Mickie Maye 01

Mickie Maye 01

"I can't believe this!"

"[Brush, blush, brush, blush] yet you keep watching me make up my face, Carl."

"In panties! In female panties!"

"[Brush, blush, brush, blush] yet there you stand, looking elsewhere other than my face, Carl."

"I can see your ass, Mickey!"

[Squirts and smears a dark substance onto a small paper plate]

"[Brush, blush, brush, blush] it's Mickie Maye at times like this, Carl. Grab that little plastic cup for me, okay, Carl?"

[Carl grabs an empty Jell-o shot cup]

"[Brush, blush, brush, blush] dip the rounded edge in this black body paint, Carl, okay? And be gentle about it. Just dip the brim of the shot cup."

[Carl does as he is asked]

"What, is this your own special way of smearing on lipstick or something, Mickey, um, Mickie Maye, huh?"

[Twists body and inhales]

"Make black circles around my nipples for me, Carl, okay?"

"What? And Mickie Maye, by that, I mean, WHAT?"

"Press the edge gently, but firmly and hit dead center, okay, Carl?"

[Pause the story while Carl's head implodes back from exploding]

"This is not happening!"

[Yet it happened and with good aim and pressing pressure]

"Hmm, hmm, oh, oops, not too hard, Carl. I don't want a smear circle."

"That did not happen, Mickie Maye!"

"Re-dip and then the left nipple, please."

[Oh, and it's still happening]

"Stop saying nipple, Mickie Maye! And twist your body back in your chair because now I see other things, so."

"LOL, why Carl, are you afraid of a girly boy with a small dick, tee he. Center, aim and press, Carl."

[You see, folks, for everything that wasn't going to happen, it was still happening]

"So, is this how you sit around your apartment then, Mickie Maye?"

"[Gloss swipe, gloss swipe] actually, Carl, that's mostly true, but I'm going out tonight. I'm going out to Square Rock, so [gloss swipe, pucker smear, pucker smack]."

"What? Those are grown people at Square Rock! They're like 22 and stuff, Mickie Maye! And the thugs have beards!"

"[Pucker gloss smear] well, LOL, I keep to the right side, you know, in the 19 -- 20 area. LOL, the guys with the facial hair rope it off with yellow tape and give us glow sticks to wave around, LOL, but there have been a few struggles, Carl, but how adorable I am wins, right Carl [pucker smack lip gloss smear]?"

"Stop smacking your lips at me, Mickie Maye!"

"Did you want to shot cup paint a circle around my belly button to match my nipples then, Carl, hmm?"

"Stop say nipples to me, Mickie Maye! Also, no, fuck no, fuck no, and fuck no!"

[Well, the "not happening, yet happening" story has been told a few times, so]

"[Dips and preps for aiming] tighten your stomach muscles, Mickie Maye. This area of the body is soft compared to the upper rib cage area, so. Also, your skin is soft."

[Inhales and tightens, Carl aims and presses]

"Hmm, ooh, your cock isn't soft, Carl, but that's okay, I'm rather proud of my body, so, hmm."

"Stop moaning, Mickie Maye!"

"Then stop with the exclamation points, Carl. That's like 12 already, so."

Friends who are the last to know, am I right? Always speaking with 12 exclamation points. And I never asked Carl to stay while I was getting dressed. That was his exclamation point choice!

"Well, do you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend down at Square Rock then, Mickie Maye? Or are you the boyfriend or the girlfriend or however that sideways stuff works, huh?"

"Oh, we're not discussing anything like that, Carl, but I may cater a little to Lizzy and Oscar definitely wants to put me sideways, like on both sides, but I manage to get through things and come out as I went in, I guess. Unless you want to be my first true and actual sideways, Carl, so?"

"No! Yes! No, yes, no, yes, no, yes, what?"

"Just kidding, Carl. I'm still waiting for my first kiss, so. Well, there was that time a couple of weeks ago when your auntie paid me to stroke off your uncle because she's just plain old tried, LOL."

"What?"

"LOL, just kidding, again, Carl. Maybe, LOL, I mean, the offer is still on the table as far as your auntie is concerned. Anyways, well, did you want to come with me tonight? I mean, who knows, you could hook up with an older woman, like Terri, she's 21, so? Oh, and at 21, Terri has boobs and everything, LOL."

"Ha! Ha! Wait, Terri Turner?"

"Ahem!"

"Oh, yeah, Terri Turner is my 3rd cousin, twice removed, divorced out, remarried back in, divorced out again and then adopted, oh snap, she's my step sister now!"

Well, Middleton is a tight knit community where everyone knows everyone, folks. Mostly because they all related somehow, but that never seems to have stopped anyone, so.

"Anyways, I'll leave you to your night out tonight, Mickie Maye, but since your chest body paint is dry, were you going to finish getting dress then, hmm?"

"Oh, I thought I would be polite and wait for you to release your grip on my butt first, Carl, so?"

"I mean, that's just where my hands fell when we both stood up, so. Also, you're just in your undies still, Mickie Maye!"

"It's alright, Jake, I think this is my first, first base, maybe. Go under my undies then, Carl."

"No! That's not happening, Mickie Maye!"

[Does this book of "not happening, yet happening" have an end?]

[And the exclamation point yelling continues too!]

"Tee he, I bet you would like another chance at the ATV ride that we took last summer, right, Carl? With our seating positions, reversed, right? I was so vulnerable that day, Carl. But that so last summer and as you just said, now I'm hanging out with grown men with facial hair and everything and a couple of grown women, you know, with boobs and everything, so. Also, were you going to release my behind now? I know what a throbbing crotch means, Carl."

"Oh, well, I guess that can happen, so. So, Square Rock then, hmm?"

[Finally, what is supposed to happen, happens!]

"Anyways, I'm not Lizzy's type, but we hang together and I would never ever do anything with Oscar, but mostly because he just sees fresh meat and maybe I like this guy Kenny a little bit, but that's probably because he "bumps and go" with me, so?"

"Am I supposed to know "bumps and go" means then, Mickie Maye?"

"Oh, he swoops in with a smile, a hello and a couple of bumps in some places and then he goes back to doodling with his guys, so. Also, circling back, it's Terri Hearns who hangs out at Square Rock and by the way, Carl, if you come lurking around tonight, the parking area isn't exactly viewable from the rock, so send a text or something, so?"

"Oh, I will not be lurking around in the parking area tonight down at Square Rock, Mickie Maye! What makes you think I want to see, well, in your drag glory and all, huh? Besides, there is no way that Terri Hearns is single anyways."

"Whatever, Carl, but here, take a couple of photos of me before I finished getting dressed. Nobody will see my body paint circles tonight and I should capture your painting skills, so."

[Extends cell phone]

"Oh no! Absolutely not! And don't ever tell anyone that I had anything to do with shot cup painting those circles on you, Mickie Maye! No way and I was never even here!"

[Welp, back to the library for that "it's not happening, yet it happened" book]

[And the paperback version of continued exclamation points talking!]

"Stop pulling your undies tight, Mickie Maye! And pull your leg back in and pose like a man!"

[Twists to the side and kicks the leg out even more]

[Click, snap, click, snap, click, snap]

"Do you pay to have side silhouette like that, Mickie Maye?"

"Well, Carl, Mother Nature sort of a made a pressure sale with me, so I might owe her like a bazillion dollars, so. And I'm going to push the front of my undies down, so brace yourself then, Carl."

"Stop! Stop! Ooh, wait, where is your hair then, Mickie Maye? I mean, stop!"

[Oh, not only was that happening, that happened!]

[Click, snap, click, snap, click, snap]

"That's enough, Carl. I need to get dressed and skedaddle down to the Square Rock and you need to go home and do whatever it is for your relief and it's too bad that the hour is getting so late and that I'm shower fresh. I think third base is like letting someone jack off on my ass, so?"

"What? Shut it with that, Mickie Maye! That will never happen! And I'm leaving because I'm pretty sure that I used up my allotment of exclamation points, so."

[Nope, that didn't happen, but Carl stored it away somewhere in his brain]

"Ta, da, a frost iceberg blue power drink, frost blue chewing gum and two lotto scratchers, just for you Lizzy."

[Gently snatches them]

"Stop with the playful handoff voice, Mickie Maye! I mean, I like most things about you, but I seriously don't know what to do with you! But I like how you've learned that I like just about everything with the word "frost" in it, so, well, have a seat then. Or go do your "swoop and bump" thing with Kenny."

Well, it's a real thing, so.

[Starts to stand up to go all "swoop and bump" with that guy Kenny]

"Ah-hah, ah-hah, ah-hah, missy! Not so fast! Since I'm the only one who knows about your other, other secret Chang page where you post under "Mickie Jaye" instead of "Mickie Maye", I mean, those were not selfies that you posted an hour ago, so you have someone on the side, at least as a photographer and I don't care about that, I mean, Kenny might, but I don't, but well, I would know what to do with that! If only I knew what to do you. Which is not happening, but I guess you scored nearly five bonus points, so, well, get then, Mickie Maye."

Well, they say that a camera always adds a little, right folks?

[Trots off with a smile anyways because this time, Mickie Maye will be doing the swooping]

But sometimes when both people try to "swoop and bump" it ends up being more like "thump and smash" if they are not paying attention.

"[Thump, smash] oops, sorry, Kenny, I swooped when I should have held firm, so, my bad."

"[Smash, thump] huh, I like it better this way, Mickie Maye, in shadows, of course."

Yeah, that's a real thing too for those who transition their lifestyle expression, so. It's always in the shadows. Which there were like a gazillion of all around the Square Rock area for all the trees!

[Mwah, bump, mwah, bump, mwah, bump, mwah, oops, grind?]

Also, in full disclosure, I lied to Carl earlier. My first kiss is way in the rearview mirror. Most everything else is in front of me, but smacking lips is not.

"We can quietly slip deeper into the shadows tonight, Kenny, if you want that, so?"

OMG, where are my manners, right? Hey there, I'm Mickie Maye and I'm weird, but if you don't mind that your date has a dick, well, let's see if we match up then. But hit me up under my "Mickie Maye" page. I do not respond to comments or DMs on my other, other "Mickie Jaye" page! I mean, not anymore, anyways. Also, that's not date stuff, people and that's not happening! Also, I probably won't respond to you from my "Mickie Maye" page either, in full disclosure. I mean, as you now know, I'm in the middle of getting rejected by Lizzy and then there is all that hasn't happened between Kenny and myself, so I'm quite busy with absolutely nothing.

But I was on my way deeper into the shadows, so.

"Ahem! Time! All this "swooping and bumping" three minutes is up! Kenny, lower your head and get as usual and Mickie Maye, one of my scratchers is a $40 winner, so let's get up to the "Stop & Rob" convenience store! A girl needs her free money, so, get with it then."

Yep, Kenny lowered his lower and got. I mean, I have, well, shoot, life is confusing!

[Slurp, suck, stroke, slurp, slurp, hmm, hmm, suck, suck, moan, hmm, slurp]

"[Inhales] well, I already said that I could work with what you have, Mickie Maye."

[Slurp, suck, stroke, slurp, slurp, hmm, hmm, suck, suck, moan, hmm, slurp]

"[Inhales] and I'm not getting with you after you break down with Kenny or any other guys, so."

[Slurp, suck, oops, blast, gulp, squirt, swallow, blast, gulp, hmm, hmm, gulp]

"That never happened, Mickie Maye!"

[Aww, shoot, back to the library for that "happening or not" book]

"But that's how you do that! But wait until you're in a more secluded place, like, oops, that shouldn't have happened right here in the Square Rock parking area, so, well, drive! Girly stud."

"Well, then stop waving at people, Lizzy! I mean, 30 seconds ago, it probably looked like I was alone in my SUV! Also, that was amazing and you can own half of my life now because that happened!"

"Well, shoot, you're confusing me, Mickie Maye! And you're poking me if you recover by the time that we exit the store! But only because I want you first before you, well, before you end up role playing yourself into actual sexual situations, so, well, drive, Mickie Maye!"

[Vroom, engine rumbling, vroom, vroom]

And since that was a first for me, which was an amazing first, by he way, I mean, it was cool that I stayed in my SUV and huffed and puffed and wheezed, right? Because that's what happened!

[Stop & Rob Convenience store door chime jingle, jangle, rummaging around]

"Clyde, this is $40 winning ticket, so I'm going to need $80 for it and by the way, Clyde when Mickie Maye buys everything with the word "frost or frosted" in it, well, that stuff is for me, so ewe, you disgusting old geezer, what the hell were you doing with this open can of "frosted blue cake frosting" that seems to have a hole bored in the middle of it, hmm?"

"Aha, aha, aha, it's against the rules that you get free stuff, Lizzy, if Mickie Maye stays in the car! But let Mickie Maye know what size of hole I had to scoop out to properly fit into it, tee he, okay, Lizzy? And the wrinkle marks in the gooey frosting are just from the cake frosting being exposed to the air, so."

"Clyde, knock yourself out! And I'm taking these frosted blue winter mints too! Mickie Maye likes it when I use my hands to insert hard candies into his mouth! You know that mouth, right, Clyde? Mickie Maye's girl mouth!"

"Aha, aha, aha, well, since you're on that side of counter, Lizzy, I mean, hand me another can of gooey cake frosting then, okay?"

[Clunks down another can of the old geezer version of a flashlight sex aid. Also, ewe]

"I sucked Mickie Maye off, Clyde!"

"Aha, aha, aha."

"Well, I showed Mickie Maye how's it done anyways, Clyde!"

"Aha, aha, aha."

"Now Mickie Maye wants to poke me, Clyde, poke me in your parking lot, Clyde!"

"Aha, aha, aha."

"And I'm going to do it, Clyde because I'm confused with Mickie Maye, so snatch the condom quick, Clyde! But don't expect more than a little ooze or drizzle, Clyde! I sucked him off good, Clyde!"

Well, that was Lizzy's version of what happened and I could see that happening from Clyde's end. Also, Clyde is always double ewe, so.

"Damn you, Mickie Maye! This is good SUV sex! Stop being a woman and make me your woman, Mickie Maye!"

[Thump, thump, pump, thrust, thrust, push, push, slam, slam, slam, ooh, oh, thump, pump, slam]

"I think they call this "Wyoming Style" or something, Mickie Maye!"

[Thump, thump, pump, thrust, thrust, push, push, slam, slam, slam, ooh, oh, thump, pump, slam]

"Oh, oh, there are your body tensions, Mickie Maye, drizzle into that condom, Mickie Maye! And carry your own condoms next time!"

[Ooze, well, drizzle, ooze, drizzle, ooze, ooze]

"Oh, is that normal then, Lizzy, hmm?"

"Oh no, not at all, Mickie Maye! But Clyde gave me back a hundo, so I'm tying off the condom for him. I mean, there were only like two cans of frost blue cake frosting left on the shelf and since he watched you slam me, which was a great slamming [mwah] sissy stud, I mean, I believe in giving back to the community!"

"Aha, aha, aha!"

Oh, that part did not happen, folks!

[Ahh, read the book! That happened!]

"Alright, Mickie Maye sweetie, I will never interfere with your life ever again. Now, of course, neither of our sexually activities happened tonight..."

[Ahem! Read the book!]

"But, well, fuck you for being, well, you! Stud!"

Oh, oh, I used a yellow highlighter on more than a few passages in the "not happening, yet happened" book! But without names.

"Well, that was a long trip to the store then, Mickie Maye, so, ahem!"

"Oh, don't you "ahem" me, Turk! I "ahem" you for not having the balls to talk to me! This is my third time to the Square Rock and now you throw a "ahem" at me then? This is a lifestyle choice, Turk, not a disease. I mean, some might think of it as a mental illness, but I promise you, Turk, I'm just a date with something extra, so?"

"Mickie Maye, you use the word "date" a lot, so?"

"Ugh, because I want to be asked out on an official date, Turk! I'm just as human as you or anyone else, so?"

Well, that didn't work. But I had sex, so. Well, it never happened, but it so happened!

"Well, it's customary for the newbies to host a house party for the regulars who hang out here at Square Rock, so, what about that then, Mickie Maye, huh?"

Oh, that wouldn't be happening! I mean, I just have a small two bedrooms apartment, so that wasn't happening!

"Nice try, Turk, but I'll pass and I'll never come back to Square Rock if that is actually the case, so?"

"Alright, alright, let's not get excited, Mickie Maye, but what's wrong with hooking up with me then, hmm? I'll take you out."

"Oh yeah, Turk, take me where? To the rocks behind the trees, hmm? That's not happening!"

"Ah-hah! I was thinking to the creek behind the rocks that are behind the trees, so, there."

Yeah, no, that didn't happen.

But I did ask Randy to show me this mythical creek that probably wasn't there in the first place.

"What the hell, Randy? People paint their names of the creek rocks then?"

"Oh, well, yeah, it's a part of the birth certificate process. See? Maude has, well, Maude has a lock on this spot along the creek!"

[Maude was here, Maude was here too, Maude's favorite rock, Maude Preggo here, Maude actually got gagged here, tee he, I actually gagged Maude here, xoxo, Turk, Maude lost count here, Maude Preggo again here]

"Well, I already had sex tonight and it was twice, so I'm tapped out!"

"Well, hold on, Mickie Maye. Did you give sex twice or get sex twice? It makes a difference on the sexually tapped out meter, so?"

"Oh, well, ahem then, I mean, that's just stupid, Randy!"

"Is it stupid, Mickie Maye?"

"Well, no, not really, but all of sudden, I'm a little scared for creek sex, so."

[Well, here's what happened. The damn guy had a small automotive paint touchup bottle with the little built-in brush in his back pocket!]

[But here's what happened. Well, it happened and it happened with my shorts still on, mind you]

[But his hand writing was terrible]

"Give me that paint bottle, Randy!"

[Perfect and fancy cursive double M's]

"Oh, I suppose this never happened, so your initials don't go here under mine, right, Randy, hmm?"

"Hey, I don't make the rules, but you've been lying, Mickie Maye! That wasn't a rookie blow job!"

[The book pages are flinging all about in the wind. Did that happen before or what?]

"Well, well, oh, since that never happened, I mean, huh? What are talking about then, hmm, Randy?"

"LOL, touché then, Mickie Maye, touché. So, would you like to go to the robot fights with me next Thursday at the Hillsdale Civic center then, hmm?"

[Oh, that happened! That was my official date request!]

I mean, I passed out from being asked out, but that happened!

End Mickie Maye 01