Midnight's Daughter

Daniella would hold my hand - gently but constantly, and she'd often turn to smile at me as I or others were talking.

But my favourite days were the days when it was just she and I.

We'd grown comfortable with one another. Making love had become a game rather than a frantic expression of lust. I'd sit beside her, watching as the wind toyed with her curls. She had a way of smiling with her eyes that I adored, and she loved to listen to my little tales of the things that all the long ago people had done in and around me.

And she'd started to come and spend nights with me - not every night, but enough to matter.

She'd bring me wine and bread and fruits, and we'd sit in the firelight, thigh to warm thigh, and she'd feed me and I'd feed her, and once she was sated I'd tell her my tales until she kissed me to still me.

And then her lips would move to other parts of me, and I'd tangle my fingers in her hair and scream her name.

I could not ever remember being this happy; this at peace. Not even in the long-ago dawn of time, when I'd been young and the people who'd worshipped me had been even younger; when times had been simple and I could roam the pine forests and the rolling meadows beyond the sunset.

I felt loved.

I felt... wanted.

I felt that I belonged.

And so, it seemed, did she.

She began to bring me things - a potted plant from her parent's garden, a painting she'd done of sunset over hills I did not know, a small modern mirror...

Little treasures, just for me.

But one morning, maybe a month and a bit after we'd reconciled, she had something other than sun, water and sex on her mind.

"You need to write your stories down, sweetheart," she proclaimed. "You should write that book you said you'd write."

And I sighed, and mused on the idea.

"I suppose I could. But... why?"

"Other people would love to read it. And... I think it would be good for you. To... record some of your memories."

"Mm. That's sombre."

She leaned in and nuzzled my ear. "Think of Ovid," she said. "If he'd never written anything down, most of those stories would have been lost to us by now."

"Mm. I'll... need to get paper, I suppose."

"I'll bring you one of my notebooks and some pens," she said, enthusiasm pinking her cheeks. "You can dedicate your first book to me."

"My first book, is it now?"

"Yes," she laughed. "You tell beautiful stories. And I'd like having a book dedicated to me. Especially if it was yours. "

"Is a goddess who is dedicated to you not enough?"

"Mm. I like having my own dedicated goddess. Especially when that goddess is a literal goddess like you. But... I'm nothing if not greedy," she added.

"Greedy? Really?"

I pushed her back into the sand; she squealed and laughed as I clambered onto her.

"No! No, get off me!" she shrieked. She wriggled and fought, but I had her trapped under me, and soon enough she surrendered.

"You think I'll give in? I'll never give in mfh..."

I muffled her protests with my slow, languid kisses, and felt the way she reacted. arching her belly up against me. And then, pleased, I nestled in against her and laid my head on her arm.

"That's... not fair..." she panted. "You're too distracting. Wow. I need to catch my breath now..."

Her mood changed again; she was a changeable creature. I watched the grin fade and her eyes narrow and darken. She rolled over to stare at me.

"Isea," she said.

"Mm?"

"My University term starts soon."

"Oh. Really?"

"Yes."

I sighed. "How soon will I lose you?"

"Ten days."

"Oh."

"What are you thinking?" she whispered, after I'd been silent for quite some time.

"I'm... trying not to."

"Oh. So..."

"I don't want you to leave me," I whispered.

She leaned in to touch her head to mine; I shifted in tighter as she brushed my cheek with her finger.

"I have to go back. That doesn't mean I want to. I don't want to leave you either. I wish I could pick you up and carry you with me."

"My heart-stone cannot leave this valley. And I cannot leave without it now."

She frowned.

"Your... heart-stone? What do you mean? What is that?"

"It's... call it my core. Or my soul. It holds my oldest name. Some...shaggy priest of the moon - back in the dawn of days - carved it onto a stone and threw it far out into the waters... and I was born. It cannot leave here or..."

And I shrugged. I didn't need to say the words; she knew I meant that I would die.

"Oh," she said, in a small voice. "So... so there's really no way? You're... trapped here? You're a prisoner?"

"No. There is a way. There is a way I could leave."

"What is it?" she demanded. "Tell me, please - let me help you!"

I listened to the gentle ripples of my waves. I remembered the last time I had told a lover this. I remembered the... the hope I'd felt.

And then, later, the crushing despair when she'd fled from me for the... familiarity of a human man.

"Isea? What is it, sweetheart? You... you went so still there..."

"I could... become mortal," I breathed, at last.

She seemed to freeze.

"What?"

"I could break my heart-stone. I'd... become a mortal woman. I'd age, and in the end I'd die."

"You can do that?" she whispered. She sounded aghast at the idea.

"Yes. Daphne did it. Long ago."

The pain bit deep into my heart; I shuddered.

"Daphne? Who was she?"

"My sister," I somehow managed to say.

And I had to squeeze my eyes tightly together against the stabbing agony of the memories.

Daniella gently took my hand and held it to her, just above her heart. Her eyes were full of my reflected pain.

"Tell me," she breathed.

"She... broke her heart-stone for a young boy - the son of the Quaestor. But his father rejected their love match and threatened to disown his son. The boy was intended for the daughter of a wealthy family in Rome, see? Daphne..."

I stopped, took a sobbing breath.

"Daphne despaired, and drank hemlock and died - alone, on the banks of the river that was once her body. I couldn't get to her. I tried... but I couldn't get to her."

"Oh Isea," she breathed. "Oh, I am so sorry..."

I took a slow breath as I thought about my sister. Her gentle face, the jet-black hair, the green of her eyes. Still as clear as if it had been yesterday.

Then I sighed it out.

"Times have changed since then. Now, there is no escape for things like me, Dani. Apollo, Diana... even great Athena herself have passed on to wherever the Gods go when you forget them. They no longer roam the hills to save us by changing beings like us into a tree, or a rock, or a spring. If we take this step we must be sure, and we must chose wisely. Daphne... didn't. It is a bitter truth, but that is how it is."

"That is a... horrible choice," she said. "With... with nothing in life being certain, how could someone choose to do that..."

"I would break my heart-stone for you, Dani."

I heard the soft intake of her breath, felt the way she shuddered, the way her fingers tightened spasmodically against my ribs.

"No," she whispered at last. "No. No way. I'm not worth that. I would never let you harm yourself like that for me. Never in a million years, Isea..."

"It's not your choice. It's mine. And... I'm not saying I'm going to do it. Just that, for you - I would. I would become a mortal girl for you. "

I felt her shudder again; I heard her working hard to swallow the tears.

"Dani?"

"Yes?" she sniffed, after a long, heavy silence.

"How often will I see you once you leave this place?"

She paused for a breath at most.

"It's two and a half hours from Bologna by train and bus. I will come back every two weeks. I can't afford to do it more often."

I sighed and moved in against her.

"It's a poor comparison to every day, but far better than never."

"It's easier for you. I'm the one who'd be leaving my heart behind in this valley."

I opened my eyes and stared into hers.

"What are you trying to tell me?"

"I think... Isea, I think I love you," she whispered. "You... told me, wow, it feels like ages ago, that you would begin to lose your heart to me? Well... the same seems to be true. I think I love you. You've changed me, you've changed my life. You've shown me what it feels like to belong. So... I've never been in love before. But... I think I am, now."

"I know I love you," I retorted. "But I'll forgive you your indecision for now," I teased.

I threw my arm over her and pulled myself in tightly against her.

"You'd better keep your promise to come and visit me."

"You'd better be waiting here for me when I do," she breathed.

"You know I will be."

I squeezed her once and released her. Then I sat up and shook the sand from myself.

"Come swim with me," I said.

"You meant, come swim in me," she pointed out. She sat up and wiped her eyes.

"Stop being a pedant. And stop being difficult."

"That's like... telling the sun to rise in the west. I am difficult, Isea. Very. But I do try my best not to be."

I reached down and pulled her to her feet, then wrapped my arms around her and pressed in against her as she enfolded me in her embrace.

"I'll help you," I whispered.

We released one another, turned, and walked out into my waters.

She laughed suddenly, and turned to me, smiling once more.

"Isea... there's something I need to tell you that I just thought of. But it's very... inappropriate."

"You can tell me anything, Dani. Especially if it's inappropriate."

"Fine. Here it is. I just want you to know that it's... weird... knowing that you're beside me right now. But at the same time you're also slowly climbing up my inner thighs to my pussy. You're making me wet, Isea," she said, eyes wide and innocent.

I snorted with laughter. "You're right; that was inappropriate. Oh well - I have always have liked touching you there. So... just take a hint and come inside me," I added, in a soft and sultry whisper, deliberately using the double entendre.

And she laughed, and leaned in to kiss me and, eventually, did as I'd suggested.

Twice.

The days drew down. Mighty Helios climbed noticeably lower each noon. I kept a running tally of kisses, of embraces, storing them in some internal vessel to tide me over while she was gone.

She brought me something on her final evening - a set of notebooks, some pens, and a worn hard-cover book - brown leather, decorated only with the silver-embossed title of "Odyssey" set into the cover page and the spine.

Inside she'd written a brief, poignant message to me, closed with three X's that she told me stood for the kisses she'd be missing out on.

I cried when she left; so did she.

But I had her book as a keepsake of hers.

I moped at first; sitting by the shore, staring out at my demesne, at a complete loss for the first time in my life.

Daniella had wormed her way deep into me. I missed her with an intensity that I couldn't even put into cohesive thoughts, let alone words.

And so one morning I began to read her book, and somehow the ancient names kindled something in me and inspired me to do as Dani had begged me to do.

My story would die. The people who I'd known and loved would flicker out of history, their names never to be spoken again.

I could take some small action to prevent that. So I took up a notebook and set pen to paper for the very first time.

And the words began to flow from me.

I slept, sometimes, and I daydreamed of my lover, but in between that the words poured out of me - about Tanaquil, my long-lost queen, and how she'd startled me one morning in the mist. How she'd known who and what I was from the first breath I'd spoken, and how we'd slowly formed a friendship and then, later, an attachment that had lasted until the winter of her years had finally closed on her.

I couched it all in fiction, of course. I embellished, took some minor liberties with timelines. I created a tale where no real complexity had really existed - Tanaquil had been competent and her rule had been secure.

But, as Dani had told me, I was a good story-teller.

And the days passed as in a slow dream.

I missed my lover with a constant ache under my ribs, and in the dark nights of the new moon I'd lie awake, thinking of her eyes, and her lips, and her smile. I hoped she was thinking of me, somewhere out there, by the faint glimmer of the stars above us.

And I agonised over what kind of future I might, perhaps, have with her.

To walk Daphne's path was an act of madness - fraught with mortal peril.

And yet...

Daniella had come back to me. Despite my lies, despite the terror I'd caused her... she'd come back.

I'd lie there, and stare at the angular runes on my heart-stone, and try to envision a life where I could walk the wide world under strange stars.

Daphne's choice was deadly, no matter what occurred I would die at the end of it.

But it offered me the chance of years of happiness before that day.

If I stayed... Daniella would age, and wither; I would outlive her, and carry one more beautiful face onwards until I was no more.

If I left... the risk was there that I would die alone.

Selene's face was waxing to its first quarter on the night I reached my decision.

I sat, sleepless by my water's edge.

I was thinking of unlucky Ariadne, and the terrible, doomed desire for Theseus that had driven her to break her vows and flee the court of Minos...

Had she, too, been a prisoner? Had Theseus been her desperate method to escape?

I doubted Ariadne had thought it worth it, when she stood, watching the sails of Theseus's ship drop over the horizon.

I played with my nervous fingers, then raised my eyes to the Great Mother above us all.

"What do I do?" I begged her. "If I stay here, I will fade in the end, whether this year or the next. If I go... I will die as a mortal - whether this year or the next. If I stay, I will see her - sometimes, until she grows old or... leaves me. If I go... it will be the same. What should I do?"

Selene stared mournfully down at me.

I sighed, then looked away. It was unfair to ask her to waste her strength on me. She'd already done too much...

"If I leave," I whispered, "I will never be able to return. And I might end up like Daphne - living with regret until I cannot any longer. I adore Daniella. I... desire her. I want to be with her forever. I would give up everything for her. But... who can predict what next year will bring? But then again... that is their way, isn't it? They are such brief things, they burn like beacons and then..."

‷... do you love her, child?‴

My breath caught in my throat; I stared upwards at her, stunned and humbled that she spent so much to speak to me.

"Yes," I breathed. "Yes, I do. With all that I am."

‷... then go, child. Live and love and know that I will love you still...‴

I clasped myself and sat there, too stunned to think or speak or move for what felt like an age of the world. Then, finally, I took a shuddering breath. I scrambled awkwardly to my knees and knelt and bowed low to her in gratitude.

‷... do not forget me...‴ she whispered.

And I kissed my fingers and, sobbing, raised them up to her.

"How could I?" I cried. "You are my mother, after all."

I stayed there, staring at her, until Selene's face had sunk below the western ridges. Then, tired and uncharacteristically chilled, I rose from my knees and made my way to my cave.

I made my bed, and turned the blankets back against the cold of the night.

I picked up my heart-stone and stared at the angular pictoglyphs chiselled roughly round the circumference of the the water-worn hole in the middle.

My True name. My locus. My binding to this place.

I closed my eyes, and thought of my lover, and broke my heart-stone in two.

The snap was soft in the darkness, but carried a weighty finality nontheless.

The chill of the night air suddenly stung my skin; the shadows outside darkened.

I was instantly aware of every breath I drew, of the thumping of the heart beneath my breasts...

Of the taste of the shrubs outside on the air, and the cold, implacable stone under my feet.

Everything was real in a way it had never been before.

I was mortal... and I was now truly alone.

I lit my fire mechanically, and piled it high with the wood I'd gathered. The woodsmoke stung my eyes, and the flavours were rich and complex in the back of my throat.

I ate grapes from my vines as my first human meal.

I put the shards of my shattered heart-stone on my bedside table.

And I crawled under my blankets and lay there, waiting for the future to find me...

Sleep spread her cloak and enfolded me; I dreamed of arms around me, of warmth, of love and bitter tears... and roused in confusion; someone was shaking me, running their fingers over my shoulders and back and hair.

I snorted, groggy, trying to blink the unaccustomed grit out of my eyes. My mouth felt strange - dry. I was parched - a new sensation in a sea of other new sensations.

"Dani?" I mumbled. "Is that you?"

"Oh Isea," she moaned, her voice sick with misery. "Oh Holy Mary, Isea, what have you done?"

"I broke my heart stone," I tried to explain. I fumbled sleepily out to my table to to nudge the shards with a finger.

She slumped down onto the floor; tears ran down her cheeks. She knotted her fingers into the blankets and starred at me, her brow furrowed with despair.

"Why? Oh God, why did you do this to yourself!"

"I..."

"What... what if I'm not what you think I am? What if I leave you? What if you leave me? Isea, you... you should have talked to me. We should have talked before... before..."

"It's my life, Dani," I whispered. "At last. At last, I have the chance to... to go beyond the hills once more. I love this place but... but I want more before I fade. If that more is with you, I will die content. If... if you don't want me, that's okay too, I've made peace with the fact that that might be..."

"Of course I still want you, you idiot," she hissed.

She leaned forward and placed her head on my breast. I could feel her gulping, shuddering... I reached up and ran my fingers through her hair.

"You're... an impetuous child," she rasped. "What if you'd died? Oh my God, Isea! You... you have to be careful now. You're human. You can't just... leap without looking any more, okay? Don't ever do anything this stupid ever again. Oh Dio santo, my heart, I feel ill..."

"I promise," I said.

She sniffed, then wiped her eyes.

"Move over," she demanded. I tried my best, she shoved me roughly and wriggled me until I touched the cave wall.

"The stone is cold!" I protested.

"That is one of the many, many things you're going to have to get used to now, I think. It's your own stupid fault."

She pulled the blanket up over me, and wormed in close.

"Idiot," she repeated, distraught. "Oh Gesù, you're freezing! Isea! What... what are we going to do now? You have no job, no money, nothing... you need to eat, you need... a phone, clothes... papers... dio porco, Isea..."

Then she sighed, and took a breath. I felt the way she was shivering.

"We'll... be okay," she whispered. "I'll take care of you. We'll be okay. It's okay. Somehow... I know we'll be okay. Come here. You're like ice; let me warm you."

Sunlight lit the entrance of my cave. I could see what had once been my waters, dancing and rippling.

I felt a profound sense of loss, and a strangely comforting, infinitely deeper and warmer sense of peace.

I closed my eyes and moved in against her, and slowly drifted off in my lover's arms.

And I slept until hunger woke me for the first time ever.

My phone rang Dani's ringtone. I groaned, looked up from the notepad, and stretched my neck. I peered downwards, pleased as always to see my beloved's face smiling up at me from behind the crystal face.