Mika Becomes a Smoker

*****

Marin got home after work, sitting down in the living room and lighting up, taking that first drag with a deep, eye-rolling inhale that practically shouted out contentment and relaxation. Mika lit up with her, and was surprised that she was feeling a little sheepish and pretty nervous when she said, "Mom, I'm almost finished with the cigarettes you bought for me. Do you think I could have another pack?"

"Really, honey, you've already finished that whole pack!"

"No, I have a couple left, but I'd like to give it another week now that I'm kind of getting used to the idea."

"There's a very thin line between 'getting used to the idea' and being hooked, Mika. You really need to consider this."

"I am considering it, Mom," Mika said with a bit of a snap in her voice, "that's why I'm asking you to get me another pack so that I can give it a decent try and make a decision. I was really honest with you last week when I brought up my interest and desire, and it wasn't easy to do. This isn't easy either, but I'm trying to be straight and thoughtful."

Marin felt bad. Her daughter was right. "I'm sorry, you're absolutely right. You've been very upfront, and I really respect and appreciate that. As a parent, I worry about this, but you're 18, have thought a lot about this, and you deserve to make this decision on your own - if you feel you need another pack to fully consider it, I'll stop and get one for you tomorrow."

Thanks so much, Mom. "My mindset hasn't changed since last week - I see you light up and inhale, and I want to experience that look you have on your face, but I am trying to be thoughtful about my underlying desire for that versus the obvious consequences."

"That's all I could ask," Marin said, "now let's finish our cigarettes." Marin laughed as she took a deep drag, and Mika took a drag, too.

The next morning, Mika came downstairs, poured a coffee, and smoked the last Newport Light from her pack. She felt oddly anxious when she said, "Don't forget to stop at the gas station on your way home, Mom."

"Of course I won't, honey," Marin said.

Mika paused and reflected - why was she feeling anxious about this? Was this a sign of addiction? She dismissed that thought and remembered that her mother was always very busy, which led to a bit of a habit of forgetfulness. She was just reminding her mom as she frequently had to.

*****

Mika had a good shift at work and arrived home, as usual, before her mother. She knew from their conversation this morning that her mom had two closings that day and had just signed up a new client who was trying to sell one of the town's more expensive homes. As her mother's customary arrival time came and went, Mika found herself clock-watching. And found herself feeling a tiny bit anxious, wondering when her mother would be home. As the minutes ticked by, she went from being a tiny bit anxious to biting her thumbnail to pacing the first floor of the house. It was getting painful.

"Holy shit," Mika thought, "I think I'm having a nicotine fit! I've smoked one pack of cigarettes in a week, and I can't think of anything else but lighting up a taking a drag! This is crazy! Shit! Goddamit! How could I be hooked already! There's no way I could be! I want a fucking cigarette!"

Mika continued to pace, sit, stand up, pace, sit down, stand up and pace again, all while thinking how crazy she was, and how anxious she was for the one thing that would make her feel better.

An hour later, Marin pulled into the driveway. It took all of the discipline Mika could muster not to meet her mother at the door. Her craving was so intense, she couldn't believe it was real, but it certainly was.

Marin walked in, apologizing for being late. "The afternoon closing got delayed and I had to meet the stagers at the new listing. What a day," she said as she sat on the couch, took out her Newports and fired up, pumping the huge ball of white smoke into her chest, closing her eyes and relaxing.

Mika nearly jumped out of her skin. She was on fire. "Mom, did you stop at the store for me?"

"Oh, shoot, honey, I forgot, I was so anxious to get home."

"Goddammit, Mom!"

"Whoa, Mika, wait a second, don't talk to me like that!"

"You said you were gonna stop! I even reminded you!" Mika was close to tears.

Marin paused, and realized what was going on with a bit of sadness. "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize it had already crept up on you, but it has, hasn't it?"

"Mom, I don't know how else to explain it, but I have been pacing this house for over an hour waiting for you to get home. I've smoked a grand total of one little pack of cigarettes and all I can think about is lighting up. It's the only thing I want. And I'm sorry, but I was just on fire right now that I can't have one because you didn't stop at the store."

"Of course you can have one, Mika, just have one of mine!"

Mika lunged for her mother's pack of Newports, and Marin sat back, shaking her head and watching.

Mika put the cigarette between her lips, and with shaking hands fired up the lighter. She touched the tip to the flame, took the biggest drag she'd ever taken, sucked down the ball of smoke and her eyes rolled back. Her toes curled. She nearly had an orgasm, she felt so fulfilled, it was nearly sexual.

"Oh my god," Mika sighed out smoke and took another pump, "that is the greatest feeling I have ever had. I can't believe how good that feels, how satisfied I am. I wanted this feeling. This is what I was talking about.

"One thing, though, Mom," Mika continued.

"What is it, honey," Marin asked.

"You don't need to stop at the store for my brand. I love these things. I don't want the Lights."

And then, both women knew - for Mika, it was over. She was a smoker