All Comments on 'Melbourne Cup Day Ch. 01'

Very erotic and kinky story, FallenNum! There's so much to like: body jewelry, public sex, collar and leash!

The quality of the writing was quite good.

Look for to you continuing.

Right from the start, Two errors in the first line of the tale, one punctuation and one word-choice.

You personal intro had its fair share, too.

Get an Editor is your First move. If not an Editor then at least find a proofreader.

The tale will probably be good when i finish the read.

At least you got the date right.

Cheers. . .

Kilroy

Take more care with your writing.It is erotic, and I can see a lot of potential.

story trash. The unrealistic aspects of the story ruin what could be somewhat erotic or sexy. Personally I find people with these fantasies a bit to mentally off to be of interest.

dumb and outright unbelievable. conversation and acting like a little kid of not more than a 4 year old. are all aussies brains dammed to stop growing after that age ?

But thats a good thing, you'r on some good drugs.

And now your in charge of a WHOREHOUSE? Well they do say Catholic girls are worst for letting go when they get the chance. You have certainly done that! Do I believe you were a NUN? No I don't. But it's a nice idea.

The plot of this story is very imaginative.

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The different points of view enhance the story.

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Yes, the story has some technical flaws. So find a proofreader, please. But don't let the critics get you down. Most stories on this site have flaws.

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Thanks for a stimulating story.

Thanks for your comments. Since the response is overwhelmingly hostile, I won’t bother sharing any more of my experiences with you.

Please don’t rubbish Australian education, I was brought up and went to a small Catholic school in rural Ireland not Australia.

Mary

At this late date I would not comment. However since dumbo anonymous have chipped in :) commenting on the english and storyline when the average male contributor tells such farcical shit so poorly, and in such language that I have to turn my english ed off, I will. The english grammar may not be perfect but is at least 'mid table' in terms of this site. I have known Catholic supported missionary work, and both men and women that worked in such. At various levels and with associated titles. Prior to the Child Abuse scandals; that need exposing. Some were discreetly open about sharing the church goodwill, in working with people facing All kinds of trauma and resource poverty: BUT Not the sexual constrictions or mores. (NB Morons please realise english misuse idiom for emphasis.) Sometimes in international development scenarios; where sexual was the only earthly comfort that could be 'spread'. Nuns secret conversations are just as much beyond the grasp of the male species, me included, as any female gathering converse.. So the story is Truly plausible! This lady then sets out her own doubts and uncertainties in entering the sex/any story writing medium in her prologue: and gets this shit comment/feedback. The Brains of mice and men; sometimes crossover I conclude. I hope u have some idea of what has been lost or even crushed. It's a major shame since Literotica is in a class of its own in terms of story boundaries and apt support. Tho slippage and (in)human deceit, is unavoidable. My serious comment is that maybe seek edit assistance, as the nicer suggest, and see if it suits. If not put a disclaimer at the front of all your stories to offset slips in the yanking shakespeare english, and how unbelievable aspects of your true life memories Might appear. She will never likely read this. . . My personal distaste is the betrayal of the of The central message of most church. Work out how rich you would have to be to be part of The Club ... S. BA. MA. Camb Eng. Ex editor. Ps typo in text land has a league of its own and requires a New grammar.

I work as a male dancer. I am 29, 185 cm tall, fit. I was approached to do a cup day charity event. It was at a private house in a very upmarket suburb. Only women, ok, I went along, plenty of champagne, food, they held a sweep. I got to choose the numbers, I mixed with the ladies, I wore a tight jockeys outfit as instructed. Two things, the ladies were all well dressed. I was told that after the cup a lot of the women would leave and they did but the ones that stayed were there for the breeders cup, $500 a number. Second thing, all the ladies seemed to be of a mature age, maybe 50+. What started out with about 35 women, came down to 8 at breeders cup time. The doors were locked, I was told what was to happen before the event. I walked out, wheeled out a small wide bench with both wrist and foot straps. I wore a small mask , a horses face on the front, horses reins around my neck, no clothes. The hostess stood there, thank you ladies for your donation. as you know, one of you will get to be bred by our stallion, you have all indicated your willingness and those of you who miss out know that you can not leave until the breeding is over. Each lady I noticed had a number attached to her front. Ok, she showed the numbers 1 to 8, placed them in a jockeys cap. As instructed, I slowly stroked my cock, she put the hat down, turned and drew a number, 5, there was a gasp, a women stood, short, black hair with flecks of grey, perhaps mid 50s. She moved forward, nice hosed legs, nice bottom contained in a white dress, small breasts. She was made to kneel on the padded bench,, her arms strapped down, legs spread, ankles strapped. The hostess lifted her dress, pantyhose, sheer panties, pulled the pantyhose and panties down to reveal a nice shaved pussy. You could hear a pin drop as the hostess grabbed my reins and moved me forward , I knelt, licking along her pussy, around her anus, she bucked forward, back down her slit. I stood, my cock now at its hard 9 inches, the hostess moved and standing over the woman, pulled her pussy lips open i positioned my cock, then pushed forward and kept pushing just as a stallion would until i was hard against her, she cried out but could not pull away as our hostess held her firmly in check, i placed my 2 arms over her back widened my stance so all could see and fucked her. some of the noises she made were alarming but i kept fucking her, long deep strokes and this woman took it, i could feel my cock push against something inside her which made her groan, she was really wet , i felt her pussy twitch and try to lock around my cock, she screamed, then released me. i was told to pull out of her for the first 2 or 3 shots of cum so the ladies could see my cum land on her. Not yet though as her pussy twitched again, another scream, then her pussy relaxed, that's it. She was a good fuck, she took all of my cock, not all women have but this one opened up for all of me,. i could feel my cum rise, i pulled out, the first blast landed on her hair and back, the second on her back and bottom, i pushed back in and coated her insides with the rest and kept fucking her before finally pulling out. i moved away from her, the other ladies then got a good view of her fucked pussy, cum hanging from the bottom. i looked out at the other ladies, one in particular a skinny blonde, had moved her bottom forward in her seat, legs apart and was vigorously rubbing her pussy and she looked to be just about all pussy between her skinny legs. the hostess came over, now second prize,, 5 minutes with your mouth wrapped around this and she held my cock . Number 2, a chair was brought in, the plump brown haired woman who was number 2 sat in it. the height was adjusted. The rules, you get to have our stallion in your mouth for 5 minutes, however, if he indicates that he is about to cum, you can continue until he does. Ok, i moved forward, she reached out and stroked my cock, then pulled me to her mouth, time starts now. This woman was good, really good, her tongue caressed my cock head as she sucked me, her hand stroking my balls, my cock grew , the 5 minutes was up, do you want to continue, yes and i put my hand behind her head and fucked her mouth, so close, nearly there, wait i said, i moved away back to the woman i had fucked and pushed hard into her again, all wet, warm, sloppy. She squealed as i hammered her pussy, i pulled back, over to number 2, who was now also fingering her panties and held her head, fucking her mouth, there it was, aagh as my cum shot into her, she held still, her tongue doing the work, coaxing my cum from me, her fingers beneath her dress. I was done, but i took her hand, lifting her up,turned her around, bend over, she did, i pulled her panties down, lined up my still hard cock and pushed into her, she yelped, i reached around and with my cock deep inside her slowly caressed her clit which stood out until i felt her insides soak me and go into spasms and i pulled out. The hostess said well, that was a surprise, got your moneys worth there. Well ladies that's it, thank you for your contributions, i would also like to thank our stallion , what a great job. that was my day, i was well paid, got to fuck 2 ladies and was invited by the hostess to stay overnight which i accepted and had my morning hard cock gently relieved by the 68 year old hostess's pussy moving up and down on my cock.

Another illiterate WHORE posting cuck shit.

Please invite me to your next show!