Mine & Yours Pt. 01

I sit at the desk in my room. 'Oh, I'm fine, same as always really. You?'

'Yeah, good too.' Shane replies before we fall into a less than comfortable silence. 'So, uh, my dad finally gave me the car.'

'He gave you the mustang?' He has wanted that car forever, but Uncle Aaron always thought he was too young, and the car too powerful. I guess that ended at eighteen, which makes sense considering Shane is very responsible. 'Congratulations, Shane.'

'Yeah thanks,' Shane lets out a nervous laugh, 'I was thinking maybe I could drive you to school. Finally, get off the bus.'

'Oh,' that sounds a little... unexpected, but I don't have any reason to say no. 'Yeah, that would be great. Thanks.'

'No problem,' Shane still looks uneasy and gets up to his feet, fidgeting with nervous energy strange for someone who looks like him, 'so, uh, listen Cara. The reason I'm here is... Well, I've always thought you were a great person and... pretty, so I was wondering if... you'd like to go out with me, sometime.'

Oh, 'Oh, uhm.'

I don't know what to say but Shane's face drops before I can even continue. I can tell this is nerve-racking for him, which is honestly really sweet.

'Shane that's really nice but I don't think you... that is, not that you aren't a great person it's just...'

Shane sits back down on the bed, dejection written across his face.

'I see. It's just that your friend Tabitha told me that maybe you'd be... agreeable.'

Oh, no. Tabitha! She must have told him about how much I said I like him, thinking she was doing me a favor, not knowing I was lying.

'God, I'm so sorry Cara. I'm a complete idiot.' Shane shakes his head. 'I can't believe I already bought the tickets to the fair and everything.'

The fair? The one Dante is going to. There's no way mother would have let me go, but maybe she would if it's with Shane who she doesn't hate. Then I could see Dante while we're there, even if it does mean seeing him while he's out with Tori.

'Shane,' he looks my way when I sit down next to him on the edge of the bed, 'maybe we could go on one date together.'

'Are you serious?' Shane's face lights up. 'Like, an actual date?'

'Yeah.'

I know it's a little wrong, but Shane really is a nice guy and one date with him wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Maybe then it'll be easier to let him down. Maybe he might even discover that he doesn't want to be with me either.

'We could go to the fair this weekend. That is if you still want to.'

'Yeah, totally. I mean, I'd love to take you to the fair, Cara.' Shane says eagerly. 'My dad will square it with your mom. It'll be totally cool, I promise you'll have a swell time.'

'Okay,' I can't help the smile he draws from me just from how earnest and happy he is, 'that sounds great Shane, I can't wait.'

* * * * *

I study Dante on my side of the breakfast table, mother at the head of the table. He's gotten his hair freshly cut, the same buzz cut that really suits him, but now with a little fade, it's surprising that he's never gone with it before with how handsome he looks now.

Tonight is the night of the fair, he still hasn't told me he's going and I'm waiting for him to, not wanting to bring it up myself. I look away when he catches me staring. This is so painful.

When did we become like this, become two people who can't talk to each other about things?

'So,' Dante begins as he walks me to the bus stop, 'the fair is tonight.'

'It is.' I reply.

'I never got a chance to tell you but, I'm going. I meant to tell you sooner I just...' Dante stammers, guilt coating his voice, 'I'm going with Tori and I know you don't—'

'It's okay, Dante.' I interrupt, 'I meant to tell you that I might be going too.'

'Wait,' his surprise is practically palpable, 'what do you mean you might be going?'

Bradley's car comes around the corner and parks next to the curb, earlier than he's ever been.

'I'm going on a date with Shane. Uncle Aaron is going to talk to mother to let me go.'

I know he's looking at me but I can't meet his eyes, this doesn't feel like us. It doesn't feel like we're the same people, my heart hurts so much and I feel like crying.

Bradley honks his car horn right in front of us, then leans his head out of the driver's window. 'Yo, Dante, let's go dude!'

'Oh,' Dante says ignoring Bradley. 'I didn't know you.. the two of you. That's great Cara.'

I can hear the hurt in his voice, I know me keeping things from him must be just as painful as when it happened to me.

'Will you need a ride to get there?' Dante asks.

When he finishes Shane's mustang rolls down the hill from the other end of the road and parks across from us. The other kids waiting at the bus stop stare and marvel at it, the engine gnarling like an animal. Shane lowers the window and waves hello to both me and Dante.

'Hey, guys.'

'Uncle Aaron gave Shane his car, so we'll be okay.' I walk briskly across the road before I break down, Shane opens the door for me from the inside and I hop in.

'Whew! Shane,' Bradley and Dante's other friend yell and gawk at Shane's impressive muscle car, 'you bad man. The car and the girl! Look at you go.'

* * *

The fair is alive with people of every age, stands are selling strange food, and all sorts of games and rides. Colorful lights dance everywhere. Shane picked me up from the house with Uncle Aaron in his own car, who spent nearly half an hour convincing mother to let me go. After, Shane and I left in his mustang. Telling Shane this was a date might not have been the best idea, he's come dressed almost formally in slacks and a tucked-in shirt. I was originally going to come in a shirt and a pair of jeans but quickly changed in a light thin strap dress to not look underdressed compared to him.

We've been walking around, Shane looking for fun things to do, while I'm solely concentrated on finding Dante.

We walk by a few food stands selling all manner of things to eat, and even alcohol.

'Can I buy you something to eat?' Shane asks.

'No thanks,' I reply, 'though maybe something to drink? A water?'

'Sure thing,' Shane scans the area back and forth,+ somehow water isn't popular, 'I'll be right back.'

Shane goes in search, while I keep looking for...

'Dante!' Tori's voice is unmistakable, I follow the sound of it and spot the two of them in front of a stand for a pitching game. 'Get me a bear with the biggest dick!'

Tori yells pointing at one of the teddy bear prizes on the shelf at a stand for a pitching game.

Dante goes to play the game laughing at Tori's vulgarity. He's in a white shirt and jeans, while Tori is looking anything other than PG in a tight crop top and a skirt that barely covers anything. She moves around but her long dark hair always falls perfectly over her face.

Tori stands behind my brother, pressing herself into his back and wrapping her hands around him, touching his waistline. She has her hands all over him even getting up on her toes and kissing the side of his neck, and just generally being completely inappropriate for what is a family-friendly event. Dante is completely loving all of Tori's antics, laughing in the way I thought only I could make him. The sight chokes my throat.

Dante wins the pitching game and Tori grabs her prize out of the stand keeper's hands which she hugs to cleavage. When she moves even a foot away from Dante, he grabs her at her mid-drift and pulls her into a back hug that she immediately melts into.

I watch in a paralyzed daze, I realize that I have never once seen Dante actually be affectionate with anyone else and the sight is sickening. Little did I know my big brother's arms were my only home and now I am watching as someone else claims it for their own as it is freely being offered away.

I stare in pained silence as Tori spins in Dante's embrace and looks longingly into his eyes before Dante lowers his head to hers and she wraps an arm around his neck. My hands fly over my mouth to muffle my sob. I can already feel the tears streaking my face. Dante and Tori kiss for what seems like an entirety, their lips moving against each other in a dance clearly rehearsed.

'Cara,' Shane has found me, two bottles of water in his hands and a look of concern plain across his face, 'are you okay?'

I must look like a complete mess, and I feel even worse. 'Please take me home.' I'm already walking hurriedly toward the car park.

'Okay, sure,' Shane replies jogging to catch me up, 'are you okay though? Do you need me to take you to the hospital?'

'No, I just want to go home.'

I settle down in the car ride home, Shane bombards me with questions on whether he did anything wrong or if I feel okay. I tell him I don't want to talk. I feel bad that I ruined what for him was a date.

I look out the window, still feeling the pain of what I witnessed between Dante and Tori. My brother has a girlfriend, why didn't it ever occur to me that that would eventually happen. That the most handsome, and amazing, and caring boy I've ever known was being looked at by more than just me.

And a better question is why didn't I see all this time that my big brother is the man of my dreams. The man in my dreams, the person who loves me more than anything, the person I want to love, the person whose hands I want to have all over me, needing me. He was always the one, and I've only seen now that it's too late.

I see me and Dante being together in my mind and I have to press my legs together and take deep breaths to control my breathing.

When I called out his name in my release that night, everything seemed to switch on, I could see his face in my fantasies as clear as day, his hands wrapping around me, grabbing my breast as he plays my core like an instrument of love. I can't help but touch myself even more, in my room, in the shower. I love him, in the way I know I shouldn't, as much as I know I have always, as much as I know I can't do anything to ever stop.

I sigh and Shane takes notice from behind the steering wheel. 'Are you feeling any better?'

That's a difficult question, what am I supposed to feel? I know Dante loves me the way he should, why isn't that enough? Because I love him, more than anything, even though he'd never feel the same. The realization hurts, so much.

He will never be mine, I will never be his.

'Shane, if you wanted to be with someone, but they would never want you in the same way, what would you do?'

Shane's face drops and he bites down on his lip, I immediately regret asking the question, and not considering that Shane would think I was talking about him and me.

'Wow, that's,' Shane still has his eyes trained on the road, his words coming out slow and labored, 'in a soccer match, if you've already lost before the game is over, we kind of shell up, you know. Go into damage limitation mode, because there's no need to get hurt even more if you can't win. So, I guess that's what I'd do.'

Shane pulls over a couple houses down from home, parking under a street lamp.

'I'd be okay though,' Shane says abruptly, still responding to what he thinks is me rejecting him, 'I'd just try to forget about it and move on. Just be happy with what's waits ahead of me, you know.'

Damage limitation. That makes sense, the game is already lost. Dante will never see me the way I wish he would, the way I shouldn't be seeing him. I can't win Dante, the only thing left is to shell up, before I get either of us hurt even more.

'I'm sorry I ruined tonight,' I tell Shane, god knows what he must think of me now, 'I'd understand if you've changed your mind on wanting to drive me to school.'

'Of course not Cara, I already promised. And you don't have to apologize for tonight, it happens. I just hope you'll still want to be friends.'

It's honestly really incredible how Shane can be so understanding. He looks at me with a wistful smile on his face which actually makes me feel a little good, like everything isn't so terrible.

I take a good look at him, as if for the first time. He really is handsome and in the orange glow of the street lights, his skin almost looks like Dante's, the little mark under his eye almost roguish. They both have brown eyes, I only now realize.

Damage limitation.

I can't win Dante, the only thing I can do, is forget. Forget that we'll always have a wedge between us, forget that he'll have Tori in his arms where once that was a space exclusive to me. Forget that I'm in love with my brother, forget that he will never be in love with me. Forget him being in my dreams, being with me, touching me, fuc—sleeping with me and...

I feel my heart beating faster and all I want... is... to...

Shane takes a deep breath. 'So I guess this is good—'

Before I can think I lean forward and press my lips against Shane's. He's not Dante, but when I close my eyes and press my palm to his cheek, I can almost forget.

After the initial shock, Shane's lips move against my own, surprisingly soft. I feel his hand rest on my thigh, at a respectful height. Our kiss picks up in intensity, Shane's lips part, I feel the tip of his tongue. I open my own lips in reply and our tongues collide and dance, and again, it's easier to forget.

His other hand timidly touches my cheek, in a way someone who didn't love me would. I grab it and press it against my breast, and now I'm lost. My breath coming hot and short.

Shane's other hand rises to my hip and I maneuver over the space between our seats to straddle his lap, my dress bunching to above my waist. Holding his face in my hands, I feel his tongue in my mouth, one hand kneading my chest and another pulling me in closer by the small of my back.

The world fades, and I don't feel as bad, don't feel as hurt, don't feel anything at all except the warmth of his breath mixed in with mine, and the heat between our bodies.

* * * * * *

I drive down my street in Tori's Porshe just catching the backlights of Shane's mustang as he drives around the corner at the end of the road.

That means Cara is home, thankfully.

I don't know what I was worried about, Shane is my best friend outside of Cara and probably the most responsible person I know. He doesn't even drink. Besides just being a really awesome guy, he's probably the best person for my sister to be with. But... It still hurts. I didn't even know Cara liked Shane, and we tell each other everything.

'How did you learn how to drive if you don't have a car?' Tori asks.

'The guys at the garage taught me. We have to drive the cars a little before we can know if it's fully fixed.' Little does Tori know this isn't the first time I've driven her Porshe.

'You know,' Tori says from the passenger seat, 'we could still go back to my place. I'm pretty sure my asshole of a dad isn't home yet.' Tori leans over and kisses the side of my neck, her hand on my leg and sneaking it's way to my crotch.

'I thought we were taking things slow?' I smile and kiss her back, pulling her onto my lap, her small skirt doesn't have to travel far to allow her to straddle me.

Tori sits on my lap then reaches her hand between our bodies and caresses the bulge forming in my pants.

'Hmm, I think I'd have to take you real slow.' Tori purrs before attaching her lips back to mine.

I break away from her lips. 'You know, not doing anything was your idea.' I remind her.

'Ugh, that's not my fault, you got me all emotional when you tricked me into being a human being and not a soulless whore,' her hands are under the of my shirt and caress the skin, 'and besides I think we both want this just as bad.'

I grab Tori's hands before she goes any further. 'Tori, I can't. I want to but I can't. Not tonight at least.'

As much as car sex in front of my neighbor's house isn't a great way to get arrested, but I didn't see Cara once at the fair. And as much as I trust Shane, I need to know she's okay.

Tori sighs, 'I know, it's my fault. I'm sorry baby.' She adjusts herself so she's seated sideways on my lap.

I knew there was more to Tori, but I was still surprised by how much when she finally dropped her act. The night I told her about my childhood, we spent the entire evening just talking, about her shitty parents and how her dad buys her things as a replacement for affection. How her mom probably married her dad for his money and has been cheating on him for even before Tori can remember, but then he probably cheated on her too.

Now Tori spends most of her nights alone with her dad in an empty mansion because her mother now lives somewhere else. And even with all of that, she still loves them both.

We stayed out so long the restaurant had to ask us to leave because they were closing, so we sat in the night air on the hood of her car and talked some more. She talked about how she hates putting on a front at school but admits it's the only way she can have friends, though she knows all they do is talk shit about her. She almost always feels alone.

'There's nothing to be sorry for.' I wrap my arms around her in the already cramped sports car.

'It's just, tonight was kind of perfect,' Tori rests her head against my chest the way Cara would, 'I never knew I could have that much fun with someone while having my clothes on.'

I laugh a little, 'It was pretty great for me too.'

We're silent for a while, just enjoying each other's company.

'Dante,' Tori says quietly more into the night than to me, 'I know you've heard all the rumors about me but I just want you know I'm not going to fuck this up.'

'Never thought you would.' I reply truthfully, but even if Tori does cheat, she's not the person I want, not the person I wish I could have.

'It's just...' Tori takes a deep breath and I notice her eyes are closed, 'you're kind of the best thing that's ever happened to me.'

That's, it's only been a couple of weeks. 'Tori I—'

'I know it's only been a few weeks, and you don't have to say it back. I know it's not true for you,' Tori replies her usual confidence gone, 'you have your sister, and I can't wait to meet her if you want me to, and...'

Tori swallows a lump in her throat, trying to say something clearly hard for her. 'I'm not going to mess up, Dante. I'm not going to do anything to lose you. I promise.'

Tori meets my eyes, hazel, just like my sister's.

Who I end up with doesn't matter to me anymore, but to be honest, I could have done a lot worse.

I look out the window of the car. The light in Cara's bedroom is on, she's home and safe. I guide Tori back to the passenger seat and switch on the engine, and drive fast down the road, in the direction of Tori's house.

* * * * *

'Soo..' Tabitha says from across the lunch table, 'rumor has it, you and Shane were at the fair last weekend.'

Of course, this place keeps secrets as well as colander holds water. I suppose I can't deny it, Shane is probably getting asked the same questions.

'Yeah, Shane asked me to go with him.'

I look across the packed cafeteria to where Shane is seated with Dante and their other friends. Dante has his back to our table and seated next to him is Tori, who might as well be on his lap. It looks like Tori's pack of friends have merged with Dante's and now they're all sitting together.

After mother had scolded me for the time I arrived home, even though it was hours earlier than when we said we'd be back, I went to my room and watched what was clearly two bodies in one seat of Tori's car before it eventually sped away.

What does Dante see in her?

I realize suddenly that I am now asking that question enviously and I am momentarily disgusted with myself.

Dante hasn't called her his girlfriend even though everyone else does. They are all but official and Tori has been beaming like a giddy school girl in the throngs of her first-ever romance, despite the fact that she's probably fuc—slept with half of all the senior boys, including Bradley, the guy who was Tori's boyfriend no more than a couple of months ago. Who's sitting at their table!