All Comments on 'Meeting Jessie Ch. 05'

the context of your story is really great. Sharon is the greatest cum hound who ever tread eroticism. I'm sure many men (and women) have dreamed of this. As far as I could tell you have everything set up right. Very good grammar and punctuation. Sentence structure was a bit winding. The progression was a bit confusing; I would have made it flow a bit smoother and unrushed. It makes me think you tried harder to confine your story to a certain mumber of words than the story line itself. The ending was, shall we say, weak. Of course, if this is your style it may well be worth developing. Some of the descriptive action reminds me of the outlaw biker sex stories. I liked the Tor Kung effect. Just plot out that intensity graph a little more smoothly and don't be concerned with being too artistic with descriptions. (sometimes we really must lead the reader in by the graphically poetic nose ring). If you keep this basic style up you will be known as a biblioerotic chain saw.-