Message to My Former Sub

It was weird seeing you naked all the time.

I mean, I wanted to be with the girlfriend that I loved more than anything. I didn't want to be the evil Cruella bitch all the time.

But this was your weekend, and it was meant for your pleasure.

Remember when the mosquitos started showing up? I had you bring me the repellent, and I slathered you with mosquito repellent. Every inch of your body. I wasn't nice about it. I made you feel like it was your own fault that you attracted all those mosquitos and that I had to take care of this.

I rubbed that stuff all over your body. It was so fucking erotic, and you presented your body to me like I owned it, like you were a thing and had no say or dignity.

I still remember that I said: "I won't rub this stuff on your pussy! You know why?"

You shook your head.

"Maybe one of those mosquitos will have some mercy and fuck your tiny little pussy. It'll be the only action you will see!"

And you pleaded: "Please, no! I don't want to be stung in my pussy! Please protect me from those mosquitos. They are so big!"

I just laughed and shouted: "Get me another beer!"

Of course you did with your timid little moves and your naked body that was glowing in the night, lit only by the campfire. You were so fucking cute! And you knew it.

No mosquito bit you though. We were both a little disappointed when I inspected you later that night.

You wanted to feel that itching on your pussy. I mean, you have to agree, that this is a little sick. I've never heard of a mosquito-pussy-bite-fetish. But you had it.

On your list it said you wanted to be cuffed spread eagle to the bedposts at night.

Well, the bed didn't have posts. And it was a small bed. But I improvised a little:

"I don't trust you!" I said. "I really don't!" Once I'm asleep, I just know that you are going to play with yourself. I just fucking know it!"

I slapped the leather cuffs on you and tied your hands behind your back. Then I lifted you up and threw you on the bed. You looked so cute when you tried to cover yourself with the blanket. All tied up. Your hands awkwardly wiggling behind your back.

"Having a bit of a hard time?"

"I'm sorry. Yes, it's difficult!"

I just laughed and stood there and watched you.

You were much more into this whole domination/submission stuff than me. But I still enjoyed your helplessness and my power.

I think for the wrong reasons. It made me arrogant and bossy. I don't like myself when I'm like that. Sometimes I forgot that we were just playing, and I was genuinely mean to you. If ever I see you again, which I really hope, I will have to apologize for all of that.

I'm really not a good dominant. Remember when we talked about this? You know so much more about that lifestyle. And I felt that I could never keep up with your desires and kinks and all that. Most of the time I was too soft for your taste.

I said: "You need someone much stricter than me. Someone really sadistic who would do all those fucked up things you crave."

And then you said: "No. You are perfect for me. You care for me, I trust you. You won't harm me! You do all the crazy shit to me, but then you are also always there to catch me and rub lotion over my butt when you've spanked me."

Remember that?

You once thought that we were perfect for each other.

You were right, I still think that, by the way.

We were perfect for each other, and you know maybe we can still...

I didn't really have any power over you. I wasn't superior in any way. I didn't understand back then. But now I know. You gave every bit of power to me. It was your gift. Anyway...

So I got into bed as well. I pulled away your blanket and wrapped myself into it. And there was nothing you could do about it.

You struggled to get under the blanket again, and I just looked at you, laughing at your helpless, awkward movements.

"You have to try harder!" I laughed, and you were grunting in frustration.

Eventually I had some mercy. I pulled you towards me and wrapped the blanket around you.

We were spooning. I took advantage of your body, kissed and caressed you as I pleased. Your body completely exposed to me. And you did what little you could. I felt your cuffed hands on me. Stretching back as far as possible to reach my pussy.

"Please!" you begged.

"Please what?"

"Please move a little closer!"

"Why?"

"I want to touch you!"

You begged for me to let you finger me! How fucking hot!

I let you do it. I pressed my hips against yours and now your fingers were able to reach my pussy. And I fingered you, and you fingered me. Of course you made me come, and in return I just edged you, because I am mean, and I am controlling your orgasms.

You were begging me to make you come.

And I promised that I would if you did a good job on me.

But of course I never did let you have it. At least not that night.

Fuck my promises! When I am in charge, I can be totally mean. And I was, and you loved me for it.

Eventually I just rolled to the other side of the bed and told you to go to sleep.

All through the night I felt your struggles to find a comfortable way to sleep with your hands tied behind your back. It was a little annoying for me, but it must have been so much worse for you.

In the morning I woke up before you.

You have this soft expression when you are sleeping, and I just admired your face and how lucky I was to have found you.

I mean, I have done some really bad things and made some really terrible decisions. That's why I've ended up here. And maybe I even deserve being here. But I feel like you made a better person out of me. You took the edge off of me. Because you made me do all those things to you, I feel like I didn't have to do them to others. Does that make sense? Probably not. But I learned so much about myself from you!

Eventually you woke up, and I softly caressed you. You were still in that half state between being asleep and awake.

"How are your arms?" I whispered.

"Okay!" you said.

"You got to do something for me!"

You knew what I wanted.

Like a rolled-up parcel I had to roll you between my thighs and adjust you to be perfectly set between my legs.

There is no view that I like better than lying in bed, looking down, between my breasts and thighs seeing you there licking my pussy. Your head bopping up and down, your tongue doing its magic, making your slurping sounds, because my pussy gets so wet that I soak all the sheets. I just can't help it!

There is no feeling in the world that I like more than having you lick me to a lazy morning orgasm.

And of course I didn't pay you back.

I sank back into the sheets and enjoyed all that pleasure running through my body. While you were still between my legs, gently sucking on my pussy lips to just keep my pleasure going for a little longer.

I paid you back with some humiliation though:

"I have to pee!" you whispered after a while.

I ignored it, shushed you even.

"May I get up please... and pee? I really have to!"

Your voice is so cute when you are begging.

But then I got up, moaning and complaining, as if it was totally unreasonable what you were asking of me. I rolled you out of the bed, put you on your feet. Your hands still tied. We went to the bathroom, and I pushed you in.

"Go!" I said but I didn't leave. I stood there in the door looking at you. You were clearly uncomfortable, but your eyes were sparkling with this desire to be humiliated.

"Like this?" you asked.

"Yeah, like this! I want to make sure that you're not getting yourself off when I'm not watching!"

"But my hands are tied. How can I get myself off?"

"I bet you can find a way! I know you, Baby! You could still hump the toilet seat or something!"

"But I can't go when you are watching!"

"Sure you can. You just let it go. It's easy."

"No, it's not easy."

"Don't talk back to me or I'll drag you out and you can hold it in for the rest of the day!"

"Please no! I will try."

And you tried, but it didn't work.

I had my arms crossed in front of my chest and looked down on you. You were crouched on the toilet, tried to cover yourself with your body all bent over. But you still looked up to look me with those eyes. You always wanted me to look you in the eyes when I dominated you.

"Or are you just fucking with me? You don't really have to go, now do you?"

"I do. I really do! But I can't if you are watching!"

"Go now!"

You were squirming on the toilet, trying to let it go. I could never tell how much of this was real. But it was so fucking hot to see you so small. So helpless. And it made me feel so strong and mighty.

Eventually I heard that trickle of urine splashing in the bowl, and immediately your body relaxed.

Our eyes were still locked. There was relief, gratitude, shame and even pride in your eyes. All mixed together!

"Thank you!" you whispered.

"Alright, let's clean you up!"

I stepped into the bathroom, picked you up from the bowl, took a few sheets of paper and wiped you.

"I don't want your piss dripping all over the floor!"

And of course I took a little longer than I needed to, and I fingered you a little longer than was necessary.

"Does this turn you on?" I acted disgusted. "You are such a dirty slut!"

You whimpered yet another apology.

We had a great time that weekend.

I still remember when I finally made you come.

On your list it said that you want to be tied to a tree all day, and I should force you to drink a lot.

I couldn't do that.

Instead I had put your wrists in the leather cuffs and thrown a rope over the branch of a tree and tied you up, your arms over your head.

It was some sort of punishment for not doing the dishes properly or something. Some bullshit excuse.

You have such a slim a beautiful figure when you are tied up like that. You were tiptoeing around. The shadow of the tree was protecting you from the sun, but other than that you were all vulnerable.

It must have been pretty uncomfortable. But you enjoyed it.

I would have let you stand there for longer but then I noticed two of those pesky huge gadflies all over you. You tried to push them away, but no chance all tied up. They were persistent.

For a second I enjoyed it, but then I wondered where these flies had been and that they would soil your beautiful body walking all over you. I really hated these things.

So I walked over to you, I swatted at them, and I don't know if I killed them, or they were getting annoyed themselves. Anyway, eventually they were gone.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

And you said: "It's itchy. Where they touched me."

I felt bad for you and started to rub you, and I asked where they had been, and you told me:

"My knee, and my thigh."

"There?"

"Yes, but higher!"

So I went along, and I fingered you and kissed your perky little breasts, and I got lost in you. I lost control of your orgasm. I had planned some other way for you to come. Not tied to a tree by the lake.

But I messed up. I was so focused on the taste your breasts that I didn't realize that my fingers on your clit had already pushed you over the edge.

You were whispering: "No, please no! I can't hold it back!"

But there was something about your nipples that just made me forget everything else.

Without me wanting to, you came all over my fingers. It wasn't your fault, although you apologized later on. I should have paid more attention. I didn't. I was really the one who was sorry. Later I felt like I had ruined everything because you came too early.

I remember how you collapsed in my arms, and I actually had to lift you up, because I didn't want your wrists to be hurt. They had to carry the weight of your body dangling from the tree, because your knees had buckled.

So I lifted you up by your ass, and you slung your legs around my hips. Your body was twitching from all the pleasure raging inside your body. We kissed.

I still kind of felt bad that I didn't give you the super climax after hours and hours of teasing. I mean you so deserved it for your birthday and all the suffering.

You didn't mind at all.

When we packed up later that day, I realized that you didn't have any clothes. You had me cut them all up and we burned them on our campfire.

I mean I couldn't drive home with you all naked, although I saw in your eyes that you secretly wanted just that. You wanted me to expose you. So that all the truckers could look into our car and admire your nakedness.

You had this planned all along. I just didn't realize when I tore apart your clothes.

Well I had a sweaty shirt left. It reeked really badly of my stale sweat. You said you didn't mind. And so I tossed it to you. It was too big, but it almost looked like a cheap dress on you. It was long enough to cover your naughty bits.

On our way back I told you all the things I had in mind that we didn't get to do.

And you said: "We'll do it next time!"

Well, we never got a next time.

A month later I did that thing, and I got caught, and the rest is history.

Do you remember what you said when we got back home?

You said that this was the best trip you ever had. And you also said that you want us to do this for the rest of our lives.

You did say that.

I hope you remember because I do.

I'll be coming out in five months, and I was wondering whether you would be interested in having a coffee with me. That's all I'm asking. You know, just to talk. Nothing more.

My brother says I can get a job with him. I think I've really turned my life around. No more shady business. I've done my share of stupid.

He also told me that you were in a shitty relationship with a real asshole (his words) who treated you really badly.

I mean, you were right. You need somebody to protect you from some of the crazy things you desire. Someone who actually loves you, who doesn't just want to hurt you because she thinks you'll like it.

I know I've done some other things that aren't nice. Maybe you can forgive me after a while.

You know how to get in touch with me.

If you want some company, let me know.

I would really like to see you again.

Yours,

Louise