Milly Scott Pt. 05: An Ending and A Beginning

She took my hand and led me to the bedroom, then pushed me backwards and knelt over me. She came down so that our lips met and she kissed me. Milly was right, she's good at this. Two minutes later she had one of my nipples in her mouth and a few minutes after that was pulling my knickers down. My head was in a whirl and I didn't know if I wanted to stop or help her or die. She drove her tongue into me and I came very quickly. "Shit, nothing has ever been that good."

I closed my eyes, even the best orgasm I'd had before that night didn't come close.

A couple of nights later I went outside and looked up again. The star that we'd seen wasn't there, the others were still in place as I remember them, but Milly's star was gone, Milly was gone. I offered up another prayer to the heavens.

The next two weeks saw a change in our relationship. We slept together each night and for the first few nights we kissed, like lovers, but that was all.

Then we started touching and stroking. That was torture for me because it turned me on. One night I looked at her and had to tell her how I felt. "Fiona, a couple of weeks ago we had sex and it was great, better than anything I could've imagined. Since then we've kissed and stroked. It's turning me on and I'm in danger of doing something that could cause a problem. What are we doing? Was that a one-off or are you trying to adjust, I just need to know."

There was silence. It was so quiet I was convinced I could hear her thinking. It was taking too long, this was killing me.

"I'm sorry, I know that you love me and I love you, but I'm scared, terrified. It was great, but it seems wrong, I'm sorry. It's Milly, you know it's Milly. I'm sorry."

I held her and eventually she fell asleep. I had no idea what to do, so I held her in my arms.

Fiona stayed in bed the next morning; she refused to get up and called in sick. She even shouted at me and told me to leave her alone.

She'd cooked dinner and had it ready by the time that I got home. She looked drawn but had, at least, dressed and wore make-up. "I'm sorry, I've treated you badly and you of all people did not, do not deserve that. I'm scared to death. I thought that I was ready to move forward ..."

I sat facing her and said nothing, clearly, there was more to come.

"Being with Milly was incredible. I loved everything about her. We understood each other in a way that was unbelievable, but you know all of this. I'm just scared to let go. What if I start to forget her?"

"Neither of us will ever forget her. She was an important part of my life too. The two of us had our own relationship; something neither of us understood properly, but it was special. I'll never forget her and I wouldn't let you either. Ask yourself this, what would she tell you to do right now? Think about it."

Neither of us spoke for a quite a while because she was thinking.

Later that evening Fiona took my hand and said, "She wouldn't tell me off or tell me what to do; she'd be asking me questions. She'd say the same thing that she said before she went, that I had to move on and find another person to share my life with."

Again I said nothing; she had to this for herself.

It was twenty minutes later that she spoke again, "I do have someone else to share my life with and who I love, who I've always loved, you. I want you. I want you very badly." Without warning, she slid between my legs, reached under my skirt and was tugging at my panties.

"Stop, Fi, stop, not like this, I don't want it to be forced."

"Shut up, I need this as much as you. Be quiet while I still have the courage." She tugged them down to my ankles, pushed my knees apart and licked my thighs. I have no idea what happened in the next five minutes because my brain had disconnected. Then I started to work out what was going on. She had her tongue inside me, licking, kissing, nipping. I felt as if I was standing in surf, just too deep to touch the sand, with waves crashing over me, not in control. Then she touched my clit and I thought that I was going to die. I came and passed out.

I opened my eyes and she was smiling at me, "You okay?"

I had no idea how long I'd been gone for. "No, no I'm not."

"What's wrong did I hurt you? I'm sorry."

"You didn't hurt me. I have no idea what you just did to me. I came, but it was not like any time I've come before it was ... I don't know what it was." I sat trying to process but it was no use. This was what Milly had told me about, scrambled brains. It was better than the first, and only other time, she'd done that. How was that possible?

I pulled her over towards me and kissed her. I slid my hand under her skirt and found that she was naked. I touched her and slid a finger inside. She grabbed my wrist and looked at me. "Don't fucking tease me, hard and fast, please."

I slid between her thighs and five minutes later she came so strongly I thought I'd been caught in a hurricane. She screamed so loudly it frightened me and probably half of the cats within a few miles of us.

She took my hand; we went to bed and held each other naked. After some time she touched my face, "Thank you for everything. For loving me, caring for me, being there for me and everything that you did for Milly. And thank you for that, it's been a long time since I felt that and I've missed it."

"It's been a long time since I experienced anything like that."

"How long?" she asked.

"Thirty-five years."

"What?"

"I've never felt that before and I got as much from making you come as I did from my own."

"I know what you mean."

"Was it always like that with Milly?"

"Yes, always, from the first time to the last, for both of us."

"Wow, what was I missing? None of my business, but how often ...? Don't answer that, none of my ..."

"Almost every day there was something. She never went to bed until I was ready, even if I was working late. We'd cuddle and kiss every night. Unusual if that was all."

"You had sex every night?"

"No, there were occasional days when we didn't, but there were some days when it lasted for a while."

"A couple of hours? Wow."

"Actually there was more than one occasion where it lasted for twelve hours."

"How is that possible?"

"One day I may tell you. We had toys as well."

"Toys?"

"Yes, quite a few. They're hidden." I was quiet. "How would you describe Milly? Was she proper, sexy, slutty?"

I thought for a minute, "She was gorgeous and sexy, but always proper. She had a devilish sense of humour."

"I agree with you, that's exactly who she was, except when it was just us. Then she could be the dirtiest, sluttiest, most sexual creature you could believe, but only when the doors were locked. We were both the same. Sometimes we were just loving, but at others, we were sex-crazed."

"Bloody hell." I was quiet, thinking. "She hinted at that now that I think about it. She said that you'd changed her."

"She told me that she'd enjoyed a great sex life until we got together and then it became something else. She gave herself to me totally and placed herself completely in my hands. One day I'll tell you more."

We didn't speak for a while and I fell asleep.

We were fine the next morning and didn't mention what had happened until it was time for bed. Fiona came over, climbed in beside me and we hugged and kissed. Then she started to touch me and within a few minutes it became crazy and for at least an hour I experienced sex at the hands of an expert. I was a willing pupil, but I had some stuff to learn.

She whispered, "I love you," before falling asleep.

Over the next few weeks, things went on the same way. There was sex most evenings and I was learning fast. There were occasional hiccups and Fiona would suddenly think of something that made her tearful, but I held her.

One evening I found her sitting on the bed looking into a box. It looked as if she'd been crying. I sat beside her and she put the box on the bed between us. I nearly died when I saw the contents. Ribbons, some straps, vibrators, what I assumed was a butt plug and something else.

"What's that?"

"It." She replied.

"Okay, what is it?"

"That thing is called 'It.' We never found another name for it. It's a dildo, a strap on."

"But it's huge. Don't tell me that's been inside you or Milly."

"It's been inside both of us many times. It's not too big if you use it properly. I'll show you, but not with 'It,' I couldn't do that. I think it's time for 'It' to retire, and it'll be well deserved."

I was stunned yet again. What doors I had opened? It took a while, but eventually, Fiona ordered another one of those things. She took her time and showed a great deal of love as she introduced me to its capabilities. I had no idea that I could accommodate such a thing, but I came to love it, giving and receiving. We also gave it a name - 'Thing.'

Engagement ring

"Fiona, you realise they'll be home in a couple of days, Jess and Victoria. We need to talk to them, but we need to decide what to tell them."

"The truth, we tell them the truth. We're lovers, the truth." There was a look of steely determination about her.

That night I was looking for something in my jewellery box and found Milly's engagement ring. I was gazing at it when Fiona came over and she saw it as well.

"I wondered what'd happened to that."

"Milly gave it to me," I felt myself letting go again, but sniffled and held the worst of it back. "The day before ... the day before she left us. She asked me to look after it and she also said that one day I would wear it and that I'd know when it was the right time."

Suddenly it hit me. "She must have known that this is how it would go. She wanted me to wear something that you gave to someone that you loved."

"That sounds like her. You should wear it, part of her, something that I gave her and she's given to you. She wanted us to have each other didn't she?"

I nodded, "Maybe."

Jess and Victoria were back from months abroad and arrived for dinner. As we sat chatting over the main course I saw Jess look over at me and then I saw the puzzled look. "Isn't that Milly's engagement ring?"

I held my hand up. "Yes, Milly gave it to me."

She looked at me, quizzically, then at Fiona and then at Victoria. "Why?"

Fiona put down her knife and fork and took a deep breath. "This may shock you, but we, Jane and me, are a couple, lovers. Milly left it for Jane; it was like she wanted us to have each other."

"That was nice of her." I could see that Jess had not understood.

Now it was my turn to take several deep breaths, "Two days before she left us, Milly worked out who I was in love with, had been in love with for a long time. She made me promise to tell Fiona, but she also hid a letter. I've loved Fiona for years and Milly gave me, us, her blessing, but that's another story and one that you'll find hard to believe. Whilst you were away things changed for us. We've shared the same bed for almost a year," I almost whispered the next part, "And for the last couple of months we do more than just sleep in it."

There was surprise and some anguish over the next hour. It was a hard evening; lots of things were said that might have been better not said, but eventually, things calmed down. Fiona went to get champagne and poured four glasses.

"It's a year ago today that we said our final goodbye at Milly's funeral. I still miss her and so does Jane. You need to read her letter and in a minute I'll tell you a story about winking stars. But first I have two toasts, to Milly, an incredible woman and secondly, to Jane and me."

Fiona told them the story about the stars, we showed them the letter. Eventually, after a period of reflection, I spoke again. "We're a couple, we love each other and not just as sisters. We can be good together. We need to be careful, we can't get married obviously, but we'd like your blessing."

Victoria stood and walked across the room. She stared outside into the dark for at least five minutes before she turned around. "I'm not sure that I fully approve, but I want the best for the two of you, I want you to both be happy. It's what I've always wanted. I'm so proud of you, in everything that you've achieved and for being really good girls, nice people. If this is what makes you happy then it makes me happy as well."

Jess was crying, yet again, but she nodded, "I agree, I love you both."

Milly's letter

The following day I was tidying up when I heard Victoria speaking to Fiona. "I have something for you and I think that this will be tough. Milly gave me a letter to give to you a year on ..."

I looked up stunned. My eyes were wide and so were Fiona's. A blue envelope changed hands, how many did she leave? Fiona took it as if expecting it to hurt her and stared at her name on the front. She looked at Victoria and muttered "Thanks."

Fiona's shoulders slumped as she walked away to the bedroom. I raised an eyebrow in Victoria's direction. "I have no idea what it says. She gave it to me the day before she died and asked me to hand it over in a years' time. I hope that it doesn't hurt her too much."

"Does Jess know about it?"

There was a real look of concern across her face. "No, she doesn't and that's been killing me. It's the one and only time that I've ever kept anything from her. Now I need to go and ask for her forgiveness."

I wasn't sure if I should go to Fiona or leave her alone. I dithered before I plucked up the courage. She was curled up on the bed gently sobbing. The letter was lying on the covers and it seemed to be huge. I went over; she looked at me then pushed the letter towards me. I expected it to feel different but it was just a piece of paper with Milly's lovely script.

My dearest darling Fiona,

By the time that you read this, it will have been a year since I left you. I don't want to go but it's time, I'm in pain from my cancer and from the sadness that I can see every time that you look at me.

I have been lying here cursing that I have to go when I don't want to. Cursing the fact that I have to leave the person I love and who is so special to me, knowing the pain that you are going to experience. I hope that by the time you read this the grief has diminished, at least a little. I'm sure that your wonderful family will have been there to support you and that you have been there for them.

I have been thinking back over my life, it hasn't always been easy, especially when my parents rejected and shunned me, but that was a choice that they made. Losing two wives and partners was tough as well, but that has made me think about things differently.

I was lucky that I found love with Alex and she changed my life. I have no idea what would have happened to me if she had looked the other way that day. I was lucky when Jenny saved me from my stupidity and black thoughts, lucky when the people of the Lake District welcomed me, lucky that I found a talent in art that I wasn't aware of, lucky that I bumped into Jenny again in the pub. I was lucky that Jess and Victoria were there for me.

I met two lovely young girls who gave me a family of sorts, a family that I had not thought that I'd ever have. I was lucky that one of those two girls became my friend and confidant. I love Jane in a way that I've never understood.

The other girl was also special. I fell in love with you the first time that I met you properly. Then a few years later you cared for me and nursed me after Jenny died. I realised that summer that I'd fallen in love with you in a different way and I was tortured by guilt about how stupid and inappropriate my feelings were. You were never far from my thoughts and I was so happy when you came to visit me and then to live with me. It was beyond my wildest dreams that I would be able to spend a few years with you while you were at university.

Then one night we kissed and my world tilted on its axis. I never understood why it happened that night, but maybe I was just lucky again. A short time after the kiss you asked me to marry you. I had no idea what I was saying that night, but I knew deep inside of me that is what I wanted. I put my sensible brain into gear and told you no. I'm glad that I did, it was wise, but a part of me regrets it. I wish that we'd got married in Vegas but that would have been cruel to Jess. We got there eventually and it did us no harm.

If Alex had looked the other way and Jenny had not confronted the man with the knife my life would have been so different. My relationship with you would have been different and none of us can know how that would have worked out. I wish that Alex and Jenny had not died, they didn't deserve that. I loved them both and it still breaks my heart to think of them.

My fear was always that you would come to your senses and find someone your own age. By the time we actually did get married I knew that it was for keeps. You had shown me your love and devotion in so many ways, so many times that I knew how you felt.

We had all of those years together and I experienced such joy, fun and love with you. So I think that I've been pretty lucky.

I have no idea how your life will be when you read this letter, so all that I can do is ask you to remember me fondly, but move on. You can find new love, experience joy and happiness once again. I know this for sure because it happened to me.

I wish you well and I hope that as you read this letter I will be sitting on a cloud with Alex and Jenny sipping chilled wine and watching over you. Maybe I'll be waiting for you so that I can kiss you once again, but I hope that is a long way off.

Thank you for a wonderful life, but it's time for you to move on.

All of my love,

Milly X

I was in tears before I got halfway through. I lay beside Fiona and held her, neither of us spoke and soon we both fell asleep.

Memory box

I found Fiona in the study sitting on the floor holding a pair of pale blue panties. She told me the story of how and why she came to steal them.

"What else have you got in there?"

"Lots of things. A lip gloss that Milly gave me the night we met Jenny for the first time. A ring of Jenny's, the garter that I wore at our wedding, a stone from the Grand Canyon, a roulette chip from Vegas, some boarding cards, the key fob from my Audi, all sorts of stuff."

"What were you looking for?"

"I wasn't, I was retiring this T-shirt. It started off as mine, became Milly's and now it's mine again, but it's done. I just couldn't bear to throw it out." She folded it, placed it in the box and closed the lid. She looked up at the picture wall and I sat beside her.

I looked over at the pictures and sighed, "As long as we have these, we'll never forget them or the times that we had, the sorrow and the joy, the laughs and the love." I rested my head on Fiona's shoulder and she wrapped an arm around me and kissed my head.

"I know, I love you."

Baby Milly

For the next two years, we'd been together as lovers and we were very happy. I'd got the person that made me spark and she'd re-emerged, like her old self. We were living in the home that Milly and Fiona had created and I loved it, just as I had from the day the two of them had moved it. One quiet evening Fiona turned to me and in a low hesitant voice, said, "Jane, I need to ask you something, serious stuff." That opening line made me a little nervous, I worried that Fiona might still be fragile, but I may as well face this head-on.

"Okay, love what is it?"

She took a very deep breath, "I'd like us to have a baby, for me to carry it, and for us to raise it. We've been lucky with great parents; Milly was a proper friend and aunt to us. I think that we could try to do what they all did for us."