Mind Made Up Pt. 08

- I'm here to see Esther. Which is her office?

The woman appears stunned by my demeanor; yet even as I make myself unpleasant, she can't help but comply with my request.

- You'll find Esther down the hall. Second door to your right.

- Thank you.

I walk away; I feel her staring at me, somewhat dumb-founded that the handsome man who just walked in could be so cold to her. I almost feel bad for it, but I don't have time or inclination with her at this point. I must focus on the task at hand. I walk down the hall. The door seems to lead to a small cubicle. That would be good for me. I decide to knock.

- Come in, a female voice says.

I do; as I pass into the room, I quickly close the door behind me. A woman - Esther, I'm certain of it: young, pretty, brown hair, matching the description given by Pauline - looks up at me.

- Yes?

I turn on the charm, my face harboring a wide smile, my eyes twinkling. I see the instant reaction in her face as she mellows.

- You must be Esther? I ask.

- I am. Esther Carson. And... who might you be?

- My name is Grant. Hi.

She stares at me for a long moment, her eyes in a daze, before speaking further.

- What can I do to help you, Grant?

- It's quite the opposite actually, I respond.

- Oh?

- I'm here to help you.

- That's... good to hear, I suppose? she quizzes, amused.

I turn back to examine the door handle; there's a lock on it. It makes me smile even more.

- Esther... I'm going to be blunt. May I?

- Of course.

- I'm here because... you are so beautiful. I saw you on the street and I just had to meet you.

She blushes, her eyes darting away from me. I hope the lie doesn't come back to bite me later on, but I go with my instinct on this one.

- That's... very nice, she says.

- I don't mean to be presumptuous by it, I add. It's just... I didn't know what to think. I saw you talking to a man older than yourself. The way he was looking at you, I thought... maybe he was your boyfriend, or husband.

Her eyes travel back to me.

- Which man?

I describe Jeff; I've known him for years and I've seen recent pictures so it's not hard.

- I'd really like to get to know you better, I continue, but if he's someone important to you, I certainly don't want to...

- He's not that important, she quickly replies.

- Oh?

I want to get her to confess; I offer my most curious stare. She hesitates but my mere presence makes her much more forthcoming than she would under normal circumstances.

- He's a... coworker. And... I suppose, we have been... together for a time. But... he's not really... he's more of a... stepping stone.

- Oh!

Her own admission of this reality surprises her; the fact I refrain from casting a judgmental glance helps defuse the tension. I try to take it further.

- Well, I can understand that.

- I'm not... proud of it but... I really needed the job. Fresh out of school, no experience, no prospects.

I offer an understanding nod, allowing her to carry on.

- It was just supposed to be a one-time thing but... after a while, you know... he kept insisting and...

She pauses, her eyes staring at me, confused.

- Why am I telling you this?

- Because you need to, I think.

- I... I guess I do.

She lets out a long sigh, almost of relief.

- Look, Grant... I don't even like the guy. It's more of a habit at this point.

- You want to stop?

- Yeah... yeah I want to stop it with him.

- Say his name.

- Jeff. I want to stop it with Jeff.

I have her.

- Then stop. Refuse him from now on. You only have to be intimate with someone whom you really want to.

She stares at me as if this were the greatest revelation of her life; how amazing that my power can do that, can do good.

- Thank you, Grant. Thank you.

I smile back.

- You're welcome. Now, I gather myself. Does anyone peculiar come to mind?

It takes a moment for her mind to snap into place; I see her eyes light up when my suggestion kicks in.

- Well, since I won't be spending time with him today, I might as well find an alternate person.

- And do you have any ideas? I repeat.

She pulls her chair back, stands, then starts stripping out of her clothes; I watch in silence as Esther gently unveils her naked figure to me. She is gorgeous, curves to talk about for days, beautiful skin. She looks so eager to please, and I wonder if that's my doing or if she was already like that. As she seems to offer herself to me, I ponder what I might have her do. My hand goes to the door lock; I catch the wicked smile she offers me.

- If I may ask... what did Jeff ask of you during the day?

- Well, given the situation... most of the time, I'd just suck him off.

- Would you like to do that to me?

- Oh please...

She struts around the desk and grabs my pants by the belt; she reaches for my zipper and pulls it down. A hand squeezes into my pants, then makes its way into my underwear. I hold back any strong moans but the feel of her hand is quite enticing. It only takes a moment for me to get hard as she pulls my shaft out in the open.

Esther drops to her knees and breathes hot on my cock; one hand grabs my base while the other begins gently stroking me. The delirious stare I get from her eyes speaks of the great passion that ignites her. It's not long before her lips join in on the task, kissing my tip, licking along my shaft, wrapping themselves around me in kisses, then swallowing me almost whole. Again, I refrain from making too many sounds because of where we are - I'd like to offer more vocal appreciation for Esther's ways but I don't want to have to deal with complications. Best I can do is goad her on with my smile and my stare - and it's working equally fine so there's no need for more, apparently. My partner increases her rhythm and I watch her bob front and back on my hard shaft, eager to provide me with the intended release.

- Oh... Esther...

She pulls away.

- Grant, I... I don't know what's come over me...

- Don't worry about it, I reply. It's all natural.

- Fuck, you taste good.

And she returns on mouth on me, as eager as before. I move my hand to caress her hair, still indulging in the delight offered.

- Aaah...

It's getting harder to contain my excitement; Esther's work is more than stimulating.

- ...can't hold it in...

I start telling her; she understands, pulling away from me, holding her mouth open and aiming my erection at it as she keeps stroking. It's just too much; I hold back my grunts as I ejaculate over her face. She does her best but fails to guide it into her mouth, and it ends up being just a mess of cum over her face. I'm panting hard, recovering from my delicious ordeal. Esther just stares at me for a moment, before reaching for tissues to clean herself up. Her eyes are slightly glazed over, like she's not fully there. I stare for a moment; she just keeps glancing at my softening manhood.

- That was... amazing, I tell her with a wide grin.

- I enjoyed it too, she replies. Hopefully, it's not a one-off thing, you know. I'd love to get to know you (she grabs my cock while saying so) a little better.

- That's a promise, I tell her.

I back off, releasing myself from her grasp, covering up. She remains naked at my feet, as if waiting for an order of some kind. I must admit I pressed the suggestion pretty hard on this one. Maybe I made her somewhat submissive. I suppose that's fine to a degree but I don't want any of it to be permanent.

- You can... get dressed again, I tell her.

- You sure?

- Of course.

She bows her head and starts gathering her clothes; I let her cover up before moving forward with whatever I want to say. I invite her to sit again, then I sit across from her. Her gaze on me if soft. She's infatuated already - no surprise there. It's almost too easy. There's so very little challenge. At the same time, it's like I don't care for the challenge.

- Tell me... tell me about yourself, Esther.

- What's to tell? I work here, I live not far from here. I'm from Castillo.

- Me too.

- Oh... your face is familiar somehow. What school did you go to?

I answer.

- Right... I went to that school too. Maybe I saw you there.

She's one year older than me.

- Maybe. What else? I inquire further.

She talks about her schooling at the secretarial institute, living alone, finding the job here quickly.

- I wasn't hired because I slept with anyone, she explains. That... happened later. And it wasn't for a promotion or anything like that. It was just.. I don't know. Jeff was flirting and I sort of fell for it. First thing I knew, we were making out in the lunchroom and I was blowing him hard.

For a moment, I wonder if there could be some influence like mine involved; I have to ask her for more detail.

- Does Jeff have... any other conquests? Is Jeff jealous?

I think of my own situation as much as my father's; we both have (or had) multiple lovers who don't (didn't) care about other people.

- Well, he is kind of jealous, yeah. Not that I care, but he doesn't like it when I flirt with other people.

Personally, I think, I could not care less if my lovers have other partners. In fact, it seems fairer that way. If they want to hook up with one another (like Olivia and Milly), that's fine. If they want to have serious relationships in addition to mine (like Alice and her husband), that's no problem for me. It seems that it was the same for my father (from what I gathered from Dolores and Irina).

- And I don't think there's anyone else. At least not here, at the company.

It's probably just an office fling; she had no one in her life and he didn't mind cheating on his wife. The odd thing is that I'm angry at him, not for sleeping with other women, but for hiding it - for being deceitful. That's the crime here. Maybe if he'd talked about his desires to Pauline we'd have a different scenario.

That's why I plan to be honest with all of my lovers.

- Esther...

- Yes?

- Do you like working here?

- It's okay. It's not the best but... it's what I have right now.

I nod and consider her words.

- Do you have a bit of savings?

- I do... maybe... three months worth? Why?

- Three months is enough.

I've decided I'm going to take charge of Esther's life - to some extent, at any rate, however much she will let me.

- Esther, you need to trust me now.

- I trust you, Grant.

- I'm going to ask you to do things that won't make sense for a few days. Then, you'll understand why. It's for the better.

- Ok?

I see the hesitation as much as the desire to trust me; I suppose it's best if I explain my reasons if not exactly what my end goal is.

- I don't see you working here long - not after breaking it off with Jeff. You need to leave on your own terms. You should probably tell your boss - his boss - about the affair too.

- I should?

- Yes.

That's what Pauline wants, for Jeff to hurt. That's one way to achieve the result, by staining his reputation.

- But what about me?

- You'll find another job. Trust me on that.

She nods; of course, she would. She's under my spell. She will do as I tell her. I tell myself that it's for her own good, but I have to ask if it really is. I'm playing with her livelihood here. I have to own up to what I'm about to make her do. But I can.

I guess my only stress is if the power ever wanes. What would happen then? But I can't think like that.

- Can you do that? I ask her.

- I can. I mean, I can quit my job, sure. And I guess you'll help me find a new one?

- Yes. One with better conditions, better pay...

She stares at me.

- Why? Why do you want to help?

I'm suddenly extremely relieved that she's asking the question; she won't simply follow me blindly. She's asking for reasons, for motivations. That's good. It tells me there's still a thinking person inside that body.

- Many reasons, and they're not all for you. One, I'll explain later. Another is that I really think you can do better than here. You can be in a job where you won't have to face someone who will resent you. I don't think Jeff will be appreciative of you dumping him.

- That's true.

I think of the fact that she's ready to leave him and it reinforces my conclusion that Jeff doesn't hold any unnatural sway over her - not like I do.

- I could name others, but I won't. Not here. In fact, I think we should go.

- Now?

- Yes. Tell them you have an emergency. You can write a letter on your own time.

- I can do that tonight, yeah.

She looks around.

- I don't really care for this place, to be honest. I mean, it's a job. It's not like I have loyalty or anything.

- Good to know. Look, I'm telling you what to do but it's your choice. You understand?

- I do. And I get it. I can do better.

I smile. We get up and start heading out; Esther excuses herself from work and we head out. The secretary at the entrance gives me an odd look. I obviously have something to do with it. I ignore her completely.

Once to the curb, I see that Esther has tensed up.

- What's going on?

- I just... walked out.

I pause; I wait for her to gather her wits.

- I walked out.

- How do you feel?

- I'm not sure?

- Good or bad? I ask her.

She has to consider it.

- I'm not sure yet.

- You just made a bold move - a decision that challenges the status quo. It's understandable to have uncertainties. I'm here.

She grabs my hand.

- You won't let me down, Grant?

- Never.

I squeeze. This calms her down.

- I need you to come with me now, I tell her.

- Where?

- You need to... understand everything that's happened. And the only way I can do that is to take you somewhere.

- Okay.

- Do you have a car?

- No, she replies. I travel by foot - or car.

- Alright. We'll walk.

We head down the street. At first, I drag her along but she soon follows in my step without me having to hold her hands. I see the stress in her eyes fade away as we progress and as she processes her emotions. The uncertainty is slowly replaced by confidence, reflected in her steps.

- Happy? I ask.

- I... Yes. I feel free. Gosh... I didn't realize how much it was weighing on me.

- What specifically? I ask.

It takes a moment for the answer to emerge.

- The... affair, I guess.

- You guess?

- Yeah, she confirms. That. I mean, one time was fine, I guess. It was just fun. But... the more it dragged on, the more I felt like... like Jeff was... lording it over me? I don't know.

- Maybe he was. Maybe not even consciously, I tell her. Maybe his intent wasn't deliberate. But he's in a power relationship with you.

Even as I speak, I have to wonder: am I manipulative? It's a valid question, I suppose. I can see the argument being made, regardless of my intentions. I avoid the reflection for the moment to focus on the task at hand.

Eventually, Esther inquires as to our destination. I don't answer yet, but as we get near it, she starts to reason.

- Why are we going to Jeff's place?

- So you know where he lives?

- I do. I've never been here but... well, I've never been inside his house.

I come clean.

- I want you to meet his wife.

- Oh. I mean... I've met her.

- Yes. But I want you to talk to her. To tell her that it's over between you and Jeff. Can you do that for me?

Esther considers my question as we walk; she nods quietly her agreement. I thank her by grabbing her hand and pulling her forward.

- She deserves to know. And you deserve to tell someone for whom it will matter. This will mark your resolve.

As we arrive in front of Pauline's house (I don't tell Esther mine is just next door), I pause, turning to her.

- Are you okay?

- I... I am. Just a bit nervous. She'll... probably be mad at me.

- She's not mad at you, I reassure her. She's mad at him. If you come clean, if you tell the truth, it will go fine. I promise. I know Pauline.

I hesitate before saying the next thing.

- I've been intimate with Pauline too.

- Oh! I guess... yeah, if she thought Jeff was cheating on her... I mean, that's how you must have known about me and him, right?

I confirm her suspicion with a nod.

- All she wants is closure. You can give that to her.

- I can do that, she replies.

Slowly, we walk towards the door. This time, I knock even though I have the key. Movement from inside is heard; I must admit I am getting tense as well. Pauline opens the door and stares at us.

- Grant?

- Pauline. I'm sure you've met Esther.

Now it's Pauline's turn to tense up; Esther lowers her gaze as guilt rears its ugly head. I chime in quickly.

- I figured we needed to talk. Can we come in?

- I... yes. Come in, Pauline tells us.

Moments later, we're sitting in her living room, Esther on one side, Pauline on the other, me in the middle. I have to initiate the contact; the two women are still too awkward with one another to speak up. I decide to start by providing some further context to Esther.

- I've known Pauline for years. She's a friend. I lived near here when I was young.

I don't want to yet tell Esther where I currently live and my affirmation is not quite a lie.

- Recently, I learned about Pauline's husband's affair so I decided to look into it. Because I care. That's what led me to you.

- I understand.

- Thing is, I continue, I don't think Pauline is mad at you, are you?

I repeat my previous information, this time looking at Pauline for corroboration. It takes her a moment to reply.

- I'm not really mad at you, she confirms. I am mad. But I have no relationship to you to be mad at.

- Look Pauline...

I see the hesitation in Esther's eyes; I goad her on with mine.

- I'm sorry you got hurt in all this. I don't... love Jeff. It was just sex.

- It hurt. Mostly the betrayal I feel, Pauline tells her. But that's not on you. That's on him.

Esther nods, and carries on.

- I want you to know I... I'm not going to see him again. I'd decided before coming here. Grant... helped me understand my predicament. It was stupid of me to carry on with him like this for all this time.

Pauline looks at me.

- Did you do that for me?

- Not just for you, I tell her. For me. I saw your sadness and I couldn't stand it.

Pauline is moved; Esther keeps speaking.

- Grant really helped me figure out I didn't want to work there anymore. So I quit my job.

- What? Pauline asks.

- Don't worry. I'll find another.

This time, Pauline is shocked but Esther is not out of surprises.

- And I'm going to tell on him.

- Which, I intervene, is going to affect his reputation.

Pauline seems pleased, then concerned.

- Will he lose his job?

- He might, I tell her. But I doubt it, unless his bosses have high ethical standards.

Esther giggles.

- That's not gonna happen. There's more sex behind the scenes happening at that firm than you think.

Pauline frowns; despite the fact that he's her husband and sole provider for her family, she still wants him to suffer. Thoughts climb into my mind but I don't share them yet - not while Esther is present.

- I'm so sorry, Esther repeats.

- I forgive you, Pauline smiles at her. And I guess if I can help somehow, while you're out of a job...

- That's sweet, but I'm good.

I sense the mood has shifted; everybody is much more positive now. The tension has drained from the room. I give them a further moment to appreciate their circumstances, then I let out a gentle cough. Eyes turn to me. I smile at them. Pauline is the first to react.

- Grant... what you did for me... thank you.

- I was happy to do it.

- For me too, Esther states. You didn't have to let me come along or help me further. I'd done your friend wrong but you still cared.

- Of course I care!

I look at them both in turn, eyes full of affection.