Miggie 02

Miggie 02

[Hum, wee, hum, wee, hum, wee, hum, wee, hum, wee]

Well, e-bikes run very quietly, so.

[The Pizza Shop front door chime jingle, jangle]

"Sal, are my two pizzas ready to go? My e-bike rear rack is empty from hungry car show people on the Strip and I'm ready to repack and go."

"Gwen, first of all, why am I calling you Gwen today when Suzie, Jimmy J, Zack and Timmy, all call you Miggie all of the time, huh? And we can ignore how Timmy thinks you're his girlfriend, so. Well, you're Timmy's fantasy Boi girlfriend after Brie and after Angela Jaye and then after Lil Joey and after Lil Bit and after Jaye Nee and after Badger Redd and after all of the Congi Boi's and after River Redd and after Scooter and after Nugget and after Beetle Bug and after Chicklet and then after Izzy and then after Iggy and then after Jelly Bean and then after Lil Jolt and then after..."

"Ahem, I get it, Sal, Timmy dreams about his Boi girlfriends! Anyways, it's called role playing, Sal and you would know that if you're weren't born in the 18th century, but I'm role playing a hot Trap named Gwen, who zips up and down the Strip on a fancy e-bike pedaling pizza slices instead of pedaling pedals, so?"

"Oh, I mean, weren't you a hot Trap before, Miggie, I mean, Gwen? And I'm only 58! With white hair and a failing memory! And Lil Bit was my favorite, so."

OG's, right people?

"Anyways, Suzie just sent me an electronic carrier pigeon message and said..."

something about dropping off a large pizza..."

"Ahem, you mean Suzie just sent you a text message, Sal?"

"I mean, I don't know, a blue bird thingy and asked for another large pizza for the door bouncers who are standing guard while she and her friend, Hilda, wash their hair and just who washes their hair in a fancy bird cage while wearing dental these days anyways, hmm, modern woman?"

I think that Hilda from Hilda's Hideaway Strip Club is actually Peter Peterson, but don't quote me on that, folks.

"Anyways, Miggie Gwen, give me five minutes more for the third fresh pizza."

"No problem, Sal, so, um, where's Timmy at then since I have a minute?"

"Well, that little freak is awake and not on a pizza delivery run, so..."

[A hitchhiker's backwards thumb point towards the Men's room]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, people, I know, it's Timmy, but I had a minute!

[The Men's room quietly creeps open only to find the little creep talking to the air with closed eyes]

"[Fap, fap, fap, fap] Gwen [fap, fap, fap] I promise that I'll break up with [fap, fap, fap] with Miggie tonight even after only dating Miggie [fap, fap, fap] for one day [fap, fap, fap] for [fap, fap, fap] some of your fine back door nookie [fap, fap, fap] because I love you, Gwen [fap, fap, fap, fap] oh Gwen, [fap, fap, fap] you're my new girl, argh [spew, spew, spew, spew, ahh]."

Um, having a free minute can be overrated, so, I mean, nope!

"Hey, OG Sal, you didn't hear me correctly, again! I said where is Zack at then, hmm?"

"Oh, Zack is awake, so if he's not banging a customer on a delivery route, then he's looking for..."

[You would think the Pizza Shop floor is covered with salt given that quick and slick shoe slide in]

"Sup?"

[Unsteady on feet after being hip bumped]

"Oh, Zack, I mean, you really need to wear a cow bell. And I'm only saying "hey" and no more given your rep, but, um, hey Zack."

"I mean, you're lucky that my step sister's name is Gwen, but when you switch back to Miggie after tomorrow, I mean, then my rep is going to rip you up! Also, I like the Gwen hair, so?"

"Oh, that's too bad then, Zack because Gwen is a monster at sex and knows all six positions and everything and that includes..."

Huh, going back to the last chapter, I mean, maybe I am knuckleheaded stupid head when I open my mouth then! But as a temporary employee of the Pizza Shop, I mean, there is the Zack Conquest Wall of Fame Shame and all and I didn't want to fall to far behind Brie or Angela Jaye or even Lil Joey or mostly Lil Bit and not behind Jaye Nee or behind Badger Redd or all of the Congi Boi's or River Redd or even after Scooter or behind Nugget or even behind Beetle Bug or Chicklet and who wants to be behind Izzy and Iggy and meh, behind Jelly Bean and I wouldn't mind being tied with Lil Jolt or too far down the Wall of Fame Shame with..."

"Miggie Gwen, three hot and fresh pizzas ready to go, so, let's pack it and rack it! And is Zack actually wheezing? Let's put that on the Fame of Shame wall!"

Oh, yeah, that's right, to an OG, mm, mm, a smirk is the same as wheezing. But he was down on the floor, so.

"[Smooch] I mean, I mean, I mean, Miggie doesn't do that, Zack, but um, um, um, Gwen doesn't have any regrets, bye!"

"Waah, waah, waah, Zack stole my Boi girlfriend, waah, waah, waah, again!"

[The Pizza Shop front door chime jingle, jangles in reverse like a hurricane hit it]

Well, read the blogs over the last three years. Zack gets a lot of sex!

[Hum, wee, hum, wee, hum, wee, hum, wee, hum, wee, wee, wee, wee, stop at Hilda's]

"Hi, guys, I have your pizza strapped on the back and I mean, does it help if I swipe my finger down and across my slender nose, hmm? I'm 21 in just under six weeks, so?"

"Sorry, kiddo, but I get too much sex as a bouncer at Hilda's Hideaway Strip Club to jeopardize my job just for you to get a peek inside, so, sorry."

[Huh, but Bruno held the front door open as he reached for his pizza box anyways, so.]

"Holy Go-Go dancing wide hips in a bird cage amateur night! I can see, Suzie!"

[Music blaring, head swinging, hair flaying, hips flipping, bird cage swaying, arms up left, arms up right, hair flaying that way, hair flaying this way and the scene fades away as the door slowly closes, fade, fad, fade, fade]

"See you later, kiddo and thanks for the pie. Wait, it's Gwen, right?"

"Um, just for tonight. I'm actually Miggie, but I'm roleplaying Gwen tonight, so?"

"Oh, because I heard that Gwen is 21..."

[Kick stand kick, swoosh, swish, Gwen slipped right under Bruno's large arm, whoosh]

Fine, I had never been in a club before and I was more like a deer in headlights than anything else. But just the club lighting and atmosphere, right? Well, I didn't make past the coat room area, but I was inside of the club.

"What can I get for you, sweetie, hmm?"

"Root beer! Straight! On the rocks!"

"Hmph! (Cheap wads who stand in the corner!)"

[Who needs all those car show pizza slice tips anyways when the area needs a little rain]

"[Cheek smack] this is best standing area, sweetie. So, one straight root beer coming right up and did you need anything else with that, hmm? Like a man to play kissy face with or something, hmm? And I'm Connie, by the way, so?"

Well then, Hilda's Hideaway Strip Club really is a full-service club!

"Oh, I'm Gwen, um, I'm Miggie, um, Gwen, um, Miggie, um, Gwen, Miggie, um..."

"Oh, our guest bird cage Go-Go dancer's friend then? Tee he, then you had better slam your root beer down and split, Miggie Gwen because the rich under 30 car buffs have begun to arrive and my money is on a bikini bottom wardrobe failure coming soon since it's just one silly little tug of a thong bikini bottom side tie string away, tee he, oh, Miggie? Gwen? Did you pass out?"

Well, I passed out in case nobody said that.

[Barely a grunt while being lifted up off of the floor by Bruno the bouncer]

"Come on, Miggie Gwen, let's get you back on your fancy little e-bike and on your way. Also, am I too large for you, huh?"

Um, is that the normal question? I mean, wow, Bruno was too large for me, but is that the normal question to ask then, hmm?

"[Grumble] oh, Bruno, I mean, I'm not picky and fussy and stuff, but I mean, well, you're like five years too old for me, that's all, so, um..."

A bug! A squished bug! That would be my other name. And I have enough names as it is.

"Oh, well, I mean, Miggie Gwen, if my math is correct, um, then we have a chance in five years when you're five years older, right? I mean, I know what I said earlier about banging literally every woman who comes to the club and gets stone cold drunk in the club, but I like what I'm seeing (and groping) here, so?"

New math, right?

"Oh, Bruno, I mean, it's written in the playbook that I have to seek you out in five years when I'm five years old and you stay the same, so, try to keep your same phone number, bye!"

"[Cha-Ching! Boi butt!] I mean, cool, cool, I'll be around, I mean, you know, cool."

[Hum, wee, hum, wee, hum, wee, hum, wee, hum, wee, quietly zipping back towards the Strip]

"(Beep, beep, honk, honk, beep, beep, honk, honk)"

It's the short shorts, folks. Gwen is somewhat of a skin flashing slut, so.

[Weep, incoming text from Suzie]

"U were here, Miggie Gwen?"

[Whoop, a quick response]

"Oh, I was making out with Connie, you know."

[Weep, Suzie responds]

"Hmm, is mouth to mouth from passing out the same as making out?"

[Whoop, oh, Miggie lies back]

"Hey, it counts! Those were Ur hips?"

[Weep, a Suzie is funny reply]

"Ba-Boom, Ba-Boom, Ba-Boom!"

Well, I mean, I mean, that hip swaying may have been more Va-Voom then Ba-Boom, but then again, who am I to argue, right?

"Hey, Pizza Gwen! Watch where you're e-biking! Distracted e-biking is still distracted driving!"

[Swerve right, screech, swerve left, whew. Oh, quietly swerve right, screech, quietly swerve left]

"Sorry, I just had some girls fighting over me between the difference of Va-Voom versus Ba-Boom, so, did you want a slice of pizza that was hot and fresh before two girls started text fighting over me, hmm?

Well, Connie texted me too and attached a puckered lips emoji for my root beer tip, so.

"I mean, yeah, like four slices, but listen, you're Mickey, right? Mickey Miggie? Um, Miggie Mickey? From last night's Trap trend, um, right? With the biting of the fingertip and the come-hither eyes?"

"Oh, I mean, I mean, I mean, come-hither eyes? I didn't even know that I had come-hither eyes, but listen, Jim the photographer performs a little touch up work, so, um I still need a big fat tip for the pizza slices because my ex-wife Connie has taken ill and with the kids and all, I mean, my life is just a total wreck right now, so?"

"Oh, yeah I get that, so, um, this looks like your tip jar!"

[Makes it rain, right between the V on the e-bike! But Miggie Gwen creates a nice V, so. Well, if you like that kind of Boi V, which, that guy certainly did like! And with tip stuffing vigor!]

"Yeah, I mean, I'm just curious and all, um, what's it like, um, I mean, on the outside, you're all Va-Voom with a side of Ba-Boom, but underneath, I mean, I mean, I mean..."

"Oh, zero hair, zero, zero, zero, hair and super smooth, if that's where you're going with this, so?"

Well, I guess they all really do pass out.

[Hum, wee, hum, wee, hum, wee, hum, wee, hum, wee, wee, quietly zipping up the Strip]

"Slices, people, I have 8 slices that used to be hot and fresh, slices are strapped to back on the rack of this fancy ass e-bike people! Get your end of car show slices people."

And by the way, my peeps, before you hammer on me for selling cooled down hot and fresh pizza slices, let me take you back to your college dorm days where it was almost a rule that the pizza stayed in the rear seat of your car for two days before you even took it up to your dorm room, so.

"[A hand waves] Gwen, trending Gwen Miggie, we'll take what's left in the pizza box if it's not too hot because our college semester just ended, so?"

Ahem!

"And you're invited to my dorm room next semester [bites], oh, that's hot pizza!"

Ahem! Ahem! Twice because of the dorm room invite and that's printed in big bold lettering in the playbook in the "dreams" chapter!

"I suppose all that you can afford is a "college guy" tip, hmm and I'm just asking, so?"

[Um, that was sex rain! Um, sex rain on a Trap!]

"My daddy's got cash and I have a big bed and I want to be your daddy in it, Gwen!"

Well, I didn't pass out, but I got pretty woozy!

"And if Gwen brings Miggie's come-hither eyes to my bedroom, then I'll chill out and take Miggie out on a proper Smoothie date another day, so?"

"Oh, but Gwen gets totally wrecked? And I'm just asking since I don't even know your name, so?"

"Oh, Tyler is going to trash Gwen's body, but Ernie will treat Miggie nicely, so?"

Did that really answer my question? I don't think so!

[Hum, wee, hum, wee, hum, wee, hum, wee, hum, wee, wee, quietly zipping down the Strip]

But Ernie sounds nice, right?

End Miggie 02