt at the restaurant."

"It's OK Mandy, it's the first time I have seen her for a while and it was a shock."

We danced the night away and ended up back at her place our naked sweaty bodies locked together as we made love. It was a pleasant end to a wonderful evening but as I lay there in the dark all I could see was Shelby in that stunning green gown. With an erection building I snuggled behind Mandy and she wriggled her cheeks allowing my cock to slide back into her slippery slit. It was slow and gentle and allowed me to fantasise that it was Shelby sucking my cock deep into her velvety pussy.

We spent the morning relaxing before I drove back home. She was a sweet woman, kind and generous. As nice as she was, I couldn't clear my mind of the images from the previous night. Bloody Shelby even after all this time she still haunted the dark recesses and always at the least opportune moment.

Sunday, I took some time off to relax on the beach across from home and with a cold beer I lay back propped up on my pillow watching ships and pleasure boats speed by when my phone rang, "Hello Shelby."

Her voice wavered as she replied, "Hi Tom, how are you?"

I chuckled, "Well I'm over at the beach with a cold beer watching boats, how about you?"

"Sounds lovely, it must be nice out there today?"

"Yep, sure is, absolutely wonderful, how can I help you?"

"I just wanted to hear your voice, damn it Tom, last night was a shock. I have been trying to ignore the churning from my tummy, seeing you last night just brought it all to the fore and I wanted to hear your voice again."

"Yeah, I agree, it was a shock, you looked gorgeous by the way, I couldn't say that last night."

She giggled, "Thank you, your date looked lovely as well. Have you been dating long?"

"First date last night actually."

"Lucky you she seems nice, did you get lucky?"

I laughed loudly, "Nosy bugger aren't you."

She sniggered good naturedly, "You didn't answer my question."

"If you must know, yes I was very lucky, three times in fact."

"Oh, you dirty bugger, you definitely did get lucky."

"What about you Shelby, how have you been...I mean honestly."

Silence slid over our conversation, "It's been tough, really tough Paul is still suffering, he can't write, he's anxious all the time and he is so heavily medicated he is barely here."

What else could I say, "I'm sorry to hear that Shell, where are you living?"

"Still at his place, god it's hard, he's so bloody moody, the smallest things set him off and he blows up, he started drinking again as well which hasn't helped."

"Well why don't you leave, he sounds dangerous, drugs and alcohol aren't good bed mates."

"I can't he has nobody, his family disowned him years ago, because of his condition he has no friends. He needs to get out of here though, he hates it."

"Hates it huh?"

"Yeah, it's small, there's nowhere to hide, he gets no peace, I get no space we are always in each other's pockets and it is so hard."

"But you lived together before."

"Yes, and it didn't work then. I just wish there was something I could do."

A long pause dragged out before she whispered, "Could I come out for a visit?"

Caught by surprise, I muttered, "Do you think that's a good idea?"

Her response was quick, "I don't know and neither do I care. I need to see you; don't tell me you don't feel the same way!" She rasped.

She was right, I felt it last night, that sharp painful twisting in my gut, the pounding heart when I saw her, yes damn it I felt the same way. Breathlessly I tried to down play my intense interest, "Yeah if you want, when were you going to come?"

"Right now." She hissed, "Right bloody now, Paul has been a dick after bumping into you last night."

"What's he going to say about you coming out here?"

"I don't care, I just need to get out."

I jumped up and went back to the house to throw the dirty laundry in the machine and tidy up. It was four in the evening so by the time she got here it would be late. Checking the fridge, I dragged out some steaks. Rummaged around and found the makings of a salad.

By the time she pulled in the driveway I had the salad made, the laundry on the line, the place looking tidy and of course the steaks sizzling on the skillet.

I expected her to walk in but she burst in and jumped into my arms, her arms wrapping around my neck as our lips collided in a searing kiss which made the steaks sizzling look cold.

Her tongue dived into my open mouth dancing and playing as we stumbled against the table, bounced off and fell on the sofa.

As we parted I laughed, "Wow, I wasn't expecting that. Sorry to throw cold water on the party, but dinner is almost ready."

She giggled that sexy giggling laugh I remembered so well. "Food as well...Damn now I remember why I love you so much."

We sat with our red wine and steaks which went down easily. There was no conversation just cheeky playful glances flicking back and forth between us. As I cleared the table, she slid up behind me and her arms circled my waist and she held on tight her pussy grinding on my arse. As she writhed against me her hand dropped lower grasping my hardening cock in a vice like grip,

"Tom, make love to me, I need to feel you."

In bed our bodies connected easily, her gorgeous sinewy legs wrapping around me as I sank into her liquid depths my balls nestling on her arse.

Her slurpy syrupy pussy sucked me in as we made love passionately. Afterwards it was as always warm and sensuous, we lay together with her head on my shoulder and her leg draped over mine.

"God, I have missed that." She sighed.

"Oh please, I'm sure you get your share."

She giggled, "Paul is good at sex but he is not good at lovemaking."

I laughed, "So he's a better fuck, I'm just good at the cuddling?"

"No dipshit, yes he is a good fuck as you so crudely put it but lovemaking is what you are best at. You are the most wonderful lover I have ever had."

I didn't want to start a fight so I accepted her comment. She sighed, "Sorry I should have kept my mouth shut."

"Na it's OK, it's not like I don't know what you two get up to, you were pretty descriptive before."

"Tom we hardly do anything, the drugs he takes are so strong they take away his libido, god I can't remember the last time we did it."

I flinched, "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring you down."

We both eased back not knowing what to say. In the end I asked, "Are you staying tonight?"

She snuggled up against me and snickered, "If I'm allowed to."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

What an incredible couple of days. Going to sleep with Shelby in my arms was the icing on the cake but I knew that the morning was going to bring tension. I woke first leaving Shell in bed I dived into the shower so I could get breakfast. She was just waking up as I walked into the bedroom towelling myself dry, "Bloody hell I forgot how early you get up, god I think I'm still asleep." She pulled the blankets up over her head and I went out to fix breakfast.

I was serving it up as she walked out. We ate in silence until I couldn't hold it in, "What happens now Shell?"

She shrugged, "I don't know babe, all I know is last night was incredible."

"Agreed, so what happens?"

"I don't know, I can't just walk out on Paul, he needs me now more than ever. Honey he is in a bad place."

"It's his own fault, he tried to make it look like a suicide when all he was doing was looking for sympathy, stop playing his stupid games, he lies to you Shell, he's pathological."

She sulked, "OK you might be right about the suicide, but what if I walk out and he actually does it? I would feel like shit for the rest of my life. No, I can't do it, I need him to get better."

"Well good luck with that. I don't think he will get any better, he has what he wanted, he's got you back and that's all he wanted."

She gave me a mock sad face and we were walking out to our cars before she said, "Can I see you again?"

I laughed, "How the hell would that work? If you're worried about his mental condition won't meeting up with me cause him some concern?"

She grumbled, "This is going to sound horrible, but I don't care, maybe you're right, what did you call it... tough love."

We shared a quick kiss before we both headed into town. She followed me the whole way which seemed weird.

Wednesday, I got a visit at lunch from Mandy who brought sandwiches and coffee. We ended up down at Hagley park having a mini picnic. Mandy worked in town at one of the department stores so she only had a short lunch but it was nice and relaxing. We agreed that I would pick her up Friday night and we would go to a movie.

Thursday Shelby called suggesting she would come out Friday night. She was quite disappointed when I told her I had a date.

"Is it with Mandy?" She asked.

When I confirmed it, she asked, "Well, what if I came out after work tonight?"

"Yeah, I guess, come to the car yard after five and I can give you a lift."

As we cruised out, I asked, "What are we actually doing Shell? I mean what is it you want?"

"I want my husband back; I want my life back but I will settle for whatever I can get. If it's just casual sex then I'm in."

"Casual sex huh, and Pauly is OK with that is he?"

She grimaced, "No he got quite angry when I told him where I was. He had a bloody fit. But I told him there was no future for us, that I was only staying with him until he can look after himself."

I shook my head in disbelieve, "Is it going to be safe living there?"

She sighed weakly, "I don't know, all I know is I miss you, I miss our home and living out here with the sounds of the ocean at night, I miss going to sleep in the safety of your arms. I miss all that."

"So, move back, Christ Shell if you would commit to me, I would love to give it another go, but not while you're attached to that loser?"

"Honey, it might work if I moved out here gradually, you know do it slowly, let him get used to the idea."

"No to hell with that, it's either all the way or no way."

She exhaled noisily, "I will never understand you, you're an enigma, so loving and caring one minute but so cold and callous the next."

We kissed softly letting the soft gentle kisses fire the inferno that grew into a wild passionate ride to the gates of ecstasy.

We had the most incredible night of pure unadulterated sex; god knows how many times we did it, but I was exhausted when we finally fell asleep.

In the morning I got up early and packed a small bag. Shelby saw me and asked sleepily, "What are you doing?"

"I'm staying the night with Mandy so I'm taking some clothes for tomorrow."

"Come back to bed, let me drain you properly before you go off to your mistress."

I pushed her away, "Go have a shower, we need to go, I'm running late."

On the drive into town, I got a little serious, "Shell, why not just leave, you're obviously not happy there."

"I can't explain it, I love you Tom, I hope you understand that, but Paul is my friend, and at the moment he needs me. Believe it or not I now sleep on the sofa, I have told him he is only a friend, we are over, and I want my marriage back."

I dropped her off and she gave me a kiss, "Enjoy your date with Mandy, tell me does she know that you're seeing me?"

I shook my head, "No, bloody hell we've only had a couple of dates."

My date with Amanda was nice, nothing like the sexual inferno of the previous night but it was nice. We made love with the passion of new friends finding their way with each other. I think it was as much to do with my exhaustion than lack of fire from Mandy. My balls still ached and there wasn't much in the tank.

Things sort of carried on like that for a while. Mandy and I became a little closer but, there was something missing from our relationship which held me back. It was nice, pleasant but there were no fireworks. I'm not talking just sexually; I'm talking about the relationship. When we caught up after not seeing each other for days the kiss was pleasant, it wasn't thirst quenching, my toes didn't curl and if I didn't see her for a few days I didn't feel like it was the end of the world.

Shelby on the other hand, couldn't be more different. Every time we got together it was like we had been apart for months not days. When we were apart, I couldn't stop thinking about her, when she stepped out of the crowd my heart still skipped a beat, it was that intense.