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Click here"We should head back. I am getting too cramped." I said.
She smiled. "You just want me in a real bed huh?" She teased.
I smiled. "Maybe."
"Alright but when we get back I'll show you some of my favorite things to do." She said in a teasing grin.
"I can't wait."
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 1 year agoPretty disjointed............ doesn't deserve even one star........... aggghhhhhhh
Anonymousover 3 years ago1. "you want me to loss this" = lose
2. "she looked piss" = pissed off (pissed means drunk)
Anonymousover 3 years agoOne of the best stories I’ve read on Literotica, but the spelling and grammar are so bad it distracts greatly from the enjoyment. Please find an editor or at least a proof reader. There are areas on their website where you can find help.
Johnny0432over 6 years agoI would like to see it develop into a love story and they end up married...
Anonymousabout 9 years agoSo a guy on here with no talent and ridiculous stories writes a story specifically to have a woman tell him how great he is?
Pathetic.
Anonymousover 10 years agoThe story had/has real promise, but as many have noted it has issues. The author obviously one-offed this, probably while sleepy or dead tired, and didn't bother to take the time to read it to see how it turned out.
Spelling errors of course, but worse are the grammatical/sentence structure problems that are so bad they make you groan! Really, some of the paragraphs looked like they were written in chinese and then someone used an internet conversion program to switch them to english! Then a a few paragraphs would be fine before it went bad sgain, lol.
I don't mind the self promotion thing, however if this story is a quality reference then it's not likely I'll be champing at the bit to read the other stories:/
The condom bit made no sense at all.
Please, please rewrite the story and submit it again (maybe with a new chapter?) so we can enjoy it! ;)
P.s. Start using contractions on *everything*!!!!! The speech looks so un natural if you don't.
Anonymousalmost 11 years agoIf otherwise legal, e.g. not under age, marriage or sex between second cousins (step or not) is legal in all States of the USA. Further marriage or sex between first cousins in legal in California, where this story is set. So in what way is this incest/taboo?
Should be in erotic couplings.
InfiniteFoldingSpaceover 11 years agobut wait: how does he have time to write erotic stories if he so busy working and going to "music college" that he forgot about a total babe coming to live with them??
Any rational guy would be counting down the days till she arrived. And using fantasies of her in his porn stories.
Anonymousover 11 years agoNot to pile on here, but yes, grammar, spelling and punctuation showed major problems. I had to re-read some sections to get the context of what you were trying to communicate. In sort of a defense, I notice many works of not only yours, but other authors have the same problems...on a site using the root of the word "literary"...hmmmf!
Your frequent "advertising" of this site within this story was annoying. I'm here already! You don't have lure me here as a subplot. The story did interest me, just a tough read.
Don't take this all personally-I would hope ALL authors here heed this advice!
ml
HeatWave28over 12 years agoYou left this Wide open for another chapter and possible outcomes I am eagerly waiting for another chapter
oldwayneover 14 years agoThanks for another good story. As far as grammar and spelling are concerned, they may be a bit distracting, but are of little consequence. I have a good friend, whom I regard as the best writer on this site, and she would likely tell you about yourself if you were to pick on her spelling and grammar. Keep telling your tales and screw the anonymous critics.
