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Click hereWell, I was all for that ... if my body could manage.
- COMMENTS
Anonymous8 months agoIck, this jerk needs to get the chip off his shoulder, his racism and injustice collecting is abhorrent and he has no grasp of reality. Just not a good character to like even if he could redeem himself it’s a mountain to move to get there. He just went on and on about how he couldn’t be treated fairly and everyone else of another race got where they were not by skill or intelligence. He actually didn’t even want to save the girl. That isn’t someone I care to read about.
Anonymousalmost 2 years agoGene has some real talent. But when I turned unto page 3 the story changed from a romance with potential to something like Literotica for young teen boys ( or for those with an equivalent maturity level).
Another commented the story was sort of like a doll on which you changed clothes but it was sort of the same as previous stories. Was thinking 5 early on, but at the end it felt more like a 1. So a 3????
bumblegrumalmost 2 years agoIntriguing , story, well told. Thank you for an entertaining experience, well worth all of five stars. More if they were available.
Anonymousalmost 4 years agoIs this build a wall bullshit. If this isn't racist it's definitely prejudice as all hell. This was a miss for me
Anonymousalmost 4 years agoeven though you seem to tell the same one over and over. In this one, you stretche credulity to an unrealistic place. Please.
I hope your main character was an experiment. If not, it was an ugly world view I’m not interested in reading again. It wasn’t that the racism was so overt, it was the offhand nature of it that was so off putting, especially in these troubled times. If it was an experiment, his redemptive arc was missing some redemption.
So, a repellant character involved in a series of events too ridiculous to believe. Better luck next time.
UltimateHomeBodyalmost 4 years agoYou could do with some editing help to improve the pace of the story and fill in the gaps.
You need to give better indication of who is talking during discussions.
calgarycampersalmost 4 years agoWhy can't I meet someone like Miranda? Better yet, twins!.......
Oh well, the real world can suck.
Great read! 5*
Overcriticalalmost 4 years agoFantasy is what Literotica is all about, but this brainless nonsense is not fantasy; It's just plain silly and I'm glad I didn't read every word of the 4 wasted pages. 2* is generous;
