All Comments on 'Melody - A Second Ending'

You just ruined a story which is already garbage and turned it into the lowest of the low. Don't bother writing second endings or whatnot. It's not needed

In this story the author uses sophistry that is to say false logic. Yes its true that its NOT the wife's fault that Henry was sterile. BUT still doesn't give her the right to LIE and HIDE key medical information that he does not know .

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This is not even close to the same story. In fact in order to get the husband to come around to the Wifes point of view--- this particular author has to lie and change the story.

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The argument being used by Melody in this version of the Story by this really crappy stupid author is that the wife was desperate for kids and that the wife did what any wife would do if they found out the husband was sterile and they wanted kids.

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Let's assume for a second that you actually stupid enough to buy this fucked up argument

So fucking what?

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KEY POINT in this story and the original story when the wife found out that her husband was sterile ...she HAD to know because she was told by the Mother-in-law that Henry did NOT know.

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*** the fact that the Wife REALLY wanted babies doesnt mean it is ok to LIE to him, about his a key piece of medical information.

? was this diff from the original? or was it just melody's view? guess i should have read ur notes more carefully. but good god they were almost as long as the story

I think this is a more realistic ending than the original.

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Really? You turned

Melody into a slut,

Henry into a cuck, and

Denise into a victim.

This is the evil opposite universe equivalent of the original

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One star for the cuck story with no cuck tag

Next time dont lie about your story

Frankly, the majority of this was a waste of time, simply rehashing the previous story. As for your version, it sucked. No man goes back to a piece of filth wife like that.

Sorry it didn't improve the original not did it add to it or clarify anything. In fact it was a worse ending because you turned him into a wimp.

Interesting story. I enjoyed it..

Pointless

Nope - too wimpy. She had someone else's sperm in her cunt - kick her to the side. 2*

The wife was not a victim in this tale. She should have told her husband that he was sterile. She choose to cheat instead of talking with her husband and making choices together.

I disagree. BigGuy33's ending was better. Why? Because you are trying to make Denise a victim. While, initially, she was a victim of her MIL's scheming, when she agreed on how to get pregnant, she became a co-conspirator. A Wedding vow breaker. If not being able to have children by her husband was a deal breaker, and adoption or invitro were not viable options. then she should have told Henry and divorced him. If he had a say in the matter, MAYBE,and that is a big maybe, Henry would have agreed to Denise being inseminated by his cousin. The way his mother and wife deceived him is divorce worthy.

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It was a solid attempt at a different ending, Nicely done

Trash. You just made it seem like it was his fault and made him into a wimp. He didn't know he was sterile and why didn't the wife talk to him when she found out?

Realistic? I can't get my head around how both women were so set on having sex with the cousin to have children and that is acceptable and because the mom lied Henry is OK with keeping the cheating wife? Realistic would have been that the wife approaches Henry about having the cousin providing the sperm at a clinic and do IVF. No sex involved.

As for Melody, here she is written as a really lose spirit that frankly I wouldn't want to touch. I don't want a girl that flashes her tits (at 37 years old) all the time and is casual about her one off sex adventures. And again, she tells Henry she would have done the same thing as Denise and blame mom and say she did nothing wrong!

wow! on one met the successor of Mother Teresa.🤣

I liked BigGuy's ending better.

Please clear this point for me before I comment on your very good story. Were the kids conceived by in vitro or did cuz and Denise knock boots together?

The wife, Melody in the original, Denise in this version, failed in one critically important way. She never told Henry about his sterility and she never told him that his mother knew about and hid his sterility from him. If the wife had informed Henry about his sterility and his mother's deception, the two of them, Henry and his wife, could have come up with a plan to deal with his inability to have children. The plan could have been in vitro fertilization, adoption, or deliberate childlessness. Regardless of their decision, it would have been THEIR plan. Instead, the wife conspired with her mother in law against Henry. Your story, as good as it was, and it was a good story, failed to account for the wife's decision to side with Henry's mother against Henry. That's a big hole in you story.

The other issue I have with the original, and you didn't touch on, was the mother's motivation. When I read Bigguy33's story, I concluded the mother was fundamentally evil. She despised her son, for some unexplained reason, and found it delightful and amusing to fuck him over. That was the biggest weakness to the original, and you didn't even come close to addressing the mother's motivations.

With that said, I liked you story. You did an excellent job fleshing out Henry's personality - weak, indecisive, and dependent on women to direct him. The biker bar, Melody, Paul, and Rhonda all felt real. Thanks.

Mmmmm...

How funny. The introduction to this mirrored much of my comments earlier this morning on the original. And as I progressed through the story, I was heartened by the intelligence displayed in the author re-telling the same story, from Melody's point of view. But then...012Say chose to take a left turn away from the direction the original took. Sure, it could have been this way. But it wasn't - BigGuy33 wrote it the way it was. OK, I'll admit, I'm not a super fan of "alternate" sequels. When I decide on a Lit name, and start writing my own sequels to existing stories, they will not be alternatives. They will take the original, and carry the situation forward in time. So the fact that I rated the original a 5, but didn't for this, admittedly reflects my own bias. But despite my misgivings at the plot zigzag here, for the most part this was thoughtfully done. So while no 5, it gets a 4.

In your version, Melody is as much a manipulating slut as his wife. It still does not explain the point Biguy had. They should have talked to Henry and not gone behind his back.

Not only did the wife have to have cheated multiple times for each pregnancy. If they talked and agreed to a sperm donor and asked the cousin, he would have jerked off and provided a sample. Then it would have been artificial insemination not natural fucking.

Henry and the kids are the victims. Mom and wife the perpetrators.

Learn to read dip shit he didn't know he couldent farther kids thats why he just found out when his sun got injured, sooo fuck you and your RAC storie.

No complaints on the writing- very well written and enjoyable, but I like Bigguy's ending better. 'I screwed your cousin a lot just to give you your kids, honey'; yeah, that doesn't work. Not ever.

Yeeeaaah, no. BG33 writes enough RAAC, this was even worse.

You completely changed Melody's character.

Gets a three for writing competence and takking the risk.

Not clear to me that the babies were in-vitro, but I think that is what you were saying?"

This ending is a thousand times more realistic. You had me at "citizen". I suspect that OP knows a bit about "the life" than the original writer, which isn't an indictment of the BigGuy33. We write from our experiences and cultural understandings, and after re-reading the original story, the ending was a bit unbelievable, though BG33 did smooth off the rough edges and make it a GREAT story. This ending, though, is better, because it not only dovetails better with the biker milieu, it also addresses the root cause - e.g. Mom's manipulation of a young, in-love daughter-in-law. You closed up all the loose ends and made a great story damn near perfect!

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5++++++++++/5!!!! A classique in the full, classical sense!

Now that I know Denise and cuz knocked boots a whole bunch of times, I think your story can't hold a candle to big guys. In Vitro, then, yes, reconcile. Not in vitro, dump the bitch Denise, the bitch mother and the bitch Melody. Then find a way to burn them all!

Story was good until this line:

"Henry was a great guy, but he was letting his pride and ego drive him away from his wife."

I swear, people never get it...betrayal is never about pride and ego....its about fucking betrayal!

Betrayal is being harmed by the intentional actions or omissions of a trusted person. The most common forms of betrayal are harmful disclosures of confidential information, disloyalty, infidelity, dishonesty. They can be traumatic and cause considerable emotional and psychological distress and pain. The effects of betrayal include shock, loss and grief, morbid pre-occupation, damaged self-esteem, self-doubting, anger. Betrayal frequently produces life-altering changes to the betrayed.

"Henry told me you had told him the whole secret was on his mom, not on me. That is why I am here."

The fuck its all on Henry's mother. Once Denis found out from Henry's mother that Henry was sterile she should have told Henry. Let him get tested to prove if the information was accurate. She certainly should NOT have gone ahead with the mother's dumb-ass plan for Denise to fuck Henry's cousin in order to have children. She just went ahead and did it multiple times...that's fucking cheating! Denise is at fault for HER betrayal. She is not a fucking victim. She just another cheater.

So, the story ends up being just another reconciliation at all costs by painting the cheating wife as a victim. At no point in the story did Denise ever accept responsibility for her cheating and betrayal. The reconciliation doesn't work because we all know Denise was not a victim but a co-conspirator in betraying Henry.

To all commenters, thank you. To those who think the original ending was better - I agree. At this site, a husband, who takes the wife back is not as good a story as one who doesn't (with a few notable exceptions). My reason for the alternate ending is in the original, Melody is a free spirit and Henry is not. I cannot see them ending as a pair. (This is not a criticism of the original story, which was well thought out and deserved the high score it got.) Several commented the wife is not a victim - and with that I both agree and disagree. She married not knowing he was sterile. Perhaps, her best alternative on finding out was divorce - which many would think too cruel. I can see a woman who was "wronged" like that choosing to let his cousin get her pregnant (not too big a leap, IMO). The real difficulty in telling an RAAC story as this is - is the person telling the tale is not either of the people who end up together - the ending took some effort - she showed up to prevent him from coming to thank Melody?? In all, I wrote more as an homage to an author who offered to anyone to write an alternate ending. I am glad I did.

Actually, I enjoyed this. It was realistic. Thanks.

Well written alternate story but I still didn't like it.

Big Guys story is vastly superior. Yours just leaves me cold. But l admire your attempt at any rate.

In my opinion, Henry should’ve ditched Denise, she did betray him and lie to him. For something completely different l expected Henry to open up and shift into another life and love it and the conniving and manipulative bitches behind.

muskyboy: as _I_ read it, Henry and Denise are going to tell the kids that they got conceived by IVF, that is, they're gonna lie about it.

I think Gamblinluck's comment, "Henry and the kids are the victims. Mom and wife the perpetrators." is right.

Writer should have left well enough alone.

Just a wonderful alternate take on what was already a very good tale.

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Great writing. Logical plot. Your Melody was a real treat.

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5 *****

My question is, why did you try to write a sequel to BG33 story if you didnt add anything to it. The center of your story was Melody but with changed character traits. In your story she was the typical biker girl. Carefree and uncommited without a grasp for emotions and slightly manipulative. It perfectly fits and is realistic but the rest was unfinished. Why did she try to steer Henry away from what his wife, his cousin and the wife of his cousin conspired to and tried to solely blame his mother. Henrys mother was right, it takes two for what they did and Denise was perfectly fine to cheat on Henry and let him raise his cousins kids instead of telling him that he is infertile the moment his mother told her. But then again, this story was not about Henry but Melody and had nothing much to do with the original. That not realistic.

No. The original was better.

Realistic? Only if you are smoking dope. Denise cheated and committed deliberate paternity fraud. She is not a "victim". If she wanted children of her own, she should have told Henry and done it in vitro with his consent, adopted, or moved on. The mother and Denise are written as cunts, and Melody is a creature from outer space. The idiotic fascination with writing women as using someone else's dick for artificial insemination is bizarre and a tired cliche. A turkey baster works, as does a clinic.

Lousy. If you husband is sterile you can adopt or get artificially inseminated. Either way the husband knows. You don't cheat, you talk it out and start a family. What was written, (she was in a no win situation, wanted children) is pure BS, not a no win situation.

Way to turn Melody into a fucking wiling to be a cuckolding cunt if she married him and found him to be sterile.

You seem to have cuck tendencies junior. Dont ruin decent stories with your low self esteem and closeted issues.

You wasted your time, my time and everyone elses that didnt realize you were going to trash what was a decent story with this worthless drivel.

This story shows how someone turns a good plot into a ridiculous scenario. The best decision would have been never to try and start improving a very good story. Especially not if you don't have the tools to do it!

I liked the original ending better but with a twist thrown in that Henry gets a test and finds out he isn't sterile. They DNA on the kids and find out two are actually Henry's and one is his cousins. This makes Henry even more angry with his wife and mother for not telling him since he could have been tested long ago and avoided the whole mess. Melody gets pregnant and they live happily ever after....

I understand what you tried to do here and as a writiing excercise it was not bad (and Melody's side of the story was indeed very realistic and deserving of 4-5 stars).

BUT... you chose to reward Denise and punish Henry, by having him re-enter a toxic relationship with someone he has no reason or ability to ever trust again. So I'm rating "1" because I hate RAAC outcomes.

Is there a chance you can do an alternate alternate ending where Henry does divorce Denise and marry someone worthy (keeping your Melody part of the story intact)? Please?

Sorry but the original was better and more believable.

Plenty of other we ways to get pregnant

you should have left the original alone

I can’t believe I read as much as I did. Total waste of time.

A good story but the reality is that he was deceived by his mother , wife and cousin. He did nothing but the right thing. Also if anything could be worse than the cheating and him raising kids he didn’t know were his is the lies that all knew. They would never see me again . Maybe the biker chick wasn’t a good long term fit but going back would not be an option.

It's an ok story on its own, but coming up with an alternate ending for someone else's story and making it less satisfactory than the original is a big miss. Melody's lecture at the end just feels like the author is trying to poke holes in the original, which is kind of petty, considering it wasn't all that contentious to begin with. Unlike, for example, most of the stories that FTDS and Saddletramp have done their own endings for.

Good ending. There doesn’t have to be just one ending to a story (as ‘February’ proved). This ending might not suit everyone but is pretty realistic.

NO, the end does not justify the means.

Call it "ego or pride" but it doesn't change the fact his wife allowed/sought/welcomed another man into her husband's domain - more than once, just to have kids? No, not ever! Ever hear of adoption?

Clearly, exclusivity did not mean what it should have to the wife. Henry understood it instinctively, that's why he left! That he went back to a woman who chose to cheat - for whatever reason - and will never taste or feel the same again just shows Henry has been wimpified. Denise's actions were a choice, not just a mistake. More feminization of the male in modern society. 2 stars.

if she had stopped at one then maybe but three kids not a chance

Bullshit!!!!!

No man in his right mind spilt go back to a woman likeHenrys wife!

Don't see how Denise was a victim in any sense. IV fertilization was always an option.

What piece of shit did I just read. Wife is a cunt and should not be forgiveness.

The original was better.

DOL

I gave you a 4 star because I liked the way you constructed to story. The writer determined a course of action and presented it very well. I am not a BTB only reader. I however wouldn't do what Henry did. I think Denise could have done many things rather than cheating. I think she should have sat down with Henry and discussed options. then made her decision from there. If I would have come from a dysfunctional situation, I think that if she had done what Henry's mother did, I would have loved to know it before deceit took place. The mother’s actions were mostly selfishly motivated, probably geared to grandchildren t any cost. At this point mom would have suffered immeasurably. Denise would have been on her own no matter what. I would not have fallen for Melody and looked at her as a potential wife....At least not at the point where this story gravitated .... BTRH

I was truly hoping for a lot more than the nutless protagonist laying down for everyone with no suspense or drama..many plot devices left in the drawer unused..

How about Henry getting tested and finding out he ISN'T shooting blanks?

How about DNA testing of the kids and finding out they maybe are really his?

Henry can't always flop and be the good guy...his good friend who rehersed and bred his wife

3 times must be held accountable!! must be a way of inflicting pain without hurting the kids!

come on..this isn't that complicated...we spent more wasyed time building character depth

on the Big tits in the bikers bar???

this could have been killer with a little "Saddletramp" magic..

I see no reason why a woman who places little value in "citizen" concepts like love, fidelity and sacrifice would give a shit about whether or not Henry returned to Denise. Love and empathy are what motivate us act in the best interest of others when those interests do not coincide with our own. Melody would have no such motive or concern.

I would have put the whole bunch in my rearview.

You did a good job making this ending different. However, I think I enjoyed the original story best.

Thanks for writing.

I like this ending

Hell nah! You ruined it.

BigGuy33 is a legend on this site, inventive and powerful LW tales flowing effortlessly from his keyboard. Naturally, his original version gets five stars, but so does this revision.

Kudos to 012Say for his deep and compassionate insights into the motivations of both the straying LW Denise and her potential replacement, wild child Melody.

boy, do not write more, please. all you've done is mess up a not-so-bad story by BG33. this is absolute crap, honestly. do something else, maybe masturbate, or whatever those weak cucky are doing.

Great take on BigGuy33's awesome story. In the original, the love between Henry and Melody was a bit of a stretch given their backgrounds, as you've pointed out here. I do think, however, Denise gets too much of a free pass here. Also, Gabe still deserves to have his ass kicked.

Like the original much better. The comments about Henry and Melody being from two different worlds doesn't fly for me, because the heart wants what the heart wants. Yes, I am a hopeless romantic. The problem is that being a hopeless romantic without a soul just doesn't work.

To Nothingman83 - thanks for your comment, with which I partially disagree. The heart wants what the heart wants is a wonderful notion and makes for great stories - and as you point out, does not work well with someone without a soul. (IMO) The reason the original is better, is it makes us feel better. The protagonist "gets back at the cheater" and goes to a life with a freer, fun crowd. My story may not convey it well, but a happier outcome is more likely going back home to the wife and kiddies (even cousin's kiddies). The cry unheard in this story is a woman who married an unknowingly sterile man. Her heart wanted children and she found a way, hoping hubby never knew - a flawed notion, but not an evil one. The readers here see cheating, as cheating - I get that. I disagreed and wrote an alternate ending, and was told what readers think of it (seems fair to me).

Having a purely remorseful reconciliation story doesn't bother me. If it does happen I would still like the husband to give his pound of flesh, example he gets back with his with but finds out later he got Melody pregnant. You ruined it though, manipulated by his wife and mom and now some wanna be anti-hero. Her even coming to see melody alone is even way past offensive.

The cheating fucking cunt knew she was cheating and went into it with her eyes wide open. There is no possible way for a husband to forgive this shit unless he gets off on her cheating. All of you cuckold bastards make me want to throw up. This wasn’t a story. It was jus cock sucking cuckold trash. One star and that’s too much.

This is begging for the "last kid heads to college and Henry is gone pdq" epilogue.

preferred the original ending - I personally would never forgive what was done here by either the mother or the wife.

This is not badly written. I have to say I liked the original ending better, but that’s just my opinion. It’s all fiction anyway. I will keep reading your stories. Good luck and thanks.

This was not a more realistic ending. There is absolutely no bleeping way Henry goes back to his wife after a betrayal like that

Yes, this ending makes more sense. The idea of Henry and Melody riding off into the sunset just doesn't add up.

Sorry, but this ending is not at all realistic. There are several realistic ways they could end up staying together, most of which have an expiration date of when the last kid leaves for college, but this is not one of them. This would have been bad enough as your own story, but to deface a story written by somebody else is pathetic.

When Denise found out he was sterile she should have divorced Henry immediately.

No counseling, no adoption, no invitro.

She wanted to have a whole man rather than a half man who couldn’t give her what she needed.

From then on Henry would have tell any fiancée he was sterile.

If he didn’t they would get a note from Denise telling them.

I suppose that was one ending. Whether or not he ends up with Melody is not the question. The question is why would he return to his Mother and Wife who have lied to him their entire marriage and before that? That degree of deceit should have pushed him far, far away and into a new life - Melody or not.

For this to be a realistic ending, it requires Henry to believe Denise had no choice but to sleep with the cousin without Henry knowing. Henry is an intelligent man, he would know that Denise could have told him and suggested adoption or even invitro. Therefore, she betrayed him and he is a cuck to accept that.

Well written but a failure ending. Once his mother told his wife he was sterile. SHE owed it to her husband to tell him. NOT Fucked the cousin.

This was absolutely not a realistic ending. Denise was blameless in that she was dead when she effed the cousin? She was blameless for keeping secrets? She is not responsible in any way. Idiotic.Author is totally clueless regarding the husbands reaction. Granted, big guy story was whacked too. He states his bio no cucks, but that is effectively the only way he writes, so he lies to his readers. But the wife got a divorce out of her deception, so there is that. Coming up with this ending is a complete stretch, and all we got was more wimps.

The writer has attempted to justify in the comments below. It is an impressive accomplishment to have almost universal denigration in the comments, no one agrees with th author. Even better, when ic69 hunter loser likes it you know it is trash, read his bio. The author by replying demonstrates desperation for an extremely unpopular direction on this one. Of course, we also must conveniently overlook that by excusing wifey and her conspirators, he must then live a lifetime with himself and without self respect .

Still his wife could have adopted a child, for her to go and screw his cousin was nothing more than cheating

This story’s ending is no more ‘realistic’ than BigGuy33’s. The overused plot line of the cheated on husband finding a deeper and truer love before the ink is dry on divorce is as ludicrous as this author’s idea that any man could forgive the deceit involved in having someone else father his children. It’s not the cheating aspect that’s the deal breaker. It’s the lie!

Nope! The mother and wife should be in prison for paternity fraud. The cousin should have a lifetime judgement for child support from the court. The doctor should be fighting a lawsuit for not telling the patient directly what his condition was-if his mother said no, then you wait until he is 18 and then make sure that he knows.

There’s multiple versions of this story on LW. The better ones end in divorce, and a judgment for child support against the biological father. Unfortunately, that’s as far as it goes. Not one version has a proper punishment against the wife and mother. Sad, really. It would be awesome to have one of the hardcore BTB authors destroy this plot!

ZK

I think the flaw in Melody's logic as she pushes Henry towards reconciliation with Denise is the idea that her only options were to (a) divorce or (b) deceive and cheat on Henry. In reality, there were other, better options available. Denise could and should have had an upfront discussion with Henry about his sterility and her desire to have children. They could have, as a couple, considered a number of options, including adoption or in vitro fertilization. Hell, maybe Henry would have gotten on board with her having sex with his cousin to sire children, but we'll never know because Denise KNOWINGLY CONCEALED HIS CONDITION FROM HIM AND TOOK THAT CHOICE FROM HIM. So, while Denise was innocent going into the relationship, I cannot accept the author's premise that she remains an innocent victim and that Henry's mother is the only guilty party. That said, I agree wholeheartedly with the author that the relationship with Melody rings false. As another commenter posted below, it's a typical trope in this category, the new, better, and more beautiful woman who magically appears to salve the hero's pain and warm his bed. Henry and Melody as a couple ring false. And I could definitely see Henry ultimately reconciling with Denise, given their shared history (including 3 kids he thinks of as his). But to do so without Denise shouldering any real responsibility for her actions, without any attempt to seek pardon or even recognize that what she had done was wrong? That seems a bridge too far and leads us into the equally unpalatable RAAC zone.

It was even more bullshit than the original. Any man would have put gabe in the hospital or morgue n divorced the back stabbing lying bitch

Both stories gloss over the fact that invitro is a thing

Yes you have written an alternative ending. The trouble is you have written alternative characters too.

This story bears little relationship to the original and as such is disappointing.

You ruined the original. You changed the characters and their motivations. Even if Henry had not met Mel, he would have still divorced Denise. The options of divorce or cheat on Henry are ludicrous. Henry's true anger was at the deception AND the unilateral decision concerning Henry's life by Denise . As others have stated, the original story Mel was a trope. Though Denise's actions do not lend themselves to a RAAC in either story

Nive effort but you missed the truth about him and his feelings regarding the lies and deception he endured

Didn't like first story And this is worse.

Okay to cheat and cheat and cheat and lie?!

Not happening

I agree with author that the original is unrealistic. At least it treated Henry's feelings as being somewhat valid. This alternative did not. In the original, Henry left town believing that Denise cheated on him for pleasure as well as conception; this version abruptly reverses that. Not good. 2*.

While I think Henry would have come down on the side that his wife did it to have kids not for the sex at all, the point is though most of the offense should surely be payed on his mothers doorstep, his wife went along with the deception and did not confide the whole truth to her husband and discuss honest options for for having children but instead went right into lies, trickery and betrayal. Henry seemed the kind of man who while he might have cut ties with his mother (let's admit she was a LYING BITCH!) he probably would have been understanding if the wife informed him of his mothers withholding the truth and work with her on the children plans, even to the point of asking the cousin to donate at a sperm bank as to have children at least some blood related to him, but the mother destroyed that chance for honesty from them.

A modification to the 10 commandments : "Honor thy Mother and Father, If they earn it" , a point I'll argue for after 61 yrs. of comparing my parents whom I've recognized as VERY GOOD parents, VS many whom I've observed whose kids sadly paid the price of extremely bad parenting.

Sorry about the preachiness.😣😵😕☹️🙁😔😥😢😭😰

Lol. My gods this was horrible

Ridiculous and rotten

You completely turned Henry into a CUCK!!!

Did he know he was sterile?

B-O-R-I-N-G !

no se te dan las continuaciones, no son lo tuyo

No Denise wasn't in a no win place. Henry didn't lie, any more than someone that gets cancer has lied. The only people that lied were his mom and then Denise and obviously Gabe.

At any point Denise could have told Henry that he was sterile and given him the ultimatum that either she gets artificially inseminated or she's leaving - if pregnancy was so important, or that they are going to adopt - if not.

What she did was just plain deceitful that served no one but herself and his mom and choosing the cousin just heaped insult upon insult.

Honestly, Denise should count herself lucky that Henry didn't ditch the kids as well.