All Comments on 'Memories'

There will be more chapters or I'll send a mean large person to your house.

I don't give 5's very often. I mane an exception for this one.

Nicely thought out and a good build up. But!

What happens next?

Please write some more

This story although short, it was good, bittersweet, well-thought and well executed. Too bad it ended too quickly, almost rushed. Now the mystery that was never revealed: Why was only him (and not both) in their parents' car, and for what reason was he taken to his aunt house that day? Mmm...

Good story but kind of a weird shift from first person to third person near the end.

Great story. I really liked it.

But that transition from first person to third person for the last part of the story was abrupt and painful. You gotta fix that.

What a great little story!!!!£

I just wish it was longer.

Well worth the 5/5 I’m giving it

A lovely and sensitive story, well told. Thank you ... now what about a sequel.

Beautiful, poignant and very well written. Thank you.

Really original scenario, treated with elegance and romantism ! Bravo !

Really well-written...thanks!

Interesting plot. I envy him.

Loved it. However, it seems to be a shortened version of a story I have read on here before. slight changes, but mostly the same.

You have a great story here. It was fun to read - until you went back and forth from 1st to 3rd person P.O.V. Still, very good story!

A well written story that I enjoyed reading. Thank you.

As a retired professor of English I appreciate stories that have a plot, are interesting, and are well written. This story exceeded my expectations. Thanks....and, another two or three chapters ... new location, children, etc. would be well received.

Amazing. Beautiful. But do NOT continue this story. It will never be able to live up to this beginning. Just fix the third-person thing, and then shift gears and write the sexy novella we know you are capable of. Please?

Agree with the last 3 comments. Beautiful, poignant, very well written, sensitive, needing a sequel, and I wish it was longer. 5/5

Should've been a follow up to their confession and the whole drama about their parents rather than that just being told in a few sentences

I really enjoyed this one. Heartbreaking and tender. A little bit more about the parents would have been nice. I'll have to reread it to be sure, but I got the impression that the parents accepted the illicit relationship, but didn't want Marie to get pregnant just yet, possibly never. That's a confusing part, but I may have rushed through it too fast. It's a diamond in the rough for sure. A few tweaks and it would be stellar ✨. 5 from me.

I enjoyed the story but feel short changed like it needs a another chapter of their beginning and the parents. Even and epilog. Gave it a 5 still cause i enjoyed the story just want more from these characters

This story was not at all what I was expected. But damn. This is such an excellently written story. Hope to read more

Short compact and really good. Enjoyed it very much. Lots of story there in just two pages!

Cheers

SAGE

Just read this a second time, more slowly and thoroughly. DAMN! It's really good! I stand by my initial assessment that it still needs some minor tweaks. I agree that with some of the other readers that it doesn't need a second chapter unless you write about them moving to Arizona and building a family. But I can definitely see a separate spinoff story from the point of view of one of the two parents. 🤔 I can already see the initial discovery of the incest. The pregnancy revealed. Then it ends with the crash and fades to black. Maybe the mom's POV would be best. Dad dies instantly but mom, is trapped in her seat lingering, mortally injured as she delivers her dying thoughts of the grandchild she'll never see. 💔

The first time that I read this, I cried when when Marie revealed that their parents had died. The second time I read this, I made it through that part, but I still cried again in other places. I don't regret giving you 5/5 the first time around. A most excellent job! Thanks for taunting me a second time! [Monty Python Holy Grail reference] 😆 🤣 😂

'Show, don't tell', is such a common editorial response that it has lost much of its vigour, but in this case, it really is the best feedback I can offer. Quite a lot of very important story beats get glossed over in this draft by telling the reader what happened rather than letting it unfold before the reader's metaphorical eyes. In particular, I think this story would benefit greatly by adding flashbacks at the points where the narrator experiences a revelation. The concept of a meditation on the vagaries of memory is an excellent one, but one can better draw the reader into that mindset by letting them *feel* the revelation with Mark, rather than just telling us what information it contained.

Regardless, I much enjoyed what I read, even if I wished I could have read more of it, and I think you should take it as a compliment that my only real complaint about your story is that I wanted to read more of it! Thank you for sharing your work with us.

A really good little tale. Thought it lacked something, not enough about who they are and how they got to where they are..

Was no one else bothered by the abrupt and totally unexplained swap from first person (I, me) to third person (he, his) right after "...'Big dumb man agree to woman's terms!'..."? No one else found that odd? I guess it was deliberate, but it felt really bizzare and awkward.

The whole story we're experiencing everything from Mark's perspective, then suddenly we're hearing that "she hugged *him*" and so on. Threw me for a loop. The character is the narrator...then instead there's an omniscient narrator, or at least an observer narrator, describing what's happening.

I really enjoyed the story, it surprised me how invested I got and how impacted I was by the experiences and emotions of the characters in a two-page story (I'm fond of long stories) but that particular detail snapped me right out of the story. Still give it a 5, but I wanted to mention how that perspective shift bothered me.

I LIKED IT VERY MUCH...CINCO ESTRELLAS!

Excellent piece of work. Thanks for sharing it.

I agree with the 3 posts below this one. Ditto to what they said. Also a good read.

Excellent storyline but I am disagreeing with other comments, this needs to be continued with Mark and Maries in their adventures in moving to Arizona and starting a new life. The writing was excellent as was the character development. I hope to see a second chapter in the near future to give these two their very own happily ever after. 5/5

Excellent story, just loved it so much.

Into favourites it goes

Worth 5/5 all the way

very good