All Comments on 'Meet Me In Memphis'

not able to kiss before 18? Oh, come on, mods. This isn't the Puritan Dilemma and it isn't the year 1729.

Is there anything more universal than the self-preservation of male ignorant hardheadedness?

Twas a fun ride.

"The story has a lot more meaning and depth if they fall in love at the age of 16 instead of 18."

Yep.

The first half was outstanding, but the reunion and subsequent ending was as bad as the first part was good. Why did Erin feel the need to leave? What really happened that triggered her to return to Eric? You gave great insight to the reader of Eric's heart, but we got nothing on Erin. 4*

I enjoyed reading this sweet story. I especially like all the details in the settings and history. The MC is well-developed and certainly likable. From one railfan to another, well done.

Thank you for writing and thank you for sharing your work.

Hi, ST, I really enjoyed the story and apologize that I didn't have time to read it in advance. Eric was well developed as a character, while Erin could probably have used a bit more work to explain her motivations beyond what we read in the letters and their limited discussion about it. Still, it was great to see a case where a character realizes a mistake, admits it, and tries to make amends. In this case, the epilogue tells us of their success in the long term, which was a very nice touch. Will send you an email with a few more comments.

Very nice work.

Great story!

5

Nope! He just takes her back without question or even a thought of how she destroyed him before. It is sweet but naive. Would like to see more of them having a conversation about what she did and what would change this time. Instead it reads as a lonely man who will take her back no matter what she does or did to him.

@Mrfriendly8181 and any others who have the idea that Eric takes Erin back without any hesitation whatsoever:

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There are two critical parts of the story that you have totally glossed over and ignored. The first is the following paragraph:

"He sat back in his chair and thought about all of the different ways that this could play out. In his mind, Eric knew that she could easily break his heart again. But he also knew for himself that deep down inside, there was really only one choice to be made. Rin had made up all of the rules from the very beginning. All he could do was play the game. But, he was resolved to win it this time around. She would either marry him and be his forever this time around or he would cut her completely out of his life for good."

The other one is Samantha's warning that she will hurt him again. He has carefully read Erin's letter and because they have known each other for so long, Eric knows her ways in communication. He points out to both Nicholas and Samantha the key words in the letter that are Erin's "tells" exposing her true inner thoughts.

There is also the matter of the written conclusion that says that they remained faithfully together until parted by death. I'm so glad that you, as a reader, chose to write your own ending instead of accepting the one that I wrote. 😉

You should try 'He went to Paris'. In Romance.

Huh. I felt like I was being whipsawed between a Popular Mechanics article and Young Adult fiction. Still waiting to find the erotica in this one. Also, if she is so eager to have him back, she makes him take a cab from the airport?!? Selfish beyatch...

This was a fine effort.

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Your biggest strength is your dialogue, which helps flesh out the characters and makes the whole experience of reading this more immersive. It felt to me like you’ve put a lot of work into this and it’s an above-average piece.

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There were plenty of issues, but none of them really stand out from the rest. There’s no heat in this story, but it’s intended as more of a romance. On that basis, there needs to be stronger connections between your characters which leads to better chemistry.

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The story flowed nicely in parts, due to it being well written, but the actual story you’ve told here is quite dull. I was bored throughout. Some of the dialogue slipped into a territory where it was a little wooden, which didn’t help. At the end, you were a little too specific with wrapping everything up. Don’t be tempted to answer every conceivable question the reader may have about the future. Learn to leave a little on the table, which adds mystique and intrigue to your work.

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Beyond that, there were a lot of technical errors and you need the assistance of a copy editor. Problems with missing and inconsistent numerals, alongside random capital letters, were observed. Just so you know, your author’s note was quite bad and almost put me off reading this. Bragging about having beta readers is a common trick on the site to suggest that your work carries the requisite sophistication to warrant them. You’re not there yet. Also, you apologised for droning on within your own preface section and didn’t edit it out.

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Overall, this is above average and you’ve got certain strengths as a writer that impressed me. This was a solid effort, but it wasn’t arousing and the romance angle wasn’t executed strongly enough to act as an acceptable substitute.

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59/100. ⭐⭐⭐

@ Stacnash.

I appreciate your comments and while I disagree with some of them, I accept your critique. However there's no need for two identical posts, so I'm deleting the most recent one. No offense intended.

There’s no need for the copyright mark on each and every item, nor do you need to specify what cast iron skillet or pen the character is using. Not like those companies are going to contact you for an endorsement deal.

Eric is/was an idiot to take her back. She went and showed her wild oats while he was devastated by her betrayal. I don’t care how many kids they had after the fact, she should have to work to regain his love not just write him a letter summoning him to Memphis like a servant.