Missed Appointment

"I don't understand," Holly said interrupting for the first time as she tried to wrap her head around the idea's he was sharing with her. "Most people would be thrilled by the prospect of living forever. Never aging wouldn't that be a good thing? How could anyone ever have too much life?" she asked him as only a young person could ever ask.

"Most people are idiots!" John said with absolute conviction. "The lucky bastards don't have any idea how good they have it. What I would give to be with my Edith again. But for one moment of weakness, one mistake, I now have to stand by stuck in the mud as the world passes me by, all my friends and family grew old and died and there children as well. Eventually it came to a point when they started to look at me a little strangely. They too started to realize that something wasn't right. Now at least I've never been chased by a torch wielding mob," he told her with a shadow of a smile crossing over his face. "But I've always had to move on after a few years to avoid a lot of questions that I really couldn't answer."

"So why are you telling me all this then?" Holly asked

"I don't know," he replied honestly, "I could just leave here, I've thought about it and most likely will at some point." With a shrug he went on, "Maybe I've just gotten lazy, I've been here for a long time and I kind of like it here and don't want to leave. Or maybe I'm just lonely," he said with another shrug. "Perhaps I just wanted someone to know again, or I thought that you'd understand some how since you sought me out."

"You've told other people this story?"

"A few over the years," he admitted. "You'reour not the first to think something strange was going on. But after listening to what I had to say they mostly just thought that I was some nut and that was it. Sometimes they might sort of believe me but not really, which I suppose is actually for the best because if you know death is really out there stalking you its sort of hard to live your life."

Looking her in the eye John could see that she didn't believe him; her hazel eyes were full of doubt and in thinking that he would have been right. Holly had been in the news business for a while now and had seen a lot of nuts, now she would have to admit that his story was one of the most original ones she'd run across but it was just that, a story.

"So why do you work as a photographer?" She asked probing his tale.

"Well for two reasons really, the first is that I have to do something to earn a living, the other and most importantly I'm looking for something."

"Really, what's that?"

Taking a deep breath John knew this was it the moment of truth. "I'm trying to catch sight of death again." Upon hearing that Holly just about got up and headed out the door.

"Here," John said getting up this time and reaching for another photo album. After flipping through a few pages he found the one he wanted and showed it to her.

Taking a look Holly saw a picture of what she assumed was a women's dead body, from the clothing it looked to have been taken a long time ago. "What am I looking for?" she said. Since there didn't seem anything out of the ordinary about the picture other than this guy seem to have whole albums of pictures of dead bodies which in of itself was little weird

"There," he said using his cigarette like a pointer. In the lower right hand corner was what looked like a smudge, or maybe some kind of weird optical effect.

Holly's work was more in video rather than still pictures so she wasn't sure what it was at first. "What am I looking at?"

"That's the closest I've ever gotten," he said with a sigh.

Making the connection, "You're telling me this is suppose to be a picture of death," she asked him incredulously.

"No, not really," he told her, "it's more of glimpse than anything." Leaving the book with her he paced around the apartment and after taking a few long pulls on his nearly finished smoke, he stubbed it out and turned to face her.

"Once I realized that I wasn't aging, I managed to put it all together with what I had seen that day in the hospital I eventually worked it out and I knew what I had to do." John could see from the look on her face that Holly wasn't getting it. So he spelled it out a little more clearly.

"I had to try to find death again, to try to catch sight of it again. But how do you do that I wondered and then I thought that maybe I needed to go where death was.

So I got my first job dealing with death. I worked in a hospital, I have to admit that modern hospitals are very high tech but doctors then really aren't all that different than they are now, they still can't find their asses with both hands, but I admit they do try," he said with a shrug. "Anyway what I decided I needed to do was to catch sight of death again and if I could do that then maybe it would see me and if it did maybe it would realize it had made a mistake and take me too. Eventually though I gave up on the hospital, the people there were starting to look at me strangely and I knew that idea wasn't going to work. Then I decided to try going to places where people died, but to do that I needed a reason to be there, since I quickly found out that just going to these places I would attract unwanted attention."

Getting caught up in the story in spite of herself, Holly had to admit that John's reasoning seemed sound even if at the same time he sounded completely insane.

"The photography job I settled on not only gave me a reason to be where ever I wanted to be, it also gave me a chance to catch an image of death on film."

Hearing this Holly started flipping pages, and all she found was what she was suddenly afraid she'd find, pictures of dead bodies, men, women, children having died in what looked like every way you could possibly imagine. Looking to the shelf where John had retrieved the book she held in her hands she could see may other photo albums, some of them looked very old. "How many are there" she asked almost in spite of herself, since did she really want to know the answer?

John just gave a deep sigh, "I've lost count long ago."

"These are all from crime scenes you've shot for the papers or web sites or whatever?" she asked.

"No not all of them," hearing that Holly gave him a guarded look, wondering if she was going to end up in one of these pictures.

John caught the look too with a smile he said, "Don't worry I don't kill people, I don't have to," he said, "by way of clarification death is always all around us."

"Then how do you get there before the bodies are found by someone else?" she asked since a lot of the photos she'd seen didn't have any police or anything else in the picture.

John just stared off into the distance for a moment before he answered. "I get there first because I know they're going to die before they actually do," he said finally. There. He'd said it. If there was anything more likely to push her away than telling her death had past him by this was it.

Holly being so rapped up in this surreal conversation just went with it for now, being long past the point of being surprised or shocked by what he was telling her. "How could you know that if you're not the one killing them?"

"I just know that's all. When I look at someone I can just tell," John said trying to find a way to elaborate.

"You can tell from just looking at someone that they are going to die?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes I can," with a shrug he told her. "Maybe it's as simple as if you chase after death long enough you can pick up on it. You can feel when it's near. At least that's what I tell myself. Or maybe its deaths way of tormenting me. Dangling what I want most just out of my reach."

"If you want to die so bad why don't you just kill yourself?" she asked him suddenly, feeling a little stupid for not thinking of this obvious hole in this guy's story right off the bat.

Snorting John told her, "You think I haven't tried? In the early years soon after I realized what had happened, what I had inadvertently done to myself, I so wanted to die," he assured the young woman, his voice and face full of absolute conviction. "I tried over and over again," he said stubbing out the remains of yet another cigarette in one of his over flowing ashtrays.

Watching him Holly couldn't help but think that this guy was a serious chain smoker. If what he was saying was true then as least he didn't have to worry about all this killing him.

"I tried in every way I could come up with," John was saying, unaware of Holly's musings. "I took pills, I jumped in front of traffic, I jumped off building and bridges, I slashed my wrists," and he even showed her the scars he still had from that one. "I even tried shooting myself once." That had been a terrifying couple of days he thought.

He'd gone into the country as far from anyone as he could since if he didn't die he didn't want anyone finding him and he put the gun to his head, he still remembered the incredible flash of pain, and then nothing. The next thing he knew it was nearly a week later and he was lying under some leaves with a hell of a headache. He found a lot of blood that had to have been his as well as where he'd been chewed on by animals while he had been out.

That had been the last time he'd tried killing himself, that act finally convinced him that he had to find another way. That was when he started working out his new plan, the one he was still following even now all these years later. The one where if he couldn't bring death to him then maybe he could go to it, that first thought led to working around as much death as he could and finally to the photography job. .

After listening to all this Holly was stunned to say the least. "This has to be the craziest thing I've ever heard," she told him so in no uncertain terms. .

John just gave her a sad smile and replied, "You wouldn't say that if you've been through everything that I have. You might just be wanting it all to end at last." Holly didn't know what to say to that, who would?

Getting back to the subject of their conversation, Holly began with another obvious question. "You know that you haven't given me any proof of anything?" Hearing that John suddenly made another decision, a rash one he'd later wonder again if it had been the right one. But he'd come this far and now he had to go all the way.

"You want proof?" Holly nodded.

"Ok then," he said grabbing his camera bag and overcoat, "Let's go" and led the way out the door.

Following along, Holly wasn't sure if this was the best idea or not but she had challenged him to show her proof and if he was willing to do that then she supposed that no matter how incredible the story she had a responsibility to hear him out. But after a half hour of apparently driving around randomly in John's old car, Holly couldn't hold back anymore. "So this is what you do with eternity? Just drive around?"

"Pretty much," he replied honestly with one hand casually on the wheel and the other holding his ever present cigarette.

"Just what are we looking for anyway?"

"We're looking for some one that's going to die."

"You mean before they do?"

"Yep, I told you I can tell when someone is going to die. When I get near it, I can feel death," he added still trying to put it into words.

Holly wasn't sure which was crazier, what John was telling her or that she was almost starting to believe him.

Finally she just had to say it, "You don't seriously expect me to believe any of this do you? I mean come on!"

John just looked at her for a moment while they sat at a red light and with a note of finality in his voice said, "I really don't care if you believe me or not' you're the one that wanted to come with me tonight, remember? If you want out, open the door and get out, I won't try to stop you and I really wouldn't blame you either." That statement wasn't entirely true he knew, he did in fact want her to believe him very badly but he couldn't force it, she had to choose for herself.

That exchange brought the conversation to a halt for the moment. It wouldn't be much longer before Holly really did believe even if in spite of herself. . For no apparent reason, John suddenly swerved over and pulled to the curb and stopped. "What's going on?" she asked nervously. John wasn't paying attention to her though; he was looking across the street. All Holly could see was what looked like some homeless guy sitting at a bus stop. "John? What is it?"

"That's the guy that's going to die," he said still not looking at her but he did reach into the back seat to get his camera out.

"Who? That homeless guy?"

"Yea."

"That guy at the bus stop is going to be murdered?" Holly said still not comprehending everything that was happening.

"I didn't say he was going to be murdered," John told her, "I said he's going to die." Finally looking at her he could see she still wasn't getting it. Turning back he continued to study the area around the old man as he spoke. "I can tell when people are going to die remember, but its not like I'm getting an email with all the facts or something, the how is always a surprise," he assured her. "He looks like an old guy maybe it will be his heart; it's a cold night, maybe that has something to do with it. Or he could get hit by a car, who knows, all I know is that it will be soon," he said with a shrug. To Holly anyway he sounded like he absolutely believed what he was saying.

With that both of them settled in to wait in silence. They didn't have to wait long though, John saw them coming first and from long experience knew this was it. Another car pulled up and stopped across the street, he recognized it since it had already circled the block a couple of times, the guy on the bench seemed to see it too and having developed a good sense of self preservation from his life on the street, the older man was already moving, but not fast enough.

Al Shubert had lived on the street off and on for a long time and had seen a lot of ugly things. But when he spotted three kids getting out of their nice shiny car and headed his way well he knew it was going to be a bad night. He usually tried to stay with a group of others that lived on the street that way they could look out for each other especially since the attacks on the homeless had started up. After all no one else seemed to care what happened to them all that much. But sometimes like now one of the group was caught alone and so here he was. .

Seeing it unfold right in front of her Holly finally caught up to what was happening after the sports car stopped and three kids got out. All three were armed with bats, and approached the old man. Watching from behind the wheel and knowing the action was about to start John tossed his ever present cigarette out the window and brought his camera up to his eye and was quickly shooting frame after frame of film. Holly just sat there stunned at what she was witnessing. The three boys who had to be only in their teens just walked up to the guy and first started pushing him around and when he tried to get away they just went to town on him. He quickly fell and tried in vain to protect himself by rolling up into a ball.

Almost before she knew what she was doing Holly was out of the car and running across the street with her pepper spray in hand which if she would have thought about it would have seemed a pretty insignificant weapon against three teenagers armed with clubs. Her sudden departure also surprised John who was still taking pictures of the attack that would result in the man's death. Holly though was already crossing the street and was quickly approaching the confrontation before he could act to stop her.

Holly really didn't know what she was going to do till she got there; all she knew was that she simply couldn't sit by while this guy, who hadn't bothered anyone, was beaten to death by a bunch of punks.

By the time she arrived, though, the three young men were in full swing. The homeless man was suffering multiple blows before she could do anything. Giving a shout Holly was on them with her only weapon in hand.

Al didn't know what was going on, one second he was thinking this was it and the next some woman came out nowhere and started spraying his attackers with something he finally realized was pepper spray. The kids who had attacking him quickly had other things on there minds like trying to breath as the women hosed them down and the chemical burning set in after that the three of them were a lot more interested in getting out of there than anything else and took off down the street. . But Al, not really knowing just what was going on, was also never one to turn his back on lady luck on those rare occasions when she made an appearance in his life. He took the unexpected opportunity now by getting to his feet as quickly as his shaky legs would permit; he grabbed his stuff and tried to get the hell out of there.

By this time John had run up on the scene his camera still in his had and grabbed Holly by the arm.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm trying to keep someone from getting killed!" she replied hotly.

"It doesn't work that way!" he all but shouted back at her.

Before she could question her unexpected partner about that statement she saw the man she had risked her life to help heading for the corner and what looked like an escape. But just when she thought that he would get away not that she really blamed him for that, he looked behind him to make sure that no one was following and stepped out into the street right into the line of travel of a fast moving pickup.

It all happened so fast, but even so she could see in perfect detail what was going to happen before it did. She found herself frozen in shock at what she was witnessing for just a second, only it was a second too long in this case. The blow when it came was hard enough to send the man she had risked her life to help flying through the air like a rag doll only to land and roll into a broken heap in the gutter with the rest of the refuse.

"No!" Holly shouted breaking free of her paralysis and with a yank pulled loose of John and rushed to the man's side only to find him already clearly dead. John was there too by then and couldn't help but take a few pictures of the scene before prudence took over and he knew that the two of them had to go and like right now.

Grabbing the now distraught Holly by the arm, he got her up and pulled her back to his car. On the way he noted that the driver of the pickup looked more than a little drunk and the kids who had started all this had disappeared to the sound of squealing tires as they got the hell out of there too. With the confusion of everything going on, John just hoped no one was around that could identify them since dealing with the cops right now was the last thing he needed and with one look at Holly, he was sure she wasn't up to it. . Staying focused on the more immediate problems for the moment he got Holly in the car and got them both away. The ride back to his apartment was to say the least subdued. Both of them lost in thought over the night's events.

Visibly pulling herself together with an effort but even after all that happened Holly still didn't really understand what was going on. John knew this beyond doubt when she asked him, "How could you just stand by and do nothing?"

With a voice of cold certainly he replied, "There was nothing that I could do or you could do either."

"But I saved that guy's life."

"Yes you did," he agreed but only for a moment and, "What about that poor guy's life was so great to begin with? He was living on the ragged edge on the street, how do you know whatever comes next for him wouldn't be better than what he had here?"

"How can you decide who lives and who dies?" she asked incredulously.