Mike & Savy Ch. 07

She walked hand in hand with the same young man, who could only be her boyfriend, Josh.

"Mike, you okay?"

"Mike?"

I turned and Jeff's brother, Joe was standing next to me trying to get my attention. I lost sight of Savy. Joe let me know that Jeff and Mia had arrived and were getting ready. It was my job to announce them.

Things went smoothly after that, through their introduction and dinner. I was doing my absolute best to remain smiling and thrilled for Jeff and Mia. I focused intently on them, making sure they had time to eat properly and getting anything they needed. Still, something must have shown, as Jeff leaned over to me on two occasions and asked if I was okay. I assured him that I was as thrilled as I could be and their wedding was flawless. Even on his day, he worried about me. That's just who Jeff is.

And then the dancing started. Things went quickly downhill for me.

After Jeff and Mia's first dance, then their dances with their parents, the floor was opened for all. I sat in my seat as everyone else in the wedding party went to the floor. My feet were in concrete.

I watched as Savy took the floor holding Josh's hand. She was glowing, happy.

I wanted to be happy for her. I had hurt her, broken her heart. I couldn't be the one to be there for her anymore. I desperately wanted her to have happiness in her life. But when you see the absolute love of your life, in the arms of another man...

I ducked away from the table and made my way to the private restroom next to Jeff and Mia's room. I slumped against the counter, barely holding myself up. I closed my eyes and my life flashed in my mind, not the life I had lived, but the life I could have had with Savy. I saw her hugging me in her college graduation gown. I saw her standing next to me on our wedding day. I saw myself carry her into our first house. I saw us sitting in the backyard while children ran around.

I opened my eyes to look at myself in the mirror and quickly grabbed a paper towel to wipe away tears. I filled my hands with water and lowered my face into them.

I dried my face and stood up straight. I clenched my jaw. You'll get through this Mike. You're gonna go out there and be there for Jeff and Mia. I slammed my fist into the counter and stepped into the hallway before making my way to the reception hall.

As I entered the room, Jeff and Mia were standing in front of the wedding party's table, kissing while guests clinked their glasses with spoons. They both took their seats. They must have been dancing the entire time I was away. I slid into my seat next to Jeff, patting him on the shoulder on the way down. He was so exceptionally happy and that was my savior. I used his happiness for myself and smiled widely back at him.

Various activities followed, including the cake and more dancing. When the time came for my speech, I didn't need the cards that were in my pocket. I spoke from the heart. I finished and moved around Jeff to give Mia a hug and a kiss before Jeff stood and wrapped his arms around me. He thanked me and promised he'd be my best man some day.

I avoided looking anywhere near Savy's direction for the rest of the evening. One of Mia's classmates, a rather attractive redhead, even got me onto the dance floor a few times, but not before I dumped a few glasses of champagne into myself to take the edge off.

Finally, the end of the night came. Jeff and Mia headed off together; they'd leave for their honeymoon in Italy two days later. I saw off both Jeff's and Mia's parents before going back inside to make sure everything was being taken care of.

I was exhausted. It had been an emotional evening for many reasons and more physically taxing than I had expected, too. I slid into a chair and slumped over, my head in my hands. I was just about ready to head out to go home.

"Mike."

I clenched my jaw. I was even hearing her voice now.

"Mike."

I wasn't hearing things. I opened my eyes and looked up. Savy was standing in front of me.

"You did a good job today."

She reached out and her slender fingers briefly squeezed my arm.

"You're a great friend."

And then she turned and walked away.

I tried to say something, anything.

"Savy..."

She was gone.

__________

The first two weeks after Jeff and Mia's wedding were not easy. I stayed at work from 8am until sometime after 8pm every day. I would close my eyes and see her. She'd be smiling every time, but not at me.

She was happy now.

I had to let her go. It was the only way I could ever have her back as my sister, my friend.

In early September, I got some much needed good news. Amy had come through and I was being transferred back to her program, with an appropriate salary increase. I'd have to wait until the spring semester to restart towards my master's, but that was an acceptable delay. I was getting myself back on track. Professionally, at least, but it was a start.

In mid-September, mom let me know that Savy was having her second public concert. I had missed the first, but I wouldn't miss this one. When the night arrived, I put on my dark charcoal suit, fitted in the fashionable 1960s mold that was back in style, with a grey and black tie in a geometric pattern.

I parked at the performing arts center and walked in through the front entrance. I had never actually been in there in my years at Maryland and I was suitably impressed. Inside, I received a text from mom and tracked her down. I hugged her and she thanked me for coming. I told her that of course I would be there for my little sister.

I saw Josh approaching her and I told her that I would be sitting in the back, but I'd find her after the performance. She smiled tightly at me, but I think she understood. She would be in the front row and I didn't want Savy to look down and see me, in case she didn't want me there.

I walked inside right as I heard Josh greet mom.

I quickly found my seat in the back. I was impressed, both at the quality of the hall and at the sheer number of people who had come. Savy would be performing with accompaniment from piano and a string ensemble, but it was her name on the program. They were there to see her.

I sat back and waited.

I was muting my phone when I heard polite applause. I looked up and various musicians were taking the stage. Then I saw Josh walk onto stage with a cello. I slipped my phone into my pocket and closed my eyes for a moment.

She's happy. Be happy for her.

The crowd grew quiet and the lights dimmed. It was deathly silent until I could hear footsteps, heels clicking on the stage. And then I saw her...

She was... exquisite.

She wore a floor length red gown, with just bare glimpses of her black heels as she walked. Her gown shimmered and shined as she moved. It fit her perfectly. Just one sleeve rose over her right shoulder; her other shoulder was bare. Her skin flawless and dazzling. She wore her hair completely free. It fell down her back in waves.

Be happy for her.

The audience burst into applause. She reached the center of the stage and bowed to each of the accompanying musicians, Josh last. She turned to face the audience with a gleaming smile. I felt a lump in my throat.

The audience grew quiet again and she raised her violin.

I couldn't recognize the piece; I had never picked up the knowledge of classical music that she had. But still, she was astonishing. I watched as she moved with the music, her hair cascading over her shoulders and her arms.

And then, I could suddenly recognize what she was playing. There was no discernible transition, but I could hear the familiar melody of "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?" coming through her classical arrangement. Then it was gone and she was in another symphonic piece that I couldn't recognize.

She never stopped. There were no gaps in the music. One song flowed into another, weaving back and forth like a river cascading over waterfalls. I'd be enjoying a piece I'd never heard before and then without warning, I could recognize a Billy Joel classic or a current radio hit. It was absolutely mesmerizing. I tried to follow her, to keep up with her incredible mind as she danced through her pieces, but I couldn't do it. She wasn't just a beautiful woman playing spectacularly, she was guiding the music and the music was guiding her in perfect symbiosis.

I could feel her pulling the audience with her on her journey. My heart raced with the music.

Then the final note... and she was done.

The entire hall exploded with energy, as the audience leapt to their feet to applaud her. Not even just to applaud her, to thank her, to show their love for her.

She had been incredible when I had heard her play in high school, but this was an entirely new Savy. I felt conflicting emotions, as I came down from the high of her performance. I was almost ashamed that I hadn't forced her to play when we were together. I felt complete adulation for her and who she had become.

I sat and waited until the majority of the audience had filed out of the hall. When I saw mom walking up the aisle, I joined her.

"Mom, she was spectacular."

"She always is. Are you coming to the reception?"

"I... don't think I should. But please tell her that I was here and I thought she was magnificent."

"Mike, please come. It's okay."

"Okay."

We made our way to the reception room. Inside, we each got a small plate of cheese and fruit before finding the table that had been reserved for Savy's friends and family. Eventually, I recognized some of the musicians filtering in and I braced myself. I had to put aside everything, push it into that ball of pain in my stomach, and ignore it. Josh came in and spotted mom, who smiled and waved at him. He immediately came over.

Mom greeted him, "Josh, you were excellent as always."

"Thanks."

She continued, "Josh, this is my son, Mike."

He turned and thrust out his hand. "Oh, hey. I recognize you. You were in Jeff and Mia's wedding. Great speech, man. Nice to meet you."

I took his hand and shook it for a second before releasing. I swallowed, as if literally forcing my pain deep inside.

Josh and mom chatted for a few minutes and then everyone in the room turned as a very tall man came in wearing a tuxedo. Mom leaned over and whispered to me, "That's Max, Savannah's teacher and mentor." He stopped a few yards inside the room and stepped to the side, then turned and faced the door, holding out his arms.

Savy stepped into the room, stunningly gorgeous and radiating energy as everyone in the room stood and burst into applause. She brought her hands to her face, clasping them in front of her spectacular smile.

"Thank you!"

She immediately turned to find mom and Josh, then she saw me standing behind mom. Her eyes went wide in shock, as she seemed to be struggling to keep her smile. She walked over and hugged mom, then Josh. She paused for a second, then stepped towards me.

She hugged me loosely, with just a hint of a small tight smile. I barely had time to bring my hands up just enough to brush her hips, then she pulled away and was walking back to Max. I watched as she and Max walked about the room, mingling with various other guests.

I sat quietly, munching on grapes while mom and Josh chatted about various upcoming events and how the new school year had been going so far. At one point, Josh turned and tried to ask me about living in Spain before mom made quick eye contact with me and distracted him with a question about their next performance.

After a few minutes, I told mom that I needed to get home and hugged her before heading for the door. I was walking down the hallway when I heard the door open and someone scurrying down the hall behind me. I turned and saw Savy coming towards me. I stopped walking.

She stood before me and I looked down at her. I clenched my fists in my pockets to force down the pain.

She said softly, "You came."

I lowered my face. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say that of course I came. Except that I hadn't been there for her first concert. I hadn't been there for almost two years...

I tried to hide my emotions on my face.

"You were... magnificent."

She tucked her hair behind her ear and gave me a soft smile.

"Thanks for being here."

I watched as she walked slowly back towards the reception. As she went through the door, she turned and looked at me briefly before disappearing.

I got into my truck and started the engine. Before putting it into gear, I rested my forehead on the steering wheel.

"Be happy for her," I said out loud to myself.

I drove home to Bowie.

__________

Back to work.

I had a second shot at the career I'd always wanted and I wasn't going to let it get away again. I could feel that old internal drive coming back and I relished in it. I pushed myself hard, but reasonably so. I wasn't working to escape; I was working because it's who I am. I was at one of the greatest places to work and part of a highly capable team.

Even after Jeff and Mia's wedding, I still saw them pretty regularly, if not every week, every other week.

One night in late September, I was sitting on my sofa watching an Orioles game and I heard my computer chime with an instant message. I got up and went into the bedroom, expecting to see Jeff or Ben complaining about the umpiring or some such.

The message was from Savy.

"Hey."

My mind raced. She had softened towards me since that first night I was back, with the quick comments at Jeff and Mia's wedding or her concert. This was the first time she'd contacted me outside of those, though.

"Hi."

"Are you watching the game?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks again for coming to my performance."

"You really were incredible."

"Thanks."

"Is it okay if I come to your next one?"

"I hope you do."

I felt minutes tick by. I wanted to say so many things, but this wasn't the time or place.

She typed, "Well... I've gotta go."

"Okay. I'll talk to you soon." I hoped. I missed talking to her so much.

"Yeah. Good night." Then she logged off.

I took a deep breath and sighed loudly. I went back out and watched the end of the game. As I lay in bed trying to sleep, she was all I could think about. I missed her.

Two nights later, I got home from work and turned on my computer. Immediately, I had another message from her. She asked what was wrong with the the Orioles. She wasn't happy that they had lost three in a row, even if they had already clinched a playoff spot.

The next night, another message as soon as I logged on. More baseball talk before she got offline.

The next day was Friday. I practically sped home, but she wasn't online when I logged in. I waited, but she never logged on. The same thing on Saturday.

On Sunday, I was about to go to bed when I heard someone come online. I checked and it was her. I sent her a message first.

"Hey. O's won."

A minute passed. An interminably long minute.

"Yeah, the offense is finally clicking again."

"Did you have a good weekend?"

Four minutes. Four long minutes.

"Yeah. You?"

"It was okay."

"I saw Jeff and Mia on Saturday. They're so happy together. They always were, but even more now."

"Yeah, they were meant to be." Pain, deep inside.

"I've gotta get to bed. Class in the morning. Night."

"Good night, Savy."

And then she logged off.

Fits and starts. This was how it had to happen.

Over the days and then weeks, we had these little conversations. We talked about baseball or the Maryland football team. She started asking me about work and I asked her about classes. I could barely believe she was a junior now.

In October, she had another performance, this time with the University of Maryland orchestra. She wasn't a permanent member, but she was a "special guest" for the evening. All of the pieces were classical symphonies, but she still outshined everyone else on stage. This time, I sat next to mom in the front row and when she made eye contact with us, I got the same smile as mom.

Afterwards, at the reception, I shook Josh's hand.

I loved Savy. I loved her so much, but he was the one who could make her happy now. I needed her to be happy. I don't know for sure if I could have fixed us. Maybe even if I had stayed, we couldn't have gotten through it all. But regardless of that what if, a what if that would eat me alive for the rest of my life, she deserved happiness.

And she was happy. She was absolutely glowing, during and after her performance. She was meant to be up there, on stage. She was meant to see the world and dazzle audiences in every country.

When Savy came into the reception, she rushed to us and hugged mom, Josh, and me, in that order. It still hurt. It would hurt forever, but as I saw who she had become, I had to be happy for her.

When Halloween rolled around, Jeff and Mia threw a party. They asked me how I would feel about them inviting Savy and Josh and I told them it wasn't a problem. I wanted them to have Savy in their life. I couldn't be the one to stand in the way of that.

I showed up pretty early to help Jeff and Mia set up food and drinks, along with some extra decorations. They were, hilariously, dressed after the Maryland mascot, as what I can only describe as Testudo and Sexy Testudo. I went simple, as Sam Axe from "Burn Notice", in khakis, a Hawaiian shirt, a toy shotgun, and a mojito always in my hand.

When Savy and Josh showed up, they were in matching "Firefly" costumes, her as Inara and him as Mal. She looked absolutely exquisite.

It wasn't a perfect evening. I still hurt, but I was better at hiding the pain I had.

It was a good night, though. I was able to relax enough that I had some good conversations with various friends and a few of Mia's new coworkers. Several times, I ended up in quick conversations with Savy and, to a lesser degree, Josh. I had to breathe deep to get myself through them, but I survived.

Another few weeks passed.

Savy and I continued talking online almost every night. Work was going exceptionally well. I wasn't good. I wasn't happy. But I was okay.

A week before Thanksgiving, mom called to talk to me. We chatted for a bit, her asking me how work was and, subtly, if I was perhaps seeing anyone. And then,

"Mike, Savy is bringing Josh to Thanksgiving."

"Oh."

"Are you okay, honey? I know it's hard for you, but..."

I cut her off, "It's okay mom. She's my sister, I want her to be happy." I didn't need to hear any reasons why it was appropriate for Josh to come. I knew why he would be there, I didn't want to hear it said, because I knew it would hurt. I wanted mom to not worry about me.

After we got off the phone, I took a deep breath and made dinner. I sat and ate, by myself.

I drove down the night before Thanksgiving. Mom and I could spend the evening with just the two of us, as Josh and Savy wouldn't be coming until Thursday morning.

It was good to be home for a holiday, again. I'd missed a year's worth of holidays and birthdays. We sat and talked for hours about work and restarting my master's degree. In somewhat surprising news, mom mentioned that she had even been on a few dates with the same guy. I couldn't remember her ever dating. I was happy for her. She had devoted so many years to Savy and I after dad left, she deserved someone good in her life.

On Thursday, I was helping mom in the kitchen when Savy and Josh pulled up. Mom went out to greet them while I continued peeling potatoes, watching from the window as she hugged Savy first and then Josh.

They came inside and Josh shook my hand before Savy gave me a quick hug.

"Hi, Mike."

"Hey... sis."

She gave me a peculiar look. I didn't usually call her sis, but it was easier for me than calling her Savy.

Savy helped mom in the kitchen while they told Josh to settle on the sofa and relax. I found reasons to putter around the house. As I was working on the closet door to the laundry room, Josh came up to me.