Mind Writing Pt. 06: Rebecca

CW: questionable consent; rape mention; BDSM; mind-control; anal; humiliation

-- Part 6 - Rebecca --

Please call me when you can. Urgent.

I wondered how truthful that was. Whether it actually was an emergency of some kind, and if that emergency was one that I would be able to impact in any way. In all honesty, the only reason I could think of that would push Hannah to get in touch with me, specifically, was if my power over her was starting to crack her defenses.

There was no denying that my... outburst at her had been from a place of irritability. I was angry at my parents for hiding their lives from me, angry at Holly for fucking my dad, and needed the release. Hannah had refused to give me what I wanted, and so I made sure that, without giving in to me, she wouldn't get what she wanted.

However, it was also true that she had come a hair's breadth too close to figuring out what was wrong, and that I was doing more than just hypnotising her. That would need to be addressed. Fixed.

After the mess with Holly and Erin, and having had the clarity to leave them both with only shadows of what I'd done to them - Holly with vague memories and an unexplained attraction to her boyfriend's son, and Erin with a pain kink and no gag reflex - I knew that there were limits. Perhaps not limits on what I could do to people, or have them do to each other, but certainly limits to what my conscience would allow.

So, what was the limit with Hannah?

Had I already crossed it, by forcing her to be unable to cum without anal stimulation - something she was vehemently against - or was it a fitting punishment?

Punishment. I laughed at myself as I reached the bottom of the road Holly and Erin lived on. The sun was still up, though lower in the sky, and the pathways bordered by hedges and trees were criss-crossed in long shadows. Left was home; right was Hannah.

I was punishing her for sinking herself onto me, mid-way through us dirty-talking about all of the things I could do to her. She was getting off on the idea of me renting her out as a cum dump - and, what, because she was too turned on to realise I wanted to stop mid-flow, she deserved this?

Because that's where the argument started. She crossed an invisible line she had no reason to know existed, which I had drawn with no notice or warning; then, when she realised I was 'hypnotising' her for the sake of anal sex, she threw me out. In all honesty, it was a fair reaction.

So why don't I want to undo it?

I could feel, as I pause at the T-junction at the bottom of the hill, how easy it would be to go and stand outside Hannah's home, tune in, and undo the damage. Let her go, apologise, and hope that the sex - which was unbelievable - might be back on the table.

But I could also feel how much I wanted her to stew with it. To understand that actions have consequences, and that throwing me out meant she threw out the solution to her problem.

So, I did the only reasonable thing I could think to do - in order to let us speak without her thinking I was controlling her, and for me to hear whether she was ready for us to talk. If I was honest, there was no one I would be more willing to tell the truth to; to reveal what I was able to do, and the mistakes I'd made with it, and how all I wanted - in truth - was to use it to make people feel good.

'People' including me, of course.

I pressed her name in my phone, and listened for her answer.

'Jamie,' she answered after one ring. 'I've been... I've been trying to get ahold of you.'

'After you threw me out?' I asked, immediately regretting it. 'Hannah... I shouldn't have done what I did.'

'Hypnotising me, Jamie? That's... honestly? I kind of liked it. I like the lack of control - but the main thing in a relationship like this is that you have to trust the person you're giving control to. I don't know if I can trust you.'

I nodded, knowing that she made a good point. 'I understand that.'

'So... I've made up my mind. We're done.'

I sighed - she didn't know. 'Hannah-'

'No, Jamie. You might not get it, but the reason I liked what we did, is because it made me feel powerless in sex. But I know my worth - and it's a lot more than this. You can't just control people, and expect them to fall into line.'

'Let me - let me see you, and I can undo-'

'I don't need you to,' she snapped. 'Jamie, I don't need anything from you. I'm going to sort this out myself, and that's that, okay?'

I paused, figuring I shouldn't say anything rash. 'Okay, Hannah. But the hypnotism, that won't just go away.'

'I'll deal with it,' she said, and I could tell she wanted nothing else on the subject. 'What we had was fun, but you went too far, Jamie. Remember that.'

And then, she hung up, and I turned left.

When I got home, mum and Dan were there, sharing a drink and watching TV on the sofa, and as I came in they shuffled to see me.

'Jamie,' my mum muttered, but I just walked past, into my room, and sat at the foot of my unmade bed, wondering what to do.

I tuned in to them - my mum and Dan, and felt their worry, and my mum's care and love for me, Dan's guilt and shame. They didn't have any animosity at me for storming off, or being angry. They just wanted this to work.

Something I could help with.

So, I got changed into clothes that smelled less like incest-orgy, and more fresh-out-of-the-drier, and went to join them on the opposite sofa.

'Let's talk,' I said.

*

It was a week later when I decided to go back to work. Each morning, I'd been sending Mr. Cooke emails to let him know I wouldn't be in. None of them had been contested, and I hadn't heard a word out of Hannah to complain, either, so the work couldn't have been too heavy.

In fact, despite the hot weather and clear skies, the tourism that usually flooded this little village was lacking at the moment - though there was an expectation that 'any day now' it would kick up again. I only had a couple of weeks left until I was moving away, and my greatest worry was that it would end up the same day all of the Americans flooded in, blocking up the tiny country roads with their wider-than-needed beastly cars, making it impossible to get anywhere.

Well, that wasn't my only worry.

As I approached the coffee shop's back entrance, my mind drifted to that first day with Hannah - the day everything really changed. When I started to use this ability for my own pleasure. It was, I had to admit, a wonderful memory, but it was bittersweet in its legacy. Since our falling out, I hadn't received a single video or message from Hannah - proving that she was, in at least some capacity, able to crack through my instructions. That I wasn't all-powerful.

That had been a common theme of the week. I'd reflected on Ali, and how my attempts to bring us together had only made us fall apart. How my 'punishment' of Holly and Erin was misguided, and only now served as a shameful masturbation-inspiration in the dead of night. How I had pushed away Hannah by asking something of her she had no intention to give.

I wasn't all-powerful, and this gift wasn't something to be thrown around. So, I'd taken a week off. Lived my life as a 'normal' person. And it had been fine.

I'd talked to my mum, and Dan, about how they wanted him to move in when I was gone - they didn't want to make anything awkward while I was still here, but they fully intended to build a life together.

Dad, and Holly... that was a more complicated situation. Since my interference with Erin and Holly, we'd tried to have a sit-down dinner; for my dad it was the first time I'd met Erin or Holly. In fact, to Erin and Holly, whose memories I'd wiped of me, it was the first time either - and yet there was a tension in the air. Some part of them, I was convinced, knew me. Remembered me. What I'd done.

Whether their reaction was positive or negative was besides the point (though I did recognise that Holly was particularly chummy with me when my dad left the room, and Erin was a little restless in her seat. But that's for another day.)

But now, with all of that behind me... well, I figured that there were a few more bridges I'd started to burn, and I hoped that the time to put the fire out hadn't passed.

So, I followed my usual route into the village, enjoying the early-morning air and the slight shade that came with the fells and the thick treeline that lines the roads, before turning off down the track to work. Only, as I started down the way, a familiar face caught me.

'Shona?' I asked, a shade shocked to see her. She lit up, though, and hopped the last few meters over to me, a leash wrapped around her hand - the dog must have been off in the open field to our left, that separated the coffee shop and the boat houses from the village central road.

'Oh my God! Jamie - you are just the person I wanted to see, I've been coming by every day, but it's always been that moody thing behind the counter - what's her name.'

'Hannah,' I said, and Shona grinned.

'Well, how's things! Where've you been! It's been a minute since, well...'

She let the memory of our time together sit between us, reminding me of the main drawback of my no-power-using week. I was pent up as fuck.

After a spell of basically having multiple willing sexual pets, going to a week of lackluster masturbation was difficult, and seeing Shona all happy to see me was threatening to bust that dam.

'It has,' I said, trying to act coy. 'What have you been looking for me about?'

'Oh!' Shona seemed to snap back into the conversation, her mind clearly having wondered, too. 'Ali is coming back! Just for the weekend - she's bringing her new man back to meet me tomorrow night, so I wanted to, well...' She paused, and gave me the up-and-down. 'You alright, love?'

I nodded. 'Oh, yeah - Just, a strange week.'

Shona gave a sad smile, and stepped forwards a little. 'If you fancy it, Jamie - I was wondering if you might fancy a night in?' Her eyes, deep and smouldering, put a shiver down my spine, and a slight throb in my trousers. 'Since our last... tryst, I've found myself thinking about you. A lot. And, if I'm honest, the idea of you and me, spoiling the sheets the night before Ali came home...' Her hand squeezed my arm, and she gave me a wink. 'Think about it, Jamie boy.'

And then she turned off, heading into the field, looking for that bastard of a dog she had.

I watched her leave, happy to see how snug those jeans were - tightly framing her delicious arse. I remembered how she moaned, how she begged to be fucked silly, and how good she looked while doing it.

She peered over her shoulder, and caught me looking, which gave her a smile. Awkwardly, I walked on, hoping that this wasn't going to break my resolve.

Be a good person, I told myself. Just be a good person.

The cafe had a few patrons inside, but it was only Hannah at the counter when I entered. Her eyes met mine, and the quiet scowl that formed on her features made me want to leave. To back away, and just leave it alone.

But I knew I couldn't. I had to face her.

So, I went up to the counter, and looked Hannah right in the face.

'Hey,' I said.

'You here to work? I've done every day this week. Cooke's driving me insane.'

'No,' I said. 'I'm here to talk to you. And quit.'

Her brow arched. 'Really? I thought you needed the money. Or, are you planning to make someone give you that, too?'

Her words stung, partially because her opinion of me had sunk low - and reasonably so, after I'd tried to pressure her for anal sex. But, it partially stung because she was right, I did plan to use my gift to alleviate some high-earner of their spare change. Maybe her low opinion wasn't much of a mistake.

'Hannah,' I said, trying to get the conversation on track. 'I'm sorry. I... I really messed up. And I treated you wrong. I shouldn't have tried to... push you. To make you do anything you didn't want to. I got greedy, and selfish, and you were right. I lost your trust, and for that, I'm honestly sorry.'

She looked me dead in the eye, her eyeliner and black lipstick making her unimpressed expression even more devastating than it might be from anyone else.

'Are you done? Got the whole speech out of you?'

I balked, not knowing what to say. 'Uh-'

'Jamie,' she said, shaking her head, and giving a dry smile. 'I left someone because you were a better fuck.' Her eyes darted around, perhaps quickly remembering where she was. 'And I left you because you got full of yourself. If you want to go back to having fun... I could be into it. But I have to be in charge. No... hypnotism bullshit. Okay?'

I nodded. 'Understood.'

She looked at me, squinting slightly. Working me out. 'How did you do it, though?'

'Do what?'

'Control me, Jamie. I'm not stupid. I saw another hypnotist, and a hypno-therapist last week. Neither of them were able to explain what you did, or undo it. So, you know, I'm not completely clued up on hypnotism and all that bollocks you went on about - but I know there's more to it. More you're not telling me. And, until you do, nothing happens. I need to trust you, Jamie.'

I nodded. 'Understood.'

'Right. Cooke's in the back, if you want to talk to him.' She pulled up the countertop, and let me through.

'Thanks,' I muttered, going to push past her, but her hand gripped my arm - the same place Shona had minutes ago, and yet giving me a completely different knot in my stomach.

'Tell me,' she said. 'Because I know it's not hypnotism. Or, it's not just hypnotism.'

I sighed, and looked at her - the look in her eye one of determination, of commitment, and, ultimately, of stubbornness. She wasn't going to let this go.

'Don't freak out,' I said. 'If I tell you, I'm doing it because... because it means I'll have to trust you. And I hope that tells you that I'm sorry, and that you can trust me back.'

She softened, ever so slightly, but hid it well. 'Yeah?'

I nodded. Guess I'm telling her.

'It's mind-control,' I said. The words seemed so silly, but there was nothing else to say. Nothing else that would sum up what I was doing in any way that would make sense. For how complicated it all was, it sounded so simple.

Hannah stared at me, not really doing anything, for a beat longer than should have been comfortable. Then, she laughed.

Like, full-on belly-laughed.

A few of the patrons turned, now, seemingly noticing me and Hannah's conversation for the first time; one of the old biddies gave a disapproving shake of the head, before Hannah managed to recover, wiping an actual tear from her eye. Somehow, her makeup didn't smudge under thumb.

'Jesus,' she said with a sigh. 'You're not kidding, are you?'

'Uhh,' I said, hesitating slightly. Hannah's hand left my arm, as she wandered away, facing the wall. 'No. No, I'm not.'

She sucked in a deep breath, and turned to look at me. 'Not hypnotism, then.'

'No.'

She nodded, astounding me with how easily she was taking this in.

'I finish at two,' she said. 'There's a new kid coming in to do the closing shift, seeing as you stopped doing it a week ago. Erin, her name is?'

My stomach plummeted - for an entirely new reason.

'After that, we're going to have a long talk, Jamie.'

I nodded, thinking it was fair enough. 'Yeah. Okay.'

'Wow,' she said, turning to a dog walker who'd walked up to get a new coffee, her attention no longer on me.

So, I slunk into the storage room, knocked twice on Mr. Cooke's door, and let myself in.

'Jamie!' he cheered as I poked my head in. 'He lives! You back?'

'No - I quit,' I said. I paused, but when it was clear there was no response to be waited on, I nodded and left, pulling the door shut. Then, having an idea, I opened it again, upped his obedience, and said 'Go man the counter instead of Hannah.' He nodded and followed.

I went back through to the counter, and the look on Hannah's face when she saw me wasn't exactly amused. 'What?'

'I don't want to wait hours to talk to you - this needs to happen now. Cooke's going to man the counter.' Mr. Cooke squeezed past me, and smiled at the little old lady who'd waddled up for a third coffee of the morning.

Hannah sighed, and followed me through to the back room. Back where we'd had our very first encounter.

'So,' she said. 'Talk.'

'You remember the first time - in here. You were in the storage cupboard, you know, doing your thing, and I heard you screaming.' Hannah didn't respond, just looked at me and let me go. 'I tuned in to your 'frequency' so to speak, and... I could see emotions, almost like percentages, or intensity. I saw you had 'shame' or 'embarrassment' there, which is why you weren't coming out. So, I turned those things down. You burst out, and when I dropped down those fears you were left with just the... leftover arousal of what you'd been up to. In there.'

She squinted at me. 'That's why I went for you,' she said. 'We'd barely spoken, but after that I felt... like I could trust you. And, like you say, I was horny as hell.'

'And you had no shame,' I said. 'Which turned into... what it turned into.'

She sighed. 'You know how stupid this sounds.'

'And you know that it's the only thing that makes sense.'

I sat down on that small bench I'd been on that morning, only now Hannah sat next to me, both of us quiet.

'I try to do good,' I said. 'Not, you know, anything stupid. But I want to help people.'

'So, you hijacked my sex drive?'

I nodded. 'Yes. And, I'm sorry. I made you think the things I wanted you to think. I even gave you instructions - the videos-'

'That's what that was? I could barely get into bed without... you know. I thought it was hypnotism.'

'It was the easiest cover. But, you're right. Trust equals trust. And I went too far, with you and with others. It's... easy to get swept up in.'

Hannah's eyebrow arched at this. 'What else have you done?'

I sighed. 'Honestly? I used it to take my girlfriend's virginity. And then, I fucked her mother, who I'd had a crush on forever.'

'Right.'

'And then I found out my dad had left my mum for another woman-'

'So you fucked her too?'

I nodded.

'Jesus, Jamie.'

'And her daughter.'

Hannah laughed. 'Fuck, you are... corrupt. Corrupted by power - is there anything more idiotic than that?'

I shrugged. 'I know. Honestly - every time this happens, I say to myself that it won't happen again. I try to talk myself down, and then I get into a situation where... where something takes over. With Ali, and you, and Shona, it was lust. Or, you know. Wanting to experiment. Push the boundaries.'

'And the other two?'

'Anger,' I said. 'And that... that scared me. That's why I called you, last week. I wanted to stop, because whatever is happening to me, whatever this thing is, it's not good, and it makes me do bad things.'

Hannah sighed, leaning back against the white-brick wall. Then, she turned to look at me. 'Prove it.'

'I'm sorry?'

'Prove it. Because, for all I know, you're good at hypnotism, and you're lying to get out of being shitty to me, and trying to get your dick in my butt.'

I nodded. 'Fair enough. What do you want to see?'

She considered it for a moment. 'Tell me how it works. Are you, like transmitting your thoughts into people?'

'Well, it's like I said - I can see people's emotions. The main ones people are feeling at any moment. And, if I focus, I can kind of... split them up. Like, right now you're feeling suspicion, but I can also see there's doubt, and disbelief, and amusement in there. And, not to be creepy, but I know you're aroused too.'