All Comments on 'Maybe Next Time Ch. 01'

Good one. What else can I say?

hilarious.

The twist in the end valued the story even more...3*

The ending ruined the fantasy. In an attempt at cleverness, you failed miserably.

Just about right!

A fantasy, of course. We all have them, I enjoyed the tease.

Thanks,

MGM

There were five asterisks to separate the fantasy phase from the (much different) reality phase. Missing were the asterisks just after Hubby was reported as coming downstairs. Those would, after hitting the return to reality, establish that there had been an honest break point for the transition into daydream.

The (fantasy) action takes place IN the hot-tub. How does a guy feel moisture running down his leg while his leg is underwater? Worse, fuck ONCE while (the naughty bits are) underwater BEFORE you write about it! Water is NOT a good lubricant! Matter of fact, it quickly washes away natural secretions and many artificial lubes (which were NOT mentioned as being used!) Not impossible to do, but uncomfortable and prone to causing irritation and abrasion.

Is 'Marti' the closest JG can get to judo? Will NOT be recognized by many US judoka, and by a much smaller proportion of non-US LIT readers who follow the sport!

3*

Great work. five from me.

I don't know whether there is a secret to doing fantasy revealed stories well, but if there is I would like somebody to tell me. The same goes for dream stories.

When a story is revealed as a dream or fantasy, it is almost always a let-down for the reader. (Unless you have the skill of a Lewis Carroll or L Frank Beam as an author.)

With erotica it is difficult to relate a dream or a fantasy that is more erotic than dreams and fantasies the reader already has had themselves.

L

Over a year and no ch 2?

I GUESS IT WAS THE COMMENTS OF A COUPLE CRY BABIES THAT SURPRISE ME MORE THAN THE STORY! AGAIN I THOUGHT IT GENIUS. YOU AMAZE ME WITH YOUR UNCANNY STORIES. NEVER STOP! LOVED IT!

How dare you be witty and teasing?

At least take the Ch. 01 part off of the title.