by mikebabyice
Hey not bad, for a start. But take your time to edit before submitting. It needs polishing.
It looks like a really interesting story. Just a couple suggestions, first you don't need to keep referring too Micheal as Emily's or Nicole's brother, we get that. Second be careful not too mix up your her's, he's, she's many authors do this and it can really screw up the flow of the reading, specially when it goes rampant. Other than that, I really am looking forward to chapter 2.
I think this has some good potential, started slow at first and it seemed you were getting into the story more and more. For the time you did it and no editor, it was solid. Can't wait for the next chapter ^^
finish it. Also, find an editor. Even with my insomnia induced lack of sleep, I still caught quite a few grammatical errors and redundant wording here and there.
i agree this needs a good editor, as is it was ok but too many her brothers and his sisters plus you mixed up a few he's, she's and hers. before posting another chapter FIND A GOOD EDITOR AND ALWAYS USE THEM, but be sure they are GOOD a bad editor is just as bad as no editor. please do continue but use a good editor and make sure it is done right. remember if it's worth doing it is worth doing right and also remember " KISS - KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID" don't get complicated and do involve outsiders or the parents that always ruins a good incest story.
You caught my attention and that in itself is something positive however, don't treat your readers as being uneducated or brain-dead. You have the right idea and as long as you listen to all advice and take out the good then you should do just fine.
Keep 'em comin.
the last three word of this chapter was W,T,F and i think it applied to the whole chapter, in saying that will be waiting to see were you go
Hey guys, appreciate you reading it.
I agree, no smut to begin with is kind of boring; but I just wasn't in the mood to write it.
I'll take all advice into consideration, and soon find an editor. Ch. 2 is in the works, and I hope for it to be longer than Ch. 1, I know how frustrating it is to get into a story and then it stop abruptly.
-Mike
I say you are off to a good start,now its what does he do next act on it but i think that make other one mad cause they are closer but you wrote it well for first time story and you letting readers off wondering but think next one should be a little longer before letting reader hanging but good Start
Very very good story try to drag it out for a few chapters. Also if you could put multiple chapters out at a time I'm sure readers would surely enjoy that :)
so much for promising another chapter SOON. I guess soon to you means never.
Ch2 has "been in the works" for 3 years. It had better be damn good. LOL! Actually, I read Ch1 before, and thought it was promising, but didn't comment - gave it 3*. 'Might be nice to see more.
... To see where this might have gone IF it continued.