by eliza531
Well done Eliza - a very sensual and well crafted story. Please keep writing.
Your writing is quite lovely, & the characters are multidimensional & realistic. Your phrasing is sophisticated, you've got skills.
So here's my only problem & I will probably get slammed by other commenters, accused of taking an obvious fantasy & turning my comment into a moral or political issue. It's happened before.
Nevertheless because you write real characters struggling with real issues, there was a glaring inconsistency in both characters. Namely, women who adhere to a military code of conduct, who are as involved & nurturing of their children as these two are, who love their deployed spouses - women such as these wouldn't slip into breaking their commitments this easily. That's my only complaint really, the flaw was a glitch in character development & kept nagging at me as I read. I liked these women so I put aside the fact that their behavior was in total contradiction to how they were presented, how they were written.
I don't have an issue with affairs outside of marriage, ain't my place to judge, so I'm not being critical because I've got some parochial religious beliefs or whatever. It's just that the characters were inconsistent & that interfered with my ability to bond with the characters and this story.
I know, it's a fantasy. You know it too. And it's evident that you worked hard, put many long hours into crafting this story. It reads as if, for you, it was a real labor of love, not undertaken lightly. So I hope you understand what I'm trying to say here.
This is fine writing. It deserves 5 stars & that's what I gave. You earned it, & i hope you keep writing, keep developing your special talent.
Sorry for writing a tome here. I'm trying carefully to avoid being fuzzy about my one issue. I hope it's helpful.
Damn,its hard to write this on a frigging smartphone while flat on my back in the hospital . Sorry for the typos & errors.
Thanks for sharing your story. It was a fun read, sexy, flirtatious & quite hot. My pussy enjoyed it as much as I did, perhaps even more.
Taylor
All the comments about cheating? Apparently you are new here because this is a site where erotic fantasies are told. Fantasies are not always about fidelity and moral correctness. They are thoughts.
If you are reading this... And without your significant other... Then aren't you cheating too?
Get real folks. All this morality stuff is hypocrisy if coming from a user of a porn site.
Good work, writer. Don't let the trolls spoil your fun.
So glad to see you decided to share this. Ignore the ignoranus(es) and remember that I love you and want you to keep exploring this part of who you are.
The totally natural need for love and children, never stops needing more. A marriage usually starts due to the natural need of procreation when our hormones accept the male domination we are thought from birth. As long as I can remember I was attracted to women, religion and the need of children made me accept a proposal and had two children. It was never enough it was first my neighbor whose daughter that was 5 years older than my eldest. We moved and the mothers of the school children were just as horny as I was, at one stage five mothers of prep children and me were bedding one and other after lunches, and on our next meeting discussing why.
So the previous comment of being out of character is bull in my opinion. This story felt as if I was there 40 years ago.
Janice
Very well written, erotic, realistic. Don't let the haters get at you. Well above average story for this site, in fact far above average.
I couldn't care less about the women being married, but I was disappointed by the clunkiness of the storytelling. "Have you ever thought about it?" "I never wanted to do it again -- until now!"
Really.
At least the spelling and grammar were okay.
I hope so! I for one am looking forward to what Gwen teaches Beth! True story or pure fantasy?!
Now that they're over the "awkward" stage maybe they can really get into each other - literally