MilSpec Ch. 02

"I could be ready, Jack," she said softly, "If it means keeping you around, I'll... I'll let you take me."

"Baby, it is not about letting with you and me," I said, "It is about wanting."

She nodded, "Okay, um, Jack, just don't catch anything," she said.

I slid around the booth next to her and dropped my hand to her thigh, "Look, if you need more, I'll give more. But it is a two way street. It has to be with me. Remember, we talked about it. For me, at least right now, every time we are apart, it is a feeling I could never see you again. That's part of my reality. Now," I slipped my arm around her, my hand against her side. I could feel the fact that she wore no bra today. "You had a hard night too, didn't you?"

"Yes, I couldn't stop thinking about it," she said a bit of longing in her voice, "wanting you. Kicking myself for not doing it and kicking myself for kicking myself."

"Well, we're here, together, right now," I said, "Let's go find me a truck. Then you can come to the house and I'll cook for you. When is Mica finished with school?"

"He gets done at 3:30," she said and looked up at me with little sad eyes. I wanted the smile, so I kissed her. I released the kiss and she sighed and opened her eyes and her face lit up.

"There is the smile that pulls at my heart," I said and she pecked me.

We slid out and went to her car. "So, there is a small dealership in Newport. I drove past it Saturday and there was a couple nice looking trucks there. If we don't find anything today, we can head down to Spokane on Thursday. Mica has an after school thing that day and school starts early. So, I would have all day and we could leave early."

It was a relatively short drive to Newport and we pulled into a dealership. It was a small, non-corporate dealership. There were two trucks on the lot that looked good. One was white, a big stretch cab Chevy, with a half door behind the main doors. It was four years old and the body was in good shape as well as new tires. The other was a forest green RAM pickup, just five years old with a long bed and an extended cab with a half seat behind the front seat.

The salesman came out and greeted us. We talked a bit about prices on the two vehicles and they were similarly priced. The green truck was used about 7500 miles a year while the white one averaged just over 10,000. Both were within good ranges of use for vehicles taken care of. I reviewed the logs of care and he pulled up the CarFax for both vehicles. They were very comparable. So, we took them for a drive. The green truck had a bench seat in front with the dash providing utility spaces. The white one had bucket seats in front with a center console. They drove similarly but I noticed something about the white truck and in the end, I liked the green truck better. The only drawback was that the tires were older and not really off road tires.

"I tell you what, you are asking $25,000. I will give you, $22,500, bank transfer, and you put new tires on it," I said.

"That doesn't leave us much margin," he said, "We need to make something off the vehicle."

"Well, there is a lot to be said for customer satisfaction," I said, "And it is cash. No paperwork for a loan and all the crap that goes along with it."

"Let me go talk to my manager," he said, and I almost laughed. He was the owner, I was pretty sure. This was the sweat me stage of the deal.

I stood up and stuck out my hand, "Well, thanks for your time," I said.

"Wait, wait, let's not be so hasty," he said and licked his lips. I'd love to play poker with him. He had tells all over the place.

I waited and just looked at him.

"Okay, can you go $23,000 and the tires?" he asked. "I can get you a wholesale deal on the tires."

"Well, $22,500 and I'll pay for the tires, using your wholesale deal, but good tires, on and off road, four wheel drive, tires similar to those on the Chevy." I said.

"Okay, I pay me, but not overhead on that deal, but I'll take it," he said and reached out his hand.

We shook and began the paperwork. He went off to the business office and started working on the paperwork and I sat with Mona. "So, pretty girl, what is it that you want?"

She stopped and thought it through, "I am not really sure. It has been three years and really only the last six months or so that I felt more in control of my life." she paused and looked over at me. "I think that there are things I want in the future. But right now, I want to feel capable. I want to feel confident, again."

I chuckled, "Did you know, every interaction with you that I've had tells me how effective you are at life? Especially, civilian life. That's my thrust right now. I had the military life down. But civilian life, that has me confused." I looked down at her. "It stretches across all areas of life. I approached this experience like a soldier. I determined my objectives, reconnoitered the lay of the land, surveyed the battleground, gave battle, and conquered the enemy. Now we just have mop up and resupply."

"What about women? Is that a combat too?" she asked, using her doe eyes again.

"No, women, well, they are more like opportunity fire," I said, "The objectives vary of course, but in combat, on the line, there will be the presentation of a target. At that point, we review the objective in our head and decide on whether to fire or hold. If the objective is attrition of the enemy, we fire, but if the objective is making peace, we may hold."

Dennis came back out and called us into the business office. He pulled out papers, much less with out the loan paperwork and I signed them and made the bank transfer. He handed me a temporary registration and window sign, then we were done.

"Wow, that was fast," Mona said. I smiled and we headed to her car.

"I will meet you at my place, then I'll fix you something for lunch. Don't forget, I'm stopping for the tires," I said.

"Okay, lunch sounds good!" she said with another award winning smile. I roared off. The truck was a dream to drive. I called the tire place and they were waiting for me. The tires were swapped quickly and I was back on the road in about fifteen minutes. I sent a text to Mona letting her know and headed home.

I pulled in and Mona wasn't here yet. So, I went in and started the steaks I had in the fridge. I heard Mona pull up about fifteen minutes later and knock.

"Come in, beautiful," I called out and heard the door open and close. It was almost a minute later when I realized something wasn't right. I turned and walked to the living room. There was a figure, dressed all in black, even a ski mask that covered all except her mouth with its bright red lips. She was standing over Mona, combat knife in her hand. I carefully kept my hands where she could see them.

"Hi Chief," came the woman's voice.

"That you, Maggee?" I asked and she pulled off the ski mask.

"Yeah Chief, hey, I caught this one," she said, "She was walking in, bold as day. You know we can't be too careful Chief. There are rag heads everywhere, even when they leave the hajib at home."

"Maggee, you need to understand, we're home now," I said, "This is not the combat zone. This is a civilian, one of the folks we're supposed to protect."

"You're my fire partner, Chief," she said, "I've got to keep you safe, watch your back, just like you watch mine."

She had that look in her eyes, the look of combat, the edge of adrenalin and guts. She was cocked and ready to go off. I couldn't let her go off on Mona. I had to make her understand.

"Maggee, look around, tell me what you see?" I said. She glanced around the room. "This is my home, in the states. We left them behind, the war is over there, not here."

"That's what they want us to think, Chief," she said, "but they are everywhere, just waiting to jump out at you. Waiting to take everything away from you. Your dignity, character..." she paused and sniffed back her tears, "They fucking raped me Chief. Six of em, it took six of them. The took me from the bar, tore off my clothes and did what they wanted. Over and over and fucking over again. When my pussy got too dry the fucked my ass until it bled, then shoved into my mouth. It is a fucking war everywhere! Every-fucking-where! But they paid, oh yes," she laughed, "they fucking paid. I took their balls." she pulled a pouch from her belt and dumped twelve testicles, bloody, dried, desiccated balls, on the coffee table.

"Oh Maggee, I'm so sorry," I said and she sneered.

"I wanted you, you know, held myself back for you," she said, "but you didn't notice me. But that fat whore, she's in jail and I can't reach her, and those two sluts, I should have cut them like I did that judge. Then this bitch. What does she have that I don't have?" One of her hands squeezed her own tit, "I've got nice tits, I'm strong, my abs are tight, my buns are tight. I wanted you to fuck me like they did. Make me like it. Take me in every hole. Master my struggling body. I wanted you to fuck me!" then she pulled back and started to bend, the knife pulling back for the strike.

I heard the bang and watched her fall, shock on her face. I holstered and moved to her and took her weapons. "Maggee, hang on, the medic is on the way." I picked up the house phone, dialed 911 and said, "shooting, come quick." then set the receiver down. I pulled out a handkerchief and pressed it to her wound. It was high in the shoulder. If they got here quick, she might live. I heard talking behind me, Mona, on the phone.

Maggee lost consciousness, and her breathing was ragged, but the EMT's arrived before she died. They set up an IV and began to treat her. I looked over at Mona and she was looking at me. I wondered if I would see that smile again. She had a little trickle of blood leaking down the left side of her face and one of the EMTs was treating her. Buck came in and took my gun. I was shocky. I just shot the woman who was my partner for the previous year, in a combat zone.

Buck was talking and said something about Liz. I started listening, "She'll live, but it was a close thing. She'll be in ICU for a couple days at least."

I smelled something and said, "The steaks are burning."

I spent a couple days in custody, in a ward, not a jail. I talked with Alison every day, but no one else. I was withdrawn. I shot Maggee. I never thought about her like she wanted me to and it drove her to do things. Buck came by on Sunday and took me home. It was quiet and warm and I isolated. Tuesday, a car pulled in and Mona did some work in the garden. She came in and fixed some food, put a plate in front of me and left. The next day, she did it again, but this time, Alison was there. Alison sat down at the table and talked to me and I ate half the food.

Thursday came and Mona arrived again. Today, she didn't work in the garden but came into the kitchen and made food and put it in front of me while I stared out the window. She took my jaw and turned my head, looked into my eyes and said, "Eat every bite, soldier. Start now."

I obeyed, chewing and swallowing, not tasting anything. She went to the spare bedroom and looked it over, then got on the phone. And hour later, some people were there, moving the stuff in the room to the garage. I didn't pay attention. Mona made me a second meal that day and ordered me to eat again, so I ate.

Most nights, I slept with my head on the table. The next day I woke up to a strange smell. Paint. I looked around, Mona was painting the spare bedroom. It was a neutral light green and she carefully rolled it on the walls. I stood up and went in there and started helping. I cut in the door and two windows and she cut in the ceiling. Then she started sticking stars on the ceiling. She returned the next day and painted the trim. Again, I went and painted. I got one window done and half the other, meeting her in the middle of that window.

I ate now when she put food in front of me. But she left at three every day. The next day was Saturday. When she arrived, there were three kids with her, Mica and two others. They headed for the creek along with another lady I didn't know. They were early and she made me breakfast. After we ate, she sat down and waited. When the movers arrived, she told them where to put stuff. Then she came to the table and started talking.

"Stand up," she said and I did. Then she lit into me, not angry really, but exasperated, "Look, you are here, alive. The judge is alive. Even that psycho, Maggee is alive. Terri and Eve are alive. I am okay." then she stopped, the catch in her throat giving her pause, "I am okay, because of you. She was about to kill me. Now, you silly son of a bitch, you get your hairy, unshaved ass in that bathroom. You wash, you shave, you do what needs doing. Then you get your ass in your bedroom and dress nicely. Then we are going to the town bar-be-que and we are going to have a good time. Afterwards, there is a dance. You are taking me as your date. You get yourself out of your head and you start living or by god, I will slap you silly."

I looked up at her and tears were running down her face. I lifted my hands and cupped her face then thumbed off the tears. She nuzzled into my hand and I said, "Don't cry, baby."

Which, of course, had the opposite effect. I didn't really realize I hadn't spoken to her in two weeks. I didn't say hi, or bye, or anything. So, she cried, big sobbing tears, and clung to me saying, over and over, "Come back to me, come back to me."

I went and showered, also something I hadn't done in a while. I was disgusted with myself. But that was an emotion and it started to burn in me. It kept me going for the day at the BBQ and the night at the dance. I danced maybe three dances with her, slow songs every one, and we stayed until midnight. Mica spent the weekend at his friend's house, and Mona stayed in the spare bedroom.

I woke Sunday morning with a burning disgust inside. I could feel the weakness eating at me. It had been two weeks of blank and when I thought of it, I growled inside. At 6 AM, I was up and in the back yard. I began my exercise. Mona came out in her shorts and camisole.

"Can you teach me, Jack?" she asked.

"Shoes, stretch pants and a tight tee or tank top," I said and moved through the staff drills. She came back out a bit later, "If I'm going to teach you. We'll start each morning at 6 AM." I said and she nodded.

"I'll be right here, every day," she said and I missed the significance. I walked her through the Qi Gong drills and the 24 forms. She got the first one down that day.

Mica showed up that night, at supper time. He hugged me and said, "Hi Chief!"

"Hi Mica," I responded and he grinned, grabbed milk and plates and set the table. Food was served and as Mona was bringing the pots I asked Mica, "How's school?"

"We're done for the year now," he said, "This is the first weekend of summer."

"Wow, okay," I said and Mona sat down.

She took our hands, "Gaia bless this food for the sustenance of our bodies and minds. Keep us safe and healthy, warm and loved." she said the little prayer.

"So say we all," Mica and I said in unison. I didn't really feel a smile coming out, but there was a glow inside. We ate the meal, ham and beans and cauliflower, with buns and white gravy.

"So," I said, "what do you have with you Mica?"

He looked at me then his mom, "We have everything, Jack." she said.

I looked over at her and wondered at this woman. But I shook it off and said, "Then get on grubbies. We're going fishing."

I only had two poles, but Mona didn't want to fish anyway. We started some bobber fishing and I told a story, a good one, about the service. "When I went to Afghanistan, I was stationed near a river. Where we were, there was a kind of backflow in the river, a place where it got wide, like a pond. I found a local who made fishing rods and bought one along with some gear. Now, they don't have reels, they have loose string. I found an old fuse holder and rigged it to my pole, then made a handle out of a wooden spoon. We had to catch crickets, but the local kids figured out that we'd pay for a box of them. Anyway, we went down there and the first day, I caught six fish. That was the start of a new industry in the village. By the end of the month, I had taught half the village to use a reel and they moved toward prosperity. Soon, we were simply buying the fish."

I went on and told them a couple stories about some of the people from the village. We went on a mission a few weeks later, and when we returned, the village was a crater. I didn't tell them that part, or how I never found out if anyone survived. But I still remember them and tell the stories. Stories that feed the rage, a step up from the disgust.

We pulled in a couple of keepers and I taught Mica how to save the ones he hooked so he could release them. I taught him how to tie a hook and make a leader, bait a hook and clean a fish. In the end, we were dirty, tired and had two fish, big enough to feed the three of us tomorrow, and a relaxed attitude. That night, I lay in my bed alone while they were in the spare bedroom sleeping and I wondered if I would ever feel right again.

The next two weeks were more of the same. We fished on Saturday, and I started going to meet Buck on Sundays. I went to my meetings with Alison on Thursdays and on the third week, I felt nearly back to normal. At the house, we pulled everything out of my bedroom and painted the walls a gentle mauve color. Then we did the same with the den and turned it into a study and video room. I had a sattelite installed and a big screen television. I even hooked up Mica's game system with a smaller flat screen. We moved on to the living room and updated the furniture, spending a large amount of time looking on the net for ideas and colors. Most of the decisions were Mona's. She had a great eye.

"So, Mona," I said one day while Mica's friends were over with Debbie watching them all swim, "What do we do with the kitchen?"

"New tile and wallpaper," she said, "I have them picked out. But you will have to make all new cabinets, and install a new countertop. And I want a double sink."

"I can do that," I said. Really, I wasn't sure, but hell, I'd try. "One more question. How long until you move your stuff into our bedroom?"

"I was only waiting for you to ask," she said and suddenly, that smile was there again. It was in that moment that I found the light in me had grown. She'd nurtured it and now it was strong. We were together every morning, most every day and every night after Mica went to bed. "There is only one thing." she continued and I listened, "It probably won't be long and we'll have to repurpose the guest room once I change rooms. I don't do birth control right now. If I move into our bed, I'm going to want you and that means I will likely get pregnant. And I'm going to want to talk to Kin leadership, have them give their blessings and marry us. I'm not in a hurry for that last part, but there are some words we can say right now to make it official for me."

"I'd like that," I said, "I want you here, for the rest of our lives." She reached into a pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. Then handed it to me. I opened it up as she started to speak.

"I am your woman and I claim you as mine, my man, my partner," she said and waited.

"I am your man and I claim you as mine, my woman, my partner," I repeated.

"It is about time," said Mica from the door, "Now can you be my dad?"

"Mica!" exclaimed Mona and I laid a hand on her arm.

"Mica, nothing would make me prouder than to call you my son. I would like to make it official and file it with the state as an adoption, if you don't have any objections," I said and he ran to me and threw his arms around me as far as they'd go.