All Comments on 'Merry Christmas, Mister Lawrence'

I guess most people won't know the title comes from a film starring David Bowie and Ryuichi Sakamoto, but it was never like this! Good imagery, good sex, a little rushed, I thought, perhaps a slightly slower pace next time, maybe give the sexual tease and tension a little time to build, but not bad for a first timer, so well done you. I gave you 3 stars, because it went too fast, it went from nothing to making out with his mom inside a couple of paragraphs with no real back story or prior indication of teasing and sexual innuendo between them leading up to their first encounter; a slower pace and a more detailed build-up would have gotten you a higher score, but still good, for all that.

... Now you just have to make everything else just as good....no pressure...LOL 5 stars. Part of me wants to see more of what happened between that first weekend and that Christmas Eve on the porch in Maine. Looking forward to your next submission.

would be nice to read a second chapter

For a first time writer, this was incredible. 5 stars and a favorite from me.

If there is one suggestion that I would give, I'd say it could have used a little more background. The son is masturbating to the thoughts of his mother just after reaching the cabin - was this becuase he had feeling for his mom since long or is this just a recent thing?

And I really, REALLY loved the ending. Thanks for writing.

When Dan ventures to call her by her name, his mother says, smiling, "Call me Mom, I like that more." Look, the boy's doing what lots and lots of sons can only dream of doing as they whack off. Dan's sticking his hard young cock up between his mother's legs whenever he fucking feels like it, pumping away like mad, and finally blowing his hot young balls up the same cunt he came out of, filling it to the brim with his creamy semen. Now the boy and his mom are accepted as a couple in the small town where he's a cop. Dan has unimpeded access to the cunt of all his dreams, his mother has her darling boy and his big throbbing cock up where he started out, they live together as man and wife, and all's right with the world.

The only issue I have is that this story is not long enough and having a 2nd chapter may not result in achieving a very high bar that you have established! Good luck and I hope you have a follow-up chapter.

For the read.

it would be nice to know who these people are and how they arrived at this point in their lives. a step this big would not be taken lightly.

Needs way more dialog. They hardly talk to each other at all.

they need 2 talk 2 each other more not much build up 2 the sex eather

Like everyone else said needs more dialog like the bit about the

Family pitcher wut is the story behind that good story though

Leave it to A wimp to freak out , now if the shoe had been on the other foot what would have happen, if he had caught her naked he would have been all over her like ugly on a fucking guerilla

I leave it with an ace and will go read something worth reading

A good story concept, but poorly executed. The son is way too immature. He'd do better cleaning restrooms with a hello kitty tampon.

3 stars only

Sincerely,

B4PW.