All Comments on 'McKenzie, the Hot Babysitter'

Stories like this one are why I enjoy volunteering so much. It was an honor and a pleasure to help with "McKenzie"!

XOXO

Beautiful

The story was great other than constantly referring to McKenzie as the Asian woman. The fact that she’s Asian was established early and did not need to be repeated over and over

What an amazing love story! Thank you for sharing it!!

Great story, hope you keep it going!

A nice romance but it was a foregone conclusion they would get together, eventually.

Great story, but he shouldn't have let her drive home hungover after the party, nor put the pressure on her by having everyone present when he popped the question.

how delightful!

Another solid hit off the sweet spot. Strong work. 5.

I agree with Anonymous. The constant referral to McKenzie as the “Asian” woman was unnecessary and started to feel racially insensitive and distracting at the mid point of the story. If you make any future edits to this story, I would suggest taking out most of them.

Only one change ... I would have substituted a pink plastic ring instead of the diamond ring ... then the story would have come full circle. An enjoyable "5".

This is what happens when a writer thinks a character’s race is the key fact. “Asian, Asian, Asian, Asian….” Okay, but page 9 we definitely figured it out. Same was true half way down page 1.

Syzoth is one of my fav male Literotica authors but I cringed when I saw "Babysitter" in the title. I expected this to be another "father sleeps with the babysitter" cliche, but I'm glad to be wrong. This is not only a love story but it also touches upon powerful themes such as grief and loss, the fear of getting older, abandonment, and the feeling of inadequacy. I esp appreciate that these topics are often presented from the female's point of view because they are real-world issues for us.

The dialogue was well-written. Not perfect but thoughtful enough with well placed humor, and not stilted.

"McKenzie the Hot Babysitter" only has a fraction of the sex in a typical Syzoth story, but it holds true to the adage that "less is more". He could've cut out the main sex scene and it still would've been a wonderful love story.

And, yes, this does read like a Hallmark movie, but it's better because of it.

A strong story, a great backstory, good character development but PLEASE get a proofreader. Way too many easily corrected errors and extra words. Got to be very distracting. Too good a writer to have the final product get so damaged.

Ok, so people are pissed that the writer kept describing McKenzie as "Asian".

But he called her "beautiful" about 100x as often, why aren't they complaining about that? Isn't that also redundant? Shit, he described her "6 pack" abs at least twice, isn't that one time too many?

Ok story, but so many errors, missing words etc, so I’ll echo the comment re a proof reader, it’ll help prevent readers from giving up or marking you down for it.

Second issue is again as other commenters have pointed out, her ethnicity and the fact it’s played up to, if it didn’t matter to Timmy, not sure how it matters to us?

Thirdly, who the hell keeps being called Timmy in their 20’s? He grew up, most guys with childish sounding name contractions ditch them when they get past 10yrs old, (barring Grandparents of course), something very odd about a guy that enjoys being called Timmy in his 20’s….

That is all. Thanks for writing and posting, cheers, Ppfzz.

I, too enjoyed this tale. It seems really unlikely that you made these two work, but it happened! I would have appreciated a bit sharper editing, as a few errors crept in, but overall they weren’t too bad.

Thank you for writing, and thank you for sharing your work.

That was wonderful, 5 stars aren't even close. Timmy asked her to marry him when he was 5 yrs old. He loved her then and loved her when she finally, legally became his wife. He was also the father of THEIR children. Another chapter, please, to finish the story of Timmy and his wife, the one he actually married when he was 5...

Very sweet story, it brought tears to my eyes.Over use of the “beautiful Asian/Asian woman” phrase was the only thing that I would have suggested toning down a little. Great job!

I have duly noted that I used "Asian" too much in the story.

My intention for the frequent reference, though, was to highlight the differences between McKenzie and Timothy in a positive light. It's meant to lean on the "opposites attract" and "from 2 different worlds" theme.

That's part of the reason when I mentioned McKenzie's ethnicity and Timothy's "shaggy blonde hair quite a bit... and that she is "petite" and he has a "brawny" build. Also similar to the frequent mention of their age gap.

Regardless, I appreciate the feedback and, again, it's duly noted.

-Sy

I second Fratboy69x's comment.

Writer described the woman as petite and the guy as big and muscular many times, so who cares if he keeps reminding everyone that she's Asian? Why is that pointed out as redundant and not the other descriptions? I'm Asian and curious why people think that's racist.

Yea, lots of errors here. So what? Did it change the plot? To be expected with amateur writers, right? I'll cut some slack.

5stars. Would give more if I could.

This is important: Do not use Tylenol or acetaminophen to recover from a hangover or to prevent a hangover or any problem involving alcohol. Ibuprofen or aspirin are the answer.

Tylenol is fine for other pain relief.

Really good story, you got heart and some eroticism across well.

Detailing that the female lead is a veritable demi-goddess, brilliant, Asian, beautiful, Asian, successful career, Asian, rich, single-mother that manages to have time to maintain her six-pack abs, doesn't really make her *better* ... Her dialog, her mistakes, thoughts and emotions, and her responses to our hero do, and those went well.

Honestly, as well as you wrote so much of her, she could easily be described as more like the rest of us, just another mortal.

Our hero being physically perfect, along with a massive cock, makes this all a little too Hollywood-ish, a bit too-much "in the movies" to feel real. It's as if you are following the Hollywood rule of "the two most attractive people will get together before the end of the story," and not like "I can see myself in this guy's place." The rest of your writing about our hero DOES help one identify with him, though, really.

Get an editor, also.

Still very good, Five for you.

Very well written. 5 stars. When I first started reading, I thought to myself, "Author, you better get these two together by the end of the story". Well, you did, so thank you.

Not enough stars, this deserves at least7 or8 but I guess I’ll give you 5.

I know there were a couple of typos, but I don’t remember or really care. Thanks for sharing this.

Tc

Great story. Thank you for it.

Easily the best story I've read on this site, thanks for taking the time to write it out :)

OMG! So well laid out and presented. This story definitely a "10"

Thank You.

A fantastic story, truly enjoyable!

Great story, very easy to read!

Lovely.

Awesome dude

Great story, would make an awesome movie.

And for some reason, when I was reading, I kept picturing Timothy as Owen Wilson.

That was simply wonderful.

Love it !