All Comments on 'MetaMorph Ch. 05'

I mean it was interesting, it was well written, the main characters even came to life. But your entire story was about forgiving a cheating wife and transformation and in the end you failed to give June any redemption and you ruined the transformation. You took the easy route.

great story thanks 5

That was one hell of a twist at the very end. Just when he thought everything was going well she goes and cheats on him again and this time she lets the bastard knock her up. No telling who the father is with a slut like her. The only thing we can be sure of is that it isn't Dan because HE HAS NO BALLS.

A wimp till the end. And beyond. You're going to get many people telling you how great this tale was, how happy about the reconcilliation and that it was a great happy ending.

Well check this out. In order to gain her respect, he spent four months with his wife's lover in his gym, got humiliated by a shrink hooker who thought she was God's gift to manhood and returned to his whore wife a different person. Would she have stayed with him without the muscles and without the writing deal? I doubt it because she knew what she wanted, a big muscled man who could fuck her in every which way. Who only felt guilt because she was caught.

No I didn't care for the beginning, the middle or the ending. No retribution for the cheating wife. In fact, she has someone else. Her husband is gone. The man she fell in love with is gone. He actually became a superman to gain her respect and love. If he gained the weight back you 'll see how fast she runs. And takes all the money he's making now.

I'm fucking done.

Damn

PS I bet the kid isn't even his.

HA

I waited up late hoping to read this since there won't be time in he morning. Not exactly the way it would have gone in my world but it didn't offend me either. I do feel cheated about not reading Greg's beating in person. I don't know why you went into detail in other areas but skipped that entirely. In reality I don't believe that everything would have gone completely Dan's way but that is the way I can happen in books, tv and film. In the closing scene I really expected Sandra to be the threesome guest but in reality it was probably bet for a neutral character. The last little shiwing of dominance by Anna might lead to problems in he future...

@Anon and pregnancy line...WTF? Did you actually read it?

Thanks again for a stimulating read.

$53,000 is a stack 19 inches by 2 1/2 inches by 6 inches if it was all $100 bills fresh from the mint. Must have been wearing his fat man pants....I'm just saying. Oh the car dealer has to report a cash transaction of that amount to the Feds.....Dan get a checking account...I'm just saying

Good story ....carry on

I don't have anything against happy endings (really, what guy does?), but a little imagination wouldn't hurt. Ask yourself if you'd bother reading books if you already knew the endings.

A couple of chapters back you had the chance to go in any direction and I thought here's someone who might actually have a few surprises in store. Reconciliation, a threesome and a pregnancy? You're better than this.

Ok... having felt compelled for some reason to read parts 4 and 5 I have to say I really didn't like the way this story went, a lot of my thoughts have already been summarized by cantbuy......

With that said, the story was still written very well and was an enjoyable read even if the plot wasn't up to snuff (to me anyway).

That's hard to get someone to do, get them to read something they know they wont enjoy watch playing itself out even just because... well just because... be it flow, writing, etc.

Don't get me wrong I aint the greatest judge of stuff like this, and as for the story, well its your story and in the end this category has a lot of different people who wish for varying degrees of punishment to reconciliation. So anyway, yeah didn't enjoy the story, But the story managed to be interesting enough to get me to finish it anyway. So while story wise I think this is a 2 or 3 of 5 in my view, for virtually everthing else i'd say 5/5... so we'll throw in the average and go 4/5.

Thx for the read, hope to see more from ya in the future, maybe a little less self cuck though would be nice heh. Probably bring you less bile in the comments to heh. But write what ya wanna write, someone will enjoy it. Keep on keepin on.

I guess this story is from a woman's perspective. Every woman wants to remain shallow and likes to say they made someone change. Well this guy wimped out. I would have dumped her cheating ass down the drain. Her abstinence during his transformation is just plain slut guilt. Oh well another feminized male writing stories again. So glad you waste real men's time.

Gave this series a 3 good story, good read, disappointing ending

but the ending was dissapointing. Marriage is for two - not three. She cheated again, and so did he. 3*

Personally i would have fucked June's azz off and then left her. She is really trash and mentally defective also.

Bad ending.

I feel very let down by the ending. The extra woman ruined the story for me.

I had issues the same issues with the 3-way that many others seemed to. If you really wanted to include it, maybe you could have framed it better. If they had previously used some toys in their sex play, you could have introduced Anne as the evening's special toy. Then used her as such. He uses her for their pleasure and to reinforce the wife's submissive nature to HIM.

I was also disappointed in missing the fight scene. Until I laughed about him cheating. I would not want the details of him just beating the crap out of Greg. I do wonder about the character this shows though.

I both liked and disliked the pregnant ending. I liked the imagery of him finding out. I disliked the fact that it seemed a complete surprise. If they were not planning this, she seems to be manipulating him.

I was not fond of the escort stuff. I think the idea of lessons was good. I just didn't like the character. And she didn't hang right. Daisy was the reason she was an escort (really?) but she also does it for the money and because she really liked sex. So what was up with her?

Still, I really enjoyed the whole thing. Thanks!

Very good story, better that many on this site. Don't let the criticism get at you.

Even if chapter 4 and 5 did not create the same expectations build up, the whole package is, in my mind, still excellent. No doubt about that.

I agree, though, the fight with Greg should not have been left out. You have been working towards this ultimate revenge to have it ignored almost completely. Nice touch with the weights in the gloves and the tips in the shoes but it should have been fleshed out.

I also wonder why somebody as shallow as Greg is depicted here would care enough to go through all this trouble and offer 4 months of free gym and on top of that throw in free sex with an expensive escort, out of guilt only. Guilt for woman he only fucked a few times because she wanted it aand he was available. That's not in line with his character.I expected ulterior motives, like making June part of a ring of escorts or whatever I don't know.

Unless I missed it, Dan didn't yt confess his sex education. So I think the 3some out of the blue isn't really consistent with his wife's desperate attitude to repair their relationship at that point in time. He said he wanted an equal partner, but to go reclaiming to sharing is a big step.

However, as said excellent story and hope to read more of your work.

Greg getting his asskicking needed to be shown and just just regulated to a couple of lines of text as this was one of hubby's driving factors throughout this entire story. June's reaction to Dan's experiences with Sandra should also have been included.

The whole reclamation sex thing was just bullshit tho as it takes way more than a good fuck session to regain trust and respect in a partner who cheated on you and going by Dan's conversation with Caddy he was nowhere close to being there. This should of been reflected in Dan not working with June in his business again due to trust issues.

The ending totally sucked. Seriously a couple who are trying to put the cheating wife's actions behind them engage in a 3 way? The fact June just sprung on him should of had alarm bells ringing. We're also ment to believe a woman who nearly lost his husband is not going to shut down any intern flirting with her asap? Just seemed way to big a risk on June's part for me. The only good thing about it was that Megan, who always looked down on Dan wasn't involved in it.

Fucked the ending up again just like out of love. Damn it you keep changing the characters asshole.

Chapter 5 had the worst editing of all. That, however, is a comment on craftsmanship and not on clarity or content.

I enjoyed the SS06 reference and preferred the way you wrote in chapters the way he writes in pages. You left me hungry for the next vs feeling bloated with repetition and redundancy the the page system left me with.

I look forward to your next efforts and want to encourage you to get an editor that can correct your vocabulary and spelling. Minor things in a sense, but they make a marked difference in my mind.

Folks, there's a new gun in town, enjoy!

I was hoping for a good ending to a story which had three very good chapters of development and one that was telescoping a RACC. This last chapter, with the whole mustang bullshit and Stangstar references ruined it. I almost didn't make it to the BS about the reconciliation and threesomes. A disappointing ending to what was otherwise a well written and entertaining story.

You guessed it, the ending!

Firt things first, this was the best chapter up until the epilogue. I was ok with reconciliation. The dialogue brought me to the point of acceptance. She came across as authentic. Very well done.

Secondly, not sure if a few months could get him that kind of body. A bit unrealistic. Most people who lose that much weight that fast need cosmetic surgery to take care of the flabby skin left behind. Given the rest of the story, tht is minor. I enjoyed it too much to care.

Thirdly, the epilogue was really, really, really bad. The ending reminded me of your previous story. It was a complete afterthought that did not fit the storyline or the characters as you presented them. Where do I begin? She got into trouble by having sex with someone other than hubby. Now she brings a third person into the bedroom so that she can have sex with her. Yes, she will share, but I would think this is a point where discussion would have to take place. How did she know he would be fine with it? I guess you are one of those guys who thinks that as long as its another woman it is ok. Also, he was disturbed by her cheating on him. He seemed like such a nice, moral guy who was a romantic at heart. I guess once he got the uber sexy body he became an arrogant jerk.

I will give it a high rating because overall I liked it. But the ending makes me wonder. I will have more to say about that later.

I have mentioned before that I suspected you had a hidden agenda. This ending just reaffirms that. The problem is you don't have to hide your proclivity for sharing partners on this site. You can let your freak flag fly. You started both of your stories trying to write about romantic love gone wrong and in the process of trying to mend the relationship stuck a seemingly unrelated sex fantasy into the ending. The problem is that you are unsuccessfully trying to merge two different genres of erotic literature. Don't get me wrong, I like both at times. my preference is clearly for the broken love gets repaired plot. It is a noble attempt. However, if you are going to be successful in this venture you have to start with how you write your male leads. I was simply shocked that Dan would go for his wife's offer. Given how you wrote and developed him throughout the story, I expected him to adamantly reuse (as he did attempt to do at first). I love how you had him handle Sandra for his final exam. That was the Dan I knew, the one you had meticulously developed in the preceding chapters. I was cheering at that. But at the end, he just becomes a typical man. Wave a naked woman in front of him and he will do anything you want.

So he refuses her offer, until she clarifies it by telling him that the girl s or her as well? No silly, I'm going to fuck her also! Given their pat trouble, that reasoning seems flawed.

How long before she suggests a MMF three way? Save that for the sequel. Bet he would handle that offer a bit differently.

Great read, even the ending. This was a well thought out and written story. As for the ending the way I see it is if you are fucking lots then there is liable to be some consequences like getting pregnant. My wife and I fucked lots and she got pregnant while on the pill and I was wearing condoms. It was just meant to be and believe me a strong relationship can be built even more on things like having kids.

Right up to the epilog. The 3-way was totally unnecessary. Are there 2 other endings? Would have loved a chapter just on the final match with Greg. Great Job!

Good read, I'm not an English major, so no nit-pick details. Very enjoyable series.

All that effort just to learn that fat slobs don't get to swing ...

Negative

1. He promised himself he would help his dope head friend who was beside him in the problem. He forgot him during the success.

2. Others told, FFM threesome, when a third person was the main problem earlier.However the FFM treesome is not a good rememberings in a true reconcilation, when a third was the problem earlier. I think a marriage counselor would not recommend at all................. Will she want MMF treesome after the second children?

3. I join others too, without plastic surgery a weight loss training takes 1 year and not 4 months.

Positive

June likes children.............I thought the children project is the logical solution to close the reconcilation.

For that epilog. A three way? After everything that happened? That part should have hit the bit bucket.

Like the other commentators, I liked the story in general but there were too many red herrings that I found distracting. The most serious in my mind was the indication in the second chapter of a fundamental change in the hero vis a vis his approach to video games. I thought that this change may be great enough that June would not be able to continue to be 'in love' with the 'new' Matt. A second loose end was Sandra and 'Miss Daisy' - it seemed that you felt that the reader should understand this - I didn't altho that might be my problem. One other comment is I didn't feel the finale with with Gregg was in keeping with either male character. It may have been what you were leading up to with regards to the video games but I personally felt Gregg was a straight up guy and personally I would have preferred for them to become friends after a 'Rocky' type brawl without the knuckledusters. After all, he chased the opposite sex as all athletic guys (and girls) {note: see the report on condom use at the Olympic village} but he didn't go after the cripples. Also thought the three way was unnecessary and out of character. Overall, I enjoyed the story line and wish you well. I understand you can't please everyone.

Some thoughts on how this tale could of been better

June was just to weak a character for me to care if she and Dan were able to get back together again. She cheated way to many times and the whole only giving her ass to hubby because lover told her to, made the reconciliation to much to take as apart from her not seeing hubby for a few months she just didn't seem to suffer and seemed to benefit in the end from what she put her husband through.

A one time slip with Greg, fucking hubby like a wildcat through guilt, hubby going to visit for same reason as in chapter 1, him overhearing about the one night stand by June telling Greg is was a huge mistake and never again and then hubby doing the gym stuff on his own without Greg knowing who he is. For me this makes reconciliation believable and the asskicking of Greg much more rewarding as hubby uses Greg for his own benefit, drops the bombshell of who he really is after said asskicking which results in Dan coming out better storywise as he's not just being led by the nose through the whole story and gives him some much needed balls.

***The asskicking of Greg NEEDS to be shown not just giving to the reader in a throwaway line of dialogue. ****

The above method also sorts out a major problem I had with the character of Greg as its just to much to believe he puts all the time, effort and money into Dan just because he fucked June 4 times! June even states the sex wasn't that good so why is Greg doing this for Dan?

The Dan and Caddy stuff was perfect in my opinion and needed no change.

The Sandra stuff was pure bullshit and came across and the usual psycobabble crap writers use when any sort of therapist is used to give any sort of medical reason why one spouse cheats on another such as the much used hormones/submissive streak. Maybe have some gym hotties come onto the new and improved Dan and Dan taking them up on their offer to see if his abilities as a lover were what caused June to cheat. Have Dan and gym hottie bond over hating Greg.

The ending with a 3 way needs to go for a start as it just kills the story. For me have either......

Dan setup his business as a writer like you did but not with June as a partner (trust issues but maybe further down the road for the happy ending but she needs to see hubby as a success without her) and maybe having Megan working for him just to rub her face in it for all the shit he said about him over the years. The tv movie deal was perfect but maybe with the Starz and HBO offers Dan then buys out Greg's gym seeing as everyone now knows the sort of scumbag he is and Dan puts gym cutie in charge. Dan and gym cutie never are more than friends afterwards but June knows about their past and has to deal with it as part of her penance for cheating on Dan.

Or....

As above but Dan and June divorce. The trust and respect issues mentioned in chapter 5 during Dan and Caddy's conversation are just to much to get past (no about of reclamation sex will fix shit like that). Dan hooks up with gym cutie (maybe she was a big girl like Dan was a big guy) with maybe June ending up working for Dan as a producer.

The story started out good, you built a character that a lot of people could identify with.

The cheating was more or less believable–speaking from experience here and Dan's anger and need to change–lose weight, build muscle and gain skills in order to get revenge on the asshole–beat the shit out of him, throw him off a tall building, totally ruin his image is what drives the story. I would have written in the fight scene, shown Dan's vindictive side as he made his points graphically and physically clear.

The reunion with his wife should have been handled differently, stronger, a bit more forceful and had him make it clear that he loves her and wants her despite the major trust and other issues she has created and he is a jealous and possessive man when it comes to his property AND SHE IS HIS PROPERTY MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT THAT.

I would have also dome the scene where he goes to see the shrink with his wife and have the knife get twisted a bit when it just so happens to turn out that the shrink is also his high priced whore–can you say schadenfreude? Good... I knew you could!

Last chapter sucked, the concept was good–execution was poor. Everyone wanted to see his wife pay for her sins in some way, you failed in delivering on that. You also needed to do more in regards to showing them rebuilding their relationship.

It's important to understand that a lot of women who constantly cheat and return to their husbands do it for numerous reasons; boredom, the need for sexual gratification, revenge, for variety... It's a long list.

And then on the other hand, are the women who do it once or twice, then feel guilty about it and never do it again.

It has characters we grow to care about, the plot is interesting and not totally predictable, we log on first thing each day to see what is going to happen next. All that is my definition of a great story. Well done! And thanks.

Complex story. Flawed? Sure. However, unlike some of the other commenters, my ego doesn't require a point-by-point critique. On balance, it's still a 5 for writing, effort expended and thinking involved.

Ultimately, you write for yourself, no one else. Writers like to have readers--but good writers don't write to order. How could you when different readers demand different things?

No one can ever make everyone happy. It's a mistake to try.

Keep writing.

That was very entertaining. Thank you

First, this was a GREAT story and thanks so much do publishing all parts so quickly - I hate it when authors leave weeks between chapters and, even worse, sometimes never even finish the story. That said, the one one or two things that made the finish seem rough or not fully thought out were 1) you never resolved Donnie - this is especially true since you took great pains to paint him as Dan's ONLY friend, a fellow loser, and the "stoner philosopher" who was the only one Dan could possibly turn to in his darkest hour. You even went to some lengths to show Donnie as someone who had great potential if he could only get out from under his fear of what would happen if he really tried - like Dan did, and 2) as others pointed out, the participation in the threesome was seemingly out of character. To that point in the story, Dan had some moral high ground that eroded considerably with his lessons with the escort that were rationalized not as revenge sex, but as necessary education in Dan's makeover. It was never revealed if Dan ever confessed to those episodes as he intended. It therefore was not known if June's "gift" was partly motivated by guilt to give Dan some revenge sex of his own, as neither of them seemed eager at any point prior to add others to the relationship. It was one thing to watch girl/girl, but another thing entirely to put it in...those truly minor nitpicks aside, it was a really enjoyable story and very well written. Looking forward to reading all of your future works!

everything that he went through was for what just to take June's skanky ass back, why? 5 chapters of a well written RACC/WACC story. 3*'s just for the writing.

Not bad.

Forget the wife part yeah by BTB standards he let her off easy, just think about Greg and the steel toed boots and weighted gloves. The rest of the married women he sees he's going to know the husband can get him back if not physically with a gun, or a bomb, or a poisoned fruit salad.

I thoroughly enjoyed MetaMorph all the way through. Intelligently conceived and well presented.

My one negative comment would be to urge you to understand and master apostrophes and preposition objects. It is NEVER correct to publish something on the order of "It was intended for my brother and I." I know it is a very common error, but one who publishes should make EVERY effort to be correct. A simple test is to read phrases like the one above out loud, but leave out the other person, as in, "It was intended for I.". See?

So much for objects of prepositions. When you put an apostrophe into a word or attach it to a word, you have to understand that the apostrophe is there to replace a missing letter or letters. It's (It is) fine to use the word that began this sentence as is, but it is NOT correct to say that "someone's possession certainly demonstrates it's value". (What letter is being replaced here? NONE! Solution: Take out the apostrophe, leaving the correct possessive in "someone's possession certainly demonstrates its value".).

So much for criticism. I admire your talent and look forward to enjoying more of it. Thank you for the pleasure you provided me.

the asshole Greg might say he´d boxed for years, but if a 4 month box-rookie beats him it was a lie. He´s not a boxer but a poser, who talks about boxing but didn´t want to hurt his pretty face, like the most of the gym-posers.

nice written story, 5 stars, der Brandschutz ist zu beachten!

I see so many stories that are only about burn the bitch. If Dan would have gotten a cut throat female lawyer to get him some money...He would be nothing but a 300 # plus whipped male walking the streets of LA and spending time doing drugs with his friend. He looked at is life, took the high road and made something of himself. And if the wife that he loves is the sole reason to improve.... more power to him. He had no PI reports that she was out whoring around not caring about if their marriage was over or not. Nice write. If you decide to write a few different endings in the future, I will enjoy reading them

Very good story. I enjoyed reading it .

I skipped the other stories to get to your's Jezzaz.

I am not going to nit-pick! Shit, this was free and worth alot more!!

Thanks again.

Now, where are the other stories you put out here ?

A Merry Man

P.S. I called the conception. Real good job you did getting into a female mind.

how you respond to the ending.

Personally, I thought the ending was a mash up of a number of other LW writers kinks - pregnancy, 3 ways, dominance... with the humorous homage to Stangstar violating the 4th wall, I wasn't sure the rest of it needed to be taken literally either. I may have missed the reconcilation anal sex... no, that was excluded earlier... maybe.

Anyway, I thought the resolution of the Sandra dilemma was deus ex machina, and loading the boxing gloves cheapened what might have been an interesting conflict/resolution between Greg and Dan.

This was all dweeb wish fulfillment - isn't that why we all read it? - and so the continuity problems with the money and time didn't worry me (but the image of Dan with the 300lb worth of extra skin making it with June is certainly worth the money I paid for it).

Green-something

A great story.

You don't get a PhD in psychiatry, you get an MD in psychiaty or a PhD in psychology. Didn't like Sandra, she's basically a bitch. June has now cheated on him again, now with a woman, even though he said no. How exactly was this for "him" when she got to experience a lesbian affair with no reprecussions? How is he supposed to trust her now?

The majorities of the negative comments origine from the FFM in the epilog..........

Somebody just earnt back her marriage and she takes a third partner into the bad, IS IT LOGIC?????????

Read the entire series before commenting. You tell a great story. I did enjoy the whole thing and the angst you had to put Dan through. The ending did seem a bit contrived, only because there was no real build up to it. Not enough background to get them there. All and All, very nicely done. I look forward to more from you.

Gemman1

have gotten 5 stars until the sharing of that tussy in the end. you would have gotten 5 stars if we would have known what happend to Greg during the fight. you would have gotten 5 stars if the characters would not have morphed towards a point where you could not see Dan ch.1 and Dan ch. 5. the same for his wife. read ch. 1 and 5 and you can't see the same people.

so even if it was pleasent to read and I will read the next of your stories, the plot is inconsistent and leaves with more than one question. actually I think the story should not be ended.

Sad, sad, sad. The characters in the beginning were not there at the end. This was not a personality change, but wholesale character assassination. You took the easy way out, just like with your previous story and changed the characters to fit the ending. You are like katmai, and mikoli. Decent writing engaging characters fucked up endings.

No way would Dan do a 3some. After what happened,no way would June entertain such a notion even if it was female. Geee where did this happen before... Oh yeah Out of Love. It was wrong then, and wrong wrong wrong NOW.

What happened with Dan's great reveal about his female encounter? How did June take it, or did he not tell her? We will never know. Cop-out.

Okay Dan beat up Greg, what happened afterwards? Sounds like Dan should have been arrested for assault. I did like the weighted gloves, but to maim?

So what did happen to Greg?? All this hype about the fight, this great revenge for fucking June, and... Who knows what happened. Letdown. Sure Greg was the character in the Hallmark Hall of Fame movie, and everyone knew it. But to produce and film a movie in that short of time???. Preposterous for a big name production like Hallmark. Silly don't you think?

Megan, what did she think of the new Dan after all the smack she talked? And she probably would have went after him. You sure missed the boat there.

Donnie, I am sure he would have seen Dan and attempt to lure him back.

And the hooker??? That was dumb too. Dan didn't need pointers just a loving wife.

You took FOUR and ONE HALF chapters to build towards this poor excuse for an ending. Terrible. You rushed the ending. The pinnacle was the fight with Greg, then another FULL chapter to tie it all together. Jezzaz,you need to learn how to tie shoes.

Why bother writing if you can't pull it all together. So much potential, so much.

An editor worth his or her grain of salt would have pointed all these plot holes out.

:(

June comes out as bi and that is the big reconciliation ending. Your logic is impaired beyond help.

I thought the story was a tad overlong but, I enjoyed it nonetheless.

Regarding the ending. A lot of men don't look at their women as cheaters if they have sex with another woman and include them. I could see how Dan would not want Anna as an offering, but enjoy her as a shared experience.

Re Greg; I could see how charges wouldn't be laid. I'm betting Dan told no one about the alterations to his gear. I'd bet Greg wouldn't press charges because of the potential damage to his professional reputation.

Some things, like Megan, or whatever the friends name is, aren't really relevant to the overall story so there is no resolution needed there.

A good story going down the drain. He is beating Greg up after he did him a favor into making him the man he never was, instead of thanking him he damages him. After reconciling with June, this story takes a weird turn after she brings home another women. To what end, how does that make the marriage better, then she tells him she's pregnant. What a wired ending to a good story.

Through the first third of Part Five, this story was gonna be a Favorite Story. I truly believe Sweetie would have been smart enough to NOT foist a threesome on Hubby without prior discussion...maybe by hinting at future FFM action and reading Hubby's reaction.

Start to 'near finish' this was a first-class effort. I'll grant the '5' but gonna hold off on Favorite!

First the IRS will give you hell on earth for a cash transaction of that magnitude , over 9999.00 and it has to be reported.the IRS will go over your tax returns for two years and you better have the documentation to prove it.plus time lost going over every detail of the last two years and numerous trips to their office. Plus this story took a wrong turn when he was the loyal loving husband and his personality changes into some else.

Yuck. He was a loser to start with, and no, pretty, successful women do not marry fat losers - ever. He had his pathetic four month fantasy and went back to his slut. She brings another woman home for sex with them and he accepts it. What part of forsaking all others didn't they get? Typical California culture scum people.

Not happy with the ending paragraphs. Weighted gloves? It morphed from a 5 to a maybe 3. Sorry ol' chap. Cheers!

Liked the tale very much, but thought that the weighted boxing gloves were 'cheating'.

Also, the 'threesome' was not a real winning event, since Dan and June's 'reward' was really his mental toughening and the recovery of their loving marriage, and their upcoming new child. Thanks for the fine tale, Jezzaz. Look forward to more of your fine work. Dan

Dan is OK with his wife being with another woman but not another man? I pretty much lost respect for Dan for letting Greg train him. I gave him a few points back for growing a bit of confidence during those 4 months. I want to take them back now. I guess its OK for his wife to have relations with another woman but not a man.

Ariesgirl is spot on with her comments. I agree 100%

Dan was repeatedly referred to as a good guy. I liked the fact he was someone of moral character who was struggling with the fact he'd been hurt by someone he loved. I was even okay when Sandra provided a little education and pointed out that women have the ability to separate sex from love (at least it worked in this story). The place the story seemed to fall apart was at the end when his wife brings home a woman for them to "share." I realize Dan lost an enormous amount of weight and kicked his wife's former lover's ass, but he also lost his self-respect when he decided it was okay to share a woman his wife brought home as a "gift"? In my mind she reverted to her old ways of making decisions regarding her sex life without Dan. What if Dan's character had remained a steadfast moral person, would he have put up with the sudden intrusion of another woman, someone his wife said was hitting on her?

Pretty good effort. Needs better editing, but then, so do many other stories on this site. Plot holes aside, I agree with others that some threads were never completed (i.e., what happened to Donnie?), some behavior was out-of-character (Dan accepting a three-way with June and her friend), and some actions were just illogical (kicking Greg when already down for the count and presumably rupturing/destroying Greg's testicles, however deserving it might be). A chapter 06 could redeem the story; until then, four stars.

loved the story thanks for a chapter a day,,,greg did not steal dan's wife..he was a fat slob that could'nt see is own dick,,for what ever reasons greg wanted to help him and did..his reward kick in the balls w/ weighted boots...guess we know who june will be sneaking around ''.with next time she goes out of town ,,, still gave it a 5 !! stlcris

The critique I have is perhaps have someone edit it for grammatical issues and also catch things like misusing names (Dan when the author meant Greg). The story itself is full of cliches of many of these stories (the out of shape hubby revitalizes himself,a la Maitland in "When We Were Married"), kicking the crap out of the guy who seduced the wife, the wife who needs someone to control her, but somehow it worked in this story, I kind of liked the characters, found something there in them and was rooting for them. I think June did love them and the idea of compartmentalization is quite real, there is nothing psychobabblish about it; it can never be an excuse or a justification, but it is real.

@ariesgirl-

The difference here isn't so much it is better to have sex with a woman then a man, it is the difference between being open and cheating. If June was having sex with a woman without Dan knowing it and approving it, it is cheating, pure and simple. What she does with him is have a threesome, and he doesn't disagree, what she did with Greg wasn't a threesome, it was cheating, big difference. June ends up showing she really loved Dan, about the only thing she could do more would be to tell her friend Melanie to take a hike.

@ njlauren The FFM broke the story logics totaly. A reconcilation deals with the rebuilt trust. Dan and June should have shown only we two and no more F or M in their marriage.........I am sorry, but f and m (male and femaly babies) may be........

I would have no problem if she had talked to him first about it. I believe that is what an open marriage requires to be successful - communication. When the extra girl shows up ready to have sex it means she talked to this woman prior to talking with hubby. She accepted her advances behind her hubby's back. She made all the arrangements without his knowledge. The only difference between this and her previous cheat is that she figures she had to include hubby in order to avoid the trouble she previously encountered. Bottom line, she still gets what she wanted in the first place - strange. If hubby had never found out about Greg, this conclusion proves she would have continued cheating.

Besides, regardless of what one thinks of open marriages and sharing, this conclusion makes a mockery of the rest of the story. She almost loses her husband because she sleeps with someone else, so her big idea to get back into his good graces is to sleep with someone else. Really?

I still gave it five stars. Read my previous comment to find out why.

It starts off great, and keeps going great with all the LW inside jokes and a husband who isn't the next best thing to the Jesus-messiah level of perfection, and of course a wife who is genuinely repentant and looking to make a difference. Hell, the husband is so bad that you wonder how his wife could possibly respect him when he doesn't respect himself; that's a marriage-killer right there. He's a fat, ambitionless slob who does nothing for the marriage but "support" and "love" his wife by being present and sticking his big dick in her when he can keep it up. He knows all this, doesn't care, and doesn't do anything about it even though he believes his wife shouldn't love him for it.

Or doesn't do anything about it until pushed at the depths of humiliation by his wife's lover and the man's hilariously self-serving code of honor. Greg made me laugh, I'll give that to him. I thought he had some kind of scam going until I realized it really was about his douchebag code of honor in cheating. That's a neat catch there, I liked it.

There are a number of glitches in this - he considers his wife "learning" how to be sexier for him from a stranger the ultimate disrespect, yet does the same thing with a hooker, and in the process jettisons his morals completely.

I've yammered on about the proper formula(e) for reconciliation in some of Stang's story comments, the notion that you can only have a reconciliation when the characters are equally damaged and guilty for breaking the marriage, because I don't think you can do that with *his* characters. The man's generally a Jesus while the wife is an insanely beautiful cheating slut. You've got the necessary balance, so the reconciliation works - you set it up by having June give him a sexy surprise that he wanted not because she would have done it for herself, and not because someone else asked it of her. She's clearly not bi, but she was okay with it.

In short, there's a lot to like about this story. I wanted to love it. But I saw the mini-potential trainwreck way back in the beginning when you dropped the old reconciliation-baby foreshadowing. Readers kept insisting you were going to use it, but since you kept bucking the stereotypes, I was hoping you wouldn't. The last two words of the story just breaks the story for me, because you spent the entire story establishing what completely fucking horrible potential parents these two people are.

He's a former fat slob with no self-control or amibition, and now that he's got over it, he has anger management issues due to the testosterone and his wife's cheating. She's a former slut with no self-control or respect for her husband, and now that she's got over it, the first thing she did was deliberately get pregnant after stating that she never wanted kids. Now... either something changed, like he's not a fat asshole that she claimed to love and she doesn't mind having his kids now, or it was a bunch of bullshit in the first place. Unfortunately that "bullshit" defined her character.

I'm not one of those mysognistic twits (hey Duna) who think a woman is defined as a woman by her desire to have babies and live in a hole in the ground while her Manly husband goes out and provides for her, and clearly that wasn't the kind of woman she wanted to be. So suddenly she dumps all that and wants to be a pregnant mommy at home? She's going to live up to the demands of being this high-level producer and be a mother at the same time? This is like Qualitywheat's bullshit story Boston or whatever it was where the slut wife turns into a magical superwoman who has four kids, an adoptee, runs a major corporation, is a judge and is basically Jesusina the SuperWoman. June isn't quite that extreme, but still - you made it clear in the story about how hard her job was, and now she's going to be a mommy who doesn't even want to be one? She's not a good candidate as it is - she has the morals of a skunk and her husband isn't much better.

God, it's so bad that I liked this story so much and a lousy two words can turn it on it

didn't complete the sentence because i was scrolling up and gave you five stars anyway because I loved the story even though the ending is broken and pissed me off. Maybe at some point I'll forget it happened. Good job on keeping me entertained and emotionally invested. Can't hate an ending if the love isn't there, not after five long chapters.

@ Anon YOU ARE RIGHT I prefer those women, who want to be MOTHERS.

If you look at the most stories here, from the cuckold stories to the cheating stories, the most wives are CHILDRESS WIVES. IS IT NOT INTERESTING?????

I write it again. Those women, who does not like children, according to me they are low IQ female sexrobots (fembots). The high IQ female sexrobots (fembots) want to be stepmoms in the fembot stories.

According to you, somebody prefers the children loving women is misgynist, this is very interesting thing............In this case I am PROUD to prefer mothers to sexrobots.

@ Dear Anon IN A REVENGE STORY THE HUSBAND MUST (HAS TO) BE A FAITHFUL, AND NOT ALCOHOL, DRUG, VIOLANCE, GAMBLING ABUSER!!!!!

What do you think such husband characters whose are misstresses (plural) and he does revenge against the wife who has the first extramarital affair..........

WOULD YOU LIKE SUCH STORIES?????????????????

Jezzaz, you are closing in on the Home Run of stories !!Yes 100 comments ! lol.

Hateful or Loving , constructive or just critical ,either way you are a big hit.

People are going to look for your byline . Gotta love all the attention ! Dude congratulations !

A Merry Man

P. S. Ending every story with a 3-some, regardless of plot, is getting boring. Next story maybe Dr. Jessica can turn the protagonist GLBT or something.

those goats you fuck in albania aren't women you numbnuts, stop confusing human women with whatever animals you're poking your pindick into

I couldn't wait for the next chapter.. Glad you posted everyday. Thanks.. 5 stars..

I am sorry. Once more this: If you look at the most stories here, from the cuckold stories to the cheating wife stories, the most wives are CHILDLESS WIVES. IS IT NOT INTERESTING?????

The plot line is not generally one I like, but by this chapter was enjoying your style.

Keep them coming.

Thx

Perhaps he became a bit too much of an alpha male, but on the whole it was a good read and and good ending to what was a sad tale of betrayal.

the ending was perfect as was the reconciliation ... but bringing in this Anna girl..?

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

what a total cluster fuck

It was a direct contradiction of everything Dan was and went through

Firstly I like to mention I enjoyed reading all the chapters. I am a gym rat and I not that a 300 lb fat man could be sculptured in to a toned athletic man in 4 months. I have been doing for years I wish I could have done in 4 months.

Apart the time scale the story was great.

Personally I think June needed to burn just little bit more for her actions.

For Dan is not the man married and fallen in love with. As he has changed so much !

So now she likes the a different Dan which makes me wonder if she could get use to another man in her life !

Thank you for your efforts writing this story. I very much enjoyed every chapter and I felt that your decision to leave out the fight was a fun literary twist. The only thing I would change is the epilogue. For some reason, I had an inclination that you might end with June pregnant. However, I was thrown off the trail when June brought out 3 glasses of wine and introduced Anna. A woman as "together" as June would know better than to drink if pregnant. In addition, threesomes are hardly considered normal nesting behaviour. It is my opinion that if you have a good, logical reason for the "Anna" scene, than drop the pregnancy. However if the pregnancy is more important to your story, revise the "Anna" portion.

Please take the above critique lightly. All in all, I loved the piece and respect your creative story-telling as well as your excellent writing ability.

I hope it is satisfying for you to see how many comments your series generated. I enjoyed it and have thought about it several times since. Thanks for your work.

I do think you might consider one more chapter to show us what happened to Greg and for me, at least, why he did was he did to help our hero and what he thought he would get out of it. You could even bring back the classy hooker/teacher that Dan visited because she might have commented on how he turned her down at the end of their meetings.

But riddled with cliches, actually the whole story is cliched. Riddled with spelling mistakes , malapropisms, incorrect or misused expressions.

Seeing this series getting +4~ is sickening. It's like watching ppl eat something bad then proclaim its good

A bit flat and it drags. I never really cared about the characters. It was a good sampling of all the reconciliation cliches. I liked the idea better than the storyline, and the storyline more than the writing.

but the "Anna" scene at the end thru a monkey wrench into the main theme of the story. Didn't the major drama of this story begin when June brought a thrid person (i.e., Greg) into their relationship? You noted that Anna flirted for weeks with June while she worked at HBO. Wasn't that the time she was supposed to be waiting for Dan's return? June shut down the men but it was OK for the women to flirt with her? Wasn't the fact that June had decided to bring another person into a sexual relationship without Dan's consent the problem - why he felt betrayed? Now she planned a threesome with an intern who has the hots for her. All the while Dan was crying how all he needed was June (and he left Sandra wanting him) but in the end he wanted 3somes? Does this mean that Dan and June will get into swapping and group sex? In the end they went Hollywood which was far away from their beginnings!

So stupid on so many levels. I just remembered why I don't read your crappy wimp assed bullshit.

So predictable I was able to skim from chapter 2 jump to chapter 5 and skim the last page.

To begin with Ford will not sell Mustangs to wimps and non-men!

Your buddy Stangstar will confirm this as he's had to give his Mousebang back at least twice in the past year alone.

Why the hell don't you bitch writers put a fucking warning or disclaimer on this shit???

You could have saved me wasting at least 20 minutes.

Here let me write one for you; "WARNING Anybody With Balls Will Hate This Story. zed0 has given all jizzass stories a negative 3 and does not recommend that you read anything she writes. She's just trying to suck you into her own little bitch writer RAAC universe, where all men are pussy boys, and are unable to form new and healthy relationships, so they end up taking the cheating slut wife back."

Now all you have to do is copy and paste this to whatever your latest drivel is.

I had to shut down my computer last nite before I could read the whole story. Finished it about 3 minutes ago and loved it. The story holds your attention and doesn't project the ending early on. Keep writing like this.

why well your story is a fat man hater, wimp cuckold fan

PROOF

1 she cheated and you gave her a doctors note to okay it

2 his worst enemy saved him from being fat

3 to you fat is evil and deserves no respect or love

4 you can only be happy if surrender your self respect to a woman

5 he did all the work so he would be worth of her, but she is the slut(but im guessing you like those type of women you made him forgiver he for no reason)

6 she the villain did nothing to regain his trust or love but yet you wrote her as a victim, in your style a rapist is a victim of urges and so is a pedo.

7 all the good stuff going on and yet he enjoys none of it its all to get her back not to make his life better? how can he be happy without her..him being a fat man

for such promise it turned out to be shitty story, except to the wimp cuckold fans(those are the freaks that enjoy reconciliation stories without any logic,mm.jpb etc)

would read 5 chapters and cry in the comments after each one, either sub-40 IQ's or closet fucking cuckolds, one or the other.

Ignore the ''Nay Sayers'' - beneath contempt.........Great Story!!

...you may have TWO Beers tonight.....:-))

Um. I'm actually trying to loose weight, so probably only one. But thanks for the thought!

No, I'm not 300 pounds. I'm 207. But I still need to loose another 10. :)

Anyway, you guys - I have three stories coming very soon (as soon as my editor is done with them) - two Ingrams stories and one stand alone. If you liked this, you'll love the stand alone story.

Plenty more coming.

Change the characters to suit the ending.

A three some????

Wrong. You screwed up the ending.

Perhaps you and mikoli can collaborate and really fuck up a story.

Why oh why oh why?????

Good reading. Thank you.

Good story ... only constructive comments involve some spelling, grammar and tense change, but nothing worth even bringing up. On a personal level, I wouldn't have had him trash the personal trainer; guy did change his life. Especially cheating to win, like that. I think closer to reality, they could have fought and drew. The threesome was a stretch, too. But after all, this is an erotic site ...

What happened to Megan? You know this is a frustrating thing, whenever there is a meddler or a loudmouth or just a nosy bitch there is no epilog about what happens to them...well in some rare cases but this needs one...the look on the bitch's face when she saw the new Dan...

But still a good read. Interesting twists and turns. In terms of plot, I think one of the comments was correct that Dan was too hard on Greg at the end - yeah the guy was a sleaze but he did work hard to correct his error. Another criticism is that women don't act the way this wife did - the penitent patient long suffering wife just doesn't exist - they attack when they screw up. I refer you to PapaToad - he writes women about the best of anybody on the site. That said, though, I did like the story and it reads well the second time - I read it when originally posted and re-read today. Interesting and compelling.

You need a good editor. There are a number of irritating errors in the text. It was an interesting, if predictable read. He should have let up a little on Greg, as he did owe him something. And the ending simply ruined the story. How did you possibly think that having a three-some was in character for either of them? Oh well.

he should have seduced someone. Just to prove, at least to himself, that he can....

Aww..poetic ending. Not what I expected.

fun read, well done. Thanks for posting it

I liked the story a lot. I will admit, it was a bit on the too good to be true side, for all of the reasons that the other people commented on, but it was a good story nonetheless. I do feel like there were parts missing that would have made this story more satisfying. Of course we would have liked to hear about the boxing match with Greg. We also would have liked to hear his wife's reaction of finding out that he cheated on her also. I personally would have liked Megan's reaction to the new Dan, and see how her perspective on him changed. Even with all of these things wrong with the story, it was a great one and a satisfying read,

Well, you suck! I started reading this bastard when I woke up this morning. I was primed to grab breakfast, go do some cardio and have a nice lunch.

BUT NOOOOOOO!

Can I stop reading this? FUCK YOU!. Here I am wolfing down a lunch and the only reason I'm able to do that is I have fucking room service, you asshole!

Read it, couldn't stop. That fucking simple. Currently, I am ALSO carving up my body and going through all kinds of relationship changes. I am also experiencing the changes in personality that suddenly adding a few pounds of muscle will bring.

I also read the bit about 'compartmentalization' and that SO struck a nerve. It makes me reevaluate all kinds of things.

When a story can make you pause and self analyze...it means something, at least to that one reader.

My personal trainer hates you. I hate you. You suck! Keep writing...but first let me lose this next 4 pounds.

I was expecting Sandra to be June's counselor when they went together to counseling, given that she knew his e-mail inexplicably and several other things about him. That would have been fun.

Pretty good story overall. The premise was far-fetched, but the writing flowed well and the story line was interesting. Couple of criticisms I have are that Greg's "people" are able to find Dan so easily in a city the size of LA and June's misuse of the word "literally".("I was literally walking on air" - LOL. What, does she have on special helium shoes?)

I've read all your stuff and it is enjoyable. Thank you and please keep writing!

-Wild Bill